Thursday, March 31, 2016

Cuban Reverie

An original composition from Three O'Clock AM
Cuban Reverie
The stage is set, now pay the price
High priests of holocaust, fire from the sea
Rise so high, yet so far to fall
Entrails in the sky
Entrails in the sky

One decree that stands alone

Chased up all the dead end streets
Like the walls are closing in
One decree that stands alone
Chased up all the dead end streets
Killing for religion

A book written by man
Make sweet the breeze now defiled

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

YouTube Tuesday: Arrow

Here at the beginning of the end of society as we know it, as technology becomes our master, as resources dwindle, as the thin veneer of civilization begins to peel back to reveal a reality in which we feast on our own kind… it's probably a good time to brush up on the skills that will allow us to eek out a miserable existence in the post-apocalyptic hellscape that will become our planet.

That's where the good folks at Primitive Technology are being so darned helpful. Check them out for all of your primitive tool tutorials such as Making Charcoal and Basket Weaving

And, of course, the exceedingly helpful, Primitive Bow and Arrow

Monday, March 14, 2016

Updating the classics...

This is going to be meaningless to the massive set of the population who don't know what Kodachrome is, or even what "film" photography is, or who Paul Simon is. But, hey...

When I look back on all the crap I've watched on YouTube
It's a wonder I can blink at all
And though my lack of punctuation hasn't hurt me none
I still read updates on your Facebook wall

It give us those weirdo filters
like the world is out of kilter
make you thing something's wrong with your camera's lens, oh yeah!

I got an iPhone camera
I love to take a selfie shot
So mama don't take my Instagram away.

If you took all the girls I met while browsing Snapchat
(I mean before I met my lovely wife)
I know they'd never match their sexy selfie profiles
Everyone look worse in real life.

Friday, March 11, 2016


In this season of March Mental Mania, I just wanted to say a quick good luck to all you fans of men who play with balls.

Tuesday, March 08, 2016

YouTube Tuesday: Yo

I kind of consider it a failing of the previous generation that I wasn't encouraged more in my early aspirations to become a professional yo-yoer.

I mean, I was pretty good there for a while. Nobody yo'd better than me. They should've looked out for me a little bit. I could've had class. I could have been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum (which is what I am, let's face it).

Monday, March 07, 2016

How d'Ya Like Them Apples: Empire

I think by now it's pretty well accepted by society at large that the only variety of apple worth eating is the Honeycrisp. So tasty, so crispy... I could (and have) live off of these sinfully delicious fruits for extended periods.

But since Honeycrisps aren't always in season (if you can find them around town this time of year, they tend to be smallish and blemished), and since I'm always keeping any eye open for the next big apple trends, I went out of my comfort zone the other day and picked up a couple of Apple varieties I haven't tried yet.

Today's taste test: The Empire.

The Empire looked good in the produce section: Deep red, shiny and smooth (much like my Russian friend). It was about the size of a baseball with no blemishes. A promising start!

From my extensive, Google-based research which I conducted over the past six minutes, the biggest benefit of the Empire is that it doesn't bruise easily. You can see why this would be good, since bruising is the path to the dark side. Bruising leads to rotting, rotting leads to anger, anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

But I suspect that the resistance to bruising also leads to the apples being harvested too soon, shipped too far and kept on shelves too long.

The sample I had tasted kind of like an apple, but it was a weak, faded apple taste. Like, if it were a coloring book, you kid (or office mate who is really into those "grown up" coloring books) only colored part of the picture and they used the very palest colors. It was like an old-timey, staticy recording of an apple taste.

So, the taste was just kind of meh. Not bad necessarily, but not the explosion of flavor you get from the Honeycrisp, the gold standard of apples.

What was bad was the consistency. When I bit into the Empire, the consistency of the fruit was kind of a cross between dry and chalky, and dry and mushy. Try to imagine dry oatmeal shaped into apple from and slightly moistened with apple-flavored water. Then you take a bite and it just has no resistance to your teeth at all.

 So, bottom line here is that the Honeycrisp is still the reigning champion of apples. It wasn't even close.

The Empire strikes out.

Wednesday, March 02, 2016

Take off, eh

Around about this time in every election cycle you start to hear people threaten to "move to Canada if [insert name of other side's candidate] wins this election." Indeed, reports following the Super Tuesday elections were that "How to move to Canada" was the leading Google search by far.

Well search no more. Here's a little (not so) helpful advice:

How to Move to Canada If Trump Wins, By a Person Who Moved to Canada When Bush Won
Getting a student visa is not the same as becoming a Canadian permanent resident. You can extend the visa upon graduation, but you’ll need to find a job in order to keep it. I, personally, did not find a job in Canada after graduating with a degree in English Literature, and so I was kindly asked to leave.
Uh… your welcome…?

Tuesday, March 01, 2016

YouTube Tuesday: Got you under my Synn

What a fascinating, entertaining and slightly disturbing take on an old classic. Well done, Anastasia Synn.