The Obvious Psychic

Most people don't know this, but I have psychic powers.

My powers used to be more acute. Back in high school, for example, I successfully predicted the rise and fall of Yahoo Serious. Then during college I got kind of messed up in drugs, and even though I'm clean now, I only have flash forwards every now and then.

But I still have a talent for making obvious psychic predictions with stunning accuracy, so I've put together a few for this weekend. You can keep score at home. It's fun, see?

• Saturday Night Live will lead off with a skit featuring Liz Lemmon impersonating Tina Fey impersonating Sarah Palin in the VP debate. That show's predictability is matched only by its unfunniness. Who'd a thought we'd look back with longing on the Kevin Nealon days.


• TKC will have no less than a dozen posts about the KCMO co-mayors. His predictability is matched only by the pictures of scantily clad women he posts. Still, he's an order of magnitude more original and funny than SNL.

• The K-State Wildcats undefense will get shredded by Texas Tech to the tune of about a brazillion yards.


• Congress will drive the final nail into the coffin of the country formerly known as America by passing the $850 billion Buy Our Way Into Social Totalitarianism Bill.


• There will be at least three people killed in East Kansas City over the weekend, which, with the direction this country is heading socially and politically, makes them the lucky ones.

And finally,


• Larry Moore will continue to be a complete goober by gushing all over MU while reading non-news stories about homeless cats or fake local celebrities.

There's more, but the premonitions are getting really weird and disturbing (I don't know why The D and XO would be sharing a pair of rubber pants (shiver)) so I'd better stop for now.

You kids have great weekend.

tagged: psychic, obvious, Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live, Sara Palin, k-State, Kansas City, Larry Moore, Congress, bailout, Yahoo Serious

Vacation Plan B

We were excited about our planned Hawaiian vacation this year, looking forward to beaches, waves, exotic food and luaus and getting leied.

Yep, it was going to be the summer of fun.

Then gas started getting super expensive. Airfares followed. Airlines started sticking it to customers, then started going out of business. So, we opted to go with Vacation Plan B - Branson, Mo.

I couldn't help but be a underwhelmed. I mean, I'd never been to Branson, so I didn't want to completely write it off. But the shift in expectations was a little disappointing.

But when you only get one real vacation a year, you gotta make it count. So I determined to go "Las Vegas, if it were fun by Ned Flanders” with a positive attitude.

So how'd it go? Oh, thanks for asking. Here are a few thoughts...

Overall, it's a pretty good family destination. There's plenty to do. My daughter especially liked the dinosaur-themed minigolf course where we saw actual, live dinosaurs (well, okay, they were tiny little collared lizards, but a reptile is a reptile, right?).


Another big hit was the bumper boats. It's fun for parents and kids alike. We went back a couple of times to ride the boats and soak each other with the water cannons. I can't believe KC doesn't have something like this downtown or maybe out at the Speedway. Note to self, this is a possible franchise opportunity.

So there was plenty to do. Unfortunately much of it was pretty expensive. Any show you go to is going to set you back $50 bucks a head or more. Same with any of the boat tours, and Silver Dollar City (although, in the case of Silver Dollar City, I'd say it's worth the price of admission).

But it was kind of sad to see the random development that has taken place in the hills around Branson. At one time, this area had a lot of natural beauty (it still does in some areas).

But it was clear driving around the area that the developers and entertainment syndicates have run roughshod over whatever development and zoning regulations may have been in place. The area gets more than six million tourists a year, and it’s clear that the 6,000 residents of Branson had no chance against that much money.

Sadly, Missouri's love of tacky billboards spewed a full-on ad-gasm all over the Ozarks.

That said, there are still areas where you can still see the appeal of living in the more pristine areas of the Ozark hills. We spent one evening on a dinner cruise on Lake Taneycomo, floating by houses up on the bluffs overlooking the White River and imagining what the view must be like from up there.

So, in the final analysis, I'd say that although I probably wouldn't make Branson a future vacation destination, it wasn't horrible. It wasn't Hawaii, but it was better than I expected.

tagged: Iran, Europe, nuclear, Wall Street Journal, EU, Bush, environmentalist

That sucks

But I totally understand where JD is coming from. It's really hard to give a shit about things these days.

JD, thanks for contributing what you did.

tagged: blog, evolution, Kansas, J.D.

What the bailout means to you

It's a gross oversimplification, but then so is everything else in this ridiculous farce of an election year.



tagged: politics, economy, graph, bailout, policy

Friday Blogthing: Raptor schmaptor

I could survive for 1 minute, 19 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor
tagged: Friday, blogthing, velociraptor, quiz, blog, meme

B-Day

130,981 People

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

People who died on September 23, 1970 (the exact day you were born)

• Bourvil, French actor and singer

Natural disasters in 1970

• 1970 Bhola cyclone
• 1970 Ancash earthquake

People who died on September 23 (various years)

• 2006 - Etta Baker, US-American blues guitarist (b.1913)
• 2006 - Sir Malcolm Arnold, English composer and professional trumpeter
• 2005 - Roger Brierley, English actor
• 2005 - Filiberto Ojeda, Puerto Rican revolutionary
• 2004 - Billy Reay, Canadian ice hockey player and coach
• 2004 - André Hazes, Dutch singer
• 2003 - Yuri Senkevich, Russian TV anchorman
• 2002 - Vernon Corea, Sri Lankan broadcaster
• 2000 - Carl Rowan, US-American journalist
• 2000 - Aurelio Rodríguez, Mexican Major League Baseball player
• 1998 - Mary Frann, US-American actress
• 1994 - Madeleine Renaud, French theater and film actress
• 1994 - Robert Bloch, US-American author
• 1994 - Jerry Barber, US-American golfer
• 1992 - James Van Fleet, U.S. Army general
• 1988 - Tibor Sekelj, Croatian explorer
• 1987 - Bob Fosse, US-American dancer, choreographer, and actor
• 1981 - Chief Dan George, Canadian actor
• 1978 - Lyman Bostock, US-American baseball player (murdered)
• 1974 - Cliff Arquette, US-American comedian and actor
• 1973 - Pablo Neruda, Chilean poet, Nobel Prize laureate
• 1971 - Billy Gilbert, US-American actor
• 1971 - J. W. Alexander, US-American mathematician
• 1968 - Francesco Forgione, "Padre Pio", Catholic saint
• 1950 - Sam Barry, US-American basketball player and coach
• 1944 - Jakob Schaffner, Swiss novelist
• 1943 - Elinor Glyn, English author
• 1939 - Sigmund Freud, Austrian psychiatrist
• 1935 - the first two victims of the Cleveland Torso Murderer
• 1929 - Richard Adolf Zsigmondy, Austrian-born chemist, Nobel Prize laureate
• 1917 - Werner Voss, German World War I pilot
• 1900 - William Marsh Rice, US-American philanthropist and university founder
• 1889 - Wilkie Collins, British author
• 1877 - Urbain Le Verrier, French mathematician
• 1873 - Jean Chacornac, French astronomer
• 1871 - Louis-Joseph Papineau, French Canadian politician
• 1870 - Prosper Mérimée, French author
• 1850 - José Gervasio Artigas, Uruguayan hero
• 1846 - John Ainsworth Horrocks, English-born explorer of South Australia
• 1844 - Alexander von Benckendorff, Russian general and statesman
• 1835 - Vincenzo Bellini, Italian composer
• 1789 - John Rogers, US-American Continental Congressman
• 1773 - Johann Ernst Gunnerus, Norwegian bishop and botanist
• 1764 - Robert Dodsley, English writer
• 1738 - Herman Boerhaave, Dutch humanist and physician
• 1728 - Christian Thomasius, German jurist
• 1675 - Valentin Conrart, founder of the Académie Française
• 1605 - Pontus de Tyard, French poet
• 1573 - Azai Hisamasa, Japanese warlord
• 1571 - John Jewel, English bishop
• 1535 - Catherine of Saxe-Lauenburg, queen of Gustav I of Sweden
• 1390 - John I, Duke of Lorraine
• 1241 - Snorri Sturluson, Icelandic historian, poet, and politician
• 79 - Pope Linus

tagged: Iran, Europe, nuclear, Wall Street Journal, EU, Bush, environmentalist

Friday Blogthing: Our Man Flint

My pirate name is:

Dread Pirate Flint

Like the famous Dread Pirate Roberts, you have a keen head for how to make a profit. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

tagged: Friday, blogthing, Pirate, name, International Talk Like a Pirate Day, quiz, blog, meme

Pirate haiku

In honor of ITLAP Day:

I be more pirate
yer salty hide can't outdo
my two eyepatches



tagged: humor, haiku, Talk Like a Pirate, poetry, Arrrrrr

Galtian response

I was having a virtual conversation with a couple of guys the other day after the So-Called Government announced the $64 brajillion bailout of AIG.

I was going off on an irrational rant (as I am known to do) about how the So-Called Government is always bailing everyone out and that’s why people had no problem borrowing more than they could even unreasonably afford knowing that the So-Called Government would be there to buy them out if when the financial shit inevitably hits the fan.

This guy rightly pointed out that most people didn't "know" the government would bail them out of their mortgages, although the banks probably knew the So-Called Government WOULD bail THEM out.

This is true, and I forgot to give props for that. So, Bull, yes. You’re right that most people didn't consciously and premeditatively go into their super-balloon payment ARM mortgages with the idea of ripping off the bank and the taxpayer.

But I guess what I and an unfortunately small minority of others are so frustrated about is this on-going and really unacknowledged dependence that the American Public has developed on the So-Called Government.

Run your auto company into the ground? Don’t worry, the So-Called Government will fix it. Airline tanking? Don’t worry, the So-Called Government will give you some money.

Did your bank lose a bundle in a mortgage pyramid scheme? Hey, no problem, the So-Called Government is buying mortgage companies this week.

You say your house was destroyed in a hurricane because you built it below sea level? Let the So-Called Government help you rebuild it under sea level again.

Look people, let’s not kid ourselves into thinking we don’t live in a socialist republic. Hell, I'm not even so sure about the "republic" part anymore. Everyone is on the public dole, from the richest corporate CEO’s to the rural beet farmer.

And the majority of people seem to think that’s okay.

Years ago I read Atlas Shrugged. Now, I know the pseudo-philosophy of Ayn Rand has been roundly debunked, but I can’t help feeling like we’re living the plot of that (at times tedious) novel. How long before the few, productive members of society just get sick of funding the moochers.

In the book, the So-Called Government took over more and more industries – banking, steel, mining, transportation – for the good of the people of course. Finally the productive people said “fuckit” and started their own country in wild and unexplored Colorado.

Reading the novel, I remember thinking Rand was a passable writer and the concepts are interesting food for thought on a conceptual level. The characters were pretty melodramatic, one-dimensional and not very complex, so I never really attributed any real-world significance to them.

After the last few months, I’m not so sure.

Anyone have any unused ranch land in Colorado for sale?

tagged: economy, politics, culture, America, government, Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

YouTube Tuesday: I just wanna Fly

The year was 1986. A gallon of gas cost 89 cents, and Mikhail Gorbachev was the second-most popular Mikhail in America. The Bangles taught us to Walk Like an Egyptian, while Robert Palmer (R.I.P.) was Addicted to Love.

America was in recovery after the destruction of the Space Shuttle Challenger. We were introspective, searching for a return to simpler times, and veteran film director David Cronenberg was doing his part, taking a classic mad scientist movie and updating it for the glamorous '80s.



The Fly was one of my favorite movies from the period (sure, some of my contemporaries are nostalgic about the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, but I found Freddy to be just a bit too one dimensional when compared with the multifaceted complexity of Seth Brundle).



Anyway, now in the midst of a national malaise, Cronenberg returns again with a new adaptation of The Fly -- on stage at the Los Angeles Opera. The Fly The Opera features original music by the film's soundtrack composer, Howard Shore (who also did Lord of the Rings), and is conducted by Placido Domingo.

I'll be checking this out next time I'm in LA-LA Land.



tagged: 1986, The Fly, movie, video, YouTube, pop culture, opera, David Cronenberg, Howard Shore