Friday, April 25, 2008

Prohibition is good for business

Okay, we've got our next big business idea ready to go.

Those of you who read about the big local blogger meetup last night probably think it was just an occasion for drinking booze and eating boob (cake).

And while the boob cake was tasty (so delicious and moist), and the Boulevard Wheat never tasted better, I did have the ulterior motive of discussing our next business venture with XO and Keith (thus also allowing me to write the evening's outlays off as a tax deductible business expense, but I digress).

The core of our new business idea is the realization that when Kansas City voters approved a ban on smoking in public venues, we all saw that as a super-restrictive overstep of government authority.

"What about our personal rights? What about the freakin' constitution," we all said.

What we failed to realize, until recently, is that just as in the days of alcohol prohibition, tobacco prohibition has left a hole in the market place that is burning to be filled.

So here's our idea: We rent a space, probably a bar that has had to close because smokers can't smoke there anymore. We reopen it as a "private club" and sell memberships for , I don't know, $40 bucks a year?

We cut a deal with big tobacco, maybe Phillip Morris or RJ Reynolds, to supply the cancer sticks at a cut rate.

We then sell them above retail at our club, and since we won't allow tobacco products to be brought into the club (city ordinance, probably), we have 100% market share.

We haven't landed on a name for the place yet, but my nomination is "Smokin' Hotties." I figure we can have bikini-clad waitresses with cigarette lighters in their bikini tops (you know, flip a switch and a flame comes out of the nipular area).

But let me know if you have a better name. If we use a name you submitted, I can probably get you a free membership.

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  1. By far the greatest idea I have ever heard - I offer my advertising/PR services for free - and am currently thinking of some additional name options -- damn you guys rule!

  2. I'm way ahead of you with a plan to reach many more establishments. Spittoon manufacturing. They may have banned smoking, but nobody has said anything about chewing it.

  3. I'd join!


  4. Interesting idea. It's what Olathe does. Ban smoking in all restaurants/bars, with an exception for private clubs.

    I recommend Bik Flikers as the name. The misspelling is intentional to get around other legal aspects that might arise for such an establishment using a products name. Of course, you could always work a deal with Bic to have the members exclusively use Bic products for fire in the club.

  5. liquid (cigarette) smoke. suck on it.

  6. Call the estalbishment 'Smokin Aces' and make it a poker club. Smokin, drinkin and gamblin go hand in hand in hand. Then you have a wild west theme, waitresses wears chaps, g-strings, and cowboy hats, goes topless. All you have to do is find a place near the river. Damn, I think too much outloud.

  7. Would it be a "Cough/Hack-easy?"


  8. Days of the speakeasy return.

  9. R. Sherman and Semaj, I think it would be called a "speakwheezy".


Your turn to riff...