Working with pigs

I can only conclude that the men who work on my floor are pigs.

Or at least one of them is. He's probably from some hicktight suburb on the Missouri side. You know, one of those guys who has those cartoons on his pickem' up truck of Calvin pissing on a Chevy logo, or a Ford logo, or Hillary Clinton or whatever.

You know, the kind of guy who, at 35 years old still thinks its cool to stick a pinch of chaw between your cheek and gum.

It just floors me that here I am working in a professional environment with ostensibly educated people but there are still some of those evolutionarily challenged proto-apes who have managed to squeal, wiggle and squeeze their way up through the cracks in the HR screening processes.

What led me to this realization? Well as with most great epiphanies, it happened in the bathroom. I stepped up to the stall to "pay the water bill," and as I looked down to "point Percy at the porcelain" I saw that someone had tried to spit a huge loogie into the urinal.

Unfortunately he missed, and the sick stack of sputum stuck to the top of the urinal. Cringing, I immediately looked up to assume the eyes forward position so I wouldn't have to see the funky wad of phlegm.

That's when I saw, staring back at me, several petrified snot rockets that some uncouth cretin decided the rest of us evolved human beings just had to see. Evidently this guy had nothing better to do than "mine for gold" and "pick a winner" while he was "shaking hands with the vicar." Makes me retch.

I think the I-70 rest stop outside of Topeka is a more pleasant experience.

tagged: work, gross, bathroom, pig, loogie, snot rocket

Friday Blogthing: Dominating the dojo

I'd be like Kramer at his karate class (what? Did I just throw in a pop culture reference from 1997? Hells yeah I did!).

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tagged: 5-year-old, fight, Kramer, Seinfeld, dojo, karate

Lost Tales of 3AM, Part I: The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of

I've never been one to give too much credence to dreams.

I never really thought there was any kind of deep message in them, never assumed that there was some kind of meaning that we were supposed to find to improve our lives. Whenever I see attempts at "interpreting" dreams, I usually just roll my eyes at the pseudo-psycho mumbo jumbo.

To me, dreams are just your brain's way of dealing with a daily buildup of semi-toxic chemicals and flushing out unused and unneeded stimulus while you were asleep -- sort of a biological Norton's Disk Tools for your noggin.

Then I had the strangest experience a few nights ago.

I had a dream where I was on a business trip with a colleague (can't remember who, but if you're reading this, it wasn't you). We were in some small town in the South. It seems like it was in Virginia or North Carolina or something (probably Greenville or Charlottsville or some other 'ville).

Anyway, so we were at the airport of this small town and we saw on our flight itinerary that we were to change flights in Chicago on our way back to KC. The first leg of the journey from Nowheresville to Chicago went off with no problems. Then when we went to board the flight from Chicago to KC, I realized that somewhere in the air I had lost my wallet.

I had no money, no credit cards and worst of all, no picture ID. Even though I had a ticket, the airline wouldn't let me board the flight home without a picture ID. I was stranded in a Chicago airport with no money and no way to prove who I was.

Then a lot of other strange shit happened that didn't make any sense at all (what's the deal with all those naked women throwing pickles at me? Hmmm.)

But the weird part was when I woke up the next morning, I got ready for work and realized that I didn't have my ID badge/key card for my job. As I searched frantically I realized that I had left it on my desk the previous day.

So I guess it's possible that my subconscious was trying to tell me that I had left my key card at work. If that's the case then thanks for nothing, Subconscious. What the hell am I supposed to do about it in the middle of the night?

Note to Subconscious: Next time remind me about my key card BEFORE I leave the office.

tagged: subconscious, dream, lost, key, travel

Electile

Congratulations to all of you who attended state caucuses (cauci?) or primaries thinking your participation made a difference.


tagged: election, caucuses, primaries, Republicans, Democrats, Obama, Clinton, McCain

Opportunity knocks

People sometimes forget that adversity is often accompanied by opportunity. You know, every cloud has a silver lining and all that rot?

I was driving around OP last week when I saw this sign.









It made me wonder what "Plan B" is? I know Tony has his ideas.

tagged: economy, Kansas, Overland Park, layoff, opportunity, Plan B

In case you haven't heard

Just trying to squeeze the last little bit of enjoyment out of this before today's match up against Mizzou.



tagged: sports, Kansas, K-State, Bill Walker, Michael Beasly, Jayhawks, Wildcats

Friday Blogthing: Does this make me a hobbit?

Aside from the general premise, I know absolutely nothing about Lost.

Never seen and episode, don't know any of the characters, couldn't recite any of the catchphrases.

But a lot of people are doing this quiz, so here's my result. Can someone explain it to me?

Which Lost Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

tagged: Friday, test, Lost, meme, blog, character, Charlie

That just happened!

I have to confess my lack of confidence in the good guys tonight.

I knew K-State had a good team this year. Good? Hell, they have a damn good team.

But I just knew in the run-up to "the game" that even though K-State had its best team in years, so did KU. I joked around with the 'Hawks fans at work whether KU had any chance at all (even the VP of my group... gulp), all the while knowing that in all likelihood, they would walk out of Manhattan with "the streak" intact.

I watch the boys in purple play a solid first half and go into the locker room with a surprising 2-point lead knowing that with Bill Walker's three fouls, they were in rough shape for the second half.

Even with the 'Cats up by 10 with four minutes left, I saw us losing the lead because of fouls and too many 3-point attempts.

It wasn't until about 57 seconds to go that I was reasonably assured that the good guys would win.

So a sincere well-played to the 'Hawks, and a hearty congrats to the 'Cats.

I'm glad I was wrong.

tagged: sports, Kansas, K-State, Bill Walker, Michael Beasly, Jayhawks, Wildcats

YouTube Tuesday: HapP.I. Birthday

On this day in 1945 in Detroit, Michigan, the wold was granted the gift of Thomas William Selleck.

You may know him better as Thomas Magnum, the wise-crackin', Ferrari-drivin', Detroit Tigers baseball cap-wearin' private dick from Hawaii that made TV worth watching in the 1980s.

In honor of Tommy's birthday, here's one of my favorite scenes from the series. It featured Selleck in of his brawny mustachioed awesomeness.



Happy birthday man.

tagged: movie, YouTube, video, Magnum, Tom Selleck, Hawaii, Ferrari

Monday Monday

Holy CRAP I was busy today. I mean BIZ-ZAY!!!

I was busier than a one-legged man in a keester kickin' contest. Busier than a five-dollar whore on nickel night. I was busier than Tony's mom on basement cleaning day.

I had a lot on my plate, is what I'm saying.

I got tagged in than handwriting meme thing, so maybe I'll do that later. Right now, I'm just gonna get my kid to bed, pour myself a Scotch, and chillax for a while.

tagged: work, busy, life