Buddy can you spare some change

At first I thought it was very precious. So cute how everybody was all touchy-feely about what they had done.

It was kind of like being a parent watching the kids open presents on Christmas morning. They get so happy about some cheap plastic trinket that will be broken before the end of January.

You let them have their moment. It's so easy to please them and they don't know any better anyway.

But then I remembered that these aren't children. They're grown adults. They should know better.

I became increasingly disappointed as I read phrases like...

I don't think there was a dry eye in the room after Obama's speech.

I watched that speech with tears in my eyes. This is something that people will remember for a very long time. We’ll tell future generations about watching this election and I feel blessed to be a part of it.

This is the most important day in my over half a century on this planet..

This is something I don't understand. There are people out there who actually think "history has been made." Mature people, ostensibly rational people who should know better than to make decisions based on emotion. People who are old enough to have learned from the previous seven to 10 elections.

But aside from the fact that by definition history is made every day, the only thing remarkable about this election is that Obama is black.

For some people that's enough. Heck, for some people that's the only thing that matters.

As for history and the big "change" that everyone is expecting, I'm surprised that so many are so naïve to think that any real change will actually happen.

Politicians are still beholden to the money of special interests. With Obama, even more so.

They will promise the voters all kinds of new, expensive programs, inexplicably paid for by lower taxes. With Obama, even more so.

Sure, there has been a change in which party is in control of one of the branches of government. But to accept that as a real change, you have to convince yourself that there is a difference between the two parties, an accomplishment that takes a monumental act of self-deception and willful disregard of history.

It's like a Royals fan, believing each spring that their team will be in a pennant race at the end of the season despite years of evidence to the contrary. The difference is that despite the behavior of the vast majority of the electorate, politicians and news media, this isn't baseball.

If we want real improvement, we need to stop looking at national politics like it's a team sport or the latest season of Dancing with the Stars.

But we don't really want real improvement, do we.

My thoughts to be continued tomorrow...

related:

• Meet the old boss, same as the new boss
• The very model of a modern hypocritical
• Meet the old boss, same as the new boss (Part II)

tagged: election, vote, politicians, change, money,

YouTube Tuesday: A tree falls in the forest

Silly as it seems, I suspect this is how 90 percent of voters see their favorite candidates. This is about the level of analysis most people put into their decisions.

Ah well, at least I got a free burnt coffee out of my vote.




tagged: election, vote, coffee, Starbucks, naked campaign,movie, video, YouTube

Yachtsee

Now that Halloween is over, it's time to shift our attention to the next task: Christmas shopping.

That's right. Retailers are already putting out Christmas merchandise. And it's a good idea to get as much gift buying out of the way as early as possible. With only 52 days You don't want to be one of those poor schleps doing last minute shopping at the convenience store on Christmas Eve.

Luckily, I learned today that I'll be able to complete a major portion of my Christmas shopping in the next week or so when I buy my Supermodel Wife one of the coolest gifts EVAR!

I just read that former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein's luxury yacht is now for sale.

I'm tellin' you, it's the perfect gift. Imagine sailing the Persian Gulf in the lap of the luxurious, 270-foot Ocean Breeze. It has too many swimming pools to count, numerous salons, mahogany furniture, big screen TVs, gold and marble accents and more.

There are ornate fountains, gold-tap bathrooms, whirl pools, steam rooms, and hi-tech bathrooms and enough opulent staterooms to sleep 28 people.

This little boat is replete with safety features as well. Cruising the Persian Gulf, for example, your likely to run into your share or pirates. That's where the built-in missile launcher and bullet-proof glass comes in handy

And, if worse comes to worst, you can always escape through the secret passageway to the on-board mini-submarine.

In your face, Dr. Evil!

Oh sure, maybe it does lack a helipad. But in this day and age, with the economy in the shape it's in, a helipad might seem a bit ostentatious. We're noting if not understated at the emawkc household.

And and at a paltry $35 million, this boat is a bargain!

tagged: Iraq, Saddam Hussein, yacht, Ocean Breeze, sale

Happy Halloween!

tagged: Halloween, jack o' lantern, picture, scary, skull, carving

Friday Blogthing: Mummy's the word

I don't think I can agree with this. I tend not to get too wrapped up in Halloween costumes.

You Should Be a Mummy

You are seen as exotic and mysterious. You keep people guessing. You see Halloween as a time that you can defy expectations and show a different part of yourself. You love to try to frighten people. You enjoy being a little creepy, especially on Halloween. You enjoy breaking taboos and challenging what people are comfortable with. If that's scary, so be it!

What Classic Halloween Costume Should You Wear?

tagged: Friday, blogthing, Halloween, costume, mummy, quiz, blog, meme

The Undeciders

There's been a lot of invective thrown around the blogiverse about undecided voters.

Incredulous statements have come from both fake sides of the fake political coin. People just don't get how someone can be undecided in a campaign that has lasted two years and wasted billions of dollars.

People like Opinionatrix are fed up with undecided voters' reluctance to buy the steaming pile of monkey crap being flung by the McCain and Obama campaigns:

"In an adult undecided voter it’s a downright stupid and attention getting ploy... Unfortunately for you guys, the rest of us have already mastered the skill of decision making and are thus a bit ahead in the game of life."

Then there's the oft-quoted David Sedaris, who I'll quote here because everyone else has:

I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

I think Mr. Sedaris is the one who is confused. His metaphor would be more accurate if the flight attendant were offering a choice between a shit platter on the one hand and a bowl of warmed up shit soup with a side of crap crackers on the other.

This is the dilemma we have. Both candidates are horrible. Neither one has more executive experience than my left nut. Each says he's different from the other guy, but they aren't really.

They both think that only the government can save Americans from certain doom. They both want to take more of your money to do it. Remind me again which one of these guys voted AGAINST giving a babbillion dollars to the people most responsible for the current economic melt down.

If either one, when elected, takes any steps to restore constitutional rights abused by the current administration (with full complicity of the Democratic majority in Congress) I'll eat my hat.

So given this Sophie's Choice of an election, my biggest question is how can anyone be so gung-ho about their candidate as to mock the people who are trying to decide whether they want to take a kick in the crotch or punch in the pubes.

The answer of course is that most people who have already decided, decided before they knew anything about either candidate. They're voting for their candidate for the same reason that drunk rowdy football fans cheer for their teams.

Sounds very intellectual and sophisticated, doesn't it?

tagged: election, politics, David Sedaris, Obama, McCain

As bad as a monkey shit fight at the zoo

Meesha's post pointing out the hypocrisy of both side of the current farce of an election was linked today by Midtown Miscreant, who added as commentary

"Soon they will resort to throwing shit at one another like ill mannered monkeys.."

In yet another election-related public service, I just wanted to point out that the shit-throwing scenario has already happened.

A man was ticketed for unlawful dumping after admitting to putting dog feces in his neighbor's truck for political reasons. Police Sgt. Jerry Edblad said a 19-year-old St. Cloud man told police he has found small baggies of dog feces in the back of his pickup truck for the past few weeks.

Donald Esmay told KNSI-AM the feces started appearing in his truck right after he put a 2-foot-by-4-foot McCain sign there.

He and his family watched the truck trying to catch the culprit, but didn't have any luck until Wednesday when his mother and brother saw someone from the neighborhood.

They confronted the 45-year-old man, who admitted to it and said it was childish.

When police later spoke with the neighbor, Edblad said he told officers he did it because he "hates McCain."

The unlawful dumping ticket comes with a $183 fine.

tagged: election, politics, McCain, Obama, dog shit, feces

YouTube Tuesday: Off Target

Did ya ever have one of those days where nothing seems to go your way?



tagged: Target, shopping cart, movie, video, YouTube, fail

Elitistical

I was having a beer the other day with my friend Bob Sacamanto.

Bob's a great guy. Hard working, pretty smart, great sense of humor, heck of a dancer. But he doesn't follow politics very closely. Obviously he has better things to do.

This sometimes makes him susceptible to the more subtle claptrap that the political partisans slop into the feeding trough of American pop culture on a 24-hour cycle.

As we nursed our Boulevards, Bob pointed out that he heard someone criticizing someone else for using the term "elitists" in a pejorative sense.

"It's like the guy said. What's wrong with being an elitist? Aren't elitists the best people in society? Isn't it the elitists who make the big discoveries? Don't we send the elitist troops in for the special, dangerous missions?" Bob said.

"Don't we actually want the elitists to run our government?"

My friend Bob Sacamanto actually fell for the exact rhetorical trap that some of the partisans wanted him to. Not his fault. Like I say, when you don't automatically assume that every politician is full of crap, it's easy to get sucked in by these things.

I'm a patient guy, so I just clarified it for him.

"Well, you see Bob, what you're missing (and what the partisans want you to miss) is that being an elitist isn't the same thing as being elite.

"Sure, the elite fighter pilots are the best. The elite football players make the most money. The elite chess players... well they get beat up a lot.

"But in general, the elite are considered the top of their various fields of endeavor.

"However, an elitist isn't necessarily elite. An elitist is someone of normal to below normal intelligence who thinks they are elite.

"Sometimes they don't realize they are elitist. They actually believe they are better than everyone else.

"But often (especially in the political world), they know they are not elite, which ironically makes them even more elitist.

"So when one partisan uses the word "elitist" as an epithet, she is referring to people who claim to have some kind of special insight or right to rule over others, tell them what's good for them, spend their money and make bad decisions on their behalf."

Bob Sacamanto paused for a moment and took another pull from his beer as he considered the revelation. He actually looked kind of frustrated to have fallen for this subtle trick. So I thought I'd try to cheer him up a little with one more thought.

"Of course, it's completely hypocritical for someone proposing expanded government programs and massive taxing/spending to "help the people" to call someone else an elitist."

tagged: politics, elitist, elite, politicians, election

10 Things That Are More Important Than The Election

For months now -- actually years -- we've been hearing from all of the partisan Kool-Aid drinkers that the election in a couple of weeks is the most important thing EVAR in the HISTORY of the UNIVERSE!!!!!

And despite my repeated attempt to get through to the blinder wearers, it still seems like way too many people are deluding themselves into thinking that things will suddenly change when a new president is sworn in next year.

But, giving you the benefit of the doubt, I thought that maybe you just think this election is the most important thing in your life because you can't think of any other important things in your life. (No not you. I know you're smart enough to get it. I'm talking the other people).

So here's a list of 10 things (in no particular order) that are more important that who gets elected president of the United Sheep of America.

• Boycotting shoe stores
• Donating time and money to worthy causes like breast cancer research
• Dining at your favorite exploding steakhouse
• Avoiding the QuikTrip Ham and Cheddar on Pretzel Bread at all costs
• Becoming a better Booty Juggler
• Clearing out your DVR play list (SRSLY, you've had shows on that thing for weeks now that you haven't watched).
• Clearing out your gutters (really, you should catch up on all the home maintenance you've been putting off).
• Cleaning and lubricating your firearms in preparation for National Looting Day.
• Hiring washed-up quarterbacks for a never-was football team
• Pickling you peppers.
  

tagged: election, peppers, vote, change, gutters