Monday, June 29, 2009

Long live the king?

Yeah, yeah. I get it. Michael Jackson had a tragic life and his death was a tragedy because our culture lost a musical genius (although, I'm pretty sure Quincy Jones was the musical genius behind Jackson's best work, but anyway).

But to paraphrase Hamlet (who, for you culturally illiterate, was the author of Shakespeare, the box office hit), I come not to praise Michael Jackson, but to bury him.

Well, check that. Not to bury him, because I have a theory that I'm about to lay on you. I'm pretty sure old MJ is pulling an Elvis on us.

That's right. Despite wall-to-wall coverage to the contrary, Michael Jackson is not dead.

I'm makin' the call right now, June 27, 2009. Michael Jackson has faked his own death in an attempt to make his life easier.

What's that you say? Evidence? Well, the circumstantial evidence couldn't be more compelling.

For one thing, it's widely known that Mr. Jacko was in debt up to his synthetic plastic nose. The Wall Street Journal has reported that Mikey had roughly $400 million in debts. He'd lost The Ranch after defaulting on a $24 million loan backed by the property. So hiding some assets and faking your death would be a nifty way of starting over.

There's also an indication that Jackon wanted to get out of his 50-concert commitment in the UK. According to a former worker, he signed the deal while under the influence of painkillers. He thought he was signing for only 10 concerts.

And, much like Michael Jackson's face, there are other indications that something just ain't right. For example, there was the report of moving vans removing items from the mansion Jackson had been renting in LA. A few last minute items needed as he starts his new life perhaps? Hmmm? Just maybe???

Also, have you noticed that the majority of top downloads on iTunes now are all Michael Jackson songs and albums? Ditto for Amazon's Top Sellers in the music category. This kind of cash infusion is going to come in handy in setting up a new life.

All of the signs are out there people. Even to the most casual of observers like myself.

Ask yourself why nobody has seen Jackson's body yet. All of the reports I've seen suggest the "body" that has been presented is especially fake looking, like it's made out of plastic or wax or something.

Nope. It's already pretty obvious to me that Jackson has faked his own death to get out of dept, avoid some commitments and just basically start over. He'll probably end up moving to Cleveland and taking up residence as a local donut shop proprietor or something.

We'll soon start reading reports of "Jacko" sightings all around the country.

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  1. You mean "Julius Caesar," Act 3, Scene 2. Good luck with the rest of that stuff.

  2. I love it! I'm addicted to conspiracy theories and this is a FABULOUS one! Nice job!

  3. Not trying to embarrass you Lee, but I think you're referring to the scene from the movie "Shakespeare" where Brutus picks up a skull and says "Alas poor Julius Ceasar! I knew him, Tony: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent hair."

  4. Who would've guessed Joe Don Baker and Elliot Gould would have such great chemistry?

  5. I bet he starts over as a woman.. I mean.. look at that red pic you posted.. he's totally gonna be a chick in his next life.. here on earth that is.


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