Go Elf Yourself!

Just in time for the holidays, OfficeMax is teaming up with those knuckleheads at JibJab to sponsor the ElfYourself viral campaign.

And it's obviously working, since they got me to post this ridonkulous video ecard.

Still, with cameos from such local bloggy luminaries as Shane, Chimpotle, Xavier Onassis and The D, I think the entertainment value is worth the two minutes it takes to watch. However, it's definitely NOT as cool as last year's Handbell Hero viral staring Pensive Girl.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

tagged: Holidays, Christmas, JibJab, OfficeMax, viral, marketing, video

Beet down in the OP Streets

From the Overland Park Public Works department comes this little green tidbit:

Starting this snow season, the Public Works Department is going to experiment with beet juice to treat streets. This organic agriculture by-product is created from desugared beets. It has a sweet smell but is not sticky.

The beet juice, which is mixed with liquid magnesium chloride, will be tested on thoroughfares south of 143rd Street and on residential streets between 119th and 135th streets, from Metcalf west to Antioch.

It is anticipated that use of the juice will reduce overall costs and benefit the environment.

At first, I thought this was some kind of cockamamie scheme cooked up by the powerful beet lobby. But it turns out many states and municipalities have been testing this new solution for the last couple of years.

It works by lowering the freezing temperature of the brine that's used to pretreat roads, experts say. And it's made from a waste product that was dumped down the drain before this new use was discovered.

I've also learned that Kansas City, Mo., will be trying something similar, except instead of beet juice they'll be putting giant steel plates on their roads.

tagged: Johnson County, Overland Park, Kansas, Kansas City, beet juice, streets, environmentalist

Journey man

Against my better judgment, I watched the KMBC so-called local so-called news tonight. It's just been so long since I've had a good dose of homeless pet coverage, and I wanted to subject myself to the sickening stream of political ads.

I'm crazy like that.

So any way, anchorgeezer Larry Moore led off the news with the story of Keith Slater, the 22 year-old KC resident who found a racial slur printed on his receipt after returning a pair of shoes at the Journeys store in Overland Park's Oak Park Mall.

This isn't going to be a commentary on KMBC's coverage, although you can bet your Kenneth Cole's that since the story went national they'll be blanketing their coverage with senseless follow-up stories for the rest for the week.

Rather I just wanted to ask, nay implore, Slater's parents to take a higher road on this issue. Sure, they have every right to be pissed off. Who doesn't get angry when called a name -- even more so for a racially charged one.

But KMBC aired footage of a room full of local media hacks invited into Slater's home where his father threw out not-so-veiled threats of a lawsuit against a store that was clearly screwed by an employee (an employee who has been summarily and rightfully fired).

This goes dangerously close to perpetuating a stereotype.

So please, Slater family, don't play the role of the victim on this. Please don't wax melodramatic about your pain and suffering and the pain and suffering of your children.

Instead, be magnanimous and accept the store's apology. Lament the fact that this kind of thing can still happen in our day and age and try to make something positive out of it.

Teach your son that there are assholes in the world, but he doesn't have to be one. Teach him that he isn't defined by someone's ignorant opinion of him, but rather by the way he treats others.

Teach him, when being hated, not to give way to hating. Teach him to battle a stereotype by showing that the stereotype isn't true.

But don't be swayed by a pack of slimy lawyers trying to cash in on an insulting incident. Doing so may give you an extra 15 minutes of fame. But is that really what you want to be famous for?

tagged: race, Slater, Journeys, Kansas City, Overland Park, Oak Park Mall

KCMSD3K

With the new school year now in full swing, I wanted to take a moment and reflect on the recent brouhaha between the Independence and Kansas City Metropolitan school districts.

For those of you in Johnson County who aren't used to the drama of dysfunctional government, let me summarize the events:

A group of concerned Independence residents finally became fed up with enough with the perceived mismanagement of the schools and the continual lack of academic progress. They decided they wanted to abandon the rest of the district and hitch up with neighboring Independence School District.

The plan went to a vote, was passed, and the schools officially swapped districts. Unfortunately, weeks of legal wrangling followed where KCMSD did it's best to not let the schools go, asking for mo' money and locking Independence officials (and janitors) out of the buildings.

It provided much fodder for bloggers and commenters to remark how the KCMOSD officials were behaving like adolescents (or, as Heather puts it "...like bitchy ex-wives dividing property with their ex-husbands").

But as you all know, I like to look at the bright side of things. I think now is a good time to look at the important ways the KCMSD is helping the entire community of Kansas City, Missouri.

For example, thanks to the KCMSD school board, literally BILLIONS of dollars have been distributed into the community. The school board and administration had developed a fine art of distributing the districts largess (and the largess of the state and federal governments, to boot) in the form of kickbacks, bribes, payoff, sweetheart deals and other graft.

Can you imagine what the community would be like without that kind of influence?

Also, let's not forget the success the KCMSD has had in ridding the city of those nasty white people. Let the Liberty and Independence, Overland Park and Olathe schools have those pasty, uncultured, non-diversity, vampires who suck the life from KC and spoiled little girls who are partying on somebody else's dime. I say good riddance to them!

So stand up and celebrate, residents of Kansas City, Missouri. The school board you have elected is doing okay by you.

tagged: Kansas City, Missouri, school board, education, Independence

Who doesn't love a caption contest?

Just riffin' on Tony...



tagged: Photoshop, Photochop, Funkhouser, Kansas City, mayor

Support KC metro's newest pro-sports team

With the Royals assuming their usual seat at the bottom of their division, and the Chiefs gearing up for another lackluster season, we're kind of entering the dog days of pro-sports in this town.

But fear not, local sports fan. Starting Saturday, the metro area's newest pro sports team takes to the field, or rather road, when the 2008 Tour de France commences with it's first stage from Brest to Plumelec.

That's right, Kansas City's (well, Olathe's) hometown GPS house, Garmin, is the primary sponsor of the Garmin-Chipotle team (aka Slipstream).

Each summer I look forward to the Tour to fill the void created by crappy reality TV, lackluster baseball and lame sitcom reruns. This year I was pleased to see Garmin and Chipotle pick up the sponsorship of Slipstream, especially given the "clean cycling" mantra of the team.

In this case, clean cycling has nothing to do with lower carbon footprints or eco-friendly biofuels. Rather, it's the team's goal of trying to shed the shadow of doping that has darkened the world of pro-cycling for years.

It will be interesting to see how this team does. One of my favorite rising stars of the past few tours, Dave Zabriske, is on the team, but he suffered a serious crash in Italy, so I'm not sure if he'll be available for the Tour. That's a shame.

Otherwise, the team has a pretty good lineup Tour riders including some experience in David Millar, Magnus Backstedt and Christian Vande Velde, and it is headed by former pro Jonathan Vaughters.

Still given the focus on eliminating performance enhancing doping, it's questionable whether any of the team members will be on the podium when the Tour rolls in to Paris on July 27.

But if they can live up to their anti-doping philosophy, it's a team that Garmin can be proud to sponsor.



tagged: sports, cycling, doping, Slipstream, Garmin, Tour de France, Chipotle

Can't stand the Chiefs

A big tip o' the hat to PDSH who hepped me to this Yahoo! Sports link where the author cracks wise about the Kansas City Chief's new "Fan Code of Conduct."

In theory, it's not a bad idea, as you'd like your stadium to provide a friendly atmosphere for families and people who aren't drunken hooligans.

In practice, though, it might not be such a great idea, especially if the person responsible for coming up with the rules is an 85-year-old woman who teaches the 2nd grade and regards standing up as one of the evil things that young whippersnappers often do.

Indeed, the "code of conduct" expressly forbids "excessive standing" during the games. And good! Because frankly, I really get annoyed by people who stand at sporting events, so I'm glad the Chiefs are saying that excessive standing is prohibited.

Also, I agree that "foul, obscene" language is being banned. I mean, where is it written that people should have the freedom to speak as they please? What, do they thing they have some sort of right to free speech or something?

And, I applaud the chiefs for arming their workers with jack boots and billy clubs to make sure that fans aren't "failing to follow instructions of stadium personnel."

With these measures in place, I'm sure we as fans can look forward to an orderly, controlled, manageable, obedient season.

Yay.

tagged: sports, Kansas City, Chiefs, football, fan, conduct

Restaurant review: in•gre•di•ent

Trying to break the monotony of lunch spots in south OP, I took my Supermodel Wife to the new Park Place strip mall at 115th and Nall.

We ended up, after my awesome parallel parking job, at in•gre•di•ent, a fancy new local joint with a second location in Lawrence.

in•gre•di•ent, 11563 Ash Street, Park Place @ 117th and Nall, Leawood

It's a great lunch spot with nice terrace seating as well as a clean indoor dining room. The atmosphere was contemporary with a walk-through ordering process, very much like an upscale, more contemporary version of Jason's Deli.

For lunch I had the daily special -- the Sicilian Melt with a side of tater chips. The sandwich was spicy and excellent, with generous portions of salami, pepperoni and provolone laced with tomatoes, pepperoncini and a pepper sauce all on ciabatta bread.

I especially liked the ciabatta, which was nice and chewy, the way I like my artisan (or as I say, "artisanal") bread.

My Supermodel Wife had the half-pizza and half-Caesar salad lunch combo. By all accounts, the pizza (Alfredo chicken) was excellent if a little too cheesy for her taste. The salad was good, although according to the missus, was a little heavy on the dressing.

Service was quick and friendly. We arrived early enough to beat the lunch rush, but there is definitely a lunch rush so be prepared to wait in line if you get there after 11:45.

Overall, it's nice to have a good lunch spot that isn't a chain restaurant. I felt good about supporting a local business and I also am a big fan of their tipping policy, which I think says a lot about the management of the place:

In order to maximize the value you receive from your visit to Ingredient, we do not allow tipping.

Instead of tipping, should you feel the need, we recommend one of the following: Give a few dollars to charity...Say Hello to a stranger...Pet a dog...Perform a random act of kindness...Put a quarter in a parking meter you see that is expired...Do something nice for yourself!

Rating: Become a regular.

tagged: food, restaurant, Kansas City, Leawood, Lawrence, Ingredient, lunch

Dino night

We headed to KC’s bustling downtown Saturday night for the much anticipated (by our 5-year-old) Walking with the Dinosaurs show.

Thanks to a connection through A Friend of Ours, we had a choice view from about 15 rows up from the floor of the Sprint Center. We had just found our seats as the lights went down and the narrator began.

It was an impressive production. The narrator described, in upper grade-school level terms (which is good news for those of you in Arizona), the geographic and environmental forces that influenced the evolution of dinosaurs from Pangaea in the Triassic to the dino-killing meteor strike that hit Mexico at the end of the Cretaceous.

Not that a five-year-old cares about the scientific mumbo jumbo. We were there to see the dinosaurs. Or, as my five-year-old corrects me, the robots made up to look like dinosaurs.

The dinos lived up to their billing. Through a combination of clever puppetry and sophisticated animatronics, the production company brought out life-sized versions of all the characters made famous in your childhood reading: Stegosaurus, Triceratops, Raptor, Brontosaurus (well, in this case Brachiosaurus) and, of course, Tyrannosaurus Rex.

It was great entertainment and included a 20-minute intermission that allowed me to grab a lemonade and M&Ms for the kid and a Bud Light for myself (all for the low, low price of $15).

The show proper was appropriate for the elementary-age target audience.

That's not to say it was boring to adults. The dinos were indeed impressive... and loud.It's just to say that it was light on the blood and guts factor during the staged fights between carnivore and herbivore. So it wasn't scary as far as that goes.

In fact, the scariest dinosaur of the night was the Grandmasaurus we ran into after the show while standing on line for a souvenir. The great beast roared angrily at the harried booth-tender as he showed her t-shirt after t-shirt until she finally, after what seemed like 20 minutes, chose one for her grandkid.

Anyway, they don't allow professional quality or flash photography at the show, but here are some craptacular pics I got with the camera on my phone.









tagged: Kansas City, Walking With The Dinosaurs, Tyrannosaurus Rex, Triassic , Pangaea, Cretaceous, meteor, animatronics, Stegosaurus, Triceratops, Brachiosaurus, meteor

Book Report: Shakedown

Title: Shakedown

Author: Joel Goldman

Synopsis:
Kansas City FBI Agent Jack Davis cuts corners and calls in favors to piece together seemingly unrelated clues in a mass murder while battling a debilitating nerve condition that has cost him his job.

My thoughts:
This blog has benefited me in a number of ways. It has allowed me to meet some really fun and talented people. It has given me a creative outlet (though, admittedly, the "creative" bit is debatable). But the real reason I started it is to try to get free stuff.

My first score on this point was a review copy of the That Thing You Do director's cut.

And most recently when I received an invitation to review Shakedown by local author and trial lawyer Joel Goldman I jumped at the opportunity. Who am I to turn down a free review copy of the book?

Shakedown is Goldman's fifth book and takes place in various neighborhoods throughout the greater Kansas City area. Genre-wise, I guess you would call it a crime/suspense thriller, which isn't really what I usually go for. Still I was excited to dive in and give it an honest try.

I was a little concerned in the first couple of chapters where the author used, in my opinion clumsily, a written street vernacular for the inner dialogs of some minor characters. This was soon forgiven though, as I came to appreciate the pace of action in the story.

I also appreciated Goldman's use of the Kansas City area as a character device in the novel. He does an excellent job of describing the different neighborhoods, from the tough and gritty Quindaro, Strawberry Hill and the rail yards in Argentine to the upscale Country Club Plaza shopping district and the suburbs of Johnson County.

Goldman also peppers in several literary Easter Eggs for his Kansas City readers. The main character, for example, uses the alias of "Detective Funkhouser" in some scenes, an obvious reference to the KCMO mayor.

I also was interested in the way Goldman incorporated aspects of another book I recently read, Malcom Gladwell's Blink. One of the main characters is an expert in the Facial Action Coding System (which Gladwell discusses in detail in his book) and uses this skill to help solve the murder. But it ends up costing her.

The writing is solid and the narrative tight enough to keep me turning the pages. I thought the plot was a bit contrived at times, and several sequences were easily predicted.

But I’d still give it a solid recommendation for your summer reading list, especially for those of you in Kansas City. Add it to your beach bag or take it on that road trip. It’s a good read.

Rating: Recommended summer/beach reading

Note: Read more 3AM Book Reviews.

tagged: books, literature, Joel Goldman, Shakedown, review, Kansas City, Quindaro, Strawberry Hill

RE: Your Brains

Props to Zach for snagging some horrific pictures of the Kansas City Zombie Walk in Westport.

Go check out the ghouly images. It's yet another example of local bloggers breaking important news stories that the mainstream media are afraid to cover.

Also, in honor of the event, here's another apropos song by Jonathan Coulton...

tagged: Kansas City, Wetport, zombie, brains, Jonathan Coulton

The Man and the moon

You may have seen the news story trumpeting the new surveillance video cameras recently installed in some areas of Kansas City, Mo.

According to the story linked above, the police state installed the cameras in part at the request of neighborhood groups.

"So far I've been stopped by two citizens who have thanked me and said they've been praying for these,” said Sergeant Patrick Rauzi, who is overseeing the project. “One gentleman said he owned three different houses in this neighborhood and has been waiting for the cameras. He couldn't thank me enough."

I wonder if these potentially hypothetical neighborhood groups had really thought through what they were requesting.

Now I'm all for police patrols. Increase the frequency of cops on the beat if you must. Absolutely demand that when there is a call for help, help arrives within a reasonable amount of time.

But inviting the police to spy on you in your neighborhood seems a like another step toward the pre-crime world of the Minority Report. You're essentially giving the "authorities" the right to watch you without first getting a warrant.

And I know there's an argument that people who aren't doing anything wrong shouldn't worry. If your not breaking the law, you shouldn't be concerned, right?

Not so fast my friend.

According to one of my many inside sources* police abuse of this type of surveillance is already happening.

Police in Northumberland, Great Britain, are trying to track down a man who took a crack at sharing his deepest feelings about unwarranted government invasion of privacy.

A front seat car passenger was photographed baring his backside at a speed camera in Northumberland.

The "mooning" man was snapped by the mobile camera as the black BMW X5 drove past on the A1171 Dudley Lane in Cramlington last month.

His behaviour has been labelled as "dangerous and offensive" by road safety campaigners.

Police may take action against the man for public order offences and not wearing a seat belt.

Officers have the registration of the car, which was not breaking the speed limit, and intend to contact its owner.

So there you have it. The jack-booted thugs are just waiting to bust you for daring to speak you mind.

Well, I say KCMO shouldn't stand for this. I hereby call on all freedom-loving Kansas Citians to moon these surveillance cameras in the downtown entertainment district and wherever else you see them.

Show the police state where they can put their cameras!


*© Greg Beck at Death's Door

tagged: surveillance, spy, cameras, police, moon, privacy, freedom

3AM EXCLUSIVE: Pleasant Weather Warning issued for KC metro

OLATHE (3AM) -- The National Weather Service in Olathe, Kan., has issued a Pleasant Weather Warning for the greater Kansas City metropolitan area.

According to NWS meteorologist Ben Wong, seasonably pleasant weather is poised to hit the metro area this afternoon and could last until evening.

"It's always difficult to get 100-percent accuracy with this type of weather system, but our models predict that citizens should be on the watch for pleasant weather throughout the afternoon."

Les Wright, a meteorologist for a local television affiliate, noted that pleasant weather is characterized by temperatures in the upper-60s to mid-70s Fahrenheit, often accompanied by light breezes and sunny skies.

"Local businesses should be sure that their pleasant weather shelters are well stocked, since this kind of system usually causes a decrease in worker productivity," Wright said.

There are other safety risks as well.

"This type of pleasant weather system almost always causes a reduction in the amount of clothing in the atmosphere and an increase in the amount of exposed skin," said Wright.

"That in itself isn't necessarily dangerous. However, it can lead to higher rates of inattentive driving and rubbernecking which has in turn been linked to higher rates of traffic fatalities."

To mitigate the risks, Wright and Wong suggest taking measure such as staying home and consuming moderated amounts of cold beer and grilled meats.

Stay tuned for 3 O'Clock AM for further weather coverage.

tagged: Kansas, Kansas City, weather, swimsuit, sun bathing, warning

Prohibition is good for business

Okay, we've got our next big business idea ready to go.

Those of you who read about the big local blogger meetup last night probably think it was just an occasion for drinking booze and eating boob (cake).

And while the boob cake was tasty (so delicious and moist), and the Boulevard Wheat never tasted better, I did have the ulterior motive of discussing our next business venture with XO and Keith (thus also allowing me to write the evening's outlays off as a tax deductible business expense, but I digress).

The core of our new business idea is the realization that when Kansas City voters approved a ban on smoking in public venues, we all saw that as a super-restrictive overstep of government authority.

"What about our personal rights? What about the freakin' constitution," we all said.

What we failed to realize, until recently, is that just as in the days of alcohol prohibition, tobacco prohibition has left a hole in the market place that is burning to be filled.

So here's our idea: We rent a space, probably a bar that has had to close because smokers can't smoke there anymore. We reopen it as a "private club" and sell memberships for , I don't know, $40 bucks a year?

We cut a deal with big tobacco, maybe Phillip Morris or RJ Reynolds, to supply the cancer sticks at a cut rate.

We then sell them above retail at our club, and since we won't allow tobacco products to be brought into the club (city ordinance, probably), we have 100% market share.

We haven't landed on a name for the place yet, but my nomination is "Smokin' Hotties." I figure we can have bikini-clad waitresses with cigarette lighters in their bikini tops (you know, flip a switch and a flame comes out of the nipular area).

But let me know if you have a better name. If we use a name you submitted, I can probably get you a free membership.

tagged: Kansas City, smoking ban, business, cigarette, Phillip Morris, RJ Reynolds, prohibition