Wednesday, October 11, 2006

It's pronounced "newkular"

Nobody wants a war with North Korea.

Certainly the South Koreans don't want one, not after their last experience. And the Japanese, with only a token military, aren't prepared to go to the mattresses, as the Corleons would say.

The Chinese, traditional allies to the NorKs, don't want to start a war either, though they're none too happy with their "brothers and comrades."

And the Americans? Well, we all know that 1) we can't afford another war from a fiscal and military resources standpoint and 2) we don't have the national intestinal fortitude to do so even if we could afford it.

No. Nobody wants a war. Except perhaps for North Korea, which announced today that any kind of international sanction would be considered an act of war.

So the international community has turned to the UN, which luckily has taken up the challenge to deal with the NorKs.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan has announced a series of tough measures to deal with Kim Jong Il (and his brother Menta Lee Il). The measures are built on the successful programs that have worked in the past to reign in renegade leaders. They include:
  • The imposition of strong economic sanctions including forbidding the import of Knight Rider episodes and Rubik's Cubes into North Korea.
  • Eliminating all import of strategic materials such as Nerf, Floam and Play-Doh.
  • If sanctions fail to produce the desired results, the UN has authorized diplomatic officials to speak very harshly, using words like "impose," "eliminate," and "authorize."
  • The UN is also in the process of drafting the dreaded "U.N. resolution."
  • If all else fails, as a final measure, the UN will drop its collective pants, lube its collective anus, and allow the NorKs to continue with "missile tests."
I think we all feel much better about the situation with the UN involved. If you know of anything else the UN is planning to do, please let us know in the comments section.

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1 comment:

  1. They might use their favorite, the "strongly worded letter."


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