... and fictional NBS writer Liz Lemon:
tagged: Sara Palin, Liz Lemon, Tina Fey, Separated at Birth, election, pop culture
Friday, August 29, 2008
Separated at birth
Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin ...
... and fictional NBS writer Liz Lemon:
tagged: Sara Palin, Liz Lemon, Tina Fey, Separated at Birth, election, pop culture
... and fictional NBS writer Liz Lemon:
tagged: Sara Palin, Liz Lemon, Tina Fey, Separated at Birth, election, pop culture
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Seat neighbor lotto
After a half hour delay in the terminal while US Airways replaced the duct tape on engine #2 of the San Francisco-bound A320 out of Phoenix, I was sitting in my window seat waiting for the other passengers to board.
A middle-aged woman was seated in the aisle seat in my row, with the middle seat still unoccupied. As I was enjoying a "carry-on cocktail" that I was able to sneak down the jetway, a voice came over the cabin intercom telling my fellow travelers and I that “we have a full flight today, so please place small carry-on items under the seat in front of you.”
Oy! Full flight, and me with the window seat. The only thing that could be worse is if I had the middle seat.
As passengers kept filing on, filling up the overhead bins and moving to seats in the rear of the plane, I began playing the seat neighbor lottery game with myself. You know how this goes, you take a look at each person that comes through the four “first class” rows, quickly sizing them up and mentally calculating how pleasant it would (or wouldn’t) be to have them sitting uncomfortably close to you for the next two hours.
The criteria are obvious. The smaller the better. You don’t want a huge person illegally crossing the armrest boarder and invading the sovereign territory of your seat. Don't get me wrong. God knows I'm no delicate flower myself. I'm reasonable, but COME ON PEOPLE!
Younger is better, too. I don’t need a hacking geriatric sitting next to me, devouring my soul with excruciatingly tedious stories about the olden days, coughing up a lung and generally harshing my mellow.
If you’re a dude, you’re hoping for a passenger of the female persuasion, because who wants to sit next to a guy smelling of cheap cologne. In fact, I suspect that if you’re a chick, you’re hoping to avoid sitting next to dudes as well. Let’s face it people, women are just a lot more pleasant to be around that guys.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt if they’re easy on the eyes. It may sound shallow (because it is), but nobody wants to sit next to Quasimodo through two time zones. Although, taking all factors into account, I’d rather sit next to a small ugly chick than a big, good-looking guy.
Anyway, knowing my luck, I was expecting a John Candy look-alike to win the lottery for the seat next to me. Each time a petite fox (do people still use that word?) came through, I would watch her continue to the back of the cabin or take a seat a few rows forward. Then a large ogre would saunter through with two gigantic carry-ons and I just knew he was coming for my row.
Then the line of passengers started to slow down. The saccharine sweet voice of the gate agent announced over the intercom “Passenger boarding is complete. Flight attendants, please secure the cabin for takeoff.”
“What’s this?” I thought to myself.
I began to feel a sense of what passes for excitement in the livestock shipping world of business travel. Could it be that I have a chance at winning the biggest prize in the seat-neighbor lottery? No, I dare not even hope that it might be the case. I dare not put my faith in fate only to have my hopes dashed at the last second.
But as the minutes passed, and fewer and fewer passengers were left to take their seats, I started to hope against all odds.
Finally, only one person remained. He was a smallish, athletic looking middle-aged man wearing casual khakis and a knit shirt. He stopped a few rows in front of me to jam his oversized carry on bag into not enough room in the overhead bin. Forcing the door of bin shut, he looked down into the cabin.
He walked closer, closer. I knew at that point he would sit next to me. It’s a full flight, after all. There’s one passenger left and hence, only one seat.
But NO! He kept walking! Turns out his seat was in the very back next to the twin lavatories (worst seats on the plane, my friends).
And now there was no doubt about it, I would spend the next two hours with room to stretch out my legs into the center seat. I would have plenty of elbow room, a place to put my magazines, room to pull out my laptop and get some work done.
I had won the jackpot in the seat neighbor lottery.
tagged: travel, US Airways, Phoenix, William Shatner, Airplane
A middle-aged woman was seated in the aisle seat in my row, with the middle seat still unoccupied. As I was enjoying a "carry-on cocktail" that I was able to sneak down the jetway, a voice came over the cabin intercom telling my fellow travelers and I that “we have a full flight today, so please place small carry-on items under the seat in front of you.”Oy! Full flight, and me with the window seat. The only thing that could be worse is if I had the middle seat.
As passengers kept filing on, filling up the overhead bins and moving to seats in the rear of the plane, I began playing the seat neighbor lottery game with myself. You know how this goes, you take a look at each person that comes through the four “first class” rows, quickly sizing them up and mentally calculating how pleasant it would (or wouldn’t) be to have them sitting uncomfortably close to you for the next two hours.
The criteria are obvious. The smaller the better. You don’t want a huge person illegally crossing the armrest boarder and invading the sovereign territory of your seat. Don't get me wrong. God knows I'm no delicate flower myself. I'm reasonable, but COME ON PEOPLE!
Younger is better, too. I don’t need a hacking geriatric sitting next to me, devouring my soul with excruciatingly tedious stories about the olden days, coughing up a lung and generally harshing my mellow.If you’re a dude, you’re hoping for a passenger of the female persuasion, because who wants to sit next to a guy smelling of cheap cologne. In fact, I suspect that if you’re a chick, you’re hoping to avoid sitting next to dudes as well. Let’s face it people, women are just a lot more pleasant to be around that guys.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt if they’re easy on the eyes. It may sound shallow (because it is), but nobody wants to sit next to Quasimodo through two time zones. Although, taking all factors into account, I’d rather sit next to a small ugly chick than a big, good-looking guy.Anyway, knowing my luck, I was expecting a John Candy look-alike to win the lottery for the seat next to me. Each time a petite fox (do people still use that word?) came through, I would watch her continue to the back of the cabin or take a seat a few rows forward. Then a large ogre would saunter through with two gigantic carry-ons and I just knew he was coming for my row.
Then the line of passengers started to slow down. The saccharine sweet voice of the gate agent announced over the intercom “Passenger boarding is complete. Flight attendants, please secure the cabin for takeoff.”
“What’s this?” I thought to myself.
I began to feel a sense of what passes for excitement in the livestock shipping world of business travel. Could it be that I have a chance at winning the biggest prize in the seat-neighbor lottery? No, I dare not even hope that it might be the case. I dare not put my faith in fate only to have my hopes dashed at the last second.
But as the minutes passed, and fewer and fewer passengers were left to take their seats, I started to hope against all odds.
Finally, only one person remained. He was a smallish, athletic looking middle-aged man wearing casual khakis and a knit shirt. He stopped a few rows in front of me to jam his oversized carry on bag into not enough room in the overhead bin. Forcing the door of bin shut, he looked down into the cabin.
He walked closer, closer. I knew at that point he would sit next to me. It’s a full flight, after all. There’s one passenger left and hence, only one seat.
But NO! He kept walking! Turns out his seat was in the very back next to the twin lavatories (worst seats on the plane, my friends).
And now there was no doubt about it, I would spend the next two hours with room to stretch out my legs into the center seat. I would have plenty of elbow room, a place to put my magazines, room to pull out my laptop and get some work done.
I had won the jackpot in the seat neighbor lottery.
tagged: travel, US Airways, Phoenix, William Shatner, Airplane
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Paddle game as metaphor
If you guys haven't been watching Mad Men on AMC, then I can only conclude that you a) don't have a TV, b) have a TV but don't know how to use it, c) are one of the slobbering idiots responsible for convincing the TV networks that America needs more Deal or No Dancing with America's Top Survivor Idol shows.
Seriously.
I caught a three or four episodes of the first season when they aired, but could never figure out the schedule enough to make it "appointment" TV. Luckily, during a recent staycation, my Supermodel Wife and I discovered the entire first season on Time Warner Cable's ON Demand service.
Season one was fantastic. We watched all of the episodes before jumping in to season two.
Because the first season was so good, I half expected a drop-off for the second season. Let me just say that I continue to be surprised and impressed. I appreciate how producer and writer Matthew Weiner takes risks with all of the characters. In one episode, the audience is led to feel sympathy for a one character and revile another. Then, later, the roles become reversed.
And there are so many subtle jokes woven into the production -- jokes that the characters themselves aren't aware of but that are more of a wink or a nudge from the directors to the audience.
One example from this week's episode is when one Pete Campbell, a junior account exec at the ad firm, is giving a semen sample at the fertility clinic. He enters the private room with a sample cup, reviews some of the "literature" available to help get him in the mood, then...
The scene cuts to one of the firm's partners hitting a paddle game ball in his office. An obvious metaphor for what the junior exec is doing at the moment. Priceless.
This attention to subtlety and detail (the 1960s universe is meticulously recreated from the characters' wardrobe to the ubiquitous cigarette smoke, chauvinism and minibars) make this series stand apart from 90 percent of the fare currently being broadcast.
This series is a great piece of work, which means that it will probably be canceled after this season. So start watching it while you can. It's just too good to last.
tagged: Mad Men, AMC, television, advertising, Don Draper, Pete Campbell, pop culture
Seriously.I caught a three or four episodes of the first season when they aired, but could never figure out the schedule enough to make it "appointment" TV. Luckily, during a recent staycation, my Supermodel Wife and I discovered the entire first season on Time Warner Cable's ON Demand service.
Season one was fantastic. We watched all of the episodes before jumping in to season two.
Because the first season was so good, I half expected a drop-off for the second season. Let me just say that I continue to be surprised and impressed. I appreciate how producer and writer Matthew Weiner takes risks with all of the characters. In one episode, the audience is led to feel sympathy for a one character and revile another. Then, later, the roles become reversed.
And there are so many subtle jokes woven into the production -- jokes that the characters themselves aren't aware of but that are more of a wink or a nudge from the directors to the audience.
One example from this week's episode is when one Pete Campbell, a junior account exec at the ad firm, is giving a semen sample at the fertility clinic. He enters the private room with a sample cup, reviews some of the "literature" available to help get him in the mood, then...
The scene cuts to one of the firm's partners hitting a paddle game ball in his office. An obvious metaphor for what the junior exec is doing at the moment. Priceless.
This attention to subtlety and detail (the 1960s universe is meticulously recreated from the characters' wardrobe to the ubiquitous cigarette smoke, chauvinism and minibars) make this series stand apart from 90 percent of the fare currently being broadcast.
This series is a great piece of work, which means that it will probably be canceled after this season. So start watching it while you can. It's just too good to last.
tagged: Mad Men, AMC, television, advertising, Don Draper, Pete Campbell, pop culture
Saturday, August 23, 2008
The more things "change"
I think it's mostly the religious Obamists who were surprised at the selection of Joe Biden as Barack's VP.
Most reasonable people knew the whole "change" line was just a load of political BS.
It doesn't take any kind of special insight, just an acknowledgment of one of humanity's oldest truisms. Maybe this chart can help clarify.
tagged: Barack, Obama, Joe Biden, vice president, change, politics, election
Most reasonable people knew the whole "change" line was just a load of political BS.
It doesn't take any kind of special insight, just an acknowledgment of one of humanity's oldest truisms. Maybe this chart can help clarify.
tagged: Barack, Obama, Joe Biden, vice president, change, politics, election
Friday, August 22, 2008
Olympics, schmolympics
A lot of people have been sharing their thoughts about the Olympics. Everyone seems to have caught the Olympic fever.
Me? I just can't seem to get into it. Believe me, I've tried. But I don't know, everything just seems so corporate and overproduced.
I've tried to be interested. Hell, with five or six channels of Olympic coverage, they certainly make it easy to follow. Problem is, every time I try to tune in on the teevee machine, I end up tuning out mentally.
But with the closing ceremonies starting today, or tomorrow, or within the next few days or whatever, I thought I'd give a few thoughts on what little I have seen.
Here's what I managed to force myself to sit through:
tagged: Olympics, gymnastics, handball, Michael Phelps, drums, Bob Costas
Me? I just can't seem to get into it. Believe me, I've tried. But I don't know, everything just seems so corporate and overproduced.
I've tried to be interested. Hell, with five or six channels of Olympic coverage, they certainly make it easy to follow. Problem is, every time I try to tune in on the teevee machine, I end up tuning out mentally.
But with the closing ceremonies starting today, or tomorrow, or within the next few days or whatever, I thought I'd give a few thoughts on what little I have seen.
Here's what I managed to force myself to sit through:
Part of the opening ceremonies: I saw that part where 2,008 Chinese guys were pounding drums in unison. Impressive? Yes. Scary?... Well, let me just say that it's not a huge leap to go from carrying a drum mallet to carrying a rifle. You tellin' me you don't think that was a military display?- Synchronized diving: What? I'm sorry but this must be one of the lamest of the so-called sports. Yes, I agree that the athletes are... well.. athletic. But is it a sport? More on this later.
- Bob Costas: Am I the only one who thinks Bobski looks like he's suffering from a case of permanent jet lag? Could be just the High Definition TV, but he's looked really tired every time I've seen him (about three times). Also, does he wear a hairpiece now?
Michael Phelps: Did you notice how nobody gives a crap about swimming when the Olympics aren't going on? Still, good job for Mr. Phelps on his history-setting performance. But if I know the American viewing public (and let's face it, I AM the American viewing public), nobody will remember his name when the next season of Deal or No Dancing with America's Top Survivor Idol starts.- That weird sport that is kind of like hockey on a basketball court but without sticks and using soccer goals: What the hell is the deal with that sport anyways?
- Women's gymnastics: I guess having an American get screwed by the Chinese judges should piss me off. Unfortunately, I couldn't give less of a shit about these dwarf women swinging around on bars.
Look, I don't even consider gymnastics to be much a sport. Sure, like the divers, they're athletic. But for me, if a judge (or panel of judges) is making subjective decisions on wins, then that makes it more of an exhibition than a competition. As you saw the other night, the judges have too much influence on the outcome. Now, show me full contact sudden death gymnastics and you'll have my attention.
tagged: Olympics, gymnastics, handball, Michael Phelps, drums, Bob Costas
Friday Blogthing: Go to Helvetica
I like this. It gives me an excuse when I'm at parties to say "It's not that I'm boring, it's just that you don't 'get' me."
tagged: Friday, blogthing, font, Helvetica,, clean, quiz, blog, meme
You Are Helvetica |
 Your life is ultra modern and ultra streamlined. You don't get bogged down in details or decoration. You like to think that you're the epitome of style and taste. People either totally get you - or they think you're boring and generic. |
tagged: Friday, blogthing, font, Helvetica,, clean, quiz, blog, meme
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Electric Emu
What the hell is the deal with Florida cops and their Tasers?
tagged: Florida, sheriff, deputies, Tazer, emu
Bay County Sheriff's deputies were forced to use a Taser to subdue an escaped emu named Plop-Plop. The large female bird escaped from a farm last weekend and on Monday, she holed up with some horses and goats in a pen.Next time I go to Florida, remind me to wear my rubber long underwear. Sheesh!
When deputies arrived, the emu "went kind of crazy," said Sheriff's deputy Randolph Grob.
The deputies didn't want the bird to hurt itself or them, so the used the Taser stun gun to immobilize Plop-Plop.
The emu was brought to the Bay County Animal Control Center, where she has made a full recovery. The bird's owner is expected to take her home soon.
tagged: Florida, sheriff, deputies, Tazer, emu
KCMSD3K
With the new school year now in full swing, I wanted to take a moment and reflect on the recent brouhaha between the Independence and Kansas City Metropolitan school districts.
For those of you in Johnson County who aren't used to the drama of dysfunctional government, let me summarize the events:
A group of concerned Independence residents finally became fed up with enough with the perceived mismanagement of the schools and the continual lack of academic progress. They decided they wanted to abandon the rest of the district and hitch up with neighboring Independence School District.
The plan went to a vote, was passed, and the schools officially swapped districts. Unfortunately, weeks of legal wrangling followed where KCMSD did it's best to not let the schools go, asking for mo' money and locking Independence officials (and janitors) out of the buildings.
It provided much fodder for bloggers and commenters to remark how the KCMOSD officials were behaving like adolescents (or, as Heather puts it "...like bitchy ex-wives dividing property with their ex-husbands").
But as you all know, I like to look at the bright side of things. I think now is a good time to look at the important ways the KCMSD is helping the entire community of Kansas City, Missouri.
For example, thanks to the KCMSD school board, literally BILLIONS of dollars have been distributed into the community. The school board and administration had developed a fine art of distributing the districts largess (and the largess of the state and federal governments, to boot) in the form of kickbacks, bribes, payoff, sweetheart deals and other graft.
Can you imagine what the community would be like without that kind of influence?
Also, let's not forget the success the KCMSD has had in ridding the city of those nasty white people. Let the Liberty and Independence, Overland Park and Olathe schools have those pasty, uncultured, non-diversity, vampires who suck the life from KC and spoiled little girls who are partying on somebody else's dime. I say good riddance to them!
So stand up and celebrate, residents of Kansas City, Missouri. The school board you have elected is doing okay by you.
tagged: Kansas City, Missouri, school board, education, Independence
For those of you in Johnson County who aren't used to the drama of dysfunctional government, let me summarize the events:A group of concerned Independence residents finally became fed up with enough with the perceived mismanagement of the schools and the continual lack of academic progress. They decided they wanted to abandon the rest of the district and hitch up with neighboring Independence School District.
The plan went to a vote, was passed, and the schools officially swapped districts. Unfortunately, weeks of legal wrangling followed where KCMSD did it's best to not let the schools go, asking for mo' money and locking Independence officials (and janitors) out of the buildings.
It provided much fodder for bloggers and commenters to remark how the KCMOSD officials were behaving like adolescents (or, as Heather puts it "...like bitchy ex-wives dividing property with their ex-husbands").
But as you all know, I like to look at the bright side of things. I think now is a good time to look at the important ways the KCMSD is helping the entire community of Kansas City, Missouri.
For example, thanks to the KCMSD school board, literally BILLIONS of dollars have been distributed into the community. The school board and administration had developed a fine art of distributing the districts largess (and the largess of the state and federal governments, to boot) in the form of kickbacks, bribes, payoff, sweetheart deals and other graft.Can you imagine what the community would be like without that kind of influence?
Also, let's not forget the success the KCMSD has had in ridding the city of those nasty white people. Let the Liberty and Independence, Overland Park and Olathe schools have those pasty, uncultured, non-diversity, vampires who suck the life from KC and spoiled little girls who are partying on somebody else's dime. I say good riddance to them!
So stand up and celebrate, residents of Kansas City, Missouri. The school board you have elected is doing okay by you.
tagged: Kansas City, Missouri, school board, education, Independence
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
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