Iron man

The ironic thing is that as I was trying to iron my pants this morning for work, I would iron one side but at the same time I was accidentally ironing new wrinkles into the other side.

I know. Ironic.

tagged: irony, iron, pants

YouTube Tuesday: War is hell

Believe it or not something very similar to this happened at a company I used to work for... shortly before it went out of business.


tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, video, battle, war, office, nerf

Police state cometh

There's a lot of hoo-hah and bluster going on right now about how stupidly the cops in Cambridge, Mass. acted for arresting a guy who was breaking and entering his own house.

Every one is all verklempt by the outrageous actions of the police, or the outrageous actions of Professor Gates, or the outrageous comments of the president. In short, everyone is outraged.

Me? Meh. I can't say I'm surprised by the incident. And frankly, as a society we probably deserve it.

For year's we've been told by politicians that we're in huge trouble. We're on the brink of disaster from terrorists, or economic calamity, or illegal aliens, or unfettered gun ownership, or swine flu. Pick your poison, we're dying from pretty much everything these days.

The result, of course, it that we willingly vote for people who say they can protect us. Sure it will cost us about half our annual income in taxes each year. But isn't that a small price to pay for security and the promise of long life?

Well except for those times where our protective golem turns against us. The Gates/Crowley incident is only one recent example.

In Western Australia recently, police used "non-lethal" weapon to subdue a crazy gasoline fume sniffer. Unfortunately, this made the perp a little hot under the collar.

Mitchell's sister told The Australian newspaper that her brother had been sniffing petrol.

"He must have put petrol on his face, then the policeman shot him with the Taser, that's when the flames happened," she said.

Police Commissioner Karl O'Callaghan said Mr Mitchell was a known violent offender, and defended the police officers' deployment of the Taser.

I'm not saying the Taser wasn't justified. Probably it was. Still...

Then there's the case of Boise, Idaho cops who when crazy with their Tasers:

The February incident was captured by an audio recording made by one of the police officers at the unidentified man's home.

"If you move again, I'm going to stick this Taser up your (expletive) and pull the trigger," one of the officers said. "Now, do you feel this in your (expletive)? - I'm going to Tase your (expletive) if you move again."

Police violated the department's use-of-force policy when the officers Tasered the man once in the back before he was handcuffed, and then in the buttocks after he was handcuffed...

Look, I'm not down on cops. I like the police in general.

What I'm sayin' is that we have ourselves to blame. In general we're tending to put too much faith in "the authorities" to look out for us, instead of looking out for each other, keeping each other safe, making sure our neighbors and families aren't starving, or sick (physically or mentally).

If we make the government collectively responsible for everything, then the governed aren't individually responsible for anything.

tagged: police, Gates, Crowley, taser, government

Friday Blogthing: All revved up with no place to go

Okay, I admit it. I had to do this quiz a couple of times before my result came up with a Ferrari rather than a lame-ass Mercedes.

I'm a Ferrari 360 Modena!

You've got it all. Power, passion, precision, and style. You're sensuous, exotic, and temperamental. Sure, you're expensive and high-maintenance, but you're worth it.

"Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

tagged: Friday, Blogthing, Ferrari Modena, quiz, personality, car, Mercedes

The Legend of Dexter, Part I

Let me introduce you to Dexter the Wonder Dog.

No, he wasn't named after Dexter the serial killer of criminals. He's been around much longer than that. He was actually named after Dexter, the boy genius.

Anyway, you may recognize him as a Jack Russell Terrier. Not sure how much you know about dog breeds, but this particular strain of terrier was originally bred back in the days of yore by the Parson Jack Russell, hence the name (this isn't getting too complicated for you, is it?).

It turns out that foxes were a huge problem in England back in Master Russell's day, and he needed a dog that would chase foxes, weasels and the like into their burrows and bring them back out or hold them there until they could be dug out. So the dogs had to be fierce, brave and smart, not to mention very athletic with lots of stamina (If you've ever chased a weasel into a hole, you know what I mean).

Our boy Dexter is all of these things. In fact, it is his superior intelligence and athleticism that allows him to do such things as Sit...

... Sit Up ...
... Lay Down ...... Roll Over...... Play Dead ...
... Stand ...... Dance ...... Take a Bow ...
... And even jump through hoops ...
Dog is smart, is what I'm sayin'. And while he's generally good tempered (he especially likes people (unless you're wearing a US Postal Service Uniform, then God help you...)), he has neither love nor patience for rodents roaming around his backyard.

Rabbits are summarily chase out without exception. And normally ubiquitous squirrels in our neighborhood caused him no end of agita as they taunted him from the treetops.

That is until a few weeks ago.

It was a pleasant mid-summer's day. Dexter was on his regular daily patrol in the back yard when he noticed one of the evil gray squirrels sharpening its teeth on our daughter's swing set.

He immediately gave chase, barking like Christian Bale on crystal meth. In a few seconds he had the quarry treed in one of the river birches we have in the yard.

Dexter barked and chased the squirrel from tree to tree for the next couple of hours. Yes, hours. That's why we sometimes call him The Tenacious D. He doesn't give up easily.

Eventually the squirrel made its way back to the wood-frame swing set. Typically, a squirrel will run back and forth across the top ridge of the swing set, working to get Dexter out of position so that it can make a running jump to the chain link fence and escape to the safety of the neighbor's yard.

But not this day. On this day, Dexter was on his game. He had put too much time and effort into chasing this furry offender, and he wasn't about to let him go.

When the squirrel made the leap, Dexter was ready. The rodent hit the ground and Dexter was on him in a flash. Powerful canine jaws immediately clenched on fragile rodent throat.

A few violent shakes of the head and the snap of a spine and it was all over.

The story was relayed to me by my backyard neighbor, who works from home and saw the whole thing (no doubt highly annoyed by the incessant barking, but entertained nonetheless by the exciting ending). He said he saw Dexter carry the carcass and leave it along the south fence line. I looked but couldn't find the remains of the squirrel.

I assumed that Dexter had devoured his hard-earned bounty. But a few days later I found the dead squirrel as I was mowing. It was undefiled by Dexter, aside from a bit of gnawing on its tail. Yes, it was smelly and maggot-infested, but Dexter hadn't eaten so much as an ear.

It was all sport for him. A killing driven by a deep instinctual need to fulfill that for which he was bred.

I should mention also that I haven't seen a squirrel in our back yard since this incident.

tagged: dog, pets, Dexter, Jack Russell Terrier, hunt, squirrel, wildlife

In my head

This post probably falls into that "random thoughts" category that you see so much of when people are feeling particularly uninspired.

Except, this is probably a step lower than that, since these random strains of non-contemporaneous stream of conscientiousness aren't really meant to be cohesive thoughts as such, just a snapshot of the words that happen to have bounced around my gray matter at various moments in the past couple of weeks.

Anyway, submitted for your ennui:

• Damn, it must be time to get out a new razor blade. It feels like I'm shaving with a rusty Ginsu knife! Shit! I just cut my upper-lip mole. That's going to bleed like crazy.
  
  
• Oh c'mon lady! Who writes out a check these days! We're living in the future now! Fer cryin' gyahhhh!
  
  
• Where the heck is everyone, it's only 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Did I miss the "take the day off early" memo?
  
  
• Ooookay, by the looks of these urinals I guess housekeeping took the day off.
  
  
• It was nice to sleep in. But wait a minute. If you get up at 3:30 in the morning then go back to sleep at 5, then get back up at 6 then go to sleep at 7 and sleep until 9:30... is that really sleeping in? or does it count as an early morning nap?
  
  
• That Peter Sarsgaard is really coming off like a pretentious douche (I was watching him on Conan at the time -- Edit.). "Oh, I live in England and I got married in Puglia and had my honey moon on the Amalfi Coast and I'm soooo much better than everyone." Just take it easy man. We're both from the same side of the tracks here. Orphan is just another lame horror flick. It's not the second coming of Citizen Kane.
  
  
• What the...?! Who the...?! What are you talking about?!
  
  
• I wonder who decided that an ellipsis is three dots and not, say, two or four.
  
  
• Peter Sarsgaard's name is fun to say in a pirate accent. "SAAARSGAAAAHHHHHRRRD!!!"
  


• I need to stop intentionally mispronouncing the word nuclear just for laughs. It's getting a little too easy.

tagged: blog, random, stream of conscientiousness, Peter Sarsgaard, nuclear, ellipsis, ennui

YouTube Tuesday: Trumpet prodigy

I had a chance to catch this kid playing his cornet briefly over the weekend. Geoffrey Gallante was scheduled to play the National Anthem at Sunday's Royal's game. Not sure if he did or didn't since I wasn't at the game (maybe one of you Royals faithful can confirm).

But I did see him give a brief solo at another venue and I gotta say, kid's got chops. At 8 years old he can stand up and jam with the likes of Phil Driscoll, Arturo Sandoval, Wynton Marsalis and even Maynard Ferguson. He's definitely a talent to keep your eye on in the future.

Here he is crankin' out a little Herb Alpert and the TJB.



tagged: Youtube, Tuesday, Geoffrey Gallante, Herb Alpert, trumpet, musician, prodigy

Reconoitering the 'hood

It's been about a month since I checked in with my neighborhood reconnaissance team.

I usually like to get a report every two to three weeks, so I was long overdue (an operative like myself needs to stay informed). So my primary assignment for Saturday was to stop by the intelligence HQ and get a debriefing on activities observed in the community.

Also, I got my hair cut while I was at it.

Anyway, the biggest news in the neighborhood is that local Irish pub O'Neill's is relocating from Prairie Village, across Mission Road, into Leawood. Rumor was that the owners of O'Neill's had been upset with Leawood city bureaucrats due to the difficulty of obtaining a liquor license for the new location. According to my sources, this rumor is just that. A rumor. Good thing too, because what's an Irish pub without a liquor license?

My agents also scoped out the exact location of the new O'Neill's. It's next door to Foo's (FTW!), in the spot at the end of the strip on the northeast corner of 95th and Mission. The storefront was previously occupied by kids' clothing store Chocolate Soup (RIP).

Judging from the reconnaissance photos, though, there's still a lot of work to do before the September opening.

The move is necessitated of course because Walgreens bought the building that O'Neill's and a couple of other businesses currently occupy. Prior Attire, a consignment clothing store, is moving west to 95th and Nall where it will compete with a new store opened by large consignment chain Savers.

The Mission Animal Hospital will move around the corner to the space formerly occupied by a Blockbuster video store (RIP and good riddance). Luckily, this is right next door to our local Planet Sub, so you can grab some snackage while your having your pet spayed or neutered.

As for the Walgreens, well no news yet on them. They are obviously moving into the neighborhood to compete with the CVS, which just opened it's new building across the street in the newly remodeled Ranch Mart shopping center.

The new CVS is an order of magnitude nicer than the old store, which was severely showing its age. I was in there the other day to pick up some allergy meds for the ladies in my life. The store layout, organization and atmosphere are all much improved.But one thing that caught my eye as I was leaving the (newly repaved) parking lot was this pergola-like structure under construction in the back. It looks really interesting, like it would make a nice outdoor park or drinkin' bar. Not sure what it will be though. I'll have to assign one of my agents to look into it.

tagged: Johnson County, Leawood, Prairie Village, business, Ranch Mart, O'Neill's, Foo's, CVS

Friday Blogthing: Harry Potter and the Half Lame Quiz

I'm probably the only person in the literate world that hasn't read a single word from a single Harry Potter book.

That doesn't make me special or anything. Maybe I just don't know what I'm missing. But after seeing some of the movies (I can't remember which ones, they're all the same to me), I just can't see myself investing the time needed to slog through the printed version.

But, in lieu of going to see the latest HP movie (I think it's called "Harry Potter and the Clever Marketing Campaign") I'm doing this lame-ass quiz.

Which Harry Potter Character Are You?

Harry You're a leader and a good friend. You have a tumultuous past, but that doesn't get in the way of your impressive future.

Fun quizzes, surveys & blog quizzes by

tagged: Friday, blogthing, Harry Potter, character, quiz, blog, meme

Bastille Day

I'm a day late with this, so sorry (like you care).

A long-time reader reminded me in an email that yesterday was Bastille Day. So happy prison breaking to all you French people out there.

Also that it was the blogiversary of this blog -- 4 years. I usually don't like to write (or read) blogs about blogging. It's all a bunch of self-referential bunk anyway, tales told by idiots and signifying nothing. So I'll keep this short.

Four years, roughly 1,100 posts, about 1,200 spelling and grammatical errors, lots of friends, acquaintances and comments.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by. Sorry you had to suffer through some of this dreck.

And now, do commemorate the occasion...



tagged: blog, Bastille Day, Rush, blogiversary, blogging