Well, here we are. A few years older and none the more wiser.
I thought we were pretty much over this shit, but I've come to realize that people who say "things can't possibly get worse," simply suffer from a lack of imagination.
So, I've got a few things to get off my mind and no real place to vent. I left Twitter ages ago for obvious reasons. I've been skulking around Bluesky for a while, but that platform isn't conducive to long-form kvetching (i.e., more than 300 characters... talk about your baseline shifts), and Facebook is a bit too "let's make money for Techbros" for my taste (although, I get that Blogger isn't much better in that regard).
But, to quote Frank Costanza, I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it! (I mean, not YOU specifically, I'm talking about those OTHER people).
So, stay tuned for some deep-fried, solid gold bullshit.
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Friday, January 16, 2026
We're putting the blog back together
Thursday, February 25, 2016
3AM Episode VII: The Blog Awakens
You might have noticed that I'm trying to shake the dust off this digital fish wrap after a bit of a hiatus. I don't like to dwell on wherefores and whatnots, since I think blogs about blogging are the bloggiest thing you can blog.
Instead, here's some Bill Shakespeare to class up the joint a bit.
Instead, here's some Bill Shakespeare to class up the joint a bit.
SONNET 97
How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
What old December's bareness every where!
And yet this time removed was summer's time,
The teeming autumn, big with rich increase,
Bearing the wanton burden of the prime,
Like widow'd wombs after their lords' decease:
Yet this abundant issue seem'd to me
But hope of orphans and unfather'd fruit;
For summer and his pleasures wait on thee,
And, thou away, the very birds are mute;
Or, if they sing, 'tis with so dull a cheer
That leaves look pale, dreading the winter's near.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Well, if that's the way the blog wind blows…
So, don't like the the old tried and true New Year's Resolutions, eh?
Gotta be all "progressive" and try to "start something new" eh?

Well, if that's the way the blog winds blow, then never let it be said that I don't blow.
tagged: blog, meme, New Year, review, 2011, quote
Gotta be all "progressive" and try to "start something new" eh?
"Tell you what, we’ll just create one, call it the Flashback meme: post your last sentence from the last post for each month of 2011."
Well, if that's the way the blog winds blow, then never let it be said that I don't blow.
Jan: What did I miss? How do you think we'll get our comeuppance?
Feb: The post-modern alt-pop-blues-folk singer-songwriter, not the Fox News crybaby.
Mar: I know we use some pretty big words, but try to follow along.
Apr: You may have heard of it. It was in the news and everything.
May: I did record video of the meeting, and it's pretty damn entertaining if I do say so my damn self.
Jun: I've got some ideas, just not the concurrent time and motivation.
Jul: Given the local temperatures around here lately caused by an infernal Heat Dome, I thought this brief synopsis of Dante's Inferno seemed apropos.
Aug: As a parent, I'm just flipping the script on them. Using the same kind of marketing tactics to trick my kids into eating something less unhealthy.
Sep: Word up Mr. P!
Oct: But I think the biggest affect this unusually vivid dream on me has been that I no longer have much of an appetite for sushi.
Nov: (Sorry, I wasn't feeling particularly bloggy this month. But I guess even choosing not to say anything is saying something, right?)
Dec: -- Patricia Highsmith (New Year’s Eve Toast, 1947)
tagged: blog, meme, New Year, review, 2011, quote
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
The resolution will be bloggerized
Hey guys, check this out!
This dude I know did this thing this year where he chose a list of personal goals for the year and "resolved" to accomplish them.
He called them "New Year's Resolutions."
What an awesome idea! I mean, you're using this kind of natural "beginning" to the year to sort of take stock in yourself and setting up some targets for personal improvement. I think everyone should do this. In fact, I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner.
So yeah, I sat down and tried to come up with a list of things that I can do to improve myself. Because the first step in making the world a better place is to make myself a better person. Right?
So here goes…
1) I resolve to start flossing my teeth more than three times a week. My dental hygienist says I should do it twice a day. So that's going to me my goal.
2) I resolve to try some Vietnamese food. I've heard good things. There are lots of Vietnamese restaurants around, so let me know if you have a recommendation. As far as I can tell, the toughest part is going to be paying for that flight to Vietnam.

3) I resolve to read a book this year. Seems like people are always writing books, so I want to see what the big deal is about. Since I have an e-reader now, I might even e-read and e-book.
4) I resolve to get my car serviced. For the last few months, I've used what the Kansas City, Mo., street department calls "deferred maintenance" on my car. It's a middle-aged vehicle and needs new tires, probably new brakes and who knows what else. So, yeah, it's going to be expensive. But it's something that I just need to do.
5) I resolve to get some new shoes. I like my current work shoes so much that I've worn a hole in the heel. What is is that letter carries always say? Time wounds all heels? Anyway, it's time for me to say goodbye to these old souls and get some new kicks.
Well, that's a pretty good start. Five goals for personal improvement to start the new year.
Let me know what YOU plan to do, you damn slacker!*
* No, not you. I was talking to that other guy.
tagged: New Year, 2012, resolution, blog, floss, Vietnamese, shoes

3) I resolve to read a book this year. Seems like people are always writing books, so I want to see what the big deal is about. Since I have an e-reader now, I might even e-read and e-book.
4) I resolve to get my car serviced. For the last few months, I've used what the Kansas City, Mo., street department calls "deferred maintenance" on my car. It's a middle-aged vehicle and needs new tires, probably new brakes and who knows what else. So, yeah, it's going to be expensive. But it's something that I just need to do.
5) I resolve to get some new shoes. I like my current work shoes so much that I've worn a hole in the heel. What is is that letter carries always say? Time wounds all heels? Anyway, it's time for me to say goodbye to these old souls and get some new kicks.
Well, that's a pretty good start. Five goals for personal improvement to start the new year.
Let me know what YOU plan to do, you damn slacker!*
* No, not you. I was talking to that other guy.
tagged: New Year, 2012, resolution, blog, floss, Vietnamese, shoes
Thursday, June 30, 2011
One of these days...
One of these day's I'm going to write another blog post. I've got some ideas, just not the concurrent time and motivation.

tagged: blogging, writing, malaise

tagged: blogging, writing, malaise
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Another major award!
When you've been around as long as I have and you're as awesome as I am, you kind of get used to all of the accolades and laurels thrown your way.
And I'm not just referring to all of the spelling and typing awards I've won. For example, at last year's company picnic, I was given the award for Most Visible Scalp. At a previous place of employment,
I won the Steve Forbes look-alike contest we had. And let us not forget my hard-earned victory in the Try-County Calamari Eating Contest of 1998. I know I still haven't.
So while I'm accustomed to winning great awards, it's still a nice surprise when, just out of the blue, a well known and prestigious organization decides to bestow yet another honor upon me.
Such was the case last week when I received the happy news from Emma Lee at Awardingtheweb.com that I, your meek humble correspondent, have been chosen as one of the Top 45 Humor Blogs on the entire internet.
Here's a bit of the email Emma Lee sent.
What is relevant is that this is probably the biggest award I've received since Time Magazine declared me to Person of the Year in 2006.
If you want an autograph, please request one in the comments section.
tagged: blog, blogging, major award, humor, spam, suck up
And I'm not just referring to all of the spelling and typing awards I've won. For example, at last year's company picnic, I was given the award for Most Visible Scalp. At a previous place of employment,
I won the Steve Forbes look-alike contest we had. And let us not forget my hard-earned victory in the Try-County Calamari Eating Contest of 1998. I know I still haven't.So while I'm accustomed to winning great awards, it's still a nice surprise when, just out of the blue, a well known and prestigious organization decides to bestow yet another honor upon me.
Such was the case last week when I received the happy news from Emma Lee at Awardingtheweb.com that I, your meek humble correspondent, have been chosen as one of the Top 45 Humor Blogs on the entire internet.
YoEr. Ahem. Anyway,EmawKC, I'm real happy for you and I'mma let you finish writin' this blog post.
But I jes wanted to say that The816 is the funniest blog of all time.
OF ALL TIME!
Here's a bit of the email Emma Lee sent.
Dear Emawkc,Now, I never really was able to discern what the scoring system was, or whether this was just some kind of trumped up scheme to get me to link to their website. I don't think that's really relevant to this discussion anyway.
Congratulations! Emma Lee here, and your blog, 3 O'Clock AM, has received our 2010 Top 45 Humor Blogs award!
You can see your name amongst our winners here at: www.onlinemba.com/top_humor/#3_OClock_AM
Winners were chosen through a scoring system led by internet nominations,
which came from your reader base!
What is relevant is that this is probably the biggest award I've received since Time Magazine declared me to Person of the Year in 2006.
If you want an autograph, please request one in the comments section.
tagged: blog, blogging, major award, humor, spam, suck up
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Read This: Real Heroes Don't Let You Down
Back when I first started this blog one of the things I liked to do was point to other great blogs I'd come across.
I kind of got away from that for some stupid reason. It's too bad, because I think that's one to the best things about the blogging format. Anycrap, this post is an attempt to return to that. I plan on making it a regular category (well, as regular as things get around here anyway).
So I wanted to point you all over to Lodo's blog Lodo Grdzak Stays Put And Watches the World Go Round. He has recently posted a really great series titled Real Heroes Don't Let You Down, in which he recounts his 10-year epic quest to commune with one of his heroes…
tagged: blogging, heroes, writing, Read This
I kind of got away from that for some stupid reason. It's too bad, because I think that's one to the best things about the blogging format. Anycrap, this post is an attempt to return to that. I plan on making it a regular category (well, as regular as things get around here anyway).
So I wanted to point you all over to Lodo's blog Lodo Grdzak Stays Put And Watches the World Go Round. He has recently posted a really great series titled Real Heroes Don't Let You Down, in which he recounts his 10-year epic quest to commune with one of his heroes…
YThis is a great series in five short parts. It's very engaging, well written and paced. A real gem that you guys should check out.ou can never count on people. Doesn’t matter who they are: political leaders, legendary athletes, best friends, favorite artists; at some point, everybody lets you down.
But I still have my heroes. At 43 years old you may find that comical or pathetic, but I don’t care. I’m a secular person--heroes guide my life. That’s all I’ve got. So I read their books, listen to their music; study their lives and how they've handled their big moments.
tagged: blogging, heroes, writing, Read This
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Anyone else?
I'm really having trouble being interested in anything these days. Is it just me?I have some thoughts on the most recent gulf oil spill and college athletic conference realignment, but I don't know whether I can summon the focus to make what passes for a coherent post around here.
As for politics and economy, I've pretty much blown my wad as far as that goes. There are only so many ways to say we're screwed.
Ah well. Guess I'll just keep my eyes and ears and mind open. Surely something will seep in. In the meantime, keep those Viagra spam comments coming.
tagged: blah, politics, sports, blogging, economy
Friday, May 14, 2010
Crude awakening
Sure, some people are calling the oil spill in the Gulf a "crisis."
And I guess to certain people with certain world views, it is a crisis.
But I prefer to look on the bright side of things. Where some people see crisis, I see opportunity. In this case, it's the opportunity to look at our national energy consumption and talk about ways to make it better.
And I'm not alone. Two of my favorite bloggers have noted the increased awareness of our energy situation.
Xavier Onassis, reining Imperator of Independence made some great points in his post about a smart energy grid, or as he called it an "agnostic energy grid":
That post dovetails nicely into R.Sherman's two-part series on the importance of nuclear energy to our energy future. It's a great series (as you would expect from one of Missouri's finest minds) that scientifically points out that the so-called "green" energy solutions won't be enough by themselves to provide all of our energy consumption needs.
All these points made me realize that as a culture we have a pretty limited view of how we generate electricity. It's either from nuclear plants, coal plants, hydroelectric or wind or some other grand scheme.
But let's not forget that there are many ways to capture energy that is wasted every day. It seems like there are many opportunities to generate-- or rather capture -- small amounts of energy over a very large area. Kind of a "long tail" approach to the energy problem.
For example, an Israeli company has developed a new highway surface that generates electricity as cars drive over it.
A United Kingdom company has developed a way to convert the kinetic energy of pedestrians walking down a busy street into electricity.
There have also been proposals to embedded piezoelectrics in shoes, clothing, even body parts to convert kinetic energy into electricity.
None of these plans individually generate very much electricity. But if created in mass and spread out over a national -- maybe even global -- smart energy grid, a dent could be made in our electrical consumption.
So my mind started to wander and look for ways to capture and convert more kinetic energy into electricity. They've got cars and sidewalks and shoes covered. People have even hooked bicycles up to generators.
And then I saw an opportunity literally right in front of me. We need to have tiny little piezoelectric generators embedded into every computer keyboard and mouse in the country.
Just think of the potential. Any time anyone presses a key on the keyboard -- and it's done billions of times a day -- a tiny electric charge would be created. Every time you move your mouse, every time you hit the enter key, every time you backspace to correct a misspelling you would be generating a tiny bit of power.
All of these tiny bits of power would cascade into the smart energy grid like delicate snowflakes on a mountain top. But by the time they accumulate, they would become an avalanche of clean electric power that anyone could have access to.

And finally, at long last, the millions of bloggers writing inane, uninformed posts about subjects of which they have little understanding would be serving a useful purpose.
tagged: oil, energy, nuclear, Deepwater Horizon, piezoelectric, blogging, environmentalist
And I guess to certain people with certain world views, it is a crisis.But I prefer to look on the bright side of things. Where some people see crisis, I see opportunity. In this case, it's the opportunity to look at our national energy consumption and talk about ways to make it better.
And I'm not alone. Two of my favorite bloggers have noted the increased awareness of our energy situation.
Xavier Onassis, reining Imperator of Independence made some great points in his post about a smart energy grid, or as he called it an "agnostic energy grid":
What we need is a … power grid that will accept input from any source at a standard, pro-rated, kilowatt-basedHe then lists many different ways to produce electricity, including small nuclear reactors like those that have been used for years to power America's warships at sea.compensation, feed that electricity into the grid where it is distributed as needed at a standard, pro-rated, kilowatt-based pricing system.
There are so many ways to generate electricity that with a distributed generation strategy and a unified grid, we can have all the power we need without depending on fossil fuels.
That post dovetails nicely into R.Sherman's two-part series on the importance of nuclear energy to our energy future. It's a great series (as you would expect from one of Missouri's finest minds) that scientifically points out that the so-called "green" energy solutions won't be enough by themselves to provide all of our energy consumption needs.All these points made me realize that as a culture we have a pretty limited view of how we generate electricity. It's either from nuclear plants, coal plants, hydroelectric or wind or some other grand scheme.
But let's not forget that there are many ways to capture energy that is wasted every day. It seems like there are many opportunities to generate-- or rather capture -- small amounts of energy over a very large area. Kind of a "long tail" approach to the energy problem.
For example, an Israeli company has developed a new highway surface that generates electricity as cars drive over it.
A United Kingdom company has developed a way to convert the kinetic energy of pedestrians walking down a busy street into electricity.
There have also been proposals to embedded piezoelectrics in shoes, clothing, even body parts to convert kinetic energy into electricity.
None of these plans individually generate very much electricity. But if created in mass and spread out over a national -- maybe even global -- smart energy grid, a dent could be made in our electrical consumption.
So my mind started to wander and look for ways to capture and convert more kinetic energy into electricity. They've got cars and sidewalks and shoes covered. People have even hooked bicycles up to generators.
And then I saw an opportunity literally right in front of me. We need to have tiny little piezoelectric generators embedded into every computer keyboard and mouse in the country.
Just think of the potential. Any time anyone presses a key on the keyboard -- and it's done billions of times a day -- a tiny electric charge would be created. Every time you move your mouse, every time you hit the enter key, every time you backspace to correct a misspelling you would be generating a tiny bit of power.All of these tiny bits of power would cascade into the smart energy grid like delicate snowflakes on a mountain top. But by the time they accumulate, they would become an avalanche of clean electric power that anyone could have access to.

And finally, at long last, the millions of bloggers writing inane, uninformed posts about subjects of which they have little understanding would be serving a useful purpose.
tagged: oil, energy, nuclear, Deepwater Horizon, piezoelectric, blogging, environmentalist
File under:
blogging,
policy,
science,
technology
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
We only roast the ones we love
Today is a big, big day in our little corner of the blogiverse. It's a day we honor one of our own. One Mr. Xavier Onassis is coming face-to-face yet again with another year of his seemingly eternal misery.
Although we know today is his birthday (he's told us as much) nobody knows for sure how old XO actually is. We sent a DNA sample away for carbon dating (kudos to Keith for obtaining the sample, that couldn't have been pleasant) and the result pegged his birth to sometime in the late Triassic.
But today we come not to praise XO, but to bury him. A few of his best online friends have come together to present this bloggy birthday present.
Happy B-Day XO! Here's your Virtual Birthday Roast!!

You know how this works. We all submitted a few short remembrances of our favorite stories about XO. For example, there's the time when a slightly less geezery Xavier Onassis yelled at Moses to "Get off my lawn, ya' damn kids!"
In fact, Xavier Onassis is so old, he calls Walt Bodine "sonny."
Anyway, I don't want to hog the stage. Let me surrender the dais to some other people who have contributed their thoughts. Just remember, it's all done out of respect.
We kid, because we love.
At this time I would invite anyone else to say a few words of encouragement/condolence in the comments.

tagged: Happy Birthday, Xavier Onassis, roast, old, humor, XO loves George Bush
Although we know today is his birthday (he's told us as much) nobody knows for sure how old XO actually is. We sent a DNA sample away for carbon dating (kudos to Keith for obtaining the sample, that couldn't have been pleasant) and the result pegged his birth to sometime in the late Triassic.
But today we come not to praise XO, but to bury him. A few of his best online friends have come together to present this bloggy birthday present.
Happy B-Day XO! Here's your Virtual Birthday Roast!!
You know how this works. We all submitted a few short remembrances of our favorite stories about XO. For example, there's the time when a slightly less geezery Xavier Onassis yelled at Moses to "Get off my lawn, ya' damn kids!"
In fact, Xavier Onassis is so old, he calls Walt Bodine "sonny."
Anyway, I don't want to hog the stage. Let me surrender the dais to some other people who have contributed their thoughts. Just remember, it's all done out of respect.
We kid, because we love.
"XO is still trying to figure out how to tweet with his abacus!"
-- Logtar
XO amazes me! Have you seen his balls? They're spiked. Really! I've seen photos. I bet they clang when he walks."
-- Spyder
"Legend in Ireland has it that Xavier Onassis was the model for all the Old World carved phallic stones, but he left for the New World when the Christians came and started carving crosses on every phallus they saw"
Absolutely Feisty says...
XO... Okay... I LUMI XO too much to ever provide you with an insult... but I will say this... XO IS the best friend I have ever had in my life. I am a better person for having met him. I consider myself a lucky person to know him. I tried all day to find an insult.. and as much as I do insult him in person... regularly =) Today, I am short of those words. I appreciate every fiber in his being.
okay... wait. lol I can't be the only one who doesn't have an insult... lol how about this...
XO is SO old... the only gift he could think to ask for was a video of Woodstock, as if those were the BEST days ever, and I'm not even sure in what city Woodstock was held... maybe my mom knows?"
Muddy Mo says ...
XO's idea of an exciting night is to sit and watch his leg fall asleep.
I was so impressed when I first met XO. He seemed so life-like.
XO is so old, his favorite porn download is "Debby Does Dialysis".
When XO dreams, everyone has @ symbols where faces should be.
People don’t invite XO out anymore — they go without him and livetweet him about it.
Shane says...
Eve's original sin: She was XO's first wife.
XO's an atheist. As a Christian, I'd have a problem with that but then again, he's old enough that he was around for the Creation, so he would know..."
from Meesha...
Nightmare says...
XO was asked once "Boxers or Briefs?" he responded "Depends"
XO is so old that when he takes a walk in the park Trees salute him.
XO is an avid left wing anti Gun nut or as we like to call him.......Bait
Saying XO is a leftist liberal wing nut, not only is unfair to Wing nuts, but also means he is wrong.
XO is so cranky his hair died outta spite.
XO has a collection of Playboys dating back to when they were known as cave paintings.
XO was brought to the Florida Hospital ER with a fractured hip. The ER doctor knew that surgery would be in order for the patient
“Have you ever undergone surgery?” he asked.
“Yes,” XO said.
“Remember what type of surgery was it?”
“I’m not sure,” XO said. “It was a long time ago.”
The physician noticed a scar on the right side of XO’s abdomen. He pointed to the scar. “Is this where you had the surgery?” he asked.
“No,” said XO. “It was in Brooklyn.”
Cara says...
I'm not saying XO is old, but damn has he had his share of wives. When his first wife used to say, "get out the plastic" he'd get out a condom. When his second wife said, "get out the plastic" he'd get out his credit card. Now when a woman says "get out the plastic" he gets out his bed sheets.
from Doc...
It is said that one of the most unexpected things that happens to a man is old age. perhaps that's just a perspective thing: reading X.O. you just know he was old loooooong ago, perhaps as long as 20 years ago...when he was 40.
from what Spyder says, X.O.'s aging with a vengeance: first he just forgot the occasional name; next it was faces, followed closely by asses. Then, so Spyder swears, he started forgetting to pull up his zipper. Now he has now forgotten to pull it down...
Orwell once said that at 50 every man has the face he deserves. if that is the case, X.O must be ashamed of his. why else would he post an image of himself on his blog from 30 years ago?
but enough with the insults, a piece or two of advice, X.O. i barely remember when I turned 54. it is nowhere as bad as I had thought . sure, all of a sudden i had many, many little lit rooms inside my head, and people in them, acting out various conversations, plays and memories. that was the fun part. and, eventually, i got used to the fact that i knew all these people, but just couldn't quite put names to them. you'll adapt also. after all, as bush was heard to mumble between misunderestimating children books to himself, "Old age is no place for sissies."
Many happy returns on the day...as far as you know.
from Nuke718...
Nowonder why XO is single, I have seen no picture of him with women but I HAVE seen a picture of him with The Batmobile.
I'd pick on XO's age, but with that many digits it is too easy a target.
If we all pooled our nickles and dimes we could buy XO a dream present for his birthday, a trip to space. One way. I didn't say it was HIS dream present.
from Midtown Miscreant...
When emaw asked me to take part in this Eulogy, I jumped at the chance to say a few words over XO....What's that? He's not dead? Shit, and here I thought I wouldn't have to suffer through another, "Why conservatives suck" posts.
What can you say about a guy who is over a half a century old, who once drove an Ice Cream Truck, plays with swords, heh, and has been known to wear tights and a cape? I've checked the sex offender registry, so I can say "he's clean", at least in Missouri.
All kidding aside, Xo is a generous guy. I met him for lunch a couple of times. He left the waitress 50 cents and a jesus fish with the head bitten off.
And don't even get me started about XO and his Obama love fest. If XO was any more infatuated with the President, the Secret Service would have him under surveillance.
And lonely! Jaysus christ, this is one lonely fucker. Ladies, hookers, short balding men, send him an email. If I have to suffer through another of his Dating Website posts, I'll remove my eyes with a spoon. At one point he thought he had made a love connection. Her name was Lena. She had a wooden leg with a kickstand on it, a Star Wars Millennium Falcon tattoed on her ass, and was a card carrying member of the World Socialist Party. Then he found out she was also packin a light saber. XO don't play that, at least not since that drunken transgender drum circle back in the 70's.
I kid. Happy Birthday XO. Here's hoping you get everything you have coming to you, even if it means more taxes for the rest of us.
from Chris Packham...
I want to descend into old age gracefully, or at the very least not with a wet, farty splat on the pavement accompanied by a clattering spill of loose dentures and insulin injection paraphernalia. So I've been looking around for old-guy role models other than Colonel Sanders (I cannot tie a string tie) or computer-generated Orville Redenbacher (I cannot tie a bow tie).So when my grandchildren ask me why I'm wearing a Kangol hat with my Star Fleet dress uniform and my replica of Legolas' sword, the answer will pretty much be that George Clooney set way too high of an Old Guy standard and I had to lower my sights. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, X! --
from Erin...So there you go, XO. We all did our best to make your birthday a memorable one. Sure, maybe you didn't get the Samurai sword or the Bugatti, but maybe next year.
XO is so old that the first time I met him he told me he would send me an Internet to tell me where his tube was in the series.
XO is so old he thought Tumblr was a dryer setting and Twitter was a part of the female anatomy.
XO is so old that back in his day kids didn't have computers, they just drew on the walls in their caves.
XO is so old that when AOL told him he had mail, he went outside to check.
At this time I would invite anyone else to say a few words of encouragement/condolence in the comments.
tagged: Happy Birthday, Xavier Onassis, roast, old, humor, XO loves George Bush
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
In my head
This post probably falls into that "random thoughts" category that you see so much of when people are feeling particularly uninspired.
Except, this is probably a step lower than that, since these random strains of non-contemporaneous stream of conscientiousness aren't really meant to be cohesive thoughts as such, just a snapshot of the words that happen to have bounced around my gray matter at various moments in the past couple of weeks.
Anyway, submitted for your ennui:
tagged: blog, random, stream of conscientiousness, Peter Sarsgaard, nuclear, ellipsis, ennui
Except, this is probably a step lower than that, since these random strains of non-contemporaneous stream of conscientiousness aren't really meant to be cohesive thoughts as such, just a snapshot of the words that happen to have bounced around my gray matter at various moments in the past couple of weeks.
Anyway, submitted for your ennui:
- Damn, it must be time to get out a new razor blade. It feels like I'm shaving with a rusty Ginsu knife! Shit! I just cut my upper-lip mole. That's going to bleed like crazy.
- Oh c'mon lady! Who writes out a check these days! We're living in the future now! Fer cryin' gyahhhh!
- Where the heck is everyone, it's only 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Did I miss the "take the day off early" memo?
- Ooookay, by the looks of these urinals I guess housekeeping took the day off.
- It was nice to sleep in. But wait a minute. If you get up at 3:30 in the morning then go back to sleep at 5, then get back up at 6 then go to sleep at 7 and sleep until 9:30... is that really sleeping in? or does it count as an early morning nap?
That Peter Sarsgaard is really coming off like a pretentious douche (I was watching him on Conan at the time -- Edit.). "Oh, I live in England and I got married in Puglia and had my honey moon on the Amalfi Coast and I'm soooo much better than everyone." Just take it easy man. We're both from the same side of the tracks here. Orphan is just another lame horror flick. It's not the second coming of Citizen Kane.
- What the...?! Who the...?! What are you talking about?!
- I wonder who decided that an ellipsis is three dots and not, say, two or four.
- Peter Sarsgaard's name is fun to say in a pirate accent. "SAAARSGAAAAHHHHHRRRD!!!"
- I need to stop intentionally mispronouncing the word nuclear just for laughs. It's getting a little too easy.
tagged: blog, random, stream of conscientiousness, Peter Sarsgaard, nuclear, ellipsis, ennui
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Bastille Day
I'm a day late with this, so sorry (like you care).
A long-time reader reminded me in an email that yesterday was Bastille Day. So happy prison breaking to all you French people out there.
Also that it was the blogiversary of this blog -- 4 years. I usually don't like to write (or read) blogs about blogging. It's all a bunch of self-referential bunk anyway, tales told by idiots and signifying nothing. So I'll keep this short.
Four years, roughly 1,100 posts, about 1,200 spelling and grammatical errors, lots of friends, acquaintances and comments.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by. Sorry you had to suffer through some of this dreck.
And now, do commemorate the occasion...
tagged: blog, Bastille Day, Rush, blogiversary, blogging
A long-time reader reminded me in an email that yesterday was Bastille Day. So happy prison breaking to all you French people out there.
Also that it was the blogiversary of this blog -- 4 years. I usually don't like to write (or read) blogs about blogging. It's all a bunch of self-referential bunk anyway, tales told by idiots and signifying nothing. So I'll keep this short.
Four years, roughly 1,100 posts, about 1,200 spelling and grammatical errors, lots of friends, acquaintances and comments.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by. Sorry you had to suffer through some of this dreck.
And now, do commemorate the occasion...
tagged: blog, Bastille Day, Rush, blogiversary, blogging
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Blogger v. Twitter
Of course. Twitter is a de rigueur cyberflavor of the week. But I would hate to think that my favorite bloggers were abandoning their long-form musings for Twitter's quick 140-character fix.
And I'm not the only one. My good friend Logtar has thrown down the gauntlet for a sudden death, Thunderdome-style massive laser tag battle royal to determine once and for all who will be left standing to rule Kansas City's digital landscape.
And judging from the comments on his post, bloggers are severely outnumbered by Twits.
But I don't want that to discourage any of you bloggers out there. Don't worry that we may be outnumbered. That's a good thing. In fact, that's the way I want it!
tagged: blogger, Twitter, laser tag, Logtar, Shakespeare
And I'm not the only one. My good friend Logtar has thrown down the gauntlet for a sudden death, Thunderdome-style massive laser tag battle royal to determine once and for all who will be left standing to rule Kansas City's digital landscape.
And judging from the comments on his post, bloggers are severely outnumbered by Twits.
But I don't want that to discourage any of you bloggers out there. Don't worry that we may be outnumbered. That's a good thing. In fact, that's the way I want it!
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our blogs loss; and if to live,
The fewer bloggers, the greater share of honour.
Blogger's will! I pray thee, wish not one blogger more.
By WordPress, I am not covetous for followers,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my RSS;
It yearns me not if men my status follow;
Such outward things dwell not in my Google results.
But if it be a sin to covet pageviews,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, Faith (my link) wish not a twit from Twitter.
Blogger's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one twitterer more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Blogspot, through my post,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his Fail Whale shall be made,
We would not blog in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to laser tag with us.
This day is call'd the Blogger vs Twitter.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe homepage,
Will write long blogs when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Wordpress.
Short tweets forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with archives,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our avatars,
Familiar on his keyboard as household words-
Logtar, Nightmare and T-Rave,
Wrytir and Nuke, Chimpo and Emawkc-
Be in their 140-character tweets freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good blogger post on Facebook;
And blogger/tweeter meetup shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the Internet,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of bloggers;
For he today that shoots toy lasers with me
Shall be a blogger...
tagged: blogger, Twitter, laser tag, Logtar, Shakespeare
Friday, October 17, 2008
Woe, dispair and agony on me
Kansas City's Best Blogger Meesha V. has challenged readers to a Hardship-Off at his blog.
I was in the process of responding, letting everyone know how difficult it was to be me growing up, when my comment just became too long. So I decided to post it here for the sake of not uglifying his comments section too much.
Read it if you want, but be warned. It's a sad, sad story and those with fragile mental states should probably steer clear.
But if you do proceed, you should know that Meesha and his commenters were lamenting the primitive plumbing they had do deal with growing up.
Well, that's nothing. When I was growing up I had to share the top floor of our house with my brother. HE got the bigger room, and we had to share the bathroom. Get this, the bathroom didn't even have a bathtub. Just a shower. And the shower didn't even have a variable massage shower head.
And, I didn't even have a TV in my bedroom. We all had to share the 40-inch television in the family room in the west wing of our house. I remember one summer the remote control broke and my dad didn't want to buy a new one, so whenever we wanted to watch a different program, we had to get up and WALK to the TV to change the channel.
I know. But it gets worse. When I was in junior high our Olympic-size heated swimming pool developed a crack and half of the water drained out. It was a mess, and we ended up having to drain the whole thing to have it patched. We essentially lost the use of the pool for half the summer. The horror.
Then there was the time when I was in high school and I had to drive a hand-me-down two-year-old BMW while all my friends were driving Lexuses and Mercedeses. I was humiliated every time I parked in the covered parking garage at my high school.
Well, there's more, but I can sense how depressed you are all getting. I doubt any of you can come up with sadder stories, but if you dare, leave it in the comments at Meesha's place.
tagged: hardship, humor, Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, swimming pool
I was in the process of responding, letting everyone know how difficult it was to be me growing up, when my comment just became too long. So I decided to post it here for the sake of not uglifying his comments section too much.
Read it if you want, but be warned. It's a sad, sad story and those with fragile mental states should probably steer clear.
But if you do proceed, you should know that Meesha and his commenters were lamenting the primitive plumbing they had do deal with growing up.
Well, that's nothing. When I was growing up I had to share the top floor of our house with my brother. HE got the bigger room, and we had to share the bathroom. Get this, the bathroom didn't even have a bathtub. Just a shower. And the shower didn't even have a variable massage shower head.
And, I didn't even have a TV in my bedroom. We all had to share the 40-inch television in the family room in the west wing of our house. I remember one summer the remote control broke and my dad didn't want to buy a new one, so whenever we wanted to watch a different program, we had to get up and WALK to the TV to change the channel.I know. But it gets worse. When I was in junior high our Olympic-size heated swimming pool developed a crack and half of the water drained out. It was a mess, and we ended up having to drain the whole thing to have it patched. We essentially lost the use of the pool for half the summer. The horror.
Then there was the time when I was in high school and I had to drive a hand-me-down two-year-old BMW while all my friends were driving Lexuses and Mercedeses. I was humiliated every time I parked in the covered parking garage at my high school.Well, there's more, but I can sense how depressed you are all getting. I doubt any of you can come up with sadder stories, but if you dare, leave it in the comments at Meesha's place.
tagged: hardship, humor, Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, swimming pool
Thursday, October 02, 2008
That sucks
But I totally understand where JD is coming from. It's really hard to give a shit about things these days.
JD, thanks for contributing what you did.
tagged: blog, evolution, Kansas, J.D.
JD, thanks for contributing what you did.
tagged: blog, evolution, Kansas, J.D.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Man Grabs a Log III
Hey everybody! It's that time of year again! Back for its third annual installment...
It's (cue the Monty Python theme music...)
Emawkc's 3rd Annual Blog Anagram Game!!!
Yes sir, you heard right. It's the most popular 3rd Annual Blog Anagram Game!!! in the blogospheriverse.
If this is your first time participating in the 3rd Annual Blog Anagram Game!!!, then you are in for a treat. Here's a quick recap of the rules:
And as if giving you the answers doesn't make it easy enough, here's another hint: None of the blogs used last year or the year before are used this year.
I don't know how it could possibly be easier. And it certainly couldn't be more fun (unless you were naked).
Okay, here are this year's anagrams. Good luck.
**As usual, no actual prizes will be given. You should know me better than that.
tagged: blog, game, anagram, fun
It's (cue the Monty Python theme music...)
Emawkc's 3rd Annual Blog Anagram Game!!!
Yes sir, you heard right. It's the most popular 3rd Annual Blog Anagram Game!!! in the blogospheriverse.
If this is your first time participating in the 3rd Annual Blog Anagram Game!!!, then you are in for a treat. Here's a quick recap of the rules:
Below is a list of 10 blog titles in anagram form (anigramified, if you will). Your assignment, should you choose not to puss out, is to decode the anagrams and leave a comment with the answer.But wait, you say you suck at word games? Don't worry my friend, this game is designed to put the odds in your favor. All of the animgramified blogs below are listed in the blogroll to the left.
Each time someone correctly decodes a title, you get a point. I'll link to the respective blog once its anagrammed title has been decoded. The commenter with the most points will win bragging rights, link love and lots of fabulous prizes**.
And as if giving you the answers doesn't make it easy enough, here's another hint: None of the blogs used last year or the year before are used this year.
I don't know how it could possibly be easier. And it certainly couldn't be more fun (unless you were naked).
Okay, here are this year's anagrams. Good luck.
*Yes, the title of this post is actually and anagram for "blog anagrams" -- I'm so fricken clever I scare myself.
**As usual, no actual prizes will be given. You should know me better than that.
tagged: blog, game, anagram, fun
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Posted On, Vol. 2
It's time for another installment of Posted On, the weekly feature where I showcase my cleverness and laziness by copy-and-pasting what I've recently posted in the comments sections of the blogs of people who are much smarter than I am.
tagged: comment, Christian, mortgage, Yearning for Zion Ranch, green, yellow
- Posted on Frighteningly Uncommon Sense:
Faith was weighing the relative benefits (pun intended) of adding her spouse to the title of her house. I chimed in with this valuable advice:The way I see it, adding him can only hurt you.
If you die, then as your spouse he automatically inherits all your crap (unless he dies at the same time in some kind of horrible meat-cleaving accident or a suicide-murder (that's right, he commits suicide and then kills you. It could happen.) or unless he offs you for the money (which he would never do, right?). So that pretty much covers you from the death perspective.
You guys already have a strong marriage, so no need to stroke his ego by adding him. There are other things you could stroke, however, that wouldn't hurt your marriage any. Just sayin'.
Feel free to add me to the title, though, as your trusted adviser. - Posted On General Blather:
Heather remarked on the trials and tribulations of boat ownership, saying a boat is a "pain in the ass" to maintain. I empathized:"It's too much of a pain in the ass to maintain."
My Supermodel wife says the same thing about me. - Posted on Hip Suburban White Guy:
XO posted a "well-considered" and "cogent" "argument" of how stupid Christians are. I "agreed" with him:Hahahaaahh. That is HILARIOUS! Christians are soooo stupid! Feeding the hugry? Healing the sick? GIMME A FREAKING BREAK! Those idiots. Don't they know that's what the government takes our money for (well, that and killing brown people).
You really hit the nail on the cross, er, head here, XO. Christians! Pftt! They make me LOL.
Do unto others as they would do unto you?!? Yeah, right. Suckers. If they were smart like you and me, they would to others BEFORE they do it to you. - Posted on May's Machete:
May offered some great do-it-yourself tips on how to go green without any effort. I considered the policy change it would take at my household:Hmmm.... this would necessitate a change in my "If it's yellow, let it mellow" policy.
- Posted on Midtown Miscreant:
MM stated the obvious, that there seems to be plenty of room for prosecution at the Yearning for Zion Ranch. I wondered why people don't get this upset over teen sexual abuse outside of these splinter groups:No argument from me on this. Although I wish our society would put this much effort into stopping sexual abuse and teen pregnancy in economically depressed urban areas.
How many 14-year-old mothers do you think there are east of Troost? I guess it's easier to just throw out free condoms and food stamps.
tagged: comment, Christian, mortgage, Yearning for Zion Ranch, green, yellow
Monday, April 28, 2008
Not in Kansas anymore
If you've not been reading A California Girl in Kansas, then for one thing shame on you. For another thing, you're pretty much out of luck now.
Shea, the talented and effervescent author, published her "Goodbye to Kansas" letter today. Brought tears to my eyes. Well, not really, but it is an honest and heartfelt review of her three-year odyssey in the Sunflower State.
Take it easy on the Caribbean, Shea. You're not in Kansas anymore.
tagged: Kansas, blog, Caribbean, farewell
Shea, the talented and effervescent author, published her "Goodbye to Kansas" letter today. Brought tears to my eyes. Well, not really, but it is an honest and heartfelt review of her three-year odyssey in the Sunflower State.
Most importantly, Kansas taught me a lesson that I willGreat thoughts from someone who I'm pretty sure will be (even more) famous some day.never, ever forget - grow where you’re planted. Make the most out of every situation. Never give up. Always believe that you can make every day fabulous and fun. Give everyone you meet a fair shake. At the end of the day, or at the end of three and a half years, you’ll find that the one place you never thought you’d live is the one place you can’t really imagine living without.
Take it easy on the Caribbean, Shea. You're not in Kansas anymore.
tagged: Kansas, blog, Caribbean, farewell
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Posted On, Vol. 1
I just made up an old tradition at 3AM where I go through my comments on other blogs for the previous week and post them here.
Not only does it give me a chance to link to the blogs I read most, it allows me to be lazy and post something that I've already written.
Here's the round up for the past week:
tagged: Iran, war, Quds, make up, driving, Barack Obama, Ron Paul
Not only does it give me a chance to link to the blogs I read most, it allows me to be lazy and post something that I've already written.
Here's the round up for the past week:
- Posted on The Kansas Citian:
James thinks the US is posturing for war with Iraq. I'm just excited about a new expletive:I think "Qud" is now my favorite invective: "Get the hell off my lawn, ya' damn Quds!!!" or "That slutty Qud goes home with a different guy every night." or "Ew! Somebody Quded all over my pizza!"
- Posted on The Random Ramblings of a Midtown Miscreant
MM took some cheap shots at the town of Lone Jack, Mo. I had to defend it's virtues:Even though I'm married, I occasionally take a trip to Lone Jack. But thankfully, having a spouse drastically offsets the need of going to Lone Jack.
Lone Jack can be fun every once in a while, but the alternative is much better. - Posted on Frighteningly Uncommon Sense:
Faith ranted against women who put on makeup while driving. I commented that my hands are already full without adding eyeliner into the mix:If I were a chick, I don't see how i could put on makeup while driving, what with my hands being full of coffee, bagel and cellphone already.
Plus me being a chick and not a very good driver in the first place. - Posted on I, Shane:
Shane is campaigning for Barack Obama again. I'm still skeptical (natch):I’m almost there with you on this one, Shane. I certainly would vote for BO before Hillary. And I’m beginning to consider that he might be a better candidate that McCain.
But I don’t have high hopes for his presidency. He says he’s the candidate of change, but I haven’t seen him propose any real reform.
If I had to vote today, I’d probably still waste my vote on Ron Paul.
tagged: Iran, war, Quds, make up, driving, Barack Obama, Ron Paul
New Kids on the Blog
I wanted to take a break from being (as Keri Oki would say) Jerky McJerkelheimerSchmidt and highlight a few recent additions to the increasingly addition-laden blogroll at the left (which will make Emawkc's Third Annual Blog Anagram Game!!! really interesting later this year).
tagged: blog, blogger, blogroll, writing, humor
- Serenity's Escape
Shame on me for not linking to Serenity sooner. She's coming up on her first year blogiversary, and I only discovered her about a month or two ago. I love her takes, and she has a great way with words. She coined the term "Wal-Martian" which I have put into regular use in day-to-day conversation. I just wish she would post more often. Maybe if you go read and comment there, she will. - Moxie Mama
I've been enjoying Moxie's opinions over the last few weeks. I even caught myself crunching numbers after a recent numerology post she did (I learned that according to my birthday, I'm in an extremely fickle and superficial phase of my life. Of course, that's been the case for the last 15 years). - The Good Mother's Guide to Happiness
Talk about a great sense of humor. Amanda (aka The Good Mother) has some great stories, a prime example of which is her brief history of her vacations..."It was dark and scary on that lonely highway. You know the kind of highway I'm talking about…where at any moment someone could step out of the cornfields with a machete in one hand and a bloody head in the other."
Classic! - The Aging Disco Diva
I subscribed to ADD a few months ago and just recently added her to my blogroll (yeah, I know, more shame on me). She has a very entertaining way of popping the culture, including a recent, HI-laraious blistering of the world's most-hated woman:Heather Mills just brings out the ugliest thoughts and emotions from the Diva. Seriously... I have the irresistible urge to rip her leg off and beat her with it... no, not that leg---the one she was born with.
Plus, the ADD is a K-State fan, so you know she's not just some crazy crackpot.
tagged: blog, blogger, blogroll, writing, humor
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