Sunday, February 19, 2006

I can see clearly now

Saturday morning I did something I never thought I would do.

I opened the medicine cabinet and threw away all of my contact lens paraphernalia. Lenses, lens cases, cleaning solutions, eye drops -- all went into the trash.

The "friken laser" surgery was a success. No more glasses, no more contacts, no more squinting and fumbling for my "eyes" when I wake up in the morning. For the first time in years, I'm no longer a "four-eyes."

Everything went pretty well. There were a few things that I didn't like, but on balance I'd say it's the best $3,000 I've ever spent (well, except for that weekend in Niagara. Man, that was one crazy Yom Kippur!).

So first the negatives. I felt like a complete douche bag in the pre-op (that's medical talk for "pre-operation") room. They made me wear a dorky hat and matching dorky booties over my shoes, smeared yellowish-brown iodine over my face and told me to relax.

This minor humiliation was remedied slightly by the four other people in the room who were similarly attired. It was remedied even more by the Valium they gave me to help effect the aforementioned relaxation.

As for the surgery, there was some minor discomfort caused by the clamps that keep you're eyes open and the scalpel used to slice open your cornea. I'd say it was about the same level of discomfort as getting your teeth scraped by the dentist. It wasn't that bad, really, and I think the doc liked it when I made the laser sound effects (piong! zwiong!).

The only other negative is the taste of the antibiotic eye drops they gave me ("Because this is a surgery and there is a risk of infection with all surgeries"). It turns out that when you put eye drops into your eyes, part of the solution seeps down through your sinus cavity and into the back of your throat and onto your tongue. The eye drops, which I take every four hours, are as bitter as a Democrat after election day.

But all the discomfort is worth it. It's the strangest thing to not reach for glasses first thing in the morning. Medical science truly is a miracle.

Now about that stem cell treatment for baldness...
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1 comment:

  1. Wow, they gave you valium? Sounds like they pampered your ass! Too funny, anyway, I have an interesting story about hair...there is this woman who does research on baldness...I forget where she is located but one of the plastic surgeons I work with went to a conference where her and her husband spoke about this: Hair, if you look at the base of the folicle has a sac, not previously seen in contains these little sac like you can think of them like little eggs for your think of this...ovaries...and they kinda work the same way. You have a pre-determined amount of these little hair egg sac type things in your folicle from birth determined by your genetic make when you run out, you run out, hence, baldness...well, this woman figured out a way to graft them and she injected these things into her own arm from her husbands head. She couldn't get any funding to further her research so she used her husband and herself and now she has a little one inch circle of hair growing about a foot long out of her worked!!!! Imagine what that could do for the hair club for men! Now that would be a trillion dollar industry, refined and handed to the masses! Cool huh? I love medical science! Nice to hear you like your eyes, let me know what you turn out to be....20/20 20/30 20/40....


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