Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Butt out

To the female driver of the purple Chevy Impala LS with the Missouri license plate number 175 WGP driving north on Roe Blvd at about 5:15 p.m. on Monday -- I HATE YOUR BUTT!

I try to live by good libertarian values. You leave me alone, I leave you alone. Live and let live, that's what I always say. That's why, when counties and cities consider complete smoking bans, I always say "Whoa! That's a little harsh."

I try to defend the rights of people to kill themselves by whatever means they choose, so long as those means don't include killing (or otherwise harming) anyone else (particularly me).

But dammit Female Missouri Smoker, you make it really hard when you throw your cigarette butt out your car window right in front of me!

As a militant extremist environmentalist, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who litter. And believe me, smokers are among the worst. I can stop at any intersection in the metro area and find a boat load of cigarette butts lying in the street and gutters.

Now, I don't object to people smoking in their cars (as long as I'm not in the car with them), but put your butts out in the ash-tray, ashhole! Hell, I enjoy my drug of choice in the car all the time, but I don't throw used coffee cups out my window.

I've considered getting one of those LED message marquees installed in my car so I could send a message to smokers who throw their butts out the window. But since I'm not technical enough to figure that out, and since it would just be a distraction and probably cause and accident anyway, I've opted for this blog post.

So if you know the Female Missouri Smoker with a purple Chevy Impala LS with license plate number 175 WGP, or if you are that person and your reading, here's a message:
If you're going to come to Kansas, keep your dirty butt in your car!
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  1. Okay, so I'm not a militant extremist environmentalist; I'm way too lazy for that. But I've often thought that the cigarette butt must be the single most common item of litter in the world, to the point where, like spiders, you're never more than a few feet away from one.

    It's a mystery to me. Just a second ago, Jane Smoker had this thing in her mouth, but once it's been stubbed out, she can't even tolerate having it in her ashtray? Why? I don't know, and Jane will never tell me. She's way too defensive to give a straight answer.

  2. Damn, the way you were bitching, I though something like this happened to you.... One time, (at band camp...) no, seriously, one time, someone threw a butt out a car window and it came into my window driving down the road over 50 mph...try to do that again! That wasn't cool.

    Somewhere in this tri-state area of mine, someone somewhere has proposed a $1000.00 fine for throwing cigarette butts out car windows. I do think it is a little harsh, I mean, if you aren't going to fine other litter bugs the same thing then don't single out smokers but I get the point...I just think it should be the same for all that litter, period.

    But I am hell bent on the whole discrimination against certain population and beliefs type thing that's what backs my's all in my blogs....

    It's not just butts, there's litter every where...what gets me is...there are trash cans every where too...walk the 10 extra steps and put your freaking trash in the freaking trash can or hold onto it...have respect for your surroundings. You don't litter in your own home so don't litter in the world around you, have some respect, damn it.

  3. Good post. I think hand grenades would be more fun than a sign, though.

  4. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to install the scrolling marquee sign to say things like, YES, IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT...DO YOU REALLY NEED TO LOOK THAT CLOSELY TO TELL? MOST PEOPLE CAN SEE THAT MY CAR SUCKS FROM 110' AWAY...ASS.

    Check THIS out, best sign ever:

    Cool Sign

    I think it ROCKS.

  5. I forgot to tell the ending to my story: The butt landed in my lap...tangled in wind and hair with an open window, wasn't friend, the driver...grabbed it...followed the guy who happened to be turning into his development to go home...followed him to his house, when the guy got out of his car, my friend walked up and said, you threw this out your window, it came into my car and hit my friend, I thought you might want it back and threw it at the guy...takes balls, huh?

    I think having a scrolling marquee is illegal, isn't it b/c it can cause a distraction? I have only seen one car with one, a jaguar that 2 strippers use to was part of their


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