Get out of town

A report in today's KC Star revealed that Kansas City is one of the best cities to get out of.

In the event of an emergency (nookular strike, bird flu, violent robot uprising, mutant zombie attack, etc.) the metro area's abundance of paved roads and urban sprawl guarantee that we'll be able to head for the hills, spreading all sorts of pathogens and genetic maladies across the fruited plain.

But the area's "evacuation capacity" has another benefit. It allows most residents to leave town on weekends, avoiding death by boredom-induced over masturbation because of a lack of anything exciting to do anywhere in the city.

tagged: Kansas City, urban sprawl, highway, evacuation, humor

It's pronounced "newkular"

Nobody wants a war with North Korea.

Certainly the South Koreans don't want one, not after their last experience. And the Japanese, with only a token military, aren't prepared to go to the mattresses, as the Corleons would say.

The Chinese, traditional allies to the NorKs, don't want to start a war either, though they're none too happy with their "brothers and comrades."

And the Americans? Well, we all know that 1) we can't afford another war from a fiscal and military resources standpoint and 2) we don't have the national intestinal fortitude to do so even if we could afford it.

No. Nobody wants a war. Except perhaps for North Korea, which announced today that any kind of international sanction would be considered an act of war.

So the international community has turned to the UN, which luckily has taken up the challenge to deal with the NorKs.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan has announced a series of tough measures to deal with Kim Jong Il (and his brother Menta Lee Il). The measures are built on the successful programs that have worked in the past to reign in renegade leaders. They include:

• The imposition of strong economic sanctions including forbidding the import of Knight Rider episodes and Rubik's Cubes into North Korea.
• Eliminating all import of strategic materials such as Nerf, Floam and Play-Doh.
• If sanctions fail to produce the desired results, the UN has authorized diplomatic officials to speak very harshly, using words like "impose," "eliminate," and "authorize."
• The UN is also in the process of drafting the dreaded "U.N. resolution."
• If all else fails, as a final measure, the UN will drop its collective pants, lube its collective anus, and allow the NorKs to continue with "missile tests."

I think we all feel much better about the situation with the UN involved. If you know of anything else the UN is planning to do, please let us know in the comments section.

tagged: nukes, North Korea, nuclear, NorKs, United Nations, China

Fake NorKs

All the news about the North Koreans (NorKs) is disturbing.

Assuming the recent explosion was the detonation of a nuclear device and not -- as The Onion posits -- simply a celebration of Underground Independence Day, there is now a bigger chess piece on the global grid.

But there are also a lot of people wondering how genuine the NorKs announcement is. One arms blogger thinks the device was a dud. Instapundit thinks the NorKs are just trying to get attention.

I mean, there's plenty of precedent. The Chinese are particularly pissed about an influx from the NorKs of counterfeit US dollars, counterfeit Viagra and counterfeit cigarettes.

Fake drugs, fake smokes and fake greenbacks. Possibly a fake nuke. It all makes me want to fake drink.

tagged: nukes, North Korea, nuclear, NorKs, counterfeit, China

YouTube Tuesday: Important announcemet

The creative geniuses behind the smash YouTube hit Chad Vader have published this important announcement. Be sure to set your DVR to capture the premier of Chad Vader: Episode 4.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, Vader, Star Wars, humor, comedy, culture

Hypnotized, mesmerized

Wichita blogger extraordinaire John B. has published this week's Kansas Guild of Bloggers roundup over at Blog Meridian.

This is a great collection about what area bloggers have to say. Always entertaining, often informative, you won't be able to tear yourself away. So go check it out and then plan on submitting a post of your own for next week's carnival.

tagged: Kansas, blog, blogger, carnival, KGB

Eye of the beholder

I just noticed an interesting phenomenon while blogsurfing yesterday.

Plenty of bloggers are taking the opportunity to lob some well-deserved righteous indignation at Rep. Mark Foley, rightly calling him a hypocritical douchebag.

We've also seen in the last few weeks a few more major rants lamenting the death of America with the recent passage of legislation which denies the right of habeas corpus and other constitutional rights to imprisoned terrorist suspects.

For the record (and not that it matters), I oppose the recent legislation and expect it to be overturned by the SCOTUS. I also think Foley is a scumbag skunk who will be justly compensated for his acts by karma. Furthermore if laws were broken, he and all involved should be prosecuted to the full extent.

But I find it interesting that so many people are screaming for his head in the absence of due process... particularly the people who are most loudly lamenting the lack of due process for others.

I guess hypocrisy truly is in the eye of the beholder.

tagged: politics, Foley, hypocrisy, habeas corpus

It's a marvelous night for a moondance

Last night's full moon was amazing. I tried to capture it with this picture...

But Van Morrison captured it much better years ago with this lyric...

Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush

tagged: moon, Kansas, full moon, Van Morrison, moondance

Another headline I couldn't pass up

Pipe leak forcing sewage into Missouri River

The Wyandotte County (Kansas) government dumped a bunch of raw sewage in the Missouri River and wanted to warn the people of Kansas City, Mo., about it.

Which is more considerate than the government of Kansas City, Mo., which craps on KC residents with no warning at all.

tagged: news, Kansas City, Wyandotte, Missouri, raw sewage, commentary

Not for amateurs

Public Service Announcement:

Pole dancing isn't for amateurs. Before you decide to become a pole dancer, be sure to get the proper training. Oh, and don't drink and pole dance.

The More You Know...



tagged: video, humor, pole dancing

Headline of the Day

Stagg trial ends with hung jury

Does this headline make anyone else think of a bachelor party?

tagged: news, Kansas City