Friday, October 12, 2007

Semler must be destroyed!

Even though I live in Johnson County, I’ve taken a keen interest in this Francis Semler case. I wondered why a Parks board appointment would generate such a vocal reaction from Hispanic leaders.

Then I learned the ugly truth. This, my friend, is serious. It’s no laughing matter.

To summarize: KCMO’s mayor appointed Semler to the influential Parks Board even though she’s one of the leading members of the highly racist and violent Minuteman Civil Defense Corps.

This of course set off very legitimate outrage among the members of the National Council of La Raza, a completely non-racist organization that is working to get more money and opportunity only for Hispanic people (but totally not racist).

Anyway, the recent development is that the National Council of La Raza has agreed to call off its boycott of Kansas City if Semler agrees to cut her ties to the evil, racist, violent, diabolical Minuteman Civil Defense Corps.

I can only hope that this so-called compromise isn't approved. I'm not sure what kind of dirt the city's administration is using to blackmail the members of National Council of La Raza into agreeing to this outrage. But trust me, as a society, we cannot allow Semler to get off this easily.

I have it on good authority from a source placed close to the Parks board that racist border protection is only the beginning of Semler's insidious plans.

I have in my possession a strategy memo leaked to me from a person close to Semler, high up in her organization. This memo outlines the steps by which Semler, using the vast economic and political resources of the Kansas City Parks Board, plans no less than an insidious takeover of the entire Midwest. This is a wakeup call, Kansas City!

Her first step, according to the memo, is to consolidate her power by having herself declared Parks Czar where she will wield supreme parks authority over all of Kansas City. Then it will be an easy political maneuver to have the Mid America Regional Council appoint her Grand Chancellor of Parks for the entire Kansas City Metro area.

According to the strategy memo, once she has attained this power, her minions will release millions of poison ivy seeds throughout the area's parks and public spaces. The resulting crisis caused by the noxious weed gives Semler all the reason she needs to bring in as many groundskeepers, landscapers and garden experts as possible to control the situation.

And suddenly, every Hispanic person in the region is under Semler's direct control.

Fellow citizens, this cannot be allowed to happen. With such an army under her control, nothing could stop Semler from installing rain gardens from Gladstone to Olathe. There will be no way to keep Semler from implementing her nefarious scheme to install shrubberies every 300 yards along Kansas City's streets and highways.

Please, I implore you. We must do something to nip this despicable plan in the bud. We can't allow Semler's plan to take root and sprout.

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  1. I don't know, d00d - none of that sounds too bad. And maybe she could use her superpowers for good - like making sure there would be a live mariachi band on each train of the new light rail.

    Why, wouldn't that just be a peach!

  2. yes! Very funny stuff. Thanks for the good read.

  3. How can you help but take a keen interest? I mean, she's MAD with the power...have you seen her? MAD, I tell you!

    On the other hand, I thought Mistah Funk was incredibly impressive the other day when the reporters cornered him and all he would say was that he wasn't going to comment on the issue. He's really creepy looking when they cram the camera that close to his face...*shudders*

  4. oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!

    And pancakes!

    She could have a Saturday Pancakes in The Parks and all the mariachi bands could switch off: some flapping jacks, some strolling and serenading the munching mushy music mavens...

  5. Back when I was a bartender, we had a Muzak system that offered a channel called "Fiesta Mexicana," and I am not being the least bit sarcastic when I say FIESTA MEXICANA WAS AWESOME! It was the happiest music in the world, and it was like sliding down a magical rainbow into a shimmering lake of corn syrup and swimming with dolphins made from heroin and chocolate and orgasms. Put happy music on the ballot and I will vote for it; put it on the menu and I will eat it. Mariachi music is awesome.

  6. I HEART Mariachi music!

  7. That was pretty good.

    Here's what I wrote in a post:

    What Cris Medina and Rita, tony's mom, talk about at work:

    Cris: I think he's not going to go along with us. Dam white people.

    Rita: If the Mayor doesn't go along with us i'll sick my son Tony on him. He is such a prince. Some girl will be lucky to have him.

    Cris: I can always call my friend from MS-13.

    Rita: Dam I hate to travel to another state to go to our 2009 LaRace Convention. We need to put more pressure on him.

    Cris: An idea is coming to me. Oh, oh.....we can protest in front of City Hall. IF Semler doesnt agree to step off of the Minutemen.

    Rita: What a great idea Cris. But my son won't come, he is starting a new job.

    Cris: How will we get people to protest with us against Funkhouser?

    Rita: I can make tacos. Everyone loves tacos. We can say Semler will be there too. That'll make them show up.

    Cris: Maybe my good friend Janet can fly down.

    Rita: I doubt it. Janet is too busy in DC.

    Cris: What are we going to do if the Mayor decides not to remove Semler from the Minutemen. He is so stubborn, poor Gloria. I feel for you girl.

    Rita: I can get my son, Tony to spread rumors about a recall on his blog and I have a good friend at the KC Star newspaper who will do the same.

    Cris: Ohhh, Rita you are so witty.

    Rita: I know. How did you think I got my son to live in the basement.

  8. "When they came for the spiral slide, I said nothing. When they came for the teeter totter, I said nothing . . ."

    Those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it.


  9. There are three kinds of women:

    the pretty ones

    the ugly ones

    and the blondes...

    ( lapa)

  10. There are three kinds of men:

    the pretty ones

    the ugly ones

    and the Attorneys...


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