Recent headlines as a Venn diagram

A Venn diagram illustrating the overlap between MAGA, Second Amendment Fetishists, and cowards as revealed by recent events in Minnesota...

Everybody kneeds somebody

Can someone tell me just what in the wide world of sports is going on in this country? I am so confused by the news these days. Admittedly, it's likely because I don’t pay close enough attention. 

But c’mon, can you blame me? It’s all just re-runs of the most generic non-reality show ever, but not as entertaining. It’s the same stuff over and over. Everyone’s offended and outraged by something someone else did. And every Offended Group, in turn, must defend their offendedness by doing something at least as offensive to the offending party.

Lather, rinse, repeat... ad nauseam.

It’s to the point where the actions are so trivial that I just can’t summon the interest to pay attention. 

Don’t get me wrong. I think the issues are vitally important. Concepts of equal rights for all humans, and ensuring and defending those rights, are of existential criticality to our (so-called) republic.

But those issues aren’t really being discussed. Rather, we’re stuck on a dumb su-su-pseudo-debate about what symbols mean and whether they're appropriate for high school girls' beer pong games. I used to think symbols were really important,  that they could help communicate noble ideals like Purity and Valor and Justice. But I think we’re now living in a post-symbol society. We lack the ability to decide on what a symbol represents, or once decided, to agree on what is really meant by that representation, or to acknowledge that a symbol can have different meanings to different people and just move on.

This whole NFL players kneeling thing is a good example.

For years we’ve been taught that it’s a great sign of respect to kneel in front of something. It goes all the way back to at least 2011 when the world was introduced to Wess DeRoss, king of Dragonopia on the hit HBO kids cartoon Thronger Games. 
In case you haven’t seen it, the show (which is HBO’s biggest money maker since “Sopranos In the City” --  the touching tale of a Mafia man looking for love in New York) follows the life of a little boy and his pet dragon, Puff Daddy, as they navigate the tricky politics of their fantasy world.

It’s full of hilarious hijinks and poignant moments of honesty. But one recurring theme through all 16 seasons has been that you show respect by “bending the knee” to your liege lords. Failure to bend the need, in fact, is a sign of disrespect bad enough to get you dragon-torched!

But now The Internet is in a monkey shit fight about whether kneeling is disrespectful. It’s as if they’ve never even heard of Degeneras Cardigan, Breaker of Winds and Mother of Dragsters, whose magical unicorns head-spear anyone who doesn’t bend the knee. 

I mean, get with the program, The Internet.

If you ask me, we all need to follow the example of Noble King Geoffrey Bratlian, The Kind. He never had a bad word to say about anyone. He always tries to see every issue from every perspective. Check out this quote from Season 6, episode 12 “Death of a Mockingjay”

Noble King Bratlian, The Kind

First of all, if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.

Now that’s the kind of understanding we need more of on The Internet.

So, I guess the solution is for everyone, including NFL players, to go back and read all 12 volumes of the “The Ballad of Fire and Ice” and report back to me whether John Frost ever made it all the way to Chirstmastown.

Nambia exambia

Say what you will about Pres. Trump. His ego is brobdingnagian. Of civil rights, he’s no champion. And as for leadership, well it’s clear his managing is more like mangling.

But I can tell you from personal experience that his endorsement of the health care system in Nambia shows great pansophy.

I’m not from Nambia myself. But I grew up in neighboring Pambia. As you know, the two countries have been close ever since The Nambia-Pambia Alliance Treaty of 1836. And I well remember as a young Pambian rambling through Nambia on autumnal visits to my Auntie Annie (herself a life-long Pambian). We would spend afternoons ambling around the expanding hamlets, and scrambling among surrounding brambles. We’d pass the P.M. with her prized pet panda, handing him samplings of salmon and jam.

Tramping back to her mansion, which had a commanding view of a babbling rapids in which I liked to do some angling, we’d spend a quiet evening chatting about things like traveling, gambling and her dazzling career in acting. One summer I even managed to scavenge some scaffolding and tackled the challenge of renovating her paneling.

Sadly, those days have passed. The housing crisis cramped her finances. No matter how much ranting and haggling she did, she couldn’t wrangle a way into withstanding the bankruptcy. She ended up abandoning and later dismantling the mansion.

But I’ll still have longstanding and everlasting admiration and gratitude for the mind-expanding understanding I gained from my time in Nambia. I hope nation’s leaders can channel the same compassion.

We have a complete dossier on you…

"It’s just a game," a friend posted on Facebook recently.

A rather sophisticated augmented reality game where you use your mobile phone to capture “Pokemon” in a mix of real and virtual worlds. But still, just a game.

"That's it. No, there really isn't anything more to it than that."

But of course there is more to it than that. I mean, it is a game, but it’s a game that regular people like you and me can’t win.

The real point of such games (as well as the "My Vocabulary Size Is.. " and "My Celebrity Lookalike Is.. " and "If I were a Star Trek Character I Would Be..."  Facebook games that you see every week), is for big data companies to find a way to get people to voluntary sign up for software that allows them to collect tons of data about them personally.

They then sell this data to the highest bidder (usually companies associated with digital advertising) and productize you and other people who behave like you and sell you to advertisers.

A lot of people don't care that they are being packaged and sold, it's been going on to some degree almost since the beginning of advertising. The difference these days is that the data collected is waaaaaay more sophisticated than the advertiser suspecting your between 18-45 years old and you really like Jackie Gleason’s brand of misogynistic bombast.

These days, when you opt in to this kind of data collection, you’re telling them precisely where you are (down to the latitude and longitude coordinates) and when. You’re letting them in on which websites you're browsing, what products you're shopping for, what physical malady you happen to be suffering at the time.

The level of insight that can be drawn from this kind of data, the predictions that can be made about your preferences and behavior, would make Miss Cleo soak her pants.

You might have noticed that over there in the right-hand rail of your Facebook page there’s an ad for that pair of shoes, or shorts, or maybe that vacation getaway that you were Googling earlier today. That’s no coincidence. The advertisers have you pegged.

Again, some people don’t care about that. MOST people don't care about that. Indeed, some people say “Good. I get ads for stuff I’m interested in instead of some dumb punch-the-monkey spam for a high-rate mortgage.”

And that’s cool. That’s all just fine. Buuuuuut…

I just think we should all have our eyes open to OTHER ways the data could be used. I mean, some companies (like Niantic in the case of Pokemon Go) say they won’t sell your data to third parties. I mean they promise and pinkie swear and everything. But let’s face it, when the going gets tough and the investors are at the front door with pitchforks demanding their exit strategies and returns-on-investment, who do you think is going to get sold out?

That’s right it’s you, me and all of our precious behavioral data. And even more troubling, who do you think we’re going to be sold too?

The paranoid among us would say “the NSA… or even scarier, some nefarious foreign spy agency!” But the reality is government agencies don’t need to buy data about you since they already have a direct tap into ALL internet traffic and are already constantly spying on you (thanks for the heads-up, Edward Snowden!).


Anyway, if you think government agents snooping through your Google accounts and sharing your naked selfies with each other is the worst that can happen, then my friend you suffer from a lack of imagination.

Here are a couple of more likely (and probably already happening) scenarios:

First, it’s probably difficult to overstate the amount of lifestyle data that gets collected about you, especially if you use a FitBit or similar activity tracker. From your physical activity, to your food interests, to your drinking habits, to how much TV/internet video you watch… all of that is being collected and packaged and is super valuable to companies that aren’t advertising firms.

For one thing, insurance companies (auto, health) love to learn all they can about you. Do you think they won’t use your own data against you to jack up your premiums and copays? Of course they will. And since Obamacare now means we’re all criminals if we DON’T buy health insurance, well, they pretty much have us by the short curlies, don’t they?

But there are other more nefarious abuses that are (probably) already happening. Imagine what kind of web browsing/lifestyle data is available on pretty much every old whit guy making laws in Washington, DC. Do you really think it’s beyond a company like Koch Industries, or Goldman Sachs or even Google or Apple to use this kind of personal data as “leverage” on key legislative measures?

Do you really think it was out of the pure consideration for the public good that nobody from Goldman Sachs was prosecuted for ruining the global economy a couple of years ago? Do you really think all of the highly technologically literate old white dudes thought the Digital Millennium Copyright Act was good public policy?

No? Me neither (and your staring to get it, good job!) After all, our senators and congressmen are only poor corrupt public officials. They have kickbacks to pay and mistresses to feed.

So, what’s the upshot here? I guess it’s just to say that whenever an app or program or web widget asks for access to your Facebook page, or Google account or Twitter stream, you should tell it to fuck right the hell off.

Or make up a fake internet identity and spam the system.

Take off, eh

Around about this time in every election cycle you start to hear people threaten to "move to Canada if [insert name of other side's candidate] wins this election." Indeed, reports following the Super Tuesday elections were that "How to move to Canada" was the leading Google search by far.

Well search no more. Here's a little (not so) helpful advice:

How to Move to Canada If Trump Wins, By a Person Who Moved to Canada When Bush Won

Getting a student visa is not the same as becoming a Canadian permanent resident. You can extend the visa upon graduation, but you’ll need to find a job in order to keep it. I, personally, did not find a job in Canada after graduating with a degree in English Literature, and so I was kindly asked to leave.

Uh… your welcome…?

Swede emotion

A quick nod of "well done, lads" to this act of peaceful resistance by a plane full of Swedes...

A man facing deportation from Sweden has been granted a temporary reprieve after fellow passengers aboard his flight to Iran prevented it from taking off by refusing to fasten their seat belts.

A Kurd fearing persecution in his home country of Iran, Ghader Ghalamere fled the country years ago and now has two young children with his wife Fatemeh, a Swedish resident.

As a result he qualifies for a residence permit himself – yet because of a quirk in immigration laws he is required to apply for it from outside Sweden.

On Thursday, Mr Ghalamere was put on a flight at Östersund bound for Stockholm – and ultimately Iran itself – accompanied by his friends and family in protest.

Gathering in the departure lounge, they spoke to other passengers preparing to board the flight and explained the situation.

Clearly moved, once on board the plane the other passengers refused to fasten their seat belts – a protest that prevented the pilots from being able to begin take off.

tagged: Iran, Europe, Sweden, protest, amnesty

Crimea river

No doubt Ukraine, or as I call it "The Ukraine" has seen some setbacks recently.

The economy is struggling, more so than the many struggling economies world wide. Government opportunism and political corruption run rampant. Paul McCartney is no longer knocked out by Ukraine girls.

Then of course there was the loss of all of that prime Black Sea beach front property with the "citizens" of the Crimean peninsula "voted" to "secede" from Ukraine and officially become part of "Russia."

It's almost enough to make a guy go orange with revolutionary rage, or at least make a guy want to move to Johnson County.

But there's one group in Ukraine that's prepared to strike back.

As Ukraine battles to stave off dark forces of its own, the Star Wars villain Darth Vader announced at the weekend he was running for president in a bid to restore glory to the downtrodden nation. 

The Sith lord, or at least an unnamed costumed protester often seen on Kiev's Independence Square flanked by his loyal stormtroopers during the winter protests, has been chosen as the official candidate of the Ukrainian Internet party (UIP) which has become known for its theatrical public stunts.

"After winning intra-party primaries by a landslide, comrade Vader will be our party's candidate," said the UIP leader, Dmitry Golubov, who spent time in prison after being convicted of using the internet to run a credit card fraud scheme.

tagged: Russia, Europe, Ukraine, Crimea, EU, Darth Vader, Star Wars

DAM!

And a few more looks at desperate homeowners trying to hold back the flooding Mississippi…

tagged: dam, flood, levy, river, water, photo

Breaking Schnack

You remember a few weeks ago when the guy from Lenexa disappeared in Shawnee Mission Park?

Then a bunch of family and friends scoured the park looking for him? But after weeks of searching they couldn't find him and gave up?

Then last week he was found wandering down a trail sunburned, bug-bitten and dehydrated but otherwise unharmed?

No? You don't remember? Doesn't ring a bell? Well, here's the gist:

Police said Larry Schnackenberg, 58, has been found along a walking trail in Shawnee, Kan. A security officer, Rick Reynolds, who has known Schnackenberg for 15 years, found him on Wednesday … walking along a trail in the 6100 block of Barker Road, police said.
…
It was July 8 when Schnackenberg disappeared. His car and wallet were found at Shawnee Mission Park, just south of the trail. Police used K-9s and helicopters to search the park and more than 600 volunteers spent two days conducting their own search. Outside of his car, there had been no trace of Schnackenberg…

And that's basically where we find ourselves today. As the SOB points out, there was a lot of what industry people call "media weight" behind this, and we've been left with a rather unsatisfying ending.

Well, I'm here to rectify that. I have what I think is a pretty solid theory about what really happened.

Now, I'm not a cop, or a police investigator, or "security officer" or any kind. I don't have years of experience tracking down missing persons and/or pets. But I do have years of experience watching cop shows and such on TV. And based upon that, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that Schnackenberg's "disappearance" was a ruse.

My theory is based upon the fact that a well-educated, middle-aged suburban man faced with the prospect of death by lung cancer will turn to the production of methamphetamine as a way to build a nest egg to provide for his family after he dies.

This is well documented in any number of situations. What tends to happen is that said individual, under pressure from "businessmen" higher up in his distribution chain, will need to take an extended period away from his family to ramp up production.

Typically, he'll drive his RV-turned-meth lab into the Chihuahuan Desert to produce his quota of methamphetamine. This could take anywhere from a week to three weeks depending on the demands of his wholesalers.

But then, because his occupation is a secret to his family and friends, he has to find a way to account for his disappearance. This he does by taking off all of his cloths and wandering into a public place to be discovered, confused and disoriented but mostly unharmed, by local authorities or passers by.

I wouldn't be surprised to see Schnackenberg invoke a "fugue state" defense caused by some generic medical condition, if any public statement is made at all.

Well, that's my theory. I can't guarantee 100 percent accuracy and some details might be different. But if I know my TV dramas (and I can assure you that I do), that I'm pretty sure some version of this is what happened.

And now you know the rest of the story.

Good day.

tagged: headlines, Johnson County, Lenexa, Kansas, Shawnee Mission Park, Schnackenberg, Breaking Bad, fugue state

My international influence widens

Just a quick update on my diabolical Plan to Take Over the World:

In 2009 I made a series of moves whereby I placed some of my minions in the upper levels of key international governmental and quasi-governmental organizations. No need to get into too much detail. Suffice it to say that when the time comes, you'll know who they are.

But be that as it may, it's always good to run a few test scenarios to make sure your organization is functioning well. And I'm just going to let you in on a test I ran recently to illustrate my point.

You may recall back in 2009 there was a worldwide freakout about a nasty little virus we knew as Test Virus 1108 H1N1, or the Swine Flu. Now of course I'm not going to take direct responsibility for the production and release of this viral strain (at least not in a public forum like this, wink wink). But I will say that the presence of the Swine Flu gave me just the opportunity to test my moles in the international governmental organizations.

Last October, when I wrote a post about getting a flu shot, I included a clandestine message...

They started out a few years ago with the "Bird Flu" (later called "Avian Flu") that was killing people in Asia. Nobody was scared of it when it was just called "H5N1." But when the media got it's talons on "Bird Flu" -- well, there's a hook you can build some hysteria around.

This year it's the Swine Flu -- very catchy. Gets the media excited. Gets the citizenry in an uproar. Gets some much needed demand for the pharmaceutical industry right in the middle of a consumer recession.

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. It's How to Survive a Recession 101: Create A Demand For A Product For Which You're The Only Provider.

And I'm happy to report that one of my operatives (codenamed "Wardog") in the European Parliament picked up on my message and has spearheaded an official inquiry to investigate the whole Swine Flu scam.

The Council of Europe member states will launch an inquiry in January 2010 on the influence of the pharmaceutical companies on the global swine flu campaign, focusing especially on extent of the pharma‘s industry’s influence on WHO. The Health Committee of the EU Parliament has unanimously passed a resolution calling for the inquiry. The step is a long-overdue move to public transparency of a “Golden Triangle” of drug corruption between WHO, the pharma industry and academic scientists that has permanently damaged the lives of millions and even caused death.

So there you go. Phase 2 of my Plan to Take Over the World is well underway as my operatives move to seize control of the World Health Organization and the Kansas City Missouri Parks Board.

tagged: Swine Flu, Europe, H1N1, Big Pharma, pharmaceutical, pandemic

3AM EXCLUSIVE: SPECTRE switches sides

SPECTRE ISLAND (3AM) - Global terrorism network SPECTRE announced plans Tuesday to switch sides, a move intended to boost its chances of remaining profitable during the global economic downturn.

"We now find our political philosophy more in line with the forces of good than evil," said super villain and Chief Evil Officer Ernst Stavro Blofeld in a statement posted on a Web site devoted to world-wide anarchy. Several lower level henchmen said a formal announcement could come later in the week.

SPECTRE, the notorious crime syndicate, is one of a handful of terrorist organizations remaining from the Cold War era. It is known to have been involved behind the scenes in several high-profile terrorist operations specializing in kidnapping, ransom, extortion and stolen Soviet rockets.

SPECTRE faced an extraordinarily difficult challenge throughout the cold war and was stymied on many occasions by special operatives of the Western governments. Some proposed that it was this ongoing war of attrition that finally prompted the syndicate to change sides.

"It's true that we never intended to join in the fray directly," explained senior SPECTRE Operative Julius No. "But our strategy of pitting one side against the other to weaken both so that we could then achieve world domination proved to be flawed when the two superpowers made peace."

As a member of the side of good, SPECTRE spokesmen have pledged to use their global criminal network to help Western powers root out and defeat terrorist organizations around the world.

"We have the ability to tap vast resources to provide the kind of critical information necessary for successful anti-terror operations," said Professor R.J. Dent, an operations analyst for SPECTRE.

"Using information we provide, Western governments will be able to engage the enemies of freedom directly and effectively. Our believe financial and human damage from these operations will be minimal."

Added Blofeld, "Rest assured that our organization will stand ready to step in an assist with any rebuilding or recovery necessary if you country is significantly weekend as a result of these operations."

tagged: Specter, Blofeld, Dr. No, James Bond, satire, pop culture

Electric Emu

What the hell is the deal with Florida cops and their Tasers?

Bay County Sheriff's deputies were forced to use a Taser to subdue an escaped emu named Plop-Plop. The large female bird escaped from a farm last weekend and on Monday, she holed up with some horses and goats in a pen.

When deputies arrived, the emu "went kind of crazy," said Sheriff's deputy Randolph Grob.

The deputies didn't want the bird to hurt itself or them, so the used the Taser stun gun to immobilize Plop-Plop.

The emu was brought to the Bay County Animal Control Center, where she has made a full recovery. The bird's owner is expected to take her home soon.

Next time I go to Florida, remind me to wear my rubber long underwear. Sheesh!

tagged: Florida, sheriff, deputies, Tazer, emu

Money Trouble

As if we needed it, today’s headline was further proof of the total disregard these Activist Judges have for the rights and wishes of the tax payer.

According to the Associated Press, an activist judge in Florida has unilaterally decided to enact a little state-sponsored animal abuse:

(AP) Leona Helmsley's dog isn't quite as well-heeled as she used to be. Manhattan Surrogate Judge Renee Roth has reduced the trust fund for the little dog, named Trouble, from $12 million to $2 million.

The remaining $10 million now goes to Helmsley's charitable foundation.

The 9-year-old Maltese lives in Florida with the general manager of the Helmsley Sandcastle Hotel. Helmsley died last August.

Now, isn’t it just like a liberal activist judge to take it upon themselves to decide what to do with someone else's money?

Consider this, this cruel judge has just taken away more than 80 percent of the money this poor dog uses to live on. The little bitch will now have to struggle though the rest of her life on a trust fund of only $2 million, rather than the $12 million her former owner and current Hell-dweller intended.

Do you think the puppy-hating judge gave even a moment's thought as to how Trouble is supposed to afford a new diamond-studded collar each month? And let me tell you, that gourmet Fancy Feast isn't cheap. And what about Trouble's entourage? I guess they're all out on the street now. Let's just hope they've all been spayed or neutered.

My friends, haven’t we gone too far? Do we really want to live in a country where the good judgment of a well-respected tax-avoider can be so easily overturned by one calloused dog-hating judge?

Remember, if it can happen to Trouble, it can happen to your pet.

tagged: money, Trouble, Leona Helmsley, activist judges, headlines, Fancy Feast

Life imitates art

News out of Newton, Kansas:

Kansas man arrested for killing 4 kittens
The Associated Press

NEWTON, Kan. | A 36-year-old Newton man has been arrested on felony animal cruelty charges for allegedly killing his ex-girlfriend’s four kittens with a hammer.

Police arrested Brandon Hayes on Monday for allegedly killing his ex-girlfriend’s four kittens in May. Lisa Stewart said she gave her kittens to Hayes to move to her garage, but she never saw her kittens alive again.

Hmm... Where have I heard of this before? Oh yeah...



tagged: Kansas, Newton, cat, The Office, Dwight Schrute, Angela Martin

Bullitt list -- 05.29.08

Today's category:
Names I'm considering for my new punk band...

• Zip Line Smugglers
• Earth Friendly Bombs
• The Robomonkees
• Toad Venom Aphrodisiac
• Toilet Possum

tagged: Bullitt, punk, zip line smugglers, toilet possum, bombs, Toad Venom Aphrodisiac, monkey, robot

HEADLINES: This week's tough SOB award goes to...

You remember that story from last year about the Florida guy who fought off a bobcat with his bare hands. Yeah, that d00d was one tough SOB.

This week, we met another tough old SOB, Steve Wilder of Omaha, Neb.

Wilder awoke a few nights ago to find that his throat had swollen shut and he was unable to breath.

What to do? Call 911 and die while waiting for an ambulance to show up too late? No thanks. How about give yourself a tracheotomy with a FREAKIN' STEAK KNIFE!!!

"Got a knife and located it and pushed in and blood went gush.” Blood was gushing out, but air was gushing in. Wilder was successful at performing a self-tracheotomy. "I think I closed my eyes, but fear or something took over. I didn't feel no pain or nothing."

Surgeons train for years to do what took Wilder only moments, though it wasn’t an entirely new experience. He had throat cancer several years ago, which is where his breathing problems originated. The same thing happened some years back, so he grabbed a steak knife and went to work.

Dayum! Makes my self-ingrown toenail-otomy look kind of wussy by comparison.

Look for a story link similar to this to show up on ER or Grey's Anatomy in the next few weeks.

tagged: headlines, news, tracheotomy, steak knife, Steve Wilder, surgery

3AM Poll: Spitzer swallows

Every blogger and their dog has an opinion (generally a low one) of the actions of former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer.

If only he would have checked with the Inkernetz before dropping 80-large on "personal gratification services" over the past few years. We could have helped him. All that is water under the Chappaquiddick causeway. But in the interest of helping future philanderers, this week's poll focuses on alternatives that Gov. Spitzer could have pursued.



*For you who read this in an RSS reader, you'll have to go tot he actual blog post to benefit from all of the juicy cleverness and cast your vote.

tagged: Eliot Spitzer, Chappaquiddick, cigar, intern, Kansas City, Johnson County massage parlor, prostitute

Headline of the Day!!!

Worker Finds Bones In KCK Manhole

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that Tony had something to do with this headline?

tagged: news, media, Headlines, humor

Opportunity knocks

People sometimes forget that adversity is often accompanied by opportunity. You know, every cloud has a silver lining and all that rot?

I was driving around OP last week when I saw this sign.









It made me wonder what "Plan B" is? I know Tony has his ideas.

tagged: economy, Kansas, Overland Park, layoff, opportunity, Plan B

SAM I am (or, "Is that a shoulder-mounted rocket in your pocket?")

I want to take a moment to recognize three American small businesses for stepping up to the plate in the daunting task of ensuring the further safety of the traveling public.

Fledgling small businesses BAE Systems, Northrop Grumman and United Airlines have accepted a challenge by Charles McQueary, the Homeland Security Department's undersecretary for science and technology, to solve the pervasive threat of Surface-to-Air Missiles (SAMs) fired at domestic passenger jets.

The companies, selected from a pool of 24 that sought the contracts, lead teams that will work on adapting defenses already used on military planes and Air Force One. All will test infrared jammers that redirect heat-seeking rockets away from aircraft engines.

The three companies face a difficult task. They have only six months and six million dollars between them to create a report for Congress on the feasibility of this kind of defense system. I'll repeat, only $6 million to do the study and create a report.

But I think we can all agree that this is something that must be done, no matter the cost, and sooner rather than later.

The threat of these weapons hangs like the Sword of Damocles on air travelers in this country, despite remarks made by Asa Hutchinson, Homeland Security's undersecretary for border and transportation security, who said there is "no credible threat information involving shoulder-fired rockets."

This head-in-the-sand attitude may seem like prudence, but Mr. Hutchinson obviously isn't aware of the easy availability of shoulder-fired rockets, especially in the Midwest where so many of us use them to hunt game birds like doves, pheasant and wild turkeys.

Thankfully, we as voters had the presence of mind to elect Democrats to congress last year.

Democrats like Barbara Boxer and Steve Israel who, despite what the know-nothings in Homeland Security say, had the testicular fortitude to sponsor a bill requiring anti-missile defense on all domestic passenger jets as soon as possible.

"The threat is simply too severe to allow bureaucrats to set their own timetables to make use of those protections," said Rep. Steve Israel, D-N.Y., who sponsored the House version of a bill by Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif.

Boxer said under the Bush administration's timetable, no planes will have the systems before 2006. "That is not good enough," she said.

Sure, it will cost at least $10 billion for that equipment, but again we all know that no price is too high for safety.

My only concern in this plan is that even the infrared laser SAM missile jammers won't be enough protection.

In fact I would like to propose to the congressional Democrats that ALL U.S. passenger jets should be equipped with radar-seeking guided bombs. I know, you're thinking that might be a bit expensive, but as Boxer and Israel both know we are at war with terrorists and everyone must pitch in if we're going to win.

Commercial aircraft are no exception. If a passenger jet is targeted by terrorists with a shoulder-mounted surface-to-air missile, they must be given the weapons to fire back.

So write to Israel and Boxer and encourage them to expand their bill. It may cost another $40 billion, but freedom isn't free.

tagged: rocket, passenger jets, BAE Systems, Northrop Grumman, United Airlines, Charles McQueary, Barbara Boxer, Steve Israel, terrorists, surface-to-air missile