SPECTRE ISLAND (3AM) - Global terrorism network SPECTRE announced plans Tuesday to switch sides, a move intended to boost its chances of remaining profitable during the global economic downturn.
"We now find our political philosophy more in line with the forces of good than evil," said super villain and Chief Evil Officer Ernst Stavro Blofeld in a statement posted on a Web site devoted to world-wide anarchy. Several lower level henchmen said a formal announcement could come later in the week.
SPECTRE, the notorious crime syndicate, is one of a handful of terrorist organizations remaining from the Cold War era. It is known to have been involved behind the scenes in several high-profile terrorist operations specializing in kidnapping, ransom, extortion and stolen Soviet rockets.
SPECTRE faced an extraordinarily difficult challenge throughout the cold war and was stymied on many occasions by special operatives of the Western governments. Some proposed that it was this ongoing war of attrition that finally prompted the syndicate to change sides.
"It's true that we never intended to join in the fray directly," explained senior SPECTRE Operative Julius No. "But our strategy of pitting one side against the other to weaken both so that we could then achieve world domination proved to be flawed when the two superpowers made peace."
As a member of the side of good, SPECTRE spokesmen have pledged to use their global criminal network to help Western powers root out and defeat terrorist organizations around the world.
"We have the ability to tap vast resources to provide the kind of critical information necessary for successful anti-terror operations," said Professor R.J. Dent, an operations analyst for SPECTRE.
"Using information we provide, Western governments will be able to engage the enemies of freedom directly and effectively. Our believe financial and human damage from these operations will be minimal."
Added Blofeld, "Rest assured that our organization will stand ready to step in an assist with any rebuilding or recovery necessary if you country is significantly weekend as a result of these operations."
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