Wednesday, January 09, 2008

My next million dollar idea

Wonderfully witty Amy, author of Wandering Amylessly (srsly, you should check out her work, it's always excellent even though her politics are all messed up), has a post today recounting her efforts to get her husband to carry a purse.

Oh... er... excuse me, I meant a "man bag" (yeah right).

The problem is, there's only one kind of man bag, and it is for the conveyance of family jewels. Let's face it, you can call it a "man bag" or a "European male carry-all," but that doesn't change the fact that it's a purse. A rose by any other name, right?

Her husband and 4-year-old son thought the same thing, which makes me wonder why chicks always think dudes want to carry a purse? Especially when you've got a wife with a purse that can stow all the useless crap a guy might need to carry around.

The way I see it, there are only two acceptable solutions to the problem Amy describes.

First is the Indiana Jones-style shoulder bag. It's the same kind of bag I used when I recovered the ancient gold-plated, jewel-encrusted Mayan disemboweling dagger while foiling a Nazi plot to foment a Mexican invasion of the American southwest a few years ago (but that's an entirely different story).

This is actually a MkVII British Gas Mask Bag. How freakin' manly is that! Of course it may be a little too bulky for today's urban male, and it could be considered a little too casual for use in the office.

My other solution is the tried and true cargo pants. I love the summer time because I have several pairs of well-worn cargo shorts that can contain everything from iPods, cell phone, wallets, pocket knives, gangster roll, screwdrivers, wrenches, grocery lists, etc.

But here again, even the pleated Dockers khaki version of these fashion wonders are probably a little too casual for the corporate cube environment.

This is where my next million dollar idea comes in: cargo dress slacks. I'm tellin' you this is a guaranteed winner. Imagine the convenience of having additional thigh pockets in you Armani suit pants!

It will be all the rage in 2008, mark my words.

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  1. backpack. it's worked for me for years for diabetes supplies, notebooks, real books, wallet, mp3 player, cell phone, etc., etc., doesn't work so hot for a quick jaunt to your grocer's freezer, but generally my pockets and wife's purse can carry what i need - wallet, phone, diabetes junk.

  2. I nearly pass out after I check the price tags of fashionable "manly" murses.

    But the $12 cargo pants I've taken to wearing since my injury have been brilliant.

    I love your concept.

  3. I just saw your comment about "the House". Yeah you give her 2 sodas. there is a gold coin under her finger in the bed.

  4. Dude should go *one step further* and just DRESS like Indiana Jones all the time! Then the bag (a) makes sense, as it's an integral part of the ensemble and (b) won't be something people will even pay attention to AT ALL, since they'll be more focussed on the fact that their coworker apparently became a loon overnight.

  5. My rule is, if I can't carry it with what I've got on, it stays home. Otherwise, briefcase.


  6. Another "House" idea...Did you turn on the breathing machine? Did you open the sodas?
    Put the Oxygen mask on her, close the bed and try the blue lever. It goes into video mode and she comes over and opens the pink one then the blue one will work. Keep me updated.

  7. I keep a lot of crap in my laptop bag, but I also don't take it anywhere outside of the work day.

  8. Man bags are cool. I have several. They're quite useful.

    They're also called LAPTOP BAGS.

    Your idea isn't so original. There are already iPod Boxers, iPod jeans and iPod belts.

    I'm fairly certain I heard about hidden pocket pants, too.

  9. Am I the only one wondering WTF Hound Doggy is on? "Put the Oxygen mask on her, close the bed and try the blue lever."


  10. Emaw KNOWS.....kind of like The Shadow Knows.

    It's about an evil game that he forced on all of us innocents a while ago.

    Sorry to confuse the masses :(

  11. Faith, she's referring to my continued retardery regarding the Guest House game I mentioned on this post.

  12. Starting Jan 1, I turned over a new leaf (fashion-wise) at work, and am sporting Dockers cargo pants and ribbed knit tops (t-shirts). My boss hasn't said jack, yet...but he normally dresses like dogshit anyway, so I might get away with it. It's comfortable and CHEAP.

    Here's to cheap thrills in suburbia,
    Bad Ben

  13. I'm with jdoublep, a backpack is the way to go. And, I've carried a man purse that just wasn't big enough.

  14. d00dz -


    one only needs to carry a pair of latex gloves; anything else might leave, be forgotten if you're in a hurry.


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