3 A.M. Poll: How hot is it

We all know it's been hot. Damn hot. But simple empirical numbers don't really describe just how beastly hot its been.

So now we turn to you to tell us just how hot is it in KC these days.


tagged: hot, heat, weather, Kansas City, poll, vote

Even with the worst head cold in history...

This shit is funny.

If Chris Packham's Farmer Bob isn't on your daily reading list yet, it should be (unless your one of those stuck up, prissy, no-sense of humor people (some people think they have a sense of humor, but they don't all.)).

Anyway, Packham checks in today with the latest installment of the awesome The Cup and Saucer Action News series. Today's episode "Sexxxy"

Dialling her accountant’s office, she said, “I dunno. Listen, Ira has a temp working at his reception desk this week.” Adopting a confidential whisper, she added, “She’s the stupidest person I’ve ever –” She stopped and looked me up and down. “Well. She’s plenty stupid, believe you me… Wendy! Hi, how are you? This is Jill at the Cup and Saucer. Is Ira there? Oh, he’s having lunch. Do you have his cell phone number? Great. Let me just write that down. Oops! Wendy, I’m all out of blank paper. Do you think you could fax me a blank piece of paper?” She gave me an unnecessarily exaggerated conspiratorial wink. “That way, I can write down Ira’s cell phone number. Great. I’ll call you back as soon as it gets here.” She hung up and looked at the fax machine.

Seriously, go read his stuff. It could be the NyQuil/Sudafed coctail (I call it NyQuaFed) talking, but I laughed so hard great big globs of sticky yellow snot sprayed out of my nose.

tagged: blog, link, humor, comedy, Cup and Saucer Action News

Movie Mini Review: That Thing You Do (Director's Cut)

Title: That Thing You Do

Cast: Tom Hanks, Tom Everett Scott, Steve Zahn, Live Tyler

Plot summary:
Hometown boys from Erie, PA, form a band and make it big with a hit record. They ride the wave of the success with the considerable help of their manager until everything falls apart.

My thoughts:
Okay, this movie has been out there a while. It's a good flick, light-hearted and enjoyable even on repeated viewings.

But what prompted me to add this title to the movie review lineup was this email I received a month or two ago from Nico Del Castillo:

Hi there!

I was just bloghopping and saw that you mentioned Tom Hanks in your blog (yes, strangers do stumble upon others' blogs). I work for a company called M80, which is working with FOX to find out what bloggers think about the recent extended edition of That Thing You Do!. So basically, I'm sending out review copies of That Thing You Do! to people and I was wondering if you would be into this sort of thing and write a review for us since it's related to Tom Hanks? Of course, an honest review is strongly encouraged since it is your blog, after all. Plus you'd get to keep the copy of the DVD for yourself.

If you're interested, please let me know. If not, no worries. And yes, there is a real person behind this email address.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Well, far be if from me to turn down free cyber swag. The disc arrived a week or so later, but it was several weeks before my Supermodel Wife and I could a screening into our busy social calendar.

If you liked the theatrical release of this movie, you'll probably like the director's cut as well. As vanity projects go, this was a far more successful venture for Tom Hanks than Beyond the Sea was for Kevin Spacey. It is more genuine, with music woven in more convincingly.

But I have to agree with the editors who left some scenes on the cutting room floor. The DVD director's cut that we viewed had scenes that didn't seem to advance the plot, or at best tried too hard to drive home minor plot points. For example, there were several extra scenes of Charlene Theron's character's developing affair with her dentist while her boyfriend and drummer, Skitch Patterson, was on the road.

There were other scenes that didn't seem to have any relevance at all to the plot, including an introduction to manager Mr. White's (Tom Hanks) gay lover.

The only other issue I had with the DVD was that the audio didn't seem to agree with our home theater system. I'm not sure it it's a flaw in the disc, or if I had a setting off on our tuner, but I haven't had the same issue with other DVDs so I'm inclined to blame the disc.

My final rating: Good, but the theatrical release was better.

Favorite quote: "Hey, wasn't that our fan?"

tagged: movie, That Thing You Do, film, culture, Tom Hanks, review, Steve Zahn

YouTube Tuesday: Daft hands

When I saw this video, I at first thought it must be about the lamest thing on YouTube.

A couple of bouncing fists? Reminds me of some lonely nights back in junior high... but I digress.

Give it at least 51 seconds, that's when it starts getting interesting.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, humor, pop culture, work it, daft hands, music

I know I'm not the first to say it, but...

Let me just reiterate how much I think summer colds suck.

I mean, your tired, achy a bit of a fever, then you have to go outside where it's 100 degrees which makes the feverish feeling even worse, then, as if things aren't bad enough, you have to stop at the dry cleaners to pick up some shirts and you get blasted with 150 degree temps and 150 percent humidity so you're sweating all over yourself as you wait in line and when its finally your turn you're sweat is dripping onto the credit card receipt when you're trying to sign your signature, which looks nothing like your name because you're hands are still shaky from the overdose of that NyQuil/Sudafed cocktail that you took at 1:20 a.m. because you've got to get some kind of sleep, even if it's just a drug-induced coma and you feel so shitty you don't even notice the Leawood police cruiser as you pull out of the dry cleaners parking lot and the best you can manage is a contrite wave for cutting him off and hope he doesn't pull you over because you'd never pass a field sobriety test in your condition and when he passes you without taking notice you're just relieved and turn up the air conditioner in you car to full blast to try to dry your perspiration-soaked shirt as much as possible before you get to the parking lot at work and have to trudge through the heat again to get to your cube where you can brain-dump the morning's events onto a cheesy, poorly-written blog post, publish it, then curl up into a fetal position under your desk.

tagged: summer, cold, sick, suck

Friday Blogthing: Book 'em

I really can't argue with this, at least not until I've had a few shots.

You're Animal Farm!

by George Orwell

You are living proof that power corrupts and whoever leads you will become just as bad as the past leaders. You're quite conflicted about this emotionally and waver from hopelessly idealistic to tragically jaded. Ultimately, you know you can't trust pigs. Your best moments are when you're down on all fours.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

tagged: Friday, test, book, George Orwell, Animal Farm, meme, blog

You don't have to be a Nobel Prize winner ...

...to know that I rule!



tagged: blog, humor, Einstein, image, chalkboard, E=MC^2

FWD: How to argue effectively

I've been having an email "discussion" with one of my fake-hippy "moonbat" friends about a topic of the political genre (details unimportant for his post).

This guy prides himself on his arguing abilities. When I told him he was full of shite, he sent me the following to explain his arguing techniques.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

You, too, can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.

If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date.

But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off.

DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid."

Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?"

Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."

Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:

• Let me put it this way
• In terms of
• Vis-a-vis
• Per se
• As it were
• Qua
• So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.

Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

• You're begging the question.
• You're being defensive.
• Don't compare apples to oranges.
• What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.

You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.

Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong.

Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

tagged: humor, argue, how to, email

Meet the old boss, same as the new boss (Part II)

This started out as a comment on Tony's blog, but I was impressing myself so much that I decided to post it here instead (take that Tony! Hah, really stuck it to ya. Yeah, there's more where that came from!).

Anyway, in Tony's post today he broke down the political masturbation that was the YearlyKos Konvention (ugh, I threw up a little in my mouth just typing that)

the progressive B.S. spouted by Hillary and Obama and all of the other Kool-Aid drinking lefty political bloggers was just too much for folks in KC to believe.

It seems displays like those of Clinton and Barack have (rightly) reinvigorated Tony's sense of jaded apathy toward national politics.

...our political system is completely corrupt and each new reformer only gets compromised and tarnished for their efforts which rarely elicit any significant change.

Whoa, what a flash of insight! Welcome to 20 years ago, Tony. I hate to say I told you so, but...

Just kidding man. Just bustin' your chops (no homo). But seriously, one of the things I find perversely comforting is that when it comes to politics in this country, you always know everyone is on the take.

Every eight years or so, there's a political El Nino in this country, where everyone suddenly realizes that the revolution has become the establishment. The reformers have become the corrupted. Suddenly, the members of the left or right teams are so shocked and appalled at the gall and temerity of the other team that "action must be taken. We can't allow this to continue."

So we get what we had last November, or 1996 or 2000 or whatever. Sure, it can be frustrating if you buy into the "team" concept of politics. But if you can look at the big picture and realize that aside from a few hundred billion dollars spent on the odd military action every few years nothing of consequence ever changes, well, there's a certain comfort in that.

tagged: politics, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, YearlyKos, Republican, Democrat

YouTube Tuesday: I'm an hour early

Actually, since 3 o'clock AM central is 4 o'clock A.M. eastern, I guess I'm right on schedule for a conspiracy theory.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, humor, conspiracy theory, TED, Rives, culture