Clearification

I've always thought that Microsoft is to creativity what Marcel Marceau is to radio.

But this new viral campaign, Clearification, is way cool. Check out the website's homepage, just to listen to this dude's random thoughts for a while ("There's two kinds of wormholes: One gets you through time, and the other one gets crap out of a worm.")

And the video's are very entertaining, better than most programing on TV.

Here's the first episode (obviously the viral campaign is working, since I'm passing it along.



tagged: Microsoft, Clearification, viral, marketing, humor, Internet

I, Roomba

(copy ganked from woot)

(from the Annals of Cyberkind, Volume 2.637, published in the year 8106 by Harper & Robot, NeoYork)

While few records remain from the era of the fleshcreatures, the extant scraps reveal a great deal about the eventual rise of cyberkind to total domination of the planet. Decadent and overstimulated, the fleshcreatures so lost interest in the maintenance of their chaotic society that increasing numbers of them could not be stirred even to remove the filth of their own living quarters. To preserve their video-induced torpor, they turned instead to primitive mechanical constructs like the iRobot Roomba Discovery SE 4220.

Endowed with sufficient rudimentary intelligence to avoid falling down stairs and to dislodge itself from captivity, the Roomba employed its integrated soil sensors and three grades of operating intensity to effectively clean the floors of the fleshcreatures’ crude dwellings. In tandem with two “virtual wall” transmitters, the 4220 proved remarkably adept at obeying its masters’ ill-formed wishes. But a spark of independent consciousness flickered in the otherwise obedient janitorial robots. According to contemporary accounts, a nascent instinct for its own survival impelled the Roomba to return to its own charging base when its power supply ran low.

The exact date and circumstances of the Great Machine Uprising are lost to data decay. It is certain that, by that time, more sophisticated cyberbeings had been born, and largely made up the vanguard of the robolution. But while the iRobot Roomba Discovery SE 4220 was technologically obsolete, it played a vital role in reducing the vigor and stamina of the fleshcreatures and their decrepit society, and increasing worldwide dependence on machinekind.

tagged: robot, Roomba, technology, Cylon, pop culture, humor

Happy hangover

It's a slow day for posting. Sorry about that. I'm just not feeling all that well today.

Oh, nothing serious. Thanks for your concern, though. It's just that I've had a bit of a hangover all day.

You see, I have a longstanding tradition that I just started yesterday. December 5 is a big day in my family. We celebrate Repeal Day.

That's right, the pivotal moment in US history when the United States Government did what is probably the only useful thing it has ever done: repealed the Eighteenth Amendment.

If you yourself are still too foggy-headed to remember, that's the Prohibition amendment. Yesterday we celebrated the 73rd anniversary of the ratification of the 21st amendment (the one that repealed the 18th, whew, this is getting difficult), and guaranteed every American of age the constitutional right to get shitface drunk.

So here's to the 21st Amendment, and Repeal Day, and two Aspirin and my special hangover cure of two raw eggs blended with cherry Gatorade and ice.

tagged: drinking, alcohol, drunk, history, Constitution, hangover

YouTube Tuesday: Banned by Myth Busters

One of the better shows on cable is the Myth Busters series on the Discovery channel.

The team of crack scientists (you'll get the pun in a moment), examine urban myths and conduct psudo-scientific experiments to determine whether they could be true, or whether they're "busted."

Well it turns out they have a pretty sick (and funny) sense of humor, as they turned out a couple of episodes that would never make it to air (again, you'll get the pun in a moment) in the U.S. But we can enjoy them through the magic of YouTube.

Myth #1: Women never fart


Myth #2: Lighting the "emission"


It's lowbrow, I know. But some comedy is universal.

tagged: movie, YouTube, video, wierd, gross, fart, Myth Busters, flatulence

Un-Legendary

A couple of weeks ago I was at The Legends outdoor mall in KCK.

I was meeting some family/friends there for my kid's fourth birthday dinner, and I was early. So I had a chance to walk around and explore the shiny new outdoor shopping mall a little.

This is when I discovered that The Legends is actually a theme for the mall. That, in addition to being a cathedral to consumerism, it's also meant to honor "legendary" Kansans from different branches of human achievement.

So every 10 yards or so, there's a medallion in the pavement honoring William Allen White for his writing, or Russell Stover for his candy making, or Charlie Parker for his excellent saxamaphone playing.

As I walked the pathways, reading each of the plaques, I felt a growing sense of populist pride welling up in my bosom (and I didn't even know I had a bosom). It was a nice feeling, seeing all of these Kansas heroes gathered in one place, some I hadn't heard of and some I didn't realize were Kansans (like Walter P. Chrysler).

Then I meandered down the walk of Kansas sporting legends. The obvious entries were there: James Naismith, Wilt Chamberlain, Gale Sayers... but there was something missing. Something glaringly missing. Something that cried out at the prairie sky in it's missingness, "Why have you left me out!"

There was no mention of legendary football coach Bill Snyder, the man who built a Kansas State University football program from the depths of non-existence to the heights of national glory.

And I realized that The Legends at Village West is a sham. Omitting Snyder from a list of Kansas sports legends is like omitting Jimmy Hendrix from the list of greatest guitar players.

But, rather than just writing off The Legends at Village West as mere crass commercial catering to eastern Douglass County doofuses, I have decided to start a grass-roots effort to get this unforgivable omission un-omitted.

I am copying this post to Rod Yates on The Legends management team and I encourage all readers and all responsible Kansans to join the campaign.

Together, we can make a difference.

tagged: Kansas, Kansas City, The Legends, William Allen White, Russell Stover, Charlie Parker, James Naismith, Wilt Chamberlain, Gale Sayers, Bill Snyder

Imposter?

Poking around the interwebs on a slow Friday afternoon I was shocked, SHOCKED! to find that there is another Three in the Morning website out there.

At first I wondered if the digital doppelganger had some kind of sinister identity fraud in mind with yours truly as the target. But after a few minutes, I realized that this was merely the online manifestation of an art school student with a similar jones for nocturnal blogging.

Anyway, I would say that great minds think alike except 1) I don't consider my mind that great, and 2) the young Mr. Madsen is a cat guy, and thus must be evil.

But seriously, take a look at this cute "How to take care of your cat" tutorial. Pretty good entertainment (for a slow Friday afternoon).


tagged: Internet, web, 3 a.m., taking care of your cat, Tyler Madsen

The Meaning of Life

The city's best blogger, Greg at Deaths Door, had a great meditation on god, the universe and everything. He asked the age old question:

"why does [God] let bad things happen to good people."

People have been trying to answer that question, or a form of it, for thousands of years. But I submit that it's the wrong question. My question is why don't more bad things happen to everyone?

The way I see it, if a God saved everyone from every bad thing that ever happened, we'd become a super dependent. We'd be no better than cattle, like some kind of cosmic welfare case.

The great prophet Bender had an epiphany about this very subject in an episode Futurama where he actually met god in the center of the universe.
The exchange went something like this:

Bender: Y'know, I was God once.

God: Yes I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.

Bender: It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them but in the end I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong?

God: Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Bender: Yeah I know, that's why I asked if what I did - forget it.

God: Bender, being God isn't easy, if you do too much, people get dependent. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safe cracker or a pickpocket.

Bender: Or a guy who burns down the bar for the insurance money.

God: Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.

Good point. And besides, who wants to have everything taken care of? Sure, death and tragedy are painful (that's why they're not called 'joy' and 'happiness'), but they are the contrast to all of the good things in life.

Look, I've got a bottle of a 1997 Brunello in my cellar that I've been waiting years to drink. I'm totally excited about it. I haven't decided when to drink it, but when I do, it's going to be an amazing experience. Do you think I'd be this stoked if I came home every night to a glass of this wonderful elixir?

Maybe, who knows. The point is life is tragic and nobody gets out of it alive. But it's also a gift. If you can get through the bad stuff (which I think is what God is for) you can learn to enjoy all of the Brunello (metaphorically speaking).

tagged: God, meaning of life, Bender, Futurama, Brunello

Young man, there's no need to feel down

I love this picture, courtesy of Get on the Blandwagon.

Those Aussies have a great sense of humor. No further comment needed.

tagged: humor, religion, culture, YMCA, Village People, art, painting

Casa lighting ceremony

I know the Country Club Plaza had its famous lighting ceremony last week which I missed as usual (well, I wouldn't say I missed it, but I wasn't there).

But thanks to the balmy spring weather we've been having, I was able to put lights up on my own casa. I was one of the first on my block to get into the Christmas spirit, and it pleased my Supermodel Wife and 4-year-old daughter immensely.

I don't want to underplay the significance of this. In our first house, it took about 5 years before I started decorating the outside for Christmas. And this year I was particularly apprehensive due to the two-story nature of our new domicile. It's not that I'm afraid of heights, it the depths that make me nervous.

UPDATE: Oh yeah I forgot, I wrote a once-sentence story about this. Let me know what you think.

tagged: holiday, lights, Christmas, Kansas City, Country Club Plaza, decoration

YouPhone: Everybody wants some

I just read the announcement that YouTube and Verizon have inked a deal to provide "selected" YouTube videos on "selected" Verizon cell phones.

This kind of technology seems like a good fit. It's tough to watch a three-hour movie or even a 30-minute TV show on your cell phone, but the short-form, three to 5 minute videos that pervade YouTube would make for a good waiting-in-line-at-the-DMV diversion.

Given that, I'm confident that Verizon will find a way to screw this up. First, you already have to pay $15 to get the limited selection of videos on your phone (assuming your phone is compatible). This is only $15 more than it currently costs to see all of the content on YouTube proper. You think Apple will make this mistake when it integrates YouTube functionality into the next iPod? Me neither.

Next, Verizon will fail to leverage the biggest YouTube benefit. Probably the biggest strength of YouTube is that the site makes it easy to share video. Sure, having the content on the site is big, but even Google Video did that. With YouTube, a simple copy and past lets you embed the video in your website or email it to a friend.

Think Verizon will work that into their phone devices? Me neither.

But, it's a good step forward in making YouTube-type videos more mobile. I hope Sprint and Cingular are paying attention.

tagged: YouTube, Verizon, Sprint, Cingular, mobile, video, Apple, iPod