Evil incarnate

Yesterday, KCMeesha wished us all a Happy International Day of the Cat, to which I say "Hsssssss"

It's long been my considered opinion that cats are the Minions of Evil on this planet. Opinion? Let me correct myself. I'm certain that it is a quantifiable fact.

You see, I have a built in biological evil detector. Whenever I'm around evil I have a physical reaction that includes watery eyes, sneezing, tightness in my chest and difficulty breathing. You might call it an allergic reaction to Evil.

I go through a mild form of this whenever I see Oprah on TV. Also, I had this reaction when I toured the Dachau concentration camp during my first European trip (there were cats there at the time... no surprise). It also happens whenever I read this guy's blog.

So it's pretty clear that my Evil detector has a pretty good track record. And what happens whenever I'm around cats? You guessed it, Evil detector goes off the charts.

But really, you don't need an organic Evil detector to know that cats are evil. Just look at them. I mean, they creep around all creepy like with their weird slitted eyes and sneaky paws and nasty flicking tales. Gives me a case of the screaming heebie jeebies just thinking about it.

And speaking of the heebie jeebies, check out this sterling example of the species:

He might be the ugliest cat in the world. And in Exeter, N.H., he’s become quite the spectacle. “People come in and take pictures of him on their cell phones,” veterinary employee Christie Hartnett told WMUR-TV in Manchester, N.H., which reported on Ugly and his newfound fan base.

Bloody Evil worshipers if you ask me.

I rest my case people.

tagged: Evil, cat, Oprah, pets, ugly

Change I can believe in

One thing I hadn't really thought about when we decided to have our second kid was the amount of adjustment it takes.

Don't get me wrong. We knew it was a big decision, and we made the decision with full awareness of it's bigness.

But even when you're expecting change, you still need to adjust. Our guest bedroom, for example, will become our new baby's room. Family and houses guests will have to adjust by sleeping on the pullout couch in the den.

One person who has a lot of adjusting to do is our six-year-old daughter. She's a great kid and she's super excited about having a little sister. But it's also clear that she has questions about how things are going to be postpartum.

The other day we were sitting on the couch talking about it.

6yo: Daddy, when the baby comes, will I be able to hold her?

me: Yes. In fact, you'll be one of the first people to hold her. First will be your mom.

6yo: Then you. Then me. So I'll be the third person.

me: Yes. But you'll have to be careful when holding the baby.

6yo: I know. Their necks aren't very strong. I'll be able to feed her, right?

me: Yeah. We'll all to work together to take care of her.

6yo: I think it's so cute when the food comes out of their mouth a little bit and you have to scoop it back in with the spoon.

me: Yeah. But remember, it's going to be a few months before she can eat baby food. At first, she'll just drink milk from a bottle. You can hold the bottle, though.

6yo: Oh, yeah.

6yo: Daddy, there's something that I've been thinking about.

me: What is it?

6yo: I'm afraid that when the baby comes, you'll want to play with her more than me. It makes me kind of sad.

me: Well, when the baby comes we'll all have to do a lot at first to make sure she stays safe and healthy. But we'll still make time to play with each other. You're more fun to play with than the baby anyway.

6yo: I am? Why.

me: Well, babies don't really do much. They really only do four things.

6yo: What? Eat?

me: Yep. Eat, sleep, poop and cry. That's about all they do. But they sure are cute.

6yo: Yeah. So we'll still get to do fun things together?

me: Sure. You know, your baby sister will probably like playing with you more than she plays with me.

The ironic thing about that last statement, and what I didn't have the heart to explain to her, is that it won't be long before our six year old is an 11-year-old and the very thought of spending any time at all with me will be repugnant and embarrassing to her.

Just part of the growing up process. Gotta gather those rosebuds while we may.

tagged: family, change, daughter, baby, fatherhood, parenting

Did somebody order some change???

So Pres.O. had this nicely timed remark in his speech to Congress...

"I intend to hold these banks fully accountable for the assistance they receive, and this time, they will have to clearly demonstrate how taxpayer dollars result in more lending for the American taxpayer. This time, CEOs won't be able to use taxpayer money to pad their paychecks or buy fancy drapes or disappear on a private jet. Those days are over."

Meanwhile back at stately Wayne Mansion (actually Beverly Hills), Northern Trust Bank just finished up a week of expensive hard partying. Yes, the Northern Trust Bank that accepted $1.6 billion in bailout money is living it up in La La Land (on your c-note, btw).

Northern Trust flew hundreds of clients and employees to L.A. and put many of them up at some of the fanciest and priciest hotels in the city. We're told more than a hundred people were put up at the Beverly Wilshire in Bev Hills, and another hundred stayed at the Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel. Still more stayed at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey and others at Casa Del Mar in Santa Monica.

Here are the highlights:

• Wednesday, Northern Trust hosted a fancy dinner at the Ritz followed by a performance by the group Chicago.
• Thursday, Northern Trust rented a private hangar at the Santa Monica Airport for dinner, followed by a performance by Earth, Wind & Fire.
• Saturday, Northern Trust had the entire House of Blues in West Hollywood shut down for its private party. We got the menu -- guests dined on seared salmon and petite Angus filet. Dinner was followed by a performance by none other than Sheryl Crow.
  

There was also a fabulous cocktail party at the Loews. And how's this for a nice touch: Female guests at the Chicago concert all got trinkets from ... TIFFANY AND CO.

In their defense, there's no indication that Northern Trust spent money on the 450 employees they laid off just before Christmas last year.

But thankfully, according to Pres.O. these days are over. Yeah. Right.

tagged: Obama, bailout, Northern Trust, speech, politics, economy

Precedential

Venice, Italy, Sponsored by Coca-Cola®

A row has broken out in the Italian city of Venice over a new $2.7 million sponsorship deal between the authorities and Coca Cola.

Venice's mayor said the funds raised by allowing vending machines to sell the drink across the city would be used to safeguard its artistic heritage.

Venice has strict rules on the sale of food and beverages to tourists. In St Mark's Square, picnicking is banned.

The Italian newspapers claim that Venice is not only being swamped with mass tourism and threatened by floods from the Adriatic Sea, but will soon also be awash with fizzy drinks.

Sixty vending machines will sell the drink all over the city, including at the main waterbus stations and reportedly even St Mark's Square, where a city ordinance already forbids picnicking by tourists.

The Mayor of Venice, Massimo Cacciari, has complained loudly about the lack of state funding to conserve the crumbling palaces and churches of the city and has strongly defended his decision to accept money from the US company.

It's nothing new in the U.S. to see city-owned assets sponsored by corporations -- usually sporting and entertainment venues like KC's own Tony's Kansas City Cock Fight Auditorium.

But those clever Italians have now taken it to the next level. It makes sense. An entire city sponsored by a corporation is the next logical step.

And, as the economy gets worse and the Obama government continues to pour billions more dollars into digital teevee converter boxes for the masses, it's obvious that the trends are due to intersect sooner rather than later.

As our nation goes deeper into a hopeless debt, we'll be forced to take on a corporate sponsor at the national level.

My prediction is that before Obama takes the Sony Oath of Office® for his second term, the entire United States will be a fully owned subsidiary of Brawndo®, The Thirst Mutilator.



tagged: Venice, Coca-Cola, Obama, Brawndo, Idiocracy

Movie Mini Review: He's Just Not That Into You

Title: He's Just Not That Into You

Cast: Ginnifer Goodwin, Kevin Connolly, Scarlett Johansson, Bradley Cooper, Justin Long, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly

Plot summary:
Young couples struggle to find love in Boston. It's basically Sex In The City with more characters and not in Manhattan.

My thoughts:
Being the romantic sunuvabich I am, I took my Supermodel Wife out to a romantic movie for Valentine's Day. I suggested this movie since she'd had to cancel previous plans to go see it a few weeks earlier at a girls' night out with some of her friends.

Now let me be clear. I fully expected this movie to live down to my low expectations. I'd seen enough of the trailers to know basically what the subject matter was. And I've seen enough episodes of Grey's Desperate Private Brother's and Practices to know that I'd have to turn my sap filter way up.

Still, with a cast featuring Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston and other reasonably recognizable names, I thought it might not be too craptacular.

Turns out, for once in my life, I thought wrong.

With stereotypical, two-dimensional characters and an off-the-shelf, cliché of a plot that had fewer twists and turns than I-70 west of Salina, not even the considerable acting genius of Ben Affleck could save this film.

I realize the movie is based on a best-selling book that I've never read, and I can only assume that the only thing it has in common with the best seller is the title.

Typically, a movie will try to have likable characters, but I couldn't imagine hanging out with any of the caricatures in this film.

You couldn't feel sympathy for any of them (with the possible exception of Jennifer Aniston's character). Kevin Connolly's character was a complete tosser. Johansson was a home-wrecking whore. Justin Long's "Alex" was a cynical douche. Bradley Cooper played a philandering dickhead, and Jennifer Connelly was his psycho control freak wife.

The director tried to make up for the junior high level plot and wooden characters by weaving them together in an interconnected storyline, like the one in Love Actually (a movie that I can tolerate, though it's not a favorite).

Billed as a "romantic comedy" I found it to be neither.

My final rating:
I'm just not that into it.

Favorite quote:
not applicable

tagged: movie, review, He's Just Not That Into You, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, pop culture

Enemy Mine

As I mentioned previously, I was doing my dudely duty (happily, I might add) by taking my Supermodel Wife out to a romantic movie on Valentine's Day.

We sat in a packed theater munching on Twizzlers and Raisinets, watching the previews of upcoming movies before our feature film started. One movie in particular struck me as interesting -- from a sociological perspective if not an entertainment perspective.

The movie is The International -- a Hollywood retelling very loosely based on BCCI banking scandal of the 1980's.. Characters played by Clive Owen and Naomi Watts try to bring down an evil international bank that specializes in killing people and fomenting war.

It's not surprising that this movie should appear at this time. In the U.S. at least, we have always been able to rely on Hollywood to remind us of who are real enemies are.

In the 1940s, films like Casablanca and Sergeant York clarified that it was the Germans who were the evil race because they were trying to take over the world with their Nazism and sauerkraut.

My grandmother, who was as American as Eisenhower (who grew up a few miles down the road from where she now lives) said when she was a girl other parents wouldn't let their kids play with her because of her German surname, so the WWI and WWII propaganda was working.

Of course, when I was a kid it was the damn dirty commie bastard Russians and their evil empire that we had to defend against. Movies like Red Dawn, Top Gun and cinematic masterpiece Stripes showed the good guys going through trials but ultimately coming out victorious (of course).

How well I remember killing hundreds of Red devils in the woods behind my house as a boy thanks to the inspirational struggle of Patrick Swayze to defend the University of Michigan Wolverines.

The International seems to be keeping up the Hollywood tradition of training the young people of the nation who to hate. It's no longer the Russians or the Germans, nor the Chinese or Japanese, nor the Terrorists or Canadians.

No. Now the enemy is the bankers. The evil Harvard-educated bean counters who, through back-room shenanigans and covert operations, have brought our economy to its very knees.

Conspiracy, corruption and murder? Let's just say there is a substantial penalty for early withdrawal.



tagged: movies, Casablanca, Sergeant York, Top Gun, Red Dawn, Stripes, The International, pop culture

Sham? Wow.

Ganked this from El to the B.




tagged: economy, stimulus, Obama, Sham Wow, policy

YouTube Tuesday: Bale coming home from the dentist

You've heard Christian Bale completely loosing it on set. You've seen the doped up kid coming home from the dentist.

Now, two great tastes taste great together...



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, kid, dentist, Christian Bale, rant

Ranch Mart dressing

Me being the romantic chap I am, I booked a babysitter last Saturday and took the missus out to a romantic comedy (well, it was billed as a romantic comedy but it definitely missed on the comedy part -- more on that later) at the local neighborhood theater.

The Leawood Theater is part of the Fine Arts Group, a group of entrepreneurs that has salvaged several "legacy" theaters -- the Leawood at 95 and Mission, the Glenwood at 95th and Metcalf and the Rio in downtown OP. What I like about these theaters is that they are very neighborhood focused, as opposed to recent trend of locating cinema multiplexes in very heavily commercial areas.

Anyway, we arrived at the theater at about twenty past five and I was surprised and pleased to see such a crowd of people. The Ranch Mart shopping area has been under heavy construction for the last few months. Before the renovation started, it has a nice retro-70s kind of look.


Now, the parking lot is pretty torn up. About sixty percent of the parking spaces are occupied by construction materials and equipment. But you can see the form of the new, renovated Ranch Mart coming into shape.

Sure, they've got a ways to go. But the point is, for all of this construction the theater on Saturday was very busy. All age groups seemed to be represented, and the screens are offering the newest releases. You're not going to be able to choose from 30 different screens, but I can only watch one movie at a time anyway.

So, even though I was more entertained by the life-sized statue of Gort in the lobby than by the romantic-so-called-comedy we watched in the theater, I'm glad to see our neighborhood cinema seemingly thriving.

tagged: Leawood, theater, Ranch Mart, renovation, Fine Arts Group, Gort, Kansas

Movie Mini Review: Shaun of the Dead

Title: Shaun of the Dead

Cast: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kate Ashfield, Lucy Davis, Bill Nighy

Plot summary:
Quintessential loser Shaun decides to finally get his life together. Step one is to get his girlfriend back after she dumps him for being a layabout. Unfortunately, he picks a bad day to make a fresh start. It's hard to get your life together when your roommate's trying to eat you.

My thoughts:
I'm not going mince words here. I freakin' loved this movie. Every time I watch it I'm reminded that the first 20 minutes of Sean of the Dead is sheer cinematic genius.

Director Edgar Wright did a masterful job of cleverly and simultaneously introducing the main characters and the primary plot points. Seeing Shaun (Simon Pegg -- he plays "Scotty" in the upcoming Star Trek prequel) going about his morning completely oblivious to the zombie apocalypse happening around him was both hilarious comedy and insightful commentary on modern society.

When Shaun and his best friend Ed (Nick Frost) finally realize they are under attack by zombies -- killing the first one by frisbeeing vinyl records at it -- Shaun quickly formulates a plan: Take the car, pick up his mum and rekill his zombified step dad, go get his girlfriend, then hide out at the local pub until it all blows over.

The situations and dialogue along the way are witty and clever. I always laugh out loud at the way the characters handle all the weirdness with straight-faced matter-of-factness.

One could argue that the movie is formulaic. It does follow the standard "boy meets zombie, boy bashes zombie over head with cricket bat, boy saves girl" template. But Shaun of the Dead shows that, despite the suckage of 90% of the dreck shuffled out of Hollywood for the past 20 years or so, a talented director with a talented cast can successfully take a fresh approach to an old idea.

My final rating:
Five out of five zombie bites

Favorite quote:
"Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"


tagged: movie, review, Shaun of the Dead, zombie, Simon Pegg