Olympics, schmolympics

A lot of people have been sharing their thoughts about the Olympics. Everyone seems to have caught the Olympic fever.

Me? I just can't seem to get into it. Believe me, I've tried. But I don't know, everything just seems so corporate and overproduced.

I've tried to be interested. Hell, with five or six channels of Olympic coverage, they certainly make it easy to follow. Problem is, every time I try to tune in on the teevee machine, I end up tuning out mentally.

But with the closing ceremonies starting today, or tomorrow, or within the next few days or whatever, I thought I'd give a few thoughts on what little I have seen.

Here's what I managed to force myself to sit through:

• Part of the opening ceremonies: I saw that part where 2,008 Chinese guys were pounding drums in unison. Impressive? Yes. Scary?... Well, let me just say that it's not a huge leap to go from carrying a drum mallet to carrying a rifle. You tellin' me you don't think that was a military display?
  
  
• Synchronized diving: What? I'm sorry but this must be one of the lamest of the so-called sports. Yes, I agree that the athletes are... well.. athletic. But is it a sport? More on this later.
  
  
• Bob Costas: Am I the only one who thinks Bobski looks like he's suffering from a case of permanent jet lag? Could be just the High Definition TV, but he's looked really tired every time I've seen him (about three times). Also, does he wear a hairpiece now?
  
  
• Michael Phelps: Did you notice how nobody gives a crap about swimming when the Olympics aren't going on? Still, good job for Mr. Phelps on his history-setting performance. But if I know the American viewing public (and let's face it, I AM the American viewing public), nobody will remember his name when the next season of Deal or No Dancing with America's Top Survivor Idol starts.
  
  
• That weird sport that is kind of like hockey on a basketball court but without sticks and using soccer goals: What the hell is the deal with that sport anyways?
  
  
• Women's gymnastics: I guess having an American get screwed by the Chinese judges should piss me off. Unfortunately, I couldn't give less of a shit about these dwarf women swinging around on bars. Look, I don't even consider gymnastics to be much a sport. Sure, like the divers, they're athletic. But for me, if a judge (or panel of judges) is making subjective decisions on wins, then that makes it more of an exhibition than a competition. As you saw the other night, the judges have too much influence on the outcome. Now, show me full contact sudden death gymnastics and you'll have my attention.
  

tagged: Olympics, gymnastics, handball, Michael Phelps, drums, Bob Costas