Monday, March 02, 2009

Evil incarnate

Yesterday, KCMeesha wished us all a Happy International Day of the Cat, to which I say "Hsssssss"

It's long been my considered opinion that cats are the Minions of Evil on this planet. Opinion? Let me correct myself. I'm certain that it is a quantifiable fact.

You see, I have a built in biological evil detector. Whenever I'm around evil I have a physical reaction that includes watery eyes, sneezing, tightness in my chest and difficulty breathing. You might call it an allergic reaction to Evil.

I go through a mild form of this whenever I see Oprah on TV. Also, I had this reaction when I toured the Dachau concentration camp during my first European trip (there were cats there at the time... no surprise). It also happens whenever I read this guy's blog.

So it's pretty clear that my Evil detector has a pretty good track record. And what happens whenever I'm around cats? You guessed it, Evil detector goes off the charts.

But really, you don't need an organic Evil detector to know that cats are evil. Just look at them. I mean, they creep around all creepy like with their weird slitted eyes and sneaky paws and nasty flicking tales. Gives me a case of the screaming heebie jeebies just thinking about it.

And speaking of the heebie jeebies, check out this sterling example of the species:
He might be the ugliest cat in the world. And in Exeter, N.H., he’s become quite the spectacle. “People come in and take pictures of him on their cell phones,” veterinary employee Christie Hartnett told WMUR-TV in Manchester, N.H., which reported on Ugly and his newfound fan base.
Bloody Evil worshipers if you ask me.

I rest my case people.

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  1. Maybe the cats don't like you either!

  2. this makes me laugh because I grew up with four brothers and while none of them particularly liked cats, two of them SWORE that one of our outside cats was a shape shifting/devil-possessed demon of the netherworld taken earthly form in this hungry abandoned cat. they said this cat had been left in our neighborhood because the original owners figured out the truth of its evil. to date, i've known several men who feel similarly about cats in general -- yet i've never met a woman with the same distaste, nay HATE, for the animals. i have my own theories about this. i think you all must have a deep-seated fear of pussy, er feline, power. but it's just a theory.

  3. What have evil creatures and evil people ever done to you? Can't we all just get along?


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