Semler must be destroyed!

Even though I live in Johnson County, I’ve taken a keen interest in this Francis Semler case. I wondered why a Parks board appointment would generate such a vocal reaction from Hispanic leaders.

Then I learned the ugly truth. This, my friend, is serious. It’s no laughing matter.

To summarize: KCMO’s mayor appointed Semler to the influential Parks Board even though she’s one of the leading members of the highly racist and violent Minuteman Civil Defense Corps.

This of course set off very legitimate outrage among the members of the National Council of La Raza, a completely non-racist organization that is working to get more money and opportunity only for Hispanic people (but totally not racist).

Anyway, the recent development is that the National Council of La Raza has agreed to call off its boycott of Kansas City if Semler agrees to cut her ties to the evil, racist, violent, diabolical Minuteman Civil Defense Corps.

I can only hope that this so-called compromise isn't approved. I'm not sure what kind of dirt the city's administration is using to blackmail the members of National Council of La Raza into agreeing to this outrage. But trust me, as a society, we cannot allow Semler to get off this easily.

I have it on good authority from a source placed close to the Parks board that racist border protection is only the beginning of Semler's insidious plans.

I have in my possession a strategy memo leaked to me from a person close to Semler, high up in her organization. This memo outlines the steps by which Semler, using the vast economic and political resources of the Kansas City Parks Board, plans no less than an insidious takeover of the entire Midwest. This is a wakeup call, Kansas City!

Her first step, according to the memo, is to consolidate her power by having herself declared Parks Czar where she will wield supreme parks authority over all of Kansas City. Then it will be an easy political maneuver to have the Mid America Regional Council appoint her Grand Chancellor of Parks for the entire Kansas City Metro area.

According to the strategy memo, once she has attained this power, her minions will release millions of poison ivy seeds throughout the area's parks and public spaces. The resulting crisis caused by the noxious weed gives Semler all the reason she needs to bring in as many groundskeepers, landscapers and garden experts as possible to control the situation.

And suddenly, every Hispanic person in the region is under Semler's direct control.

Fellow citizens, this cannot be allowed to happen. With such an army under her control, nothing could stop Semler from installing rain gardens from Gladstone to Olathe. There will be no way to keep Semler from implementing her nefarious scheme to install shrubberies every 300 yards along Kansas City's streets and highways.

Please, I implore you. We must do something to nip this despicable plan in the bud. We can't allow Semler's plan to take root and sprout.

tagged: Kansas City, Francis Semler, Hispanic, La Raza, Minuteman, Johnson County, racism

It's the little things

There are so many non-stories out there this week that it's making me feel anti-inspired. I mean, I care so little about these things that it makes me not want to post anything.

For instance, everybody's posing about the Francis Semler resignation. Getting Semler off (ewe!) of the all-powerful KCMO parks board is a huge victory for the racist west side Latino lobby. I'm glad they didn't waste all of their effort on unimportant issues like healthcare or education. But everyone has already said so much about it that I can barely summon the little interest I had a few months ago.

Then there's the untimely death of megastar actor Heath Ledger. My RSS reader lit up last night with bloggers bemoaning the loss of such a fine talent to what looks like a drug overdose. A tragic loss, we now will have to get by without seeing any of his future so-so movies (I was so looking forward to Brokeback Submarine).

My apathy to these stories is palpable. It's enough to suck the inspiration right out of you.

Then out of the blue, as I was getting my morning coffee in the break room today, something wonderful happened.

A coworker dropped a few coins in the Coca-Cola machine to buy her daily Diet Coke. The can dropped through the internal workings of the vending machine, and when it hit the dispensing bin it exploded like a syrupy, carbonated hand grenade.

The resulting mess of curse words and sticky cloths gave me just the schadenfreude I needed to get me out of my rut and back into the groove.

Thank science for the little things.

tagged: Kansas City, Francis Semler, apathy, Heath Ledger, diet coke, inspiration, schadenfreude

Prepare for glory!

My fellow Latinos make no mistake: Events of the past week are a victory for Latinos everywhere!

The despot Francis Semler may still be the ruler of the Kansas City Parks Board, but we have demonstrated that the men and women of La Raza submit to no ruler.

By withholding our support for the NCLR convention, we have proven that although there may be only 300 of us on the Westside, we are more than a match for the godless heathens in the Mayor's office.

And this is only the beginning of the fight! Soon, the world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many, and that before this battle is over, even a god-king can bleed.

tagged: Kansas City, La Raza, convention, 300, humor, Latino