Monday, April 24, 2006
Memo to Johnson County Water District #1
RE: Billing correction
This memo is to inform you of a billing error that our accounting department has discovered and the corrective measures our organization has undertaken.
It turns out that our residence is actually not part of Johnson County, or Kansas or even the United States. Our residence is, in fact located in a third-world country with no hot or cold running water.
We haven't yet isolated which third-world country we are part of, but we have ruled out places like Baghdad and Mexico City, as these places both have reliable running water. We are currently working under the assumption that we are part of deepest Africa or perhaps the steppes of Outer Mongolia.
Though we haven't been able to work out the exact details of this strange phenomenon, our current theory is that there is some kind of quantum glitch in the fabric of time-space that has caused our residence to be accessible only via Johnson County roads and highways even though its not located in Johnson County.
We became aware of this issue when we discovered that we had no hot or cold running water, despite paying taxes to Johnson County Water District No. 1. Because of the ongoing nature of this problem, the obvious conclusion is that we are not in Johnson County Water District No. 1.
Because we are not within the service limits of Johnson County Water District No. 1, on a go-forward basis, we will no longer be sending our regular tax payment. I'm sure you understand our position.
If at some point in the future this quantum fluke corrects itself and we begin to receive reliable hot and cold running water service, we will resume tax payments to whichever taxing body is deemed appropriate.
tagged: Kansas, Johnson County, water, quantum