Harnessing the God particle

Looking for something to break me out of a bloggy funk, I landed on the story of the ill-fated Large Hadron Collider.

By now I'm sure you've heard that mankind's latest, greatest, most expensive attempt to find the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe and Everything was scuttled once again last week when a crust of bread fell on it.

Uncle Nick breaks it down like this:

A widdle birdie dropped a piece of bread on the Doomsday Machine - the one that 'everyone' is worried will create a black hole centered where Earth used to be and extend outward for 5 light years - and shut that sucker down.

All I can say is if there is a Supreme Entity That Oversees All, it sure is an ironist of the first order. And with timing? Oh, snap!

Personally, I kind of appreciate the cosmic poetry of the situation. This machine is designed to allow physicists to find one of the most elusive subatomic particles yet, the Higgs boson. This particle is so elusive, in fact, that it has never been found. It's only theorized at this point.

What I find interesting is that according to the leading theory of the origin of the Universe, the matter that makes up the bread and the matter that makes up the LHC at one point, a split second before the Big Bang, were occupying the exact same place in space-time. And now, a bird brought them back together and it nearly destroyed one of them (not that matter can be created or destroyed -- except through the will of the Supreme Ironist).

I guess it's not really here nor there (as much as any of us are here or there -- you know, on the quantum level), but can you imagine the incredibly long odds at work here, the vast improbability of having a bird fly by this particular place at this particular time with a particularly sized piece of bread in its beak and dropping it with the accuracy of Luke Skywalker bullseyeing womp rats in his T-16 back home into this air vent that, just incidentally, was enough to cause the whole damn production to shut down?

Amazing.

These long odds led a couple of fairly credible scientists to posit the idea that maybe, just maybe, the Higgs boson doesn't want to be found.

According to this New York Times article, there's a chance that the LHC's many problems are a result of sabotage from the supercollider's own future.

A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one...

“It must be our prediction that all Higgs producing machines shall have bad luck,” Dr. Nielsen said in an e-mail message. In an unpublished essay, Dr. Nielson said of the theory, “Well, one could even almost say that we have a model for God.” It is their guess, he went on, “that He rather hates Higgs particles, and attempts to avoid them.”

This malign influence from the future, they argue, could explain why the United States Superconducting Supercollider, also designed to find the Higgs, was canceled in 1993 after billions of dollars had already been spent, an event so unlikely that Dr. Nielsen calls it an “anti-miracle.”

Can you imagine the technical leap forward our species will make if we can isolate and harness this so-called "God particle"? Forget about the energy crisis, say hello to interstellar travel. Hell, it might even mean the development of the Infinite Improbability Drive.

I mean, it's an achievement that would be matched only by the discovery of a way to fix Kansas City Missouri's school system.

tagged: science, physics, Big Bang, Large Hadron Collider, Luke Skywalker, Kansas City Missouri Schools, Infinite Improbability Drive

Random Photo XX: Indian summer

Temperatures last weekend were almost unbearably pleasant. We spent a lot of time outside soaking up the last of the fall colors.


tagged: weather, fall, autumn, leaves, foliage, photo, picture

Just a little prick

"You have to relax your muscles if you don't want this to hurt," she said as she finished rubbing alcohol on my skin.

I honestly thought I was relaxed, but this was my first time doing this so there was probably some background anxiety that I wasn't consciously aware of.

So I took a deep breath and tried to relax while I waited for the little prick of the hypodermic needle injecting dead flu virus proteins into my shoulder.

I don't get the flu. My theory is that I've got a super immunity due to a near-fatal (at least it felt near-fatal at the time) pneumonia I contracted years ago.

Still, with a kid in school and a new baby in the house, I bowed to the pressure of my (admittedly much smarter than me) Supermodel Wife to get the seasonal flu inoculation this year.

The nurse who gave me the shot -- I think her name was Becky or Ashley or something like that -- was sure to point out that "this is the seasonal flu shot, not the shot for the H1N1 flu."

According to Tiffany, the CDC identified back in April/May the flu strains that it thought would be a problem. At the time, they didn't think Swine Flu would be a problem.

"If you want a Swine Flu shot, you'll have to come back in a few weeks when we get the vaccines in," she said.

Now this may be my first flu shot, but I know a scam when I smell one. I'm not sayin' that the Swine H1N1 ain't a real thing. I just find it interesting the way things are working out.

I mean, look at it this way. You know how Apple is always working on the next new release of the operating system and they always give it an animal name (usually feline in nature). You had Mac OSX Cheetah, then Puma, then Jaguar all the way up to Leopard...

The point is, it's just good marketing to give something a name that people can latch on to.

I'm pretty sure that's what's been going on with these annual flu vaccinations. They started out a few years ago with the "Bird Flu" (later called "Avian Flu") that was killing people in Asia. Nobody was scared of it when it was just called "H5N1." But when the media got it's talons on "Bird Flu" -- well, there's a hook you can build some hysteria around.

This year it's the Swine Flu -- very catchy. Gets the media excited. Gets the citizenry in an uproar. Gets some much needed demand for the pharmaceutical industry right in the middle of a consumer recession.

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. It's How to Survive a Recession 101: Create A Demand For A Product For Which You're The Only Provider.

Anyway... I'm not really sure where I was going with this.

My arm is kind of sore.

tagged: swine flu, vaccine, Avian Flu, Mac OSX, Panther, conspiracy theory, shot

Random Photo XIX: Foliaged again

It's been a cold wet fall, but nature (or God, or whatever) has tried to make up for it with the beautiful fall colors. Unfortunately, the show is all too brief.

tagged: random photo, fall, autumn, leaves, foliage, nature

YouTube Tuesday: Life and Death of a Pumpkin

Halloween is only a few days away. Hope you have your Balloon Boy costume ready.

In the meantime, here's a poignant portrait of one pumpkin's plight.



tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, pumpkin, Halloween, humor

Pleading Galty

I'm going to backtrack a little bit because I have a couple of things I want to say about the whiny babies running Bank of America right now.

Seems they've wet their diapers over the Obama Collective's plan to slash executive salaries.

Many of the firms, which have together received more than $300 billion in taxpayer aid, issued conciliatory statements, but Bank of America said the ruling would put it at a disadvantage in competing with companies not under the pay czar's thumb.

"People want to work here, but they want to be paid fairly," said whined BofA spokesman Scott Silvestri.

Some people (who haven't thought things through very well) have latched on to the quote and hit the panic button, warning of a Galtian response to the pay cuts (via Cup O' Joel):

If the administration actually follows through, most of these executives will quit and get higher paying jobs elsewhere. Executives not directly affected by the pay cuts will also quit when they see their prospects for future salary gains have been cut. Chaos will be created at these firms as top people leave in droves. Will the administration then order people back to work?

Like I said, I've got a couple of thoughts on this, and I'm going to try to keep it brief.

First, this whiny weasel of a bank executive is vastly overstating the risk of a "Galtian" exodus of talent. (Can you imagine? A bank executive not being 100% honest?) Yes, the reduction is a 90 percent cut over their pay in 2008. But read the fine freaking print: It only applies to "the remainder 2009..."

That's right, these poor, deprived bastards are going to have a whole two months of punishment for the 18-months-and-counting depression they've caused. Then, it's back to buying disposable superyachts on the taxpayer dime.

Secondly, even if every single bank executive affected by this pay plan decided to take his keys to the executive Korean massage parlor and crawl into a Randian hole in southwest Colorado, that's only 175 people. I say good riddance. Don't let the balloon payment hit you on the way out. By all rights, these people should be out of work anyway.

Which brings me to my final point. If you're going to run you industry into the ground (oh, and the rest of the global economy, to boot) and then go crying, hat in hand, to the government and beh-heh-heg for a bailout, and if the popular sentiment is hard enough against you, don't fuckin' be surprised when the Chief Executive (your new boss, btw) grabs some political points by cutting your pay.

Welcome to the world you created.

tagged: executive pay, Kenneth Feinberg, Scott Silvestri, economy, Galt, Rand, politics

In case you missed it... KC with "international flair"

While you were busy trying on your Billy Mays Halloween costume, I was reading the bit on USAToday.com that puts Kansas City in a Top 10 list of "Great towns with international flair."

The piece is part of a celebration of United Nations day, which I'm sure you all know is tomorrow. The list was put together by Stephen Goldsmith, director of the Center for the Living City (whatever that is).

For KC, Goldsmith plugs the KC Irish Museum and Culture Center ...

"The mixture of Irish culture in this city is not competitive but woven into its fabric," Goldsmith says. Kansas City has a thriving pub, Celtic music and culture scene. The permanent exhibit at this center includes ancient and local Irish history. Events include Irish Beer Night and workshops for singing, fiddle, bodhran (drums) and tin whistle.

Check out the rest of the article to see even more international flair.

tagged: Kansas City, Irish, United Nations Day

YouTube Tuesday: The Kitchen Sink

In keeping with the creepiness of the season, today's edition of YouTube Tuesday is a double feature guaranteed to make you regret coming here all over again.

Actually, Kitchen Sink is a great but creepily weird short movie from way back in 1989. Believe it or not, I actually had an experience not too dissimilar to this back in college.





tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, creepy, movie, Kitchen Sink, Alison Maclean, hair

Guest Post: The Punxsutawney Power Principle

Today's post comes to us courtesy of MalcomSmith, a frequent poster on the KATG forums. This post was inspired by a conversation amongst some of the more politically inclined on the forums. I post it here (with permission of course) for your consideration.

I am beginning to wonder whether our intrepid young President hasn't already squandered every last bit of his once copious political capital? The prodigal POTUS?

And it appears the Republicans, the reigning maestros of of media manipulation, have already socked away all the malicious material they need to deliver a sound trouncing in November.

Is the Obama Presidency toast?

I think Obama's media presence is indicative of his political profligacy. For example, Obama has violated the Punxsutawney Power Principle. Every year, once a year, Punxsutawney Phil emerges from his rat hole or tree stump or whatever, and millions are held in rapt attention anxiously awaiting his meteorological prognostications... then they all party.

Now, were fat Phil to emerge say once a quarter, or once a month, or once a week, how much attention would we pay him? Would there be Groundhog Days? Would there be parties? Would there be a Punxsutawney Phil?

Or, would he be but another rotund rodent?

The Punxsutawney Power Principle hypothesizes that power is inversely proportionate to media saturation. Obama is everywhere, all day, every day. The PPP is but one way in which our precocious POTUS has thus diluted his mojo.

Some might say so what? As long as he's getting things done who cares if he's overexposed?

But, he's not getting needed legislation passed. That's the point. His message is diluted to meaninglessness. He should have been more parsimonious.

Obama doesn't get what the Republicans have known for years: You've got to catapult the propaganda. Americans function on heuristic soundbites. His message is too diffuse, too broad, too vague.

His message is missing its mark.

Brother B-rock needs to focus. He needs to prioritize his goals, assess the resources he has available to achieve those goals, and then direct those resources towards those goals in the most efficient and effective manner possible.

I would like him to spend his time on the economy, Iraq and Afghanistan, and health care; and he's in the Rose Garden with Gates, Crowley, and Biden... piling up the video library for conservative campaign swift-boat hatchet men.

How's that image work: Picture of the soldier with his guts blown out, juxtaposed to Obama drinking beers, bowling, dancing, cooing with babies, and playing B-ball with Reggie Love?

---

You do the math...

Obama won against an old man and a crazy coo coo woman. He did not beat a legitimate Republican candidate.

Some would submit that the Republicans never intended to win the '08 election. You'd be crazy to take on the $#&* Obama inherited. No politician could fix that $%^&. Better to sit it out, and let the Democrats take the lumps, then point out the problems and swoop in to the rescue.

The Republicans conceded the race.

Now, think about the baggage: Obama is a black Democrat + Iraq + Afghanistan + Gitmo + the health care fiasco + the bailout fiasco + the czars + the $%^&&! economy + the Democrat congress disaster + no bin Laden + GM + too-big-to-fail banks are bigger than before + etc., etc., etc. Could he have won with this stuff on his resume? No way.

This is what Obama is up against and he chooses Geithner and Larry Summers.

It's not a question as to whether or not he's going down, it's a question as to whether or not he can pull out of the dive before he hits the tarmac.

tagged: Obama, Punxsutawney , presidency, Reggie Love, economy, politics

Money, it's a gas

Hey let's face it people, our beloved greenback has taken its lumps the last few years.

Bush's supposed "strong dollar" policy didn't pan out so well as other currencies passed the buck in value at various times over the past few years (hell even the Canadian Loonie was beating the US dollar for a while).

And, with bajillions of new dollars pumped into the economy to make sure JPMorganChase would get record profits after screwing the country into economic Armageddon, it's pretty much a sure bet that the buck will get weaker before it gets stronger.

But that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun with it, does it?

The other day I received a $1 bill as change. On the back of the bill was printed this message: "You have found a wild bill. See where I have been. Enter the series & serial # at www.wheresgeorge.com"

Now, before you go and think I'm all naive and everything let me just say that, yes, I recognized this as the government tracking program that it is. Obviously, it's just one more way for Big Brother to keep tabs on my whereabouts and spending.

Still...

I went to the wheresgeorge.com website and punched in the info from the bill. The tracking report I got on this particular bill showed a previous entry from a fella who received it as change from the KCI Airport Super Shuttle. At the time, it was in "good, nearly new" condition. That was 28 days before the bill came to me.

When I received the bill it was still in good condition, but not nearly new. Lots of wrinkles and folds, almost like it had been crammed quickly into a pocket then straightened out and placed into a money clip, then at some point drunkenly stuck into a g-string. You can use your own imagination to predict where it went from there.

Anyway, you can participate in the fun by pulling a bill from your wallet and checking the wheresgeorge.com yourself. C'mon, the government is already tracking you 10 different ways anyhow.

But if you're too paranoid to play this little game with your dollars, here's something else you can do.

I got an email the other day about Won Park, an origami artist who specializes in folding the dollar bills in to intricate shapes of animals and various objets d'argent. Here are the samples that were in the email I received.















And of course, my poetic favorite...

tagged: money, dollar, bill, fun, origami, Won Park, economy