Economic cave in

Okay people, pay attention 'cause here's a news flash: Times are really tough.

I mean the economy is really bad. People are getting laid off every day, profits are plummeting, national debt is skyrocketing. Word on the street is that the economy is so bad that Donald Trump's toupee has been moonlighting as Amy Winehouse's merkin.

So if your like my Supermodel Wife and I, and you're in the market for some baby furniture that will come in handy in about the middle of June, you'd better do what we did and shop around. After hitting up several retail furniture stores, we decided we didn't want to drop two grand on miniature dressers and such. After all, according to the all the headlines, there are some needy bankers who need that money more than we do.

Like the good netizens we are, we checked out Craig's List, which in turn led us to the super secret underground warehouse of Overstock Freight.

Since it's so secret, I can't give you the specific directions here. Email me if you want them. For now, I'll just say that the warehouse is in a series of caves, deep in the hills of northwest Missouri.

We found our way there, passed a guarded gate and into one of a couple dozen cave openings. We spelunked our way to Pillar 36 where we found the warehouse's store front.

Inside the warehouse, one of dozens in this network of secret caves, we found loads of overstock and discontinued merchandise -- dressers, desks, chairs, kitchen wares and appliances, lots of stuff for kids.

The packaging wasn't fancy, and there was some scratch-and-dent stuff, but most of the merchandise was comparable in quality to what you would find at most furniture stores.

Near the back of the cave at the base of one of the pillars, we found a dressing table and armoire set. We examined it thoroughly. It was in like new condition and the set together was less that $500.

We had a small SUV and a long trip home, so the proprietor gave us a $100 discount since we'd be making two trips.

So if your in the market for new furniture (or playground equipment or kitchen utensils, or whatever) and if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can shop in a cave.

tagged: economy, furniture, cave, Missouri, Donald Trump, Amy Winehouse, shopping

Salmonberry

Note to the coffee shop/sandwich bar in my building: If you keep the blueberry muffins in the same refrigerator case as the poached salmon salads, what you get is a blueberry-salmon flavored muffin.

And it's not as tasty as it sounds.

tagged: breakfast, blueberry muffin, poached salmon

More change than you hoped for

I'm not sayin' anything, I'm just puttin' this out there.

Actually, I guess it was BusinessWeek that put it out there. So I guess I'm just passin' it along.

I'm still not sayin' anything, though.



tagged: economy, stock market, Obama, BusinessWeek, policy

YouTube Tuesday: Morning Elegance

This one's been out there for a while, but it's new to me.

I'm captivated by this elaborate stop-motion animation. And even though the music (which is really good, btw) is a bit melancholy, the video gives it that touch of whimsy that makes the production as a whole very satisfying.

Well done, Mr. Lavie.



tagged: video, movie, Oren Lavie, Her Morning Elegance, Opposite Side of the Sea, music

Friday Blogthing: Album Cover Meme

I haven't done one of these in a long time, but the results I got from doing the Album Cover meme fit together so nicely that I just had to share.

In case you're unfamiliar, here's how it works (hat tip to Average Jane):

1. Go to “Wikipedia.” Hit “random” and the first article you get is the name of your band.
2. Then go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3. Then, go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days” and the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. Use Photoshop or some other image editor to add text and make it look cool.

This is the wikipedia article hit
Here's the quote I got.
And this is the Flickr art I ended up with.

Add them all together and you get the latest Top 40 Skinhead Neo-Nazi Hate Metal album.



tagged: meme, Friday Blogthing, album cover, Fatherland For All, Francis Beaumont

I guess you gotta do what you gotta do

Looks like Boulevard Brewing Co. started packaging my favorite brew in aluminum bottles today.

The Kansas City-based company produced about 2,700 cases of beer in the aluminum bottles on its initial run Thursday. The brewery will continue to offer its Unfiltered Wheat in glass bottles and barrels, as well.

“If you’re out mowing the lawn, out at the golf course or at the pool where you can’t have glass, you can now drink Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat in an aluminum bottle,” said John McDonald, Boulevard founder and president. “Being only in the glass bottle, we didn’t have access to venues like golf courses and stadiums. So that was a big reason.”

I can totally get the logic of packaging your product (heh) so that it can be sold in more venues.

But there's still a bit of a purist in me that will probably just keep getting the glass bottles. I mean, I know that maybe aluminum is the superior material, but it just doesn't have the right feel.

It's similar to wine. Even though drinking wine out of a bottle may be better, I still feel like it's just a more natural, classier experience to drink it out of a box.


tagged: beer, alcohol, Boulevard Brewing Co, Kansas City, wine, aluminum

Come on in here, boy. Have a cigar.

One of the great things about this medium is that you develop relationships with people who look out for each other.

For example, the other day my boy Nick over at WNTV had my back in the career department by bird dogging for me the link to apply for a White House Internship.

Now, I know what your thinking. Why would a successful upper lower middle manager like myself be interested in an entry level White House internship?

Well my friends let's face it, the economy's not getting any better. Banks are insolvent, the markets are crashing, unemployment is at it's highest point of the century. At this rate, even my job of Assistant to the Regional Manager may not be secure.

So I clicked with interest on the link Nick provided.

I learned that to be a White House intern, there are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quo. This is politics after all even if the new rulers say things have changed.

First is that I have to be a U.S. citizen. Luckily, nobody has ever been able to prove that I'm not despite the efforts of a clique of Internet crackpots who swear I was born in Kenya.

I also have to be at least 18 years of age on or before the first day of the internship. Luckily I squeaked in right above that criteria. I don't want to say my actual age, but let's just say I used to carry my Rubik's Cube in the inside pocket of my Members Only jacket.

Next, up is that I have to be a student or grad student. No problemo. I can go back to KU and get my advanced degree in French Fry and McNugget Marketing.

So now all I have to do is decide what internship I want to pursue. I could opt for the Office of Cabinet Affairs, but I'm not really into carpentry.

The Office of Presidential Personnel sounds promising. They're the people who oversee selection of presidential appointments. But it seems like it's really tough to find appointees who haven't cheated on their taxes. Seems like too much work.

Actually, the Office of the Vice President looks like the best option. I mean, the VP doesn't really do anything and I can just tell that Joe Biden is one hell of a partier. And I'm not talking about political parties here.

So I'm off to fill out my application. I know some of you may be see this as a step down in the career department. But the way things are going we'll all be working for the government in a few short months. After they take over the banks, the automakers, the newspapers, insurance companies, real estate agencies, power companies, Internet providers, technology companies... well, anyway it's pretty clear that everyone will have a government job. I might as well get in on the ground floor.

And yes, I know how interns are treated at the White House. But we've all got to pay our dues.

My only question is, do I have to bring my own cigars?

tagged: White House, internship, Lewinsky, Joe Biden, career

Evil incarnate

Yesterday, KCMeesha wished us all a Happy International Day of the Cat, to which I say "Hsssssss"

It's long been my considered opinion that cats are the Minions of Evil on this planet. Opinion? Let me correct myself. I'm certain that it is a quantifiable fact.

You see, I have a built in biological evil detector. Whenever I'm around evil I have a physical reaction that includes watery eyes, sneezing, tightness in my chest and difficulty breathing. You might call it an allergic reaction to Evil.

I go through a mild form of this whenever I see Oprah on TV. Also, I had this reaction when I toured the Dachau concentration camp during my first European trip (there were cats there at the time... no surprise). It also happens whenever I read this guy's blog.

So it's pretty clear that my Evil detector has a pretty good track record. And what happens whenever I'm around cats? You guessed it, Evil detector goes off the charts.

But really, you don't need an organic Evil detector to know that cats are evil. Just look at them. I mean, they creep around all creepy like with their weird slitted eyes and sneaky paws and nasty flicking tales. Gives me a case of the screaming heebie jeebies just thinking about it.

And speaking of the heebie jeebies, check out this sterling example of the species:

He might be the ugliest cat in the world. And in Exeter, N.H., he’s become quite the spectacle. “People come in and take pictures of him on their cell phones,” veterinary employee Christie Hartnett told WMUR-TV in Manchester, N.H., which reported on Ugly and his newfound fan base.

Bloody Evil worshipers if you ask me.

I rest my case people.

tagged: Evil, cat, Oprah, pets, ugly

Change I can believe in

One thing I hadn't really thought about when we decided to have our second kid was the amount of adjustment it takes.

Don't get me wrong. We knew it was a big decision, and we made the decision with full awareness of it's bigness.

But even when you're expecting change, you still need to adjust. Our guest bedroom, for example, will become our new baby's room. Family and houses guests will have to adjust by sleeping on the pullout couch in the den.

One person who has a lot of adjusting to do is our six-year-old daughter. She's a great kid and she's super excited about having a little sister. But it's also clear that she has questions about how things are going to be postpartum.

The other day we were sitting on the couch talking about it.

6yo: Daddy, when the baby comes, will I be able to hold her?

me: Yes. In fact, you'll be one of the first people to hold her. First will be your mom.

6yo: Then you. Then me. So I'll be the third person.

me: Yes. But you'll have to be careful when holding the baby.

6yo: I know. Their necks aren't very strong. I'll be able to feed her, right?

me: Yeah. We'll all to work together to take care of her.

6yo: I think it's so cute when the food comes out of their mouth a little bit and you have to scoop it back in with the spoon.

me: Yeah. But remember, it's going to be a few months before she can eat baby food. At first, she'll just drink milk from a bottle. You can hold the bottle, though.

6yo: Oh, yeah.

6yo: Daddy, there's something that I've been thinking about.

me: What is it?

6yo: I'm afraid that when the baby comes, you'll want to play with her more than me. It makes me kind of sad.

me: Well, when the baby comes we'll all have to do a lot at first to make sure she stays safe and healthy. But we'll still make time to play with each other. You're more fun to play with than the baby anyway.

6yo: I am? Why.

me: Well, babies don't really do much. They really only do four things.

6yo: What? Eat?

me: Yep. Eat, sleep, poop and cry. That's about all they do. But they sure are cute.

6yo: Yeah. So we'll still get to do fun things together?

me: Sure. You know, your baby sister will probably like playing with you more than she plays with me.

The ironic thing about that last statement, and what I didn't have the heart to explain to her, is that it won't be long before our six year old is an 11-year-old and the very thought of spending any time at all with me will be repugnant and embarrassing to her.

Just part of the growing up process. Gotta gather those rosebuds while we may.

tagged: family, change, daughter, baby, fatherhood, parenting

Did somebody order some change???

So Pres.O. had this nicely timed remark in his speech to Congress...

"I intend to hold these banks fully accountable for the assistance they receive, and this time, they will have to clearly demonstrate how taxpayer dollars result in more lending for the American taxpayer. This time, CEOs won't be able to use taxpayer money to pad their paychecks or buy fancy drapes or disappear on a private jet. Those days are over."

Meanwhile back at stately Wayne Mansion (actually Beverly Hills), Northern Trust Bank just finished up a week of expensive hard partying. Yes, the Northern Trust Bank that accepted $1.6 billion in bailout money is living it up in La La Land (on your c-note, btw).

Northern Trust flew hundreds of clients and employees to L.A. and put many of them up at some of the fanciest and priciest hotels in the city. We're told more than a hundred people were put up at the Beverly Wilshire in Bev Hills, and another hundred stayed at the Loews Santa Monica Beach Hotel. Still more stayed at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey and others at Casa Del Mar in Santa Monica.

Here are the highlights:

• Wednesday, Northern Trust hosted a fancy dinner at the Ritz followed by a performance by the group Chicago.
• Thursday, Northern Trust rented a private hangar at the Santa Monica Airport for dinner, followed by a performance by Earth, Wind & Fire.
• Saturday, Northern Trust had the entire House of Blues in West Hollywood shut down for its private party. We got the menu -- guests dined on seared salmon and petite Angus filet. Dinner was followed by a performance by none other than Sheryl Crow.
  

There was also a fabulous cocktail party at the Loews. And how's this for a nice touch: Female guests at the Chicago concert all got trinkets from ... TIFFANY AND CO.

In their defense, there's no indication that Northern Trust spent money on the 450 employees they laid off just before Christmas last year.

But thankfully, according to Pres.O. these days are over. Yeah. Right.

tagged: Obama, bailout, Northern Trust, speech, politics, economy