My international influence widens

Just a quick update on my diabolical Plan to Take Over the World:

In 2009 I made a series of moves whereby I placed some of my minions in the upper levels of key international governmental and quasi-governmental organizations. No need to get into too much detail. Suffice it to say that when the time comes, you'll know who they are.

But be that as it may, it's always good to run a few test scenarios to make sure your organization is functioning well. And I'm just going to let you in on a test I ran recently to illustrate my point.

You may recall back in 2009 there was a worldwide freakout about a nasty little virus we knew as Test Virus 1108 H1N1, or the Swine Flu. Now of course I'm not going to take direct responsibility for the production and release of this viral strain (at least not in a public forum like this, wink wink). But I will say that the presence of the Swine Flu gave me just the opportunity to test my moles in the international governmental organizations.

Last October, when I wrote a post about getting a flu shot, I included a clandestine message...

They started out a few years ago with the "Bird Flu" (later called "Avian Flu") that was killing people in Asia. Nobody was scared of it when it was just called "H5N1." But when the media got it's talons on "Bird Flu" -- well, there's a hook you can build some hysteria around.

This year it's the Swine Flu -- very catchy. Gets the media excited. Gets the citizenry in an uproar. Gets some much needed demand for the pharmaceutical industry right in the middle of a consumer recession.

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. It's How to Survive a Recession 101: Create A Demand For A Product For Which You're The Only Provider.

And I'm happy to report that one of my operatives (codenamed "Wardog") in the European Parliament picked up on my message and has spearheaded an official inquiry to investigate the whole Swine Flu scam.

The Council of Europe member states will launch an inquiry in January 2010 on the influence of the pharmaceutical companies on the global swine flu campaign, focusing especially on extent of the pharma‘s industry’s influence on WHO. The Health Committee of the EU Parliament has unanimously passed a resolution calling for the inquiry. The step is a long-overdue move to public transparency of a “Golden Triangle” of drug corruption between WHO, the pharma industry and academic scientists that has permanently damaged the lives of millions and even caused death.

So there you go. Phase 2 of my Plan to Take Over the World is well underway as my operatives move to seize control of the World Health Organization and the Kansas City Missouri Parks Board.

tagged: Swine Flu, Europe, H1N1, Big Pharma, pharmaceutical, pandemic

YouTube Tuesday: Chet Baker sings

I'm trying to make an effort in the new year to be less cynical and lighten the mood around here. But it doesn't help when my iPod, set on shuffle, drops a melancholy Chet Baker on me.

This song goes out to everyone who lost someone close to them in 2009. Come back tomorrow for something a little more fun, but for now just enjoy the blues.



tagged: Chet Baker, music, jazz, I Get Along Without You Very Well, video, YouTube Tuesday

Stupid like a FOX

A lot of people missed it last week -- at least I haven't read much local commentary about it -- but there was a bit of corporate cock wagging in the broadcast media realm that was pretty ridiculous.

Of course, it all beings with Rupert Murdoch, head honcho at News Corp which owns a bunch of crap including the FOX TV networks (and, incidentally, The Wall Street Journal).

The 30-second version goes something like this: Murdoch thinks his networks' programming is so awesome that he should get an extra $1 for each of Time Warner Cable's subscribers for the privilege of carrying this supposedly awesome content. Don't pay it, and Murdoch pulls the plug on all FOX programming.

According to my inside sources, Time Warner Cable has roughly 14.5 million subscribers. So, doing some quick math, that's about $14.5 million bucks worth of blackmail. Of course TWC is balking at this. Seems taking a $14.5 million out of their $1.2 billion in income is just too much to swallow -- even though they would surly pass that ransom on as higher costs to their subscribers.

Now I don't really have any love for either company (although I do like The Wall Street Journal). The TWC cable/internet service we get at home manages to frustrate me on a weekly basis. And as for FOX, well, I consider their programming to be at least 25% responsible for our accelerated cultural decline.

So it's easy for me to say a pox on both their houses.

But it strikes that this move by FOX is a bit shortsighted. Their argument is that they have totally awesome shows and they point to ratings of American Idol and 24 as proof.

But let's face it, they would have near the ratings they have were it not for those shows being available on TWC. Yank those show from TWC and two things will happen:

1. The collective IQ of TWC subscribers will begin to go up as a result of not wasting time with American Idol, Glee and Fox News Channel, and
2. The ratings and accompanying ad revenue of those shows go down as a result of being in 14.5 million fewer households.

I suspect that both parties already know this. They need each other like a couple of symbiotic parasites.

Oh well. As long as I get my college football.

tagged: media, pop culture, FOX, Time Warner Cable, American Idol, Rupert Murdoch, Glee, television

YouTube Tuesday: Farewell '09, and good riddance

I'm sure we can all agree that with very few exceptions 2009 sucked poopypants.

Here's to a new start in 2010. Stay safe and stay clean.



tagged: video, YouTube, Tuesday, 2009, New Year, JibJab, humor

I wish you a hopeful Christmas

They said there’ll be snow at Christmas
They said there’ll be peace on earth
But instead it just kept on raining
A veil of tears for the virgin birth
I remember one Christmas morning
A winter's light and a distant choir
And the peal of a bell and that Christmas tree smell
And their eyes full of tinsel and fire

They sold me a dream of Christmas
They sold me a silent night
And they told me a fairy story
’till I believed in the Israelite
And I believed in Father Christmas
And I looked at the sky with excited eyes
Then I woke with a yawn in the first light of dawn
And I saw him and through his disguise

I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave new year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there’d be snow at Christmas
They said there’d be peace on earth
Hallelujah noel be it heaven or hell
The Christmas we get we deserve

tagged: Christmas, song, Greg Lake, I Believe In Father Christmas

Protection racket

I have to hand it to the Obama administration. They have really renewed the faith I have in our federal government.

Not that my faith was faltering in any way. Thanks to the Clinton and Bush administrations, I've had a very strong faith that our federal government can take on any bad situation and, through incompetent meddling and corrupt special interest influence, make it even worse.

My Obama loving friends told me more than a year ago that this administration was different. This time they would get it right, they're changing the political paradigm. But I never lost my faith. And now this administration ends the year with the worst first-year approval rating of any president ever.

That's due in part to the recent hot mess that is the so-called health care reform bill. It's pretty much universally reviled -- even by the most ardent Obama supporters -- as a special interest sellout. But some, even as they bemoan the terrible legislation, still want to give credit to the administration for doing some kind of reform.

But here's where I point out that putting the word "reform" in the title of the bill doesn't make it a reform bill, just as putting the word "Patriot" on a bill doesn't make it patriotic.

In fact, it's clear even to the most casual observer that rather than reform a broken system, this bill actually makes it more corrupt. And I'm not talking about the millions of kickbacks and earmarks some Senators are bringing home. Not a bad gig when you can get hundreds of millions of dollars in taxpayer money for voting for terrible legislation. This is not an exaggeration.

Of course, the real sweetheart deal goes to the very insurance industry that is one of the main root causes of runaway health care prices in the first place. The "reform" bill requires EVERY PERSON to buy health care insurance -- the so called individual mandate.

So, almost overnight, the government is creating millions of new customers for an industry that is already raking in record profits. Is it a surprise that insurance corporation's stock prices spiked the day after the Senate attained bought a key vote on cloture?

Personally, I wonder how the individual insurance mandate is even legal. I mean, how can it even be constitutional for the government to order me to by something that I can't afford or don't want? What, are they going to fine me money that I don't have then throw me in jail if I don't pay it? Seize my house, car, digital TV converter box?

Is this the America we live in now?

Oh yeah, I forgot. I guess it is.

tagged: Obama, health care, insurance, legislation, reform, politics, corruption

YouTube Tuesday: Christmas Carol in 60 seconds

Happy Christmas everybody!



tagged: video, YouTube, Tuesday, Christmas Carol, JibJab, humor

Beating up Bill

It probably shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that the anniversary of the Bill of Rights was a couple of days ago and nobody noticed.

In a more rational time in our history, our country's founding fathers were more concerned about the corrupting influence of governmental power than they were with making sure there were no performance enhancing drugs in baseball. Because of this rational concern one of the first and most important things our federal legislature did was pass a set of constitutional amendments aimed strictly at limiting government power.

It was a great idea. Unfortunately, they forgot to include an 11th amendment that went something like "No, really. We really mean it. You can't do the stuff that these first 10 amendments say you can't do. Really. Seriously, just stop it."

With a complicit congress, our last few presidents have done a pretty good job of telling Bill of Rights to sod off. Let's review, shall we?

1. Free speech – Today you can be thrown in jail for videotaping your sister's birthday, or fined into poverty for endorsing a product on your blog. Hurray for free speech!
   
   
2. Bear arms – In a lot of places, you can still legally own a gun (at least for another year or two). Of course, "bearing" it will usually get you tossed in jail. Or worse.
   
   
3. No quartering – This is probably the only right that Americans still have intact. 1 for 3! Huzzah!
   
   
4. No unreasonable search – Oh sure, but what's a little domestic spying among comrades?
   
   
5. Due process – I guess you could say that the city of New London, Conn., went through due process before condemning, confiscating, and destroying Suzette Kelo's home at the request of a large pharmaceutical corporation. Of course, you would totally be wrong despite what the Supreme Court says.
   
   And don’t even get me started on the whole red light camera scam.
   
   
6. Speedy trial – I wonder what the kind gentlemen at Guantanamo Bay would say about this.
   
   
7. Civil trial by jury – With the low level of education in this country, I'm not so sure this is a right you would want to exercise. Besides, with the country simultaneously becoming both a police state and a nanny state, this one probably won't last long.
   
   
8. No cruel punishment – Well, unless you happen to be a "enemy combatant."
   
   
9. Rights not enumerated – Just to review, the founders were saying that, just because we're layin' it down that we have these rights in these 10 amendments, don't assume that we don't also have other rights that we haven't mentioned. Like, maybe, the right to keep the money we earn at our jobs.
   
   
10. Powers of States and people – Again to review, the founders are saying that if the Constitution doesn't say the Federal government can do something, then the Federal government can't do it. For example, neither the constitution nor any of the amendments thereof mention anything about spending $650 million to make sure everyone has a digital television converter box.

So, can we just stop referring to America as a democracy? Or even a democratic republic? I don't know what we are, but it's pretty clear the constitution has about as much authority anymore as an Bannister Mallcop.

tagged: Bill of Rights, America, Constitution, Founding Fathers, democracy, history, government

YouTube Tuesday: Christmas Halo

Nothing captures the true meaning of the season like a visit from Santa Claus. But maybe he shouldn't always drop in unannounced.



tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, video, humor, Christmas, Halo, alien

Random Photo XXII: No need to be koi

The weather outside was frightful, but inside the greenhouse at Family Tree Nursery the weather was downright pleasant.

We took a break from some light holiday shopping to sit among the citrus trees and feed the koi. Before we finished, I realized that the scale of this gillty pleasure was rather small.tagged: random, photo, Overland Park, Family Tree Nursery, koi pond, fish