Are you as excited as I am about the presidential election cycle starting a full year before the election? If so, never fear, there's a cure for that exuberance...
tagged: movie, Washington Post, video, election, Hillary Clinton, New Hampshire, humor, primary
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Friday, January 04, 2008
A salute to KU and Mark Mangino
3AM presents Real Men of Genius(Real Men of Genius)
Today we salute you...
Mr. Grossly Overweight Football Coach
(Mr. Grossly Overweight Football Coach)
Some men follow the rules,
Some men follow their hearts,
But you follow your stomach
(Please pass me another gallon of gravy!)
Though some may doubt you,
And some may deride you,
You've stayed true to your quest through all of the heartache and heartburn
(I think I need some more Rolaids)
You know that winning is not just about brute force,
But also about scheduling weaker competition
And paying off bowl officials
(Have another bundle of cash)
And while some are content to stay on the sidelines following the rules,
You know that NCAA rules were meant to be broken
And that a slap on the wrist is worth a brazillion dollar bowl payout
(Find another coed to take my players' tests)
So knock back another pail of pancake batter, oh six-chinned coach of the year,
Because even though you have to ride in the freight section on the flight home, you're keeping cheating and corruption at the core of big-time college sports
(Don't spend your entire $50,000 bonus at Sizzler...)
tagged: KU, Kansas, football, Orange Bowl, Mark Mangino, Real Men of Genius, NCAA violations
Friday Blogthing: Electile dysfunction
Today is a bit of a departure for the Friday Blogthing.
As I tried to recover from the gross tedium that was the coverage of the Iowa caucus, I became nostalgic for a simpler time. A time when candidates didn't have to spend millions of dollars on campaign ads and kickbacks. A time before meaningless YouTube debates with questions asked by idiots in costumes.
A time when political power was determined not by who could make the most promises to the most interest groups, but by how much your candidate could kick ass in a battle to the death.
Well, thanks to Atom Films we can now relive those halcyon days of yesteryear through the magic of the interwebs.
Check out Kung-Fu Election. Choose your candidate and your weapon and proceed to dominate the filed with extreme prejudice.
I played as Mike Huckabee and totally decapitated both Mitt Romny and John Edwards, but I hear that Obama-san is a real sonuvabitch to beat.
See if you can beat my score of 145,000.
tagged: election, kung fu, caucus, Romney, Huckabee, Obama, Atom Films
As I tried to recover from the gross tedium that was the coverage of the Iowa caucus, I became nostalgic for a simpler time. A time when candidates didn't have to spend millions of dollars on campaign ads and kickbacks. A time before meaningless YouTube debates with questions asked by idiots in costumes.
A time when political power was determined not by who could make the most promises to the most interest groups, but by how much your candidate could kick ass in a battle to the death.
Well, thanks to Atom Films we can now relive those halcyon days of yesteryear through the magic of the interwebs.
Check out Kung-Fu Election. Choose your candidate and your weapon and proceed to dominate the filed with extreme prejudice.
I played as Mike Huckabee and totally decapitated both Mitt Romny and John Edwards, but I hear that Obama-san is a real sonuvabitch to beat.See if you can beat my score of 145,000.
tagged: election, kung fu, caucus, Romney, Huckabee, Obama, Atom Films
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Iowans love the caucus
Tonight is the climax of this thing up in Iowa. You may have heard of it. It's been in the news.
It's the presidential primary caucus. It's a pretty big deal. It's the biggest caucus in the country, way bigger than the Wyoming caucus (Iowans laugh derisively when you compare their huge caucus to the tiny, impotent Wyoming caucus).
Yes, Iowan's are quite proud of their huge caucus. It's a time when they get to make the rest of the country get on our collective knees and spray their choice for candidate right in our face.
But whatever final candidates come out of the huge Iowa caucus, it's important to remember that the real winner is the Iowa economy.
According to my inside sources, candidates dropped over $40 million for a taste of the Iowa caucus.
That's $40 million injected into the Iowa economy. That kind of green will buy you a lot of John Deere's in Des Moines.
And that's only the money spent by the candidates themselves. Add to that untold millions spent by special interest groups and PACs, and you can see why Iowans love the caucus.
They make a lot of money selling their caucus to the highest bidder.
Sure, all that money has a corrupting influence on the American electoral system. Certainly there's no rational reason to undermine democracy by narrowing the field of candidates nearly an entire year before the actual election.
But why let a little thing like idealism get in the way of a lucrative political transaction. The huge Iowa caucus is a tradition, and what could be more traditional than political corruption?
tagged: Iowa, caucus, election, politics, candidates, money, corruption
It's the presidential primary caucus. It's a pretty big deal. It's the biggest caucus in the country, way bigger than the Wyoming caucus (Iowans laugh derisively when you compare their huge caucus to the tiny, impotent Wyoming caucus).
Yes, Iowan's are quite proud of their huge caucus. It's a time when they get to make the rest of the country get on our collective knees and spray their choice for candidate right in our face.But whatever final candidates come out of the huge Iowa caucus, it's important to remember that the real winner is the Iowa economy.
According to my inside sources, candidates dropped over $40 million for a taste of the Iowa caucus.
That's $40 million injected into the Iowa economy. That kind of green will buy you a lot of John Deere's in Des Moines.
And that's only the money spent by the candidates themselves. Add to that untold millions spent by special interest groups and PACs, and you can see why Iowans love the caucus.
They make a lot of money selling their caucus to the highest bidder.
Sure, all that money has a corrupting influence on the American electoral system. Certainly there's no rational reason to undermine democracy by narrowing the field of candidates nearly an entire year before the actual election.
But why let a little thing like idealism get in the way of a lucrative political transaction. The huge Iowa caucus is a tradition, and what could be more traditional than political corruption?
tagged: Iowa, caucus, election, politics, candidates, money, corruption
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
YouTube Tuesday: 2007 in Review
Merry Bloody Christmas
To her credit, not that she needs more credit in my book, my supermodel wife didn't swear. Didn't cuss, didn't really scream like I would have if it were me standing there with my hand under the faucet watching blood spew from my fingers.
If it were me, you can bet that the sonsobitches, F-bombs, and even the nuclear MF-bombs would be going off all over the kitchen in my mom's house where we were visiting.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me reset the scene with some background.
We're all settling down for a traditional Christmas Eve lunch of Tuscan Potato Soup. I'm at the kitchen island preparing a plate for our 5-year-old daughter, and my SMW is across from me slicing some fancy cheese to go on some fancy crackers.
And because it was fancy cheese for fancy crackers, my dad gave her a fancy surgical steel cheese knife to cut it with. It was the kind with the blade through the middle that you're supposed to run over the edge of the cheese to cut a slice.
Like this one...
Anyhoo, SMW makes a witty remark about how the device looks like a deadly weapon, then proceeds to assume the cheese-slicing position.
Unfortunately, the cheese is a little hard. I think it had been in the fridge and wasn't quite thawed. So she adjusted her grip on the cheese slicer and put added effort into pulling it toward her. Suddenly, with a quick slip like an assassin's blade, the razor edge of the cheese slicer slid through the cheese... but it didn't stop with the cheese.
In a split second, the vorpal blade went snicker-snack, right down the length of fancy Cheddar and into and through the soft pad of the tip of my supermodel wife's thumb.
As the exclamations rang out, "OH MY GOD! Omigod, Ohmigod! OH MY GOD!" a slice of thumb, just the right size to top a Wheat Thin, landed on the counter top.
Out of some deep evolutionary impulse, she rushed to the sink to put the wound under running water. It was there that I caught my first clear view of the cleanly cut thumb, or rather the cleanly cut crater where the thumb used to be.
We all snapped into action. A paper towel was used at first to try to stop the bleeding while my sister-in-law brought the gauze and bandages from the first aid kit. My mother found the severed chunk of thumb and put it in a small container with some ice.
They call the emergency room as my wife and I head to the car. We turn the 20-minute drive to the ER into a 15-minute one, and soon we're rehashing the incident with physician's assistant, showing her the bite-sized bit of thumb we brought with us.
"I have some bad news," the PA said. "We're going to take off the dressing and bathe your thumb in betadine. It will hurt worse than anything you've felt so far. Then we'll have to redress it. We can't sew on the rest of your thumb, since it's already dead."
With that, the PA made good on her promise. Blood began to gush as the dressing was removed. When the thumb was dipped into the betadine bath (to the stifled cries of SMW) , a river of dark red blood began to mix with the pool of light brown liquid. The amount of blood prompted the PA to revise her prognosis.
"Okay, this is worse than I thought. I'm going to get my doctor in here to look at it, but I think we're going to have to cauterize the wound."
The doctor arrived shortly and concurred.
"It looks like you've cut deep enough to slice the small artery and also part of the nerve that runs through your thumb. That's why there's so much blood and so much pain," he said.
A blood-pressure cuff was used to help stop the bleeding while anesthetic was injected around the base of the thumb. Then the doctor performed the silver-nitrate chemical cauterization, turning the wound black and making it look even worse.
And, just because I know your aching to see it, here's what the thumb looked like after about four days.
Doctors have told her that the thumb will grow back over the next six to eight weeks, but it will remain tender long after that.
So how was your Christmas?
tagged: Christmas Eve, thumb, cheese slicer, blood, bloody, cauterize, silver nitrate
If it were me, you can bet that the sonsobitches, F-bombs, and even the nuclear MF-bombs would be going off all over the kitchen in my mom's house where we were visiting.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me reset the scene with some background.
We're all settling down for a traditional Christmas Eve lunch of Tuscan Potato Soup. I'm at the kitchen island preparing a plate for our 5-year-old daughter, and my SMW is across from me slicing some fancy cheese to go on some fancy crackers.
And because it was fancy cheese for fancy crackers, my dad gave her a fancy surgical steel cheese knife to cut it with. It was the kind with the blade through the middle that you're supposed to run over the edge of the cheese to cut a slice.
Like this one...
Anyhoo, SMW makes a witty remark about how the device looks like a deadly weapon, then proceeds to assume the cheese-slicing position.
Unfortunately, the cheese is a little hard. I think it had been in the fridge and wasn't quite thawed. So she adjusted her grip on the cheese slicer and put added effort into pulling it toward her. Suddenly, with a quick slip like an assassin's blade, the razor edge of the cheese slicer slid through the cheese... but it didn't stop with the cheese.
In a split second, the vorpal blade went snicker-snack, right down the length of fancy Cheddar and into and through the soft pad of the tip of my supermodel wife's thumb.
As the exclamations rang out, "OH MY GOD! Omigod, Ohmigod! OH MY GOD!" a slice of thumb, just the right size to top a Wheat Thin, landed on the counter top.
Out of some deep evolutionary impulse, she rushed to the sink to put the wound under running water. It was there that I caught my first clear view of the cleanly cut thumb, or rather the cleanly cut crater where the thumb used to be.
We all snapped into action. A paper towel was used at first to try to stop the bleeding while my sister-in-law brought the gauze and bandages from the first aid kit. My mother found the severed chunk of thumb and put it in a small container with some ice.
They call the emergency room as my wife and I head to the car. We turn the 20-minute drive to the ER into a 15-minute one, and soon we're rehashing the incident with physician's assistant, showing her the bite-sized bit of thumb we brought with us.
"I have some bad news," the PA said. "We're going to take off the dressing and bathe your thumb in betadine. It will hurt worse than anything you've felt so far. Then we'll have to redress it. We can't sew on the rest of your thumb, since it's already dead."
With that, the PA made good on her promise. Blood began to gush as the dressing was removed. When the thumb was dipped into the betadine bath (to the stifled cries of SMW) , a river of dark red blood began to mix with the pool of light brown liquid. The amount of blood prompted the PA to revise her prognosis.
"Okay, this is worse than I thought. I'm going to get my doctor in here to look at it, but I think we're going to have to cauterize the wound."
The doctor arrived shortly and concurred.
"It looks like you've cut deep enough to slice the small artery and also part of the nerve that runs through your thumb. That's why there's so much blood and so much pain," he said.
A blood-pressure cuff was used to help stop the bleeding while anesthetic was injected around the base of the thumb. Then the doctor performed the silver-nitrate chemical cauterization, turning the wound black and making it look even worse.
And, just because I know your aching to see it, here's what the thumb looked like after about four days.
Doctors have told her that the thumb will grow back over the next six to eight weeks, but it will remain tender long after that.So how was your Christmas?
tagged: Christmas Eve, thumb, cheese slicer, blood, bloody, cauterize, silver nitrate
Monday, December 31, 2007
The resolution will be televised
To bring in the new year and to honor Samuel L. Jackson, here are my resolutions for 2008.
Now, I know you might find it shocking that someone as cool and together as myself has New Year's resolutions, but believe it or not, there are things that even EmawKC can improve upon. Forthwith - if I could have a little music, please...
At the top of my list: "Continue to kick ass"
And then I hope to "Be as bad as I know I can be."
Also, to "Really put it out there, and by it I mean EmawKC's mojo."
In addition, I plan to "Give it as good as I get it," "Be all that and more" and "Lose my shyness, vis a vis the rocket in my pocket."
Plus, I plan to "Work my voodoo on the lady fans," "Take a thorn out of some cat's paw" and "Build a shrine to my own bad ass."
Then it's time to "Give the demons what for," "Spare the rod and spoil the face" and "Continue to kick ass."
After which, I'll "Show the bad men what it's all about," "Release a dove from a ghetto rooftop" and "Cradle a newborn baby in the ruins of a church."
Finally, this year, I will "Stick it to all the suckas" and I'm gonna "Show the man that I mean business"
..and I'm gonna "Take a computer class."
tagged: New Year's, Resolutions, Samuel L. Jackson, pop culture
Now, I know you might find it shocking that someone as cool and together as myself has New Year's resolutions, but believe it or not, there are things that even EmawKC can improve upon. Forthwith - if I could have a little music, please...
At the top of my list: "Continue to kick ass"
And then I hope to "Be as bad as I know I can be."
Also, to "Really put it out there, and by it I mean EmawKC's mojo."
In addition, I plan to "Give it as good as I get it," "Be all that and more" and "Lose my shyness, vis a vis the rocket in my pocket."
Plus, I plan to "Work my voodoo on the lady fans," "Take a thorn out of some cat's paw" and "Build a shrine to my own bad ass."
Then it's time to "Give the demons what for," "Spare the rod and spoil the face" and "Continue to kick ass."
After which, I'll "Show the bad men what it's all about," "Release a dove from a ghetto rooftop" and "Cradle a newborn baby in the ruins of a church."
Finally, this year, I will "Stick it to all the suckas" and I'm gonna "Show the man that I mean business"
..and I'm gonna "Take a computer class."
tagged: New Year's, Resolutions, Samuel L. Jackson, pop culture
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Random Photo VIII: San Francisco, 2005
Friday, December 28, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Happy Festivus
We're getting ready to make like a baby and head out. Going to western Kansas to visit the fams.
I'll see all you chumps next year. In the meantime...
tagged: Festivus, Seinfeld, George Costanza, Human Fund, Christmas
I'll see all you chumps next year. In the meantime...
tagged: Festivus, Seinfeld, George Costanza, Human Fund, Christmas
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