YouTube Tuesday: crash

To mark the occasion of this year's Tour de France, in today's edition of YouTube Tuesday we present this totally cool crash montage.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, Tour de France, bicycle, crash, cycling

Out of retirement

Like all of you, I was glued to the television box on Saturday and Sunday, watching the first two stages of this years Tour de France.

This year is notable since it marks the return to the race of seven-time winner Lance Armstrong after a three-year retirement. I know this to be the case because Versus, the network that has the Tour de France broadcast rights in the US (channel 55 on Time Warner Cable in KC) has plastered his face along with overly-emotional and melodramatic montages of his career all over their network.

I'm as big of an Armstrong fan as you'll find. I've followed his career since everyone thought he was the second-coming of Greg LeMond (turns out he made us forget who Greg LeMond was). I have mad respect for his achievements, overcoming cancer to become unquestionably the best cyclist in Tour de France history.

Still.

It feels a little uncomfortable to see Versus hitch their wagon to Armstrong's wheel like they have. I mean, I get why they're doing it. Let's face it, pro cycling isn't as big in the U.S. as, say, watching reality TV celebrity couples disintegrate.

Versus is using Armstrong's Q-factor to drum up interest in the race. They have advertisers and ratings to worry about. That's fair enough. I certainly don't want them to abandon coverage of the race in the future.

But I think they're missing an opportunity here.

There's a really, really good chance that Armstrong is not going to win the race this year. He's not even the second best rider on his own team (Astana) at this point. And if he doesn't win, will he be back next year? To me, he's never seemed like the kind of person to play a support role.

In the meantime, there are plenty of promising American cyclists that should be introduced and give the sport more of a foothold in the states. Armstrong's teammate Levi Leipheimer for example. And riders from the American-sponsored Garmin-Slipstream team Christian Vande Velde, Tyler Farrar, Danny Pate and one of my favorites, David Zabriskie who missed last year's Tour due to an injury.

The fraternity of Americans in the upper levels of pro cycling is still pretty small compared to Europeans. Rather than putting all of its eggs in the Armstrong basket, if Versus should played up all of the Americans in the sports it would encourage more viewership over a longer term.

tagged: Tour de France, Europe, cycling, Greg LeMond, Lance Armstrong, Astana, Garmin Slipstream

Bullitt list -- 07.01.09

Today's category: Speaking of...

• So some geniuses at a sex conference in Amsterdam (yeah, big surprise) have announced that having sex every day can increase a couple's odds of conceiving a child. The study was led by Australia's King of the Obvious David Greening of IVF Sydney (IVF stands for "I value fucking").
  
  The study also had some other surprising findings:
  • The use of alcohol can help lead to daily sexual intercourse.
  • Avoiding the use of contraceptives can significantly increase the odds of conceiving a child.
  • Australian men really, really like participating in these kinds of studies.
    
    
• And speaking of children, I took my kid to go see the new Pixar animated feature UP the other day. Pretty good flick. I liked it. I give it a thumbs up and a recommendation.
  
  But one thing really stood out to me almost from the beginning of the movie. The character Russell has an amazing resemblance to a local KC blogger. See if you agree. Here's a pic of the character from the movie.
  And here's a pic of someone who, in my opinion, could have been separated from Russell.
  So whadyathink Internet? Am I right or am I right.
  


• And speaking of uncanny resemblances (and movies), Sacha Baron Cohen's latest joint, Bruno, is set to open in theaters on July 10. Judging by the trailers, it's pretty much the same thing we saw in Borat, but instead of a fictitious moronic Kazakh journalist making fun of people, it's a fictitious moronic Austrian gay male supermodel making fun of people.
  
  Pretty derivative, since the whole moronic male supermodel thing was done to death by Ben Stiller in Zoolander eight years ago.
  
  
• And speaking about being done to death, it seems like celebrities are dropping like flies these days. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson (if you believe the media stories) Billy Mays... they all make it seem like being a celebrity is a death sentence anymore.
  
  The truth is, being a human is a death sentence. And I've got news for you, there are going to be more and more frequent celebrity deaths in the years ahead. You see in our celebrity-obsessed culture we're suffering from a glut of "celebrities." It's getting to the point that, not far in the future, everyone will be a celebrity.
  
  C'mon people, have some standards. Having an internet video show doesn't make you a celebrity.


• And speaking of internet video, Bloomberg reported the other day that popular programs like The Simpsons are now commanding higher advertising rates on websites like Hulu.com and TV.com than they are on prime time television.
  
  It looks like advertisers are getting wise to the facts that a) people just skip through the ads on the DVR/Tivo, and 2) people actively seeking out content online are loyal fans and more valuable as an audience than people passively watching content on TV.

tagged: Bullitt, movies, Up, Bruno, Zoolander, Sacha Baron Cohen, Ben Stiller, Ben Stiller, pop culture, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Hulu, TV, The Simpsons

YouTube Tuesday: Walkin' on the moon

Despite me showing clear evidence to the contrary, everybody still believes Michael Jackson has gone to meet his maker (no, I mean his metaphysical maker, not the San Fernando Valley plastic surgeons).

Anyway, as a way of remembering MJ for what he was, today's edition of YouTube Tuesday is a triple feature dedicated to Jacko's signature dance move, the moonwalk.

Contrary to popular belief, Jackson didn't "invent" the moonwalk. He copied/learned it from famous French mime Marcel Marceau.

(One of you French speakers can put the translation in the comments if you wish, but I think the gist is that Marceau is saying what a great mime Jackson would have been because he wouldn't need to apply white face makeup.)



Jackson gets credit for being the first American to use the moonwalk in the context of dance, but as this archival footage shows, Bill Baily was years ahead of MJ.



Still, as the voice over in the video below notes, the moonwalk still has some street cred. So here's a little instruction on how to perfect your moonwalk.



tagged: Michael Jackson, Marcel Marceau, moonwalk, Bill Baily, dance, mime, pop culture

Long live the king?

Yeah, yeah. I get it. Michael Jackson had a tragic life and his death was a tragedy because our culture lost a musical genius (although, I'm pretty sure Quincy Jones was the musical genius behind Jackson's best work, but anyway).

But to paraphrase Hamlet (who, for you culturally illiterate, was the author of Shakespeare, the box office hit), I come not to praise Michael Jackson, but to bury him.

Well, check that. Not to bury him, because I have a theory that I'm about to lay on you. I'm pretty sure old MJ is pulling an Elvis on us.

That's right. Despite wall-to-wall coverage to the contrary, Michael Jackson is not dead.

I'm makin' the call right now, June 27, 2009. Michael Jackson has faked his own death in an attempt to make his life easier.

What's that you say? Evidence? Well, the circumstantial evidence couldn't be more compelling.

For one thing, it's widely known that Mr. Jacko was in debt up to his synthetic plastic nose. The Wall Street Journal has reported that Mikey had roughly $400 million in debts. He'd lost The Ranch after defaulting on a $24 million loan backed by the property. So hiding some assets and faking your death would be a nifty way of starting over.

There's also an indication that Jackon wanted to get out of his 50-concert commitment in the UK. According to a former worker, he signed the deal while under the influence of painkillers. He thought he was signing for only 10 concerts.

And, much like Michael Jackson's face, there are other indications that something just ain't right. For example, there was the report of moving vans removing items from the mansion Jackson had been renting in LA. A few last minute items needed as he starts his new life perhaps? Hmmm? Just maybe???

Also, have you noticed that the majority of top downloads on iTunes now are all Michael Jackson songs and albums? Ditto for Amazon's Top Sellers in the music category. This kind of cash infusion is going to come in handy in setting up a new life.

All of the signs are out there people. Even to the most casual of observers like myself.

Ask yourself why nobody has seen Jackson's body yet. All of the reports I've seen suggest the "body" that has been presented is especially fake looking, like it's made out of plastic or wax or something.

Nope. It's already pretty obvious to me that Jackson has faked his own death to get out of dept, avoid some commitments and just basically start over. He'll probably end up moving to Cleveland and taking up residence as a local donut shop proprietor or something.

We'll soon start reading reports of "Jacko" sightings all around the country.

tagged: Michael Jackson, death, Elvis, Wall Street Journal, debt, Neverland Ranch, fake

Friday Blogthing: Him a naughty dred mon

Yes I, your irie new name is Mighty Shabba


Da Reggae Name Generator

tagged: Friday, blogthing, Reggae, quiz, name, generator, Shabba, blog

Guest Post: Remembrance of Michael Jackson

Today's guest editorial is contributed by Dr. Perry Cox.

As a solo artist Mike Jackson (he was 50 years old people, stop calling him Michael, Mikey, Mick and Jacko), really only had two albums that were even reheeheeeeemotely listenable, and the last one came out more than 25 years ago.

Aside from that, let's face it, he was only famous for being a pedophile cosmetic surgery train wreck adored by -- if anyone -- a legion of 12-year-old girls and overly effeminate medical interns.

Now I don't mean to be harsh, but I just can't shake the feeling that our country has a lot more important stuff to worry about right now. Iiiiiiin fact, why don't I just rattle off a few things that I care more about than Mike Jackson.

Lemme see, uhh... Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, 'The O.C.', the U.N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything - eve - everything that exists - past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions... Oh! And Hugh Jackman.

tagged: Michael Jackson, Scrubs, Perry Cox, Grammys, pop culture

Clear out

You guys remember back in the day, like in April of 2008, when a company called Clear was trying to get me to turn over a bunch of my personal information in exchange for quick passage through airport security?

You remember that?

I basically said no thanks to paying $130 bucks a year for the privilege of having some company I know nothing about collect my SocSec number, finger prints, retinal scan and DNA sample (although that last one sounds intriguing).

My point was, who knows what they're doing with that info. It can't be good.

Well if you did sign up for that service, it looks like you might be doubly screwed now. According to The Associated Press, Clear is going out of business, and they're taking your money and personally identifiable information with them.

The [parent] company, Verified Identity Pass, said it pulled the plug on the Clear program because it couldn't negotiate a deal with its creditors. It could file for bankruptcy.

Some customers received e-mails with the news, while others found out when they discovered Clear lanes at the airport were cordoned off.

Many Clear customers who paid up to three years in advance are, as they say in the travel industry, shit out of luck.

Not to mention, all of that personal information about them is floating around out there. Of course the Transportation Security Administration has it, and that means the entire federal government has it.

And, FYI, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than 1.8 million civilians work for the Federal Government (excluding the Post Office).

Look people it should go without saying especially in this day and age -- you need to do everything in your power to stay off of these special government lists.

If not, you'll be one of the first to be put up against the wall when the revolution comes.

tagged: Clear, travel, privacy, bankruptcy, TSA, revolution, retinal scan

Bullitt list -- 06.24.09

Today's category: Well aged.

• Condolences and congrats to Henry Allingham of the UK who became The Oldest Man in the World last week when former Oldest Man in the World Tomoji Tanabe died in his sleep in southern Japan.
  Congrats to Allingham for living long enough to earn the title, and condolences since having this title is essentially a death sentence.


• Knob Creek, makers of fine bourbon for more than 300 years, announced in a marketing campaign that they've run out of bourbon and won't have any until the next batch is ready in November. The culprit of course is Xavier Onasis. Jeez dude, go easy on that stuff.



• In case you missed it, PETA is in the midst of completing the total usurpation of Marxist hero Che Guevara by using his granddaughter to mock his name in an Argentinian ad campaign. In the campaign, a scantily clad Lydia Guevara urges the audience to "Join the Vegetarian Revolution." And while I agree that something about this is revolting, it certainly doesn't appear to be Lydia herself. I'm sure sure her grandfather would approve.



• Everybody's complaining about the heat. Like it's some big surprise that it gets intolerably hot and humid in Kansas City in the summer. Like nobody's expecting that around this time of year we experience localized supernovae, and people who have the means flee to the Fourth Circle of Hell where's it's much cooler. C'mon people, I know it's hot but let's try for a little originality, mmmkay?



• Did you guys see the sunset last night? Nice. Almost makes up for the thermonuclear temperatures we've been suffering through. Almost.
  
  
  

tagged: Bullitt, heat, summer, Che Guevara, PETA, sunset, Knob Creek

YouTube Tuesday: Point of view

I guess it's just a matter of how anthropocentric you are.



tagged: youtube, global warning, fertility rates, smog, wetlands, anthropocentric, environmentalist