Today's category: Nature is not your friend
Look, don't get me wrong. I'm a big fan of Nature. There are few things I enjoy more than getting out-of-doors, out of the city, doing some hiking, biking fishing... anything really that will get me away from the soul crushing mass of humanity that weighs down on all city dwellers 24-hours a day (Not you though. You're cool. You're alright. I'm referring to all of the other humanity).
But let's face it, that fandom is a one way street. Those people who say that Nature is beautiful are only partly right. Nature is beautiful, sure. But Nature doesn't give two shits how beautiful you think it is. And Nature wouldn't think twice about sinking a cobra fang into your neck if you let your guard down for half a second.
So, Nature Boy, while you're busy thinking up your rebuttal, here are a few Bullitt Points to back up my assertion that Nature is not your friend:
- Scientists Find New, Disease-Spreading Tick in 9 States
It's not cute. It's not here to save the day. It's here to spread human-killing pathogens.
- New Wasp Species Turns Spiders into Zombies
Just what we need, zombie spiders. Mark my words, this is only the first step for these wasps. They're coming for you next!
- New Weapons to Fight Baby-eating Snakes
"…they have even been found trying to swallow the hands of sleeping infants." Good luck with that, snake hunters.
- Young Girl Gored by Deer in London Park