tagged: poll, pick up lines, bar, dating, drink, armpit, screaming
Monday, January 14, 2008
3A.M. Poll: Worst pickup lines for d00ds
These options came from one of those emails that keep getting forwarded around, so don't think I made these up because, honestly, I would never use a pick-up line in a bar... honestly... I'm tellin' you I would never do it!
tagged: poll, pick up lines, bar, dating, drink, armpit, screaming
tagged: poll, pick up lines, bar, dating, drink, armpit, screaming
Friday, January 11, 2008
Friday Blogthing: The Sounds of Sci-fi
Just to prove how much of a sci-fi nerd you are, I dare you to do better than me on this audio quiz.
tagged: Friday, test, audio, scifi, knowledge, meme, blog, sound effects
 | I received 71 credits on The Sci Fi Sounds Quiz How much of a Sci-Fi geek are you? |
| Guess the Sci-Fi Movie Sounds here | |
tagged: Friday, test, audio, scifi, knowledge, meme, blog, sound effects
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Rule of Thumb
Since we returned home from our Christmas trips, life at the emawkc household has revolved around my Supermodel Wife's injured thumb.
A few days after the previous post on the topic, the general practitioner referred us to a plastic surgeon specializing in skin grafts due to a mild infection that had developed in what used to be the tip of my SMW's thumb.
The specialist cleaned out the wound with a scalpel, removing the cauterized tissue to encourage the new skin to grow more quickly. He took a culture to better diagnose the infection and prescribe an effective antibiotic (and, I presume, to make sure we're not at risk from the dreaded MRSA).
He also directed us to soak the healing thumb in the mornings and evenings in warm, soapy water and then redress. Unfortunately, the first night we did this, there was a lot of pain as the dressing had stuck to the wound. Pulling it off was excruciating.
Last night was much better. Much less pain. We scheduled to go back to the plastic surgeon's on Monday for a check up.
Oh, before I forget, here's the obligatory picture.
Have you had lunch yet?
tagged: thumb, cheese slicer, blood, bloody, cauterize, MRSA, skin
A few days after the previous post on the topic, the general practitioner referred us to a plastic surgeon specializing in skin grafts due to a mild infection that had developed in what used to be the tip of my SMW's thumb.
The specialist cleaned out the wound with a scalpel, removing the cauterized tissue to encourage the new skin to grow more quickly. He took a culture to better diagnose the infection and prescribe an effective antibiotic (and, I presume, to make sure we're not at risk from the dreaded MRSA).
He also directed us to soak the healing thumb in the mornings and evenings in warm, soapy water and then redress. Unfortunately, the first night we did this, there was a lot of pain as the dressing had stuck to the wound. Pulling it off was excruciating.
Last night was much better. Much less pain. We scheduled to go back to the plastic surgeon's on Monday for a check up.
Oh, before I forget, here's the obligatory picture.
Have you had lunch yet?tagged: thumb, cheese slicer, blood, bloody, cauterize, MRSA, skin
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
My next million dollar idea
Wonderfully witty Amy, author of Wandering Amylessly (srsly, you should check out her work, it's always excellent even though her politics are all messed up), has a post today recounting her efforts to get her husband to carry a purse.
Oh... er... excuse me, I meant a "man bag" (yeah right).
The problem is, there's only one kind of man bag, and it is for the conveyance of family jewels. Let's face it, you can call it a "man bag" or a "European male carry-all," but that doesn't change the fact that it's a purse. A rose by any other name, right?
Her husband and 4-year-old son thought the same thing, which makes me wonder why chicks always think dudes want to carry a purse? Especially when you've got a wife with a purse that can stow all the useless crap a guy might need to carry around.
The way I see it, there are only two acceptable solutions to the problem Amy describes.
First is the Indiana Jones-style shoulder bag. It's the same kind of bag I used when I recovered the ancient gold-plated, jewel-encrusted Mayan disemboweling dagger while foiling a Nazi plot to foment a Mexican invasion of the American southwest a few years ago (but that's an entirely different story).
This is actually a MkVII British Gas Mask Bag. How freakin' manly is that! Of course it may be a little too bulky for today's urban male, and it could be considered a little too casual for use in the office.
My other solution is the tried and true cargo pants. I love the summer time because I have several pairs of well-worn cargo shorts that can contain everything from iPods, cell phone, wallets, pocket knives, gangster roll, screwdrivers, wrenches, grocery lists, etc.
But here again, even the pleated Dockers khaki version of these fashion wonders are probably a little too casual for the corporate cube environment.
This is where my next million dollar idea comes in: cargo dress slacks. I'm tellin' you this is a guaranteed winner. Imagine the convenience of having additional thigh pockets in you Armani suit pants!
It will be all the rage in 2008, mark my words.
tagged: fashion, purse, Indiana Jones, man bag, European carry all, cargo pants, Armani
Oh... er... excuse me, I meant a "man bag" (yeah right).
The problem is, there's only one kind of man bag, and it is for the conveyance of family jewels. Let's face it, you can call it a "man bag" or a "European male carry-all," but that doesn't change the fact that it's a purse. A rose by any other name, right?
Her husband and 4-year-old son thought the same thing, which makes me wonder why chicks always think dudes want to carry a purse? Especially when you've got a wife with a purse that can stow all the useless crap a guy might need to carry around.
The way I see it, there are only two acceptable solutions to the problem Amy describes.
First is the Indiana Jones-style shoulder bag. It's the same kind of bag I used when I recovered the ancient gold-plated, jewel-encrusted Mayan disemboweling dagger while foiling a Nazi plot to foment a Mexican invasion of the American southwest a few years ago (but that's an entirely different story).
This is actually a MkVII British Gas Mask Bag. How freakin' manly is that! Of course it may be a little too bulky for today's urban male, and it could be considered a little too casual for use in the office.
My other solution is the tried and true cargo pants. I love the summer time because I have several pairs of well-worn cargo shorts that can contain everything from iPods, cell phone, wallets, pocket knives, gangster roll, screwdrivers, wrenches, grocery lists, etc.
But here again, even the pleated Dockers khaki version of these fashion wonders are probably a little too casual for the corporate cube environment.
This is where my next million dollar idea comes in: cargo dress slacks. I'm tellin' you this is a guaranteed winner. Imagine the convenience of having additional thigh pockets in you Armani suit pants!
It will be all the rage in 2008, mark my words.
tagged: fashion, purse, Indiana Jones, man bag, European carry all, cargo pants, Armani
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
YouTube Tuesday: Fired Up and Ready to Bore
Are you as excited as I am about the presidential election cycle starting a full year before the election? If so, never fear, there's a cure for that exuberance...
tagged: movie, Washington Post, video, election, Hillary Clinton, New Hampshire, humor, primary
tagged: movie, Washington Post, video, election, Hillary Clinton, New Hampshire, humor, primary
Friday, January 04, 2008
A salute to KU and Mark Mangino
3AM presents Real Men of Genius(Real Men of Genius)
Today we salute you...
Mr. Grossly Overweight Football Coach
(Mr. Grossly Overweight Football Coach)
Some men follow the rules,
Some men follow their hearts,
But you follow your stomach
(Please pass me another gallon of gravy!)
Though some may doubt you,
And some may deride you,
You've stayed true to your quest through all of the heartache and heartburn
(I think I need some more Rolaids)
You know that winning is not just about brute force,
But also about scheduling weaker competition
And paying off bowl officials
(Have another bundle of cash)
And while some are content to stay on the sidelines following the rules,
You know that NCAA rules were meant to be broken
And that a slap on the wrist is worth a brazillion dollar bowl payout
(Find another coed to take my players' tests)
So knock back another pail of pancake batter, oh six-chinned coach of the year,
Because even though you have to ride in the freight section on the flight home, you're keeping cheating and corruption at the core of big-time college sports
(Don't spend your entire $50,000 bonus at Sizzler...)
tagged: KU, Kansas, football, Orange Bowl, Mark Mangino, Real Men of Genius, NCAA violations
Friday Blogthing: Electile dysfunction
Today is a bit of a departure for the Friday Blogthing.
As I tried to recover from the gross tedium that was the coverage of the Iowa caucus, I became nostalgic for a simpler time. A time when candidates didn't have to spend millions of dollars on campaign ads and kickbacks. A time before meaningless YouTube debates with questions asked by idiots in costumes.
A time when political power was determined not by who could make the most promises to the most interest groups, but by how much your candidate could kick ass in a battle to the death.
Well, thanks to Atom Films we can now relive those halcyon days of yesteryear through the magic of the interwebs.
Check out Kung-Fu Election. Choose your candidate and your weapon and proceed to dominate the filed with extreme prejudice.
I played as Mike Huckabee and totally decapitated both Mitt Romny and John Edwards, but I hear that Obama-san is a real sonuvabitch to beat.
See if you can beat my score of 145,000.
tagged: election, kung fu, caucus, Romney, Huckabee, Obama, Atom Films
As I tried to recover from the gross tedium that was the coverage of the Iowa caucus, I became nostalgic for a simpler time. A time when candidates didn't have to spend millions of dollars on campaign ads and kickbacks. A time before meaningless YouTube debates with questions asked by idiots in costumes.
A time when political power was determined not by who could make the most promises to the most interest groups, but by how much your candidate could kick ass in a battle to the death.
Well, thanks to Atom Films we can now relive those halcyon days of yesteryear through the magic of the interwebs.
Check out Kung-Fu Election. Choose your candidate and your weapon and proceed to dominate the filed with extreme prejudice.
I played as Mike Huckabee and totally decapitated both Mitt Romny and John Edwards, but I hear that Obama-san is a real sonuvabitch to beat.See if you can beat my score of 145,000.
tagged: election, kung fu, caucus, Romney, Huckabee, Obama, Atom Films
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Iowans love the caucus
Tonight is the climax of this thing up in Iowa. You may have heard of it. It's been in the news.
It's the presidential primary caucus. It's a pretty big deal. It's the biggest caucus in the country, way bigger than the Wyoming caucus (Iowans laugh derisively when you compare their huge caucus to the tiny, impotent Wyoming caucus).
Yes, Iowan's are quite proud of their huge caucus. It's a time when they get to make the rest of the country get on our collective knees and spray their choice for candidate right in our face.
But whatever final candidates come out of the huge Iowa caucus, it's important to remember that the real winner is the Iowa economy.
According to my inside sources, candidates dropped over $40 million for a taste of the Iowa caucus.
That's $40 million injected into the Iowa economy. That kind of green will buy you a lot of John Deere's in Des Moines.
And that's only the money spent by the candidates themselves. Add to that untold millions spent by special interest groups and PACs, and you can see why Iowans love the caucus.
They make a lot of money selling their caucus to the highest bidder.
Sure, all that money has a corrupting influence on the American electoral system. Certainly there's no rational reason to undermine democracy by narrowing the field of candidates nearly an entire year before the actual election.
But why let a little thing like idealism get in the way of a lucrative political transaction. The huge Iowa caucus is a tradition, and what could be more traditional than political corruption?
tagged: Iowa, caucus, election, politics, candidates, money, corruption
It's the presidential primary caucus. It's a pretty big deal. It's the biggest caucus in the country, way bigger than the Wyoming caucus (Iowans laugh derisively when you compare their huge caucus to the tiny, impotent Wyoming caucus).
Yes, Iowan's are quite proud of their huge caucus. It's a time when they get to make the rest of the country get on our collective knees and spray their choice for candidate right in our face.But whatever final candidates come out of the huge Iowa caucus, it's important to remember that the real winner is the Iowa economy.
According to my inside sources, candidates dropped over $40 million for a taste of the Iowa caucus.
That's $40 million injected into the Iowa economy. That kind of green will buy you a lot of John Deere's in Des Moines.
And that's only the money spent by the candidates themselves. Add to that untold millions spent by special interest groups and PACs, and you can see why Iowans love the caucus.
They make a lot of money selling their caucus to the highest bidder.
Sure, all that money has a corrupting influence on the American electoral system. Certainly there's no rational reason to undermine democracy by narrowing the field of candidates nearly an entire year before the actual election.
But why let a little thing like idealism get in the way of a lucrative political transaction. The huge Iowa caucus is a tradition, and what could be more traditional than political corruption?
tagged: Iowa, caucus, election, politics, candidates, money, corruption
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
YouTube Tuesday: 2007 in Review
Merry Bloody Christmas
To her credit, not that she needs more credit in my book, my supermodel wife didn't swear. Didn't cuss, didn't really scream like I would have if it were me standing there with my hand under the faucet watching blood spew from my fingers.
If it were me, you can bet that the sonsobitches, F-bombs, and even the nuclear MF-bombs would be going off all over the kitchen in my mom's house where we were visiting.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me reset the scene with some background.
We're all settling down for a traditional Christmas Eve lunch of Tuscan Potato Soup. I'm at the kitchen island preparing a plate for our 5-year-old daughter, and my SMW is across from me slicing some fancy cheese to go on some fancy crackers.
And because it was fancy cheese for fancy crackers, my dad gave her a fancy surgical steel cheese knife to cut it with. It was the kind with the blade through the middle that you're supposed to run over the edge of the cheese to cut a slice.
Like this one...
Anyhoo, SMW makes a witty remark about how the device looks like a deadly weapon, then proceeds to assume the cheese-slicing position.
Unfortunately, the cheese is a little hard. I think it had been in the fridge and wasn't quite thawed. So she adjusted her grip on the cheese slicer and put added effort into pulling it toward her. Suddenly, with a quick slip like an assassin's blade, the razor edge of the cheese slicer slid through the cheese... but it didn't stop with the cheese.
In a split second, the vorpal blade went snicker-snack, right down the length of fancy Cheddar and into and through the soft pad of the tip of my supermodel wife's thumb.
As the exclamations rang out, "OH MY GOD! Omigod, Ohmigod! OH MY GOD!" a slice of thumb, just the right size to top a Wheat Thin, landed on the counter top.
Out of some deep evolutionary impulse, she rushed to the sink to put the wound under running water. It was there that I caught my first clear view of the cleanly cut thumb, or rather the cleanly cut crater where the thumb used to be.
We all snapped into action. A paper towel was used at first to try to stop the bleeding while my sister-in-law brought the gauze and bandages from the first aid kit. My mother found the severed chunk of thumb and put it in a small container with some ice.
They call the emergency room as my wife and I head to the car. We turn the 20-minute drive to the ER into a 15-minute one, and soon we're rehashing the incident with physician's assistant, showing her the bite-sized bit of thumb we brought with us.
"I have some bad news," the PA said. "We're going to take off the dressing and bathe your thumb in betadine. It will hurt worse than anything you've felt so far. Then we'll have to redress it. We can't sew on the rest of your thumb, since it's already dead."
With that, the PA made good on her promise. Blood began to gush as the dressing was removed. When the thumb was dipped into the betadine bath (to the stifled cries of SMW) , a river of dark red blood began to mix with the pool of light brown liquid. The amount of blood prompted the PA to revise her prognosis.
"Okay, this is worse than I thought. I'm going to get my doctor in here to look at it, but I think we're going to have to cauterize the wound."
The doctor arrived shortly and concurred.
"It looks like you've cut deep enough to slice the small artery and also part of the nerve that runs through your thumb. That's why there's so much blood and so much pain," he said.
A blood-pressure cuff was used to help stop the bleeding while anesthetic was injected around the base of the thumb. Then the doctor performed the silver-nitrate chemical cauterization, turning the wound black and making it look even worse.
And, just because I know your aching to see it, here's what the thumb looked like after about four days.
Doctors have told her that the thumb will grow back over the next six to eight weeks, but it will remain tender long after that.
So how was your Christmas?
tagged: Christmas Eve, thumb, cheese slicer, blood, bloody, cauterize, silver nitrate
If it were me, you can bet that the sonsobitches, F-bombs, and even the nuclear MF-bombs would be going off all over the kitchen in my mom's house where we were visiting.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me reset the scene with some background.
We're all settling down for a traditional Christmas Eve lunch of Tuscan Potato Soup. I'm at the kitchen island preparing a plate for our 5-year-old daughter, and my SMW is across from me slicing some fancy cheese to go on some fancy crackers.
And because it was fancy cheese for fancy crackers, my dad gave her a fancy surgical steel cheese knife to cut it with. It was the kind with the blade through the middle that you're supposed to run over the edge of the cheese to cut a slice.
Like this one...
Anyhoo, SMW makes a witty remark about how the device looks like a deadly weapon, then proceeds to assume the cheese-slicing position.
Unfortunately, the cheese is a little hard. I think it had been in the fridge and wasn't quite thawed. So she adjusted her grip on the cheese slicer and put added effort into pulling it toward her. Suddenly, with a quick slip like an assassin's blade, the razor edge of the cheese slicer slid through the cheese... but it didn't stop with the cheese.
In a split second, the vorpal blade went snicker-snack, right down the length of fancy Cheddar and into and through the soft pad of the tip of my supermodel wife's thumb.
As the exclamations rang out, "OH MY GOD! Omigod, Ohmigod! OH MY GOD!" a slice of thumb, just the right size to top a Wheat Thin, landed on the counter top.
Out of some deep evolutionary impulse, she rushed to the sink to put the wound under running water. It was there that I caught my first clear view of the cleanly cut thumb, or rather the cleanly cut crater where the thumb used to be.
We all snapped into action. A paper towel was used at first to try to stop the bleeding while my sister-in-law brought the gauze and bandages from the first aid kit. My mother found the severed chunk of thumb and put it in a small container with some ice.
They call the emergency room as my wife and I head to the car. We turn the 20-minute drive to the ER into a 15-minute one, and soon we're rehashing the incident with physician's assistant, showing her the bite-sized bit of thumb we brought with us.
"I have some bad news," the PA said. "We're going to take off the dressing and bathe your thumb in betadine. It will hurt worse than anything you've felt so far. Then we'll have to redress it. We can't sew on the rest of your thumb, since it's already dead."
With that, the PA made good on her promise. Blood began to gush as the dressing was removed. When the thumb was dipped into the betadine bath (to the stifled cries of SMW) , a river of dark red blood began to mix with the pool of light brown liquid. The amount of blood prompted the PA to revise her prognosis.
"Okay, this is worse than I thought. I'm going to get my doctor in here to look at it, but I think we're going to have to cauterize the wound."
The doctor arrived shortly and concurred.
"It looks like you've cut deep enough to slice the small artery and also part of the nerve that runs through your thumb. That's why there's so much blood and so much pain," he said.
A blood-pressure cuff was used to help stop the bleeding while anesthetic was injected around the base of the thumb. Then the doctor performed the silver-nitrate chemical cauterization, turning the wound black and making it look even worse.
And, just because I know your aching to see it, here's what the thumb looked like after about four days.
Doctors have told her that the thumb will grow back over the next six to eight weeks, but it will remain tender long after that.So how was your Christmas?
tagged: Christmas Eve, thumb, cheese slicer, blood, bloody, cauterize, silver nitrate
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