Best NY Post headline ever

Saw this on Best Week Ever.



tagged: Ike Turner, music, pop culture, news, headlines, NY Post

Probably because of their small sausages

According to a poll of 10,000 women travelers, German men make the worst lovers.

The survey results showed that women thought the Germans were too selfish in bed. But I have a different theory.


At any rate, good old red-blodded Amurcans came in as the fourth-worst lovers, so take that you damn dirty Dutch!

tagged: lovers, survey, German, American, Dutch, sex

Eat the rich

The other day, Dan linked to a relatively non-incoherent rambling on The Daily Koz website.

You can (try to) read it if you want, but to save you some misery I'll just say that the author sprawls on for about 400 column-inches with the same old claptrap about how Republicans suck and liberals rule, yada yada blah blah blah.

Dan keys in on this interesting tidbit:

"Note that we should not pretend that "a program will take your money." Or "the government will take your money." This is a democracy, and we are the government. I will take your money. I will. Some of that money you worked hard for and want to keep."

At first I just dismissed this as more deranged gibberish from someone suffering from liberal delusions.

But the rant stuck in my mind all week. And this morning while on my daily constitutional of kicking babies after taking my gold-crapping pills, I had an epiphany. Perhaps, like a blind squirrel, this mental defective had indeed stumbled onto a nut of truth.

And the more I considered it, the more I came to think he's right.

I mean, who the hell do these rich people think they are earning money and spending it for stuff they want?

What right do the rich have to keep the money they've earned? Hell, if it weren't for the government giving rich people all of their money, they wouldn't be rich in the first place.

When you think about it, the rich people's money is really the government's money, so hell yeah the government should take it back!

What country do these rich people think they're living in? If we, the people, don't take their money and give it to poor people, how do they expect poor people to survive?

While these living heart donors are busy callously running their businesses, earning their MBAs and paying attention to the education of their children, the poor are stuck in an endless cycle of not running businesses, not earning MBAs and not paying attention the educations of their kids.

Think about it rich people! We're talking about the poor here. If we don't use your money to take care of them, how are they going to reap the benefits of cable television and pay-in-advance cell phones?

Are you so dense and out of touch to think that they can take care of themselves? These are the poor we're talking about here. Oh sure, it would be nice if everyone had a high school diploma, but since when did we become a nation that discriminates based on education?

What we need is to end poverty in our country, and the cold truth is it's going to take your money to do it. And don't give me these out-dated chestnuts about giving a man a fish verses teaching a man to fish. Just pay for the kids' breakfast and let the educational system (which is working just fine, thank you very much) take care of teaching.

So come on rich people. Pull your heads out of your gold glitter-lined asses and vote for democrats!

tagged: rich, Republican, Democrat, politics, tax, education, poor, Daily Kos

Restaurant Review: LongHorn Steakhouse

We probably wouldn't ever have gone to LongHorn Steakhouse if we hadn't had our siding replaced last spring.

You see, we had a local home improvement company install the siding back in April/May. The project had a few significant bumps in it, the worst of which was a torrential rainstorm which struck before the contractors had re-installed gutters -- thus leading to a flooded basement and a pissed off me.

Though I was pissed, I couldn't really fault the contractors for the rain. But I could fault them for no gutters. And when, after the project was "finished" pieces of siding began to fall off our house, it was cause for me calling our rep and stating very firmly how unsatisfied I was and informing him that we hadn't yet paid the remainder of the $15,000 they were charging us.

Well after a few follow-up visits and a couple more phone calls, they got everything fixed up. To his credit, our rep made sure we were satisfied before requesting final payment. Part of that make-good, was a $50 gift cart at LongHorn Steakhouse.

So Sunday evening my supermodel wife and I finally were able to arrange for a baby sitter and scheduled a quick dinner date with each other.

My expectation of the chain restaurant wasn't high. I was basically expecting a western version of Applebee's, and that's about what we got.

My wife ordered the 7 oz filet, and I had the 7 oz filet with lobster tail. The filet didn't disappoint. It was maybe even worth the $18 price on the menu. Of course this is a steak house (granted, a chain steak house) so you would expect the steaks to be good.

Unfortunately, I couldn't say the same for the lobster. It was just okay, edible. I expected better, even 1,000 miles from the nearest ocean. Then again, my frame of reference is filet mignon and lobster at The Palms in New York. But still, it should have been better.

Luckily, the service was friendly and prompt. We had no trouble getting a table for two, although it was a Sunday night so that's no surprise.

In the final analysis, you could do worse than LongHorn Steakhouse. But you could probably do better.

Especially for $15,000.

tagged: food, steak, lobster, Long Horn Steakhouse, Applebee's, restaurant, review

YouTube Tuesday: Presidential debates

The so-called "YouTube debates" sponsored by CNN lately have been even more useless and immature than a conventional debate.

But come on, did anyone expect people dressed as snow men and Uncle Sam cartoons to actually advance the national discussion? If the mass of debaters had any balls they'd all walk out on this kind of "debate" in the future.

In fact, the most useful online debate format I've found so far is the one below. In this clip, candidates make the most important statements to date.

Check it out...




tagged: movie, YouTube, video, election, debate, president, humor

In your Facebook!

NOTE: This morning out of the goodness of my heart, I'm publishing a guest post from Awesome® blogger The D. This is just something I choose to do because I'm a helluva guy and I sometimes like to help the mortals by giving them a forum to discuss whatever is on their mind. This guest post has nothing whatsoever to do with an ill-considered wager a few months ago.

In our first installment of the ongoing battle between Facebook and Mspace.com, for the title of “Best social network”, Facebook won hands down. But in the rematch Myspace.com comes out swinging and it looks bad for the heavily favored Facebook.

For the past month I have been following the news stories and press releases about Facebook. Apparently, Facebook has a software program called Beacon that gathers your purchases from about 44 different web sites. Then it puts that information on your home page so that your friends can see your purchases.

HELLO! Can we all say privacy issues!

This article has a good example of what Beacon does:

"Let's say you buy a book from a particular book shop online, who happens to be an advertiser teamed up with Facebook. Facebook watches your action and puts it up in your news feed section announcing to your friends that you have bought “x” book from “abc” bookshop owner."

Or, let’s drop the whole book idea and let’s say you buy a "marital aid". Do you want that information published to all of your friends on Facebook? I think not!

One thing that article does not point out is that you don't have to be logged into Facebook for this action to happen. You don't even have to be a member of the network according to this article.

Here are a few articles that should shed even more light on the subject.

• This one talks about the HORRIBLE PR that Facebook has been using too extinguish the issue.


• This one talks about opting out of the program. The issue with the whole opting out thing is that you're just opting out of having your purchases put up in your news feed section on Facebook, your friends won't see your purchases, but your information is still collected by the program, and then given to the business partners of Facebook.


• MoveOn.org had a HUGE problem with this aspect of the whole controversy.


• If you want to sign the petition to stop Facebook from collecting your data go here


• If you don't want Beacon to even collect your data go here or here and follow those instructions. (I'm not condoning these instructions and I don't know if they will work or not. Furthermore, I can't guarantee that they won’t bust your machine.)

The winner for this round? Clearly it has to be Myspace by a landslide.

So after two rounds of Facebook vs. My Space we are currently all tied up at one apiece. Stay tuned for the third and final round.

tagged: Facebook, MySpace, beacon, marital aid, MoveOn, social networking, privacy

Friday Blogthing: We're gonna turn you on

I think this reading increases by an order of magnitude when I put on my wool coat and walk across the carpet.

360 WATTS Body Battery Calculator - Find Out How Much Electricity Your Body is Producing - dating
tagged: Friday, test, electricity, body, watts, static, meme, blog

The slow death of beer

According to my many inside sources at The Nielsen Company, the "Millennial" generation (those currently between 21-30 years old), are drinking 12 percent less beer than the more manly and mature Generation X (31-44-years-olds).

It appears the Millennials are opting more often for more girlie drinks like Pinot Grigio, Cosmopolitans and Appletinis.

This sounds like bad news for the beer industry, but there is a silver lining. According to the comprehensive study (which was conducted in the basement of frat house in Columbia), there is still a slight preference for beer among this generation.

• On a dollar basis, beer represents the majority (47%) of Millennial consumers’ spending, compared with spirits (27%) and wine (26%).
• On a volume basis, beer accounts for 83% of Millennials’ purchases, compared with 11% for wine and 6% for spirits.
• Among Millennials who drink different types of alcoholic beverages, beer is most often cited at their “favorite.”

So its clear that we still have a chance to save beer as the national beverage. But it's going to take us all working together.

We need to do a better job of communicating the benefits of beer consumption. These go far beyond making ugly women look sexy. Did you know that, according to a highly respected scientist, drinking homebrew is good for you, and what is commonly called a "beer belly" is, in reality, the body's storage system for wisdom and B vitamins.

The most important thing we can do is begin introducing beer consumption at an earlier age to America's youth. If you have kids of your own, or if your neighbors have elementary-age children, feel free to offer them a beer a couple of times a week.

Also, make sure to keep a couple of 12-packs or an open 40 in your call at all times, you never know when you'll be stuck in a traffic jam and this is the perfect opportunity for a communal beer bust while you wait for the authorities to cleanup that 15-car pileup.

Anyway, these are just a couple of suggestions. Like I said, it will take all of us to make a difference. Let me know what ideas you have.

tagged: beer, Millennials, alcohol, demographics, drinking, Nielsen, wine

3A.M. Poll: M-words

You know how some words just sound bad? They have this dissonance that grates on your aural nerves? It seems that a lot of them begin with M.

Or is it just me?



tagged: poll, M, words, vote, moist, mucus, membrane

Misty morning

News came out yesterday that no charges will be filed in the death of Misty Horner or her child.

The deaths, you may recall, occurred after the difficult stillborn delivery of the baby Sydney Horner in the family's home after they opted not to go to a hospital for the delivery. According to Misty's husband, who happens to also be a Lee's Summit police officer, the family refused medical help based upon their religious beliefs.

Misty's family said this refusal of medical help is what led to her death a month later from septic shock.

The KC Star reported that

Jackson County Prosecutor Jim Kanatzar said there were insufficient grounds for criminal charges in the deaths of Misty Horner and her baby, Sydney.

Kanatzar said the decision was made in part on the findings of a medical examiner who ruled the deaths were the result of natural causes, he said. But his decision also was based on standards behind Missouri’s involuntary manslaughter and child endangerment laws, he said.

Some people will be tempted to rant against this miscarriage of justice. Certainly it's easy to get emotional about this kind of story. If not for the backwards beliefs of a few misguided individuals, a mother and daughter might be alive and well today.

But few will take the macro view of this episode. Few will see that these events, while tragic, might well be for the better good of the human race.

Try to look at this from an evolutionary standpoint. The belief that prayer in the absence of science is the best hope for survival has proven in this case to be false. The baby ended up dead, and the ability of the mother to procreate was removed.

As for the father, something tells me his ability to find a suitable mate has been seriously diminished. He has essentially removed himself from the gene pool.

I know it makes me sound like an asshole. And don't get me wrong, I can imagine how upset Misty's family must be.

But let's be brutally honest. The fewer of Caleb Horner's ilk we have around, the better for human evolution.

tagged: Misty Horner, Caleb Horner, religion, science, evolution, natural selection, survival