No good deed

So I'm waiting from clearance to back out of my parking spot this morning after picking up a Colombian Supremo from the QT.

It's a busy parking lot and lots of cars are going back and forth behind me, coming or going or whatever. The car next to me, a older Honda beater driven by two younger girls who look like they woke up just long enough to drive to QT and get a convenience store breakfast, sees an opening an quickly backs out.

Being the gentleman I am, I grant them the right-of-way out of the goodness of my heart. Keeping an eye on them to make sure they're clear before I back out as well, I notice the passenger rear tire is about 90 percent flat.

So again, being the gentleman I am, I signal to the driver, I point toward her rear passenger tire. She stares back at me like a cold cup of coffee. By now she has backed out and turned, giving me room to back out and turn the opposite direction. This has the affect of lining up our drivers side windows.

So roll down my window and signal again. She lowers her window and I explain about her tire being flat. She glances at the passenger, then back at me. She doesn't say anything, but gives me a look like I told her I just ran over her cat.

No "thanks for the tip." No "at least I'm glad I didn't head out onto i-435 with it."

Instead just a stink-eyed glare full of kill-the-messenger.

tagged: traffic, good deed, do gooders, QuickTrip, Honda, commute, car

It's Spanish for "The Vegas"

Let me just get this out of the way up front. Las Vegas is a horrible, awful city.

I know that's just one blogger's opinion and there are a lot of people who disagree. But from my perspective, what happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas.

I was there over the weekend for some business meetings and the experience reinforced my view that Vegas is the apotheosis of all of the worst qualities of America.

The visitor to Las Vegas is greeted with an eye-bludgeoning array of tasteless architecture and gaudy signage. It's frankly offensive to my sense of aesthetic. I like to think of myself as understated -- even minimalistic. That is something Las Vegas is not.

Each hotel/casino/resort has a more gregarious facade than the last. They encourage you to experience places like New York, Paris, Venice, Como and even Egypt -- all while staying within one wallet-lightening city. After all, why bother visiting the real Statue of Liberty or Rialto Bridge when you can visit a 1/3-scale replica and take a gondola ride in an in-door swimming pool?

Americans are having a real problem with artificiality. We eat artificial food, watch artificial television and go to artificial places. And I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if there just wasn't so damn much of it in Las Vegas.

The place is a monument to waste and excess. For cryin' out loud, it's a metro area of nearly two million people in the middle of a desert. Those residents and the millions of additional tourists each year using up water that used to flow down the Colorado River. Thanks to Vegas and other desert metropolises like Las Angeles and Phoenix, the Colorado River no longer has enough water to flow all the way to the Pacific Ocean.

Hell, the water level in Lake Mead itself is at a historical low. Some scientist worry that it will soon be too low to run the hydroelectric generators in Hoover Dam.

And the natural resources waste is only slightly worse than the waste in fiscal resources Las Vegas represents. The entire city is built upon the proposition of taking money from people who have more cash than good sense.

But the sight of bleary eyed, hungover, newly broke frat boys is comical compared to the poverty that you see if you drive 10 minutes from the Las Vegas strip. There are people living in concrete block hovels (in the desert, mind you) just a mile or two from ostentatious water displays.

There's not really anything to be done about it. Las Vegas is just another example of Americans entertaining ourselves to death. Eventually there won't be enough water in Lake Mead to power the hydroelectric generators that provide electricity to Vegas. By that time our economy will have really crashed and nobody will have the cash to lose to the casinos, let alone pay the airfare and extra baggage fees to get to the middle of the desert in the first place.

But the food there is pretty good.

tagged: Las Vegas, Lake Mead, Hoover Dam, casino, travel, waste, environmentalist

YouTube Tuesday: Terminus

I really dig the way this independent short film combines creepy with quirky to illustrate the psychological baggage that follows us all around and what will happen to us if we don't deal with it properly.

Or maybe I'm just too high on NyQuaFed.



tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, movie, film, short, Terminus, humor

My favorite Martin

So we're pretty deep in to the college basketball season with only a few regular season games left before the conference tournaments and then the biggie NCAA Tourney.

And while good sportsmanship has prevented me thus far from cheering too loudly for the good guys from the Little Apple (another Twager, alas, wasn't in the cards for basketball season), I think now is a good time to raise a toast to the success of Frank Martin and his team for a remarkable season.

The Wildcats, currently ranked #6 in both polls, are having their best season since... ever ... and are considered to be a real contender for a Final Four spot come tourney time.

They have absolutely exceeded my expectations this year (duh). I took a wait and see attitude a few years ago when Bob Huggins pissed in my Post Toasties and the recent success of the team has been a bright spot for college athletics in this state.

So sure, let's raise a glass to Frank Martin for a job well done.

But the question is, a glass of what? Such accomplishments demand something special, something tailored to the occasion, something representative of the achievements to which we are toasting.

So, I submit to you a new cocktail: The Frank Martini

The Frank Martini

3 Part(s) Vodka
1 Splash Chambord Raspberry Liquor
1 Splash Sweet & Sour Mix
1 Drop(s) Lemon Juice
1 Dash(es) Extra Dry Vermouth

Add all ingredients into a martini shaker filled with ice. Shake and strain into 2 well chilled martini glasses.

Be sure to drink it with a glare in your eye...

tagged: sports, basketball, NCAA, Frank Martin, K-State, Wildcats, alcohol, Martini

YouTube Tuesday: Playing the Straightman

Coming to a small screen near you...



tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, catchphrase, academy, movie, parody, humor

Radio blah blah

Sometimes I forget things.

I'll leave my sunglasses in the wrong car, for example. Or, every couple of months I'll head out the door in the morning without the key card to the cube farm I work in. I've even been known to misplace the launch codes to the ... well, never you mind about that.

The point is every one is human (with the possible exception of Lady Gaga), and we all forget things from time to time.

That's what happened a couple of nights ago when I forgot to plug in my iPod to charge before catching some Z's. So when I hopped in the car for the next day's commute, the battery was pretty much deadsville. It had enough juice to play the morning's edition of Planet Money, and the quick and witty TODAY IN THE PAST (John Hodgman FTW!). But it finally gave out on me as Marc Maron was interviewing Antonia Crane on WTF.

Yes, for the past few years for some reason I've eschewed terrestrial radio in favor of web-based broadcasts. There's just a lot more content that is a lot more compelling, much more interesting on the 'net. And with an MP3 player I can control my listening experience the same way a DVR gives me control over my television viewing experience. It's all about the audience taking control.

That is until your battery dies.

Don't get me wrong. This isn't a huge problem. I do still have a functioning radio in the car that I flip on every once in a while, for old times' sake I guess. And since the iPod was temporarily crapped out and since I was interested in hearing some discussion about the surging #7-ranked K-State Wildcats, I tuned in to Sports Radio 810 WHB for the last 10 minutes of my commute.

And I was almost instantly reminded of one of the reasons I turned off the radio in the first place. There was a commercial playing when I switched the radio on. I don't even remember what it was advertising. All I remember is that for the next five to seven minutes, I heard one commercial after another, possibly with a radio station promo thrown in.

In a future of sharply honed fastforwarding skills where content is king and the :30 spot is an endangered species, this is just waaaay too much advertising. It was more than I could take. It reminded me of why I stopped listening to terrestrial radio in the first place.

Look, I realize you have to pay the bills. There's no free lunch and even public radio has adverts now (not to mention the week-long pledge drives). I'll put up with the odd commercial break every once in a while. Hell, even the podcasts I listen to have ads in them. And even though I fastforward through Leo Laporte's ads on This Week in Tech, I can still tell you his sponsors include Audible, Carbonite.

But when 50 percent of your content is commercials, you're going to have trouble keeping an audience (at least if your audience it me).

I don't know whether a radio station can survive (let alone thrive) with a higher ratio of editorial to commercial content. It's a tough economy out there after all, and I get the feeling that the situation for terrestrial radio is analogous to the situation print newspapers are facing.

Be that as it may, this was a good reminder to me to charge my iPod and/or get a new car charger.

tagged: media, advertising, iPod, podcast, This Week In Tech, Marc Maron, Planet Money

Putting the limp in The Olympics

I got a DM the other day from a friend/reader who wanted to know what I thought about Xavier Onasis's latest post about The Olympic games.

XO, noted sword collector and anti-pants revolutionary, outlined a cogent, point-by-point argument for why organized sports are a waste of effort and resources.

If we took all of the money in the world that is WASTED on sports and poured it into basic scientific research in life sciences and physics, we would have all of the energy we could ever use, everyone could live forever and no one would have to go without the basic necessities of life.

The sentiment sparked quite a discussion in the comments section. On the one hand, XO argued how dumb and wasteful competition and pets are. On the other hand, the commenters pointed out that competition leads us to excel and channels the animal spirit that would otherwise become destructive.

In actuality, this is yet another example of a logical fallacy that has become all to prevalent in our culture's discourse today. XO and his commenters have stumbled into the fallacy of a false dichotomy.

In the case of athletics, we don't have to make a choice between the two viewpoints above. They are not mutually exclusive. Do sports represent a waste of resources? Of course they do. The average salary for NFL players was just under $1.8 million. The league minimum is $295,000 and you get that you were on the roster for at least 3 games. That's a lot of cabbage to throw at grown men for playing a child's game!

At the same time, you can't dismiss the positive aspects of organized sports -- especially for youths. Participation in sports and athletics (as well as arts and music programs), helps teach character traits which are valuable -- even vital -- to a healthy functioning society.

Traits like discipline, focus, teamwork and good sportsmanship, winning with humility and losing with grace. These are traits that help people excel and succeed when they're not on the playing field (or court, or slope, or rink, or what have you).

It's unfair to downplay the contributions of athletes and former athletes to worthy charitable causes. Of course, let's not delude ourselves into thinking that all athletes (especially the Pro ones) are altruistic. Certainly we've seen many examples of selfish and antisocial behavior by the athletically elite.

But this selfishness extends way beyond sports. In fact, if you're making an accounting of what our society wastes money and resources on, you can add Hollywood to the list (does any movie really need to cost $500 million?), Washington, DC (the $46,000 toilet seat cover is legendary), professional wrestling, fashion, etc.

Indeed there seems to be no end to the many ways we can invent to waste our time and money. You can look for all kinds of conclusions and meanings in this phenomenon. Is it just that we have way too much idle time? Are these diversions, these trivial enjoyments, the things that make life worth living? Is figure skating really a sport?

tagged: Olympics, sports, athletics, entertainment, EU, Bush, environmentalist

YouTube Tuesday: Big Chief

Just a little soundtrack for you revelers who are flashing your breasts and donning beads as you let the bon temps rouler.


Youttagged: Big Chief, Professor Longhair, Earl King, Dr. John, Mardi Gras, music, YouTube Tuesday

Eastbound and down

We were driving home from a weekend mission into the deepest reaches of darkest western Kansas Sunday evening.

The details and purpose of the mission are not germane to this post, its enough to point out that we passed the I-70 East toll plaza at about 17:15 hours for the last stretch to home sweet home. About two minutes and two miles later, I was hitting the brakes¹ as traffic was coming to a standstill.

Needless to say, there was some doin's a transpirin'.

We weren't exactly parked on the highway, but we were moving slow enough that no speed was registering on the car's speedometer. After about 5 minutes of barely moving, the ADD kicked in. I decided to do a little recon to pass the time.

Since there was no traffic in the westbound lanes, it was a fair deduction that there was some kind of traffic accident ahead. But where? And when? What caused it? The weather wasn't great, but it wasn't a blizzard either. Were any deaths involved? Any decapitations? Should I watch for rolling noggins along the median?

50 car pileup started by a sticking Toyota accelerator pedal

So many questions, but no answers on the radio. And there's only so much you can deduce when your stuck in your car. Luckily, it was a bout this time that I heard the familiar sonar ping that signals the arrival of a new email on my kickass phone. Since we're not really moving, I start my email app and see that the message is a news alert from KMBC apprising me of a traffic delay on I-70 (no duh!) because of a 50 CAR PILEUP! caused by a flash blizzard whiteout.

I share this intelligence with my Supermodel Wife, who wondered aloud whether the Kansas City Scout system might have any additional details.

So I started up the web browser on my phone/tricorder and typed in the www for the Scout's web page. Before we had driven another 50 feet, I had the latest report in the palm of my hand.

"Major incident," the report read. "West bound I-70 passed K-7 exit. 3 lanes closed..."

There wasn't a lot of detail, but there was one item of importance. The report indicated that authorities expected the lanes to be cleared at 6:36 p.m. I checked the time on my phone/tricorder/chronometer. It was about 5:50 p.m. and the traffic was showing no signs of improving. In fact, a flashing light up ahead was telling all cars to merge left.

So with no other choice but to crawl, passed the time chit chatting and making jokes at the expense of other vehicles on the highway. The big Frito-Lay truck was good fodder puns for a few minutes.

After a while, we began to see a little more room between the cars ahead of us and behind us. We began to move a little faster until, almost without knowing it, we were up to normal highway speed. I checked the clock on the car's console.

6:26 p.m.

It may have been a coincidence, but it was amazing how accurate the Scout system was. And it was amazing how awesome my phone technology was that I could access it. This is what it's like to live in the future.

1. I'm a jackass for misspelling this word before.

tagged: travel, Kansas City, car crash, pile up, I-70, technology, Scout

Because She Would Ask Me Why I Loved Her

If questioning would make us wise
No eyes would ever gaze in eyes;
If all our tale were told in speech
No mouths would wander each to each.

Were spirits free from mortal mesh
And love not bound in hearts of flesh
No aching breasts would yearn to meet
And find their ecstasy complete.

For who is there that lives and knows
The secret powers by which he grows?
Were knowledge all, what were our need
To thrill and faint and sweetly bleed?

Then seek not, sweet, the 'If' and 'Why'
I love you now until I die.
For I must love because I live
And life in me is what you give.

-- Christopher Brennan

tagged: poetry, poem, love, Valentine's Day, Christopher Brennan