Corporate Jet Lag

It's good to be back after a business trip to the coast. I had a great trip with lots of productive meetings. Unfortunately, there was one event that left deep and permanent emotional and psychological scars.

The corporate jet.

You see, I was given the opportunity to take my company's corporate jet out to the coast, rather than fly commercial with the plebs and riffraff.

It was oh so sweet. The Gulfstream GII had plenty of leg room for my five-foot-fourteen-inch frame. The cushy Barcalounger chairs were a welcome change from the back-breaking boards you're strapped to on a commercial airliner. The other passengers on the plane were all professionals, so they were courteous and pleasant to talk to.

A breakfast of fresh fruit and pastries and hot coffee was served by a delightful attendant who was attentive and polite and genuinely seemed to enjoy her job.

Yes, I would say it was by far the best flight experience I've ever had. So, why the emotional scars? Well, it has absolutely spoiled me for "regular" air travel.

My return flight was on United Airlines out of Dulles airport. If you've never been to Dulles before, count yourself lucky. It's like a stockyard compared to just about any other airport in the country. Upon arrival, you are herded down a series of chutes for flight check-in, followed by another series of chutes for security inspection.

Once you pass though security (and get you shoes back on), you rush down several corridors to the LOADING DOCK that takes you to you gate. That's right. you get on truck/bus that drives you across the tarmac to a barn-like structure that is the departure gate.

Now, if you're unfortunate enough to be a United Express customer, you are packed like cattle into this barn/departure gate to await the boarding call for you flight. When that comes, you are taken outside into a steel garage, herded once again down livestock chute out onto the tarmac where you get onto your plane.

Well, after my experience on the corporate jet where I was treated like a passenger rather than cargo, I just can't go back to regular commercial flight. I've decided to sell my home and everything I own and buy my own Gulfstream. I found one online for the bargain price of $1.4 million.

The way I see it, people live in motor homes or houseboats, why not just live in a Gulfstream?

The rest of you commoners can have the commercial flights (although, I strongly recommend you stay away from United).