But I think this quiz shows that I can be very supportive of all creatures great and small (intestine).
Created by The Oatmeal
Friday, August 14, 2009
Friday Blogthing: Happy habitat
Some people think I have some grudge against wildlife just because I enjoy a nice tasty roasted baby seal every once in a while (with some fava beans and a fine chianti, thspppppst!)
But I think this quiz shows that I can be very supportive of all creatures great and small (intestine).
But I think this quiz shows that I can be very supportive of all creatures great and small (intestine).
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Home Improvement: The old switcheroo
My main project for this past weekend (aside from the usual trimming hedges, taking out the trash and collecting "protection" money from local businesses) was to change out the electrical switches and outlets in our new baby's room.
The switch was one of those old-school switches from the days when people believed the electricity demons were aroused by the loud clicking noise the switch made, thus turning the light on. It was loud, is what I'm sayin'. So I decided to replace it with a fashionable modern switch that wouldn't wake up the baby (and the neighbors and the North Koreans) with such a loud clicking noise.
As for the electrical outlets, they were the old two-prong outlets. I wanted to upgrade to three-prong outlets because three is better than two (just ask The D).
Anyway, as a public service I documented the procedure so that you, yes you, can do the same upgrade without hiring a licensed electrician which could easily cost double the value of your entire house.
First, the basic tools. For this project, you'll need a screwdriver, wire cutters, wire strippers, an electrical current tester (optional), a utility knife, and a Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat.
We'll start with the switch. The first thing you need to do -- and this is of minor importance -- is find the breaker switch that controls the electrical circuit for the room. It's probably in your basement (next to the pick axe and trunk full of spare rubber trousers) and hopefully it's labeled. Turn off the breaker before you begin. You'll know it's off if you flip the light switch and the light doesn't turn on.
Got it? Good. Now remove the screws holding the switch plate/cover onto the wall.
Use your screwdriver for this. I used a cordless electric power screwdriver (because why should I have to do all the work), but a manual one works just fine if you're into that kind of thing.
Now you can see the actual switch hardware attached to the switch box. You'll want to unscrew the two screws (at the top and bottom of the switch) that hold it in. Your goal is to remove the screws and pull the switch hardware from the box housing.
But here's a tip: If your house is old (like mine) chances are that part of the hardware has been painted to the wall. So before you pull the switch out of the box, be sure to cut the paint around the switch so that it doesn't tear a big strip of paint and drywall off your wall.
Okay. With the screws removed and the paint cut, pull the switch out of the box. It will be attached to the rest of the house with two (or more) insulated copper wires. Stretch these out and pull the whole assembly a few inches from the wall to give yourself room to work.
Now is a good time to test to make sure there's no current running through the circuit. There are a couple of ways to do this. One, lick your finger tips and touch any of the dark copper colored screws on the back of the switch. If they're "hot" -- if electrical current is running through them -- you'll get an exciting electric shock. Man, what a rush!
Fun as that is though, I prefer the second way. Use a tool especially designed to check for electrical current. Just touch the electrode to the back of the switch (or to the copper wires themselves) and an alarm sounds if the current is on.
If you did step one correctly and turned off the breaker switch, you should be fine to proceed.
With the switch housing pulled away from the wall, use your wire cutters to snip the white and black (and other, if you have it) wires from the old switch. Be sure to cut fairly close to the switch to leave yourself plenty of wire to work with in installing the new one.
Now you can discard the old switch. Good riddance! And if you haven't done it yet, now is a good time to take a nice long swig of Boulevard. If you've already done that step, good for you. Your already ahead of the game.
With the two (or more) wires exposed, the next step is to remove some of the insulation from the copper so that they can be connected to the new switch.
Use your wire strippers to remove about three eighths of an inch of insulation. If you're not sure how much that is, there's probably a gauge on the back of the new switch that shows how much insulation to strip.
So now, you should have (at least) two wires sticking out from the wall with a tip of gleaming copper at the end.
One of these will be white and the other black. Believe it or not, the hard part is over! Congratulate yourself and take another pull off that Boulevard. You deserve it!
At last you're ready to install the sexy new switch. The good thing about new switches these days it that they have been redesigned so that you can almost literally just push them into the wall and they'll work.
So grab the new switch and check out the back. Look carefully and you'll see a couple of screws on either side, and some corresponding holes on the back.
As with much in life, those holes are the key making this project fun. It used to be that you had to shape the stripped copper into a little loop and tighten the side screws around them. No more my friend. We live in the future now. All you have to do is push the stripped copper wires into the holes (hehe) and you're pretty much done.
Take note of which hole is which, though. One of them will be labeled "white (blanco)" -- this is the hole that the white wire goes in (duh). If you put the black one into the white hole, you'll trip you breaker switch when you turn the power on. Also, you'll probably cause a rift in the space-time continuum (and believe me, you DO NOT want that in your kid's bedroom).
One other thing: If your house is newer, there might be an uninsulated copper wire as well. This is the ground wire and should be attached to the ground screw on the switch (usually greenish colored). There's no hole for this one, so you'll have to attach it old-school.
At this point, with the wires attached to the switch, I like to test my work before I go any further. So I polish off the last of the Boulevard and head down to the basement to flip the breaker on and grab another beer.
With the breaker on and beer in hand, head back up to the room and turn on the switch. If the light comes on and there are not sparks and your house doesn't catch fire, then congrats, it's wired correctly.
If not, don't sweat it. Probably the worst that will happen is the breaker switch will automatically cut the circuit and you'll have to start all over. If this happens, you might want to go easy on the beer, because this really isn't that complicated of a project.
Just to be safe, go turn the breaker off again before putting the switch back into the wall. Carefully jam all of the wires and switch housing into the switch box and line up screws on the switch with the screw holes on the switch box.
From here, it's just a matter of doing the first couple of steps in reverse. Screw the switch to the switch box. Now get the switch plate/cover and screw it to the switch. Don't forget to turn your breaker back on when you're finished.
It really is that easy.
For the electrical outlets, it's pretty much the same process but use an outlet instead of a switch. I'm not going to repeat all of the steps again, because I'm out of beer.
But good luck with your project. Let me know how it goes (or if you need me to call the fire department).
tagged: DIY, home improvement, electricity, light switch, Boulevard, Romex
The switch was one of those old-school switches from the days when people believed the electricity demons were aroused by the loud clicking noise the switch made, thus turning the light on. It was loud, is what I'm sayin'. So I decided to replace it with a fashionable modern switch that wouldn't wake up the baby (and the neighbors and the North Koreans) with such a loud clicking noise.
As for the electrical outlets, they were the old two-prong outlets. I wanted to upgrade to three-prong outlets because three is better than two (just ask The D).
Anyway, as a public service I documented the procedure so that you, yes you, can do the same upgrade without hiring a licensed electrician which could easily cost double the value of your entire house.
First, the basic tools. For this project, you'll need a screwdriver, wire cutters, wire strippers, an electrical current tester (optional), a utility knife, and a Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat.
We'll start with the switch. The first thing you need to do -- and this is of minor importance -- is find the breaker switch that controls the electrical circuit for the room. It's probably in your basement (next to the pick axe and trunk full of spare rubber trousers) and hopefully it's labeled. Turn off the breaker before you begin. You'll know it's off if you flip the light switch and the light doesn't turn on.
Got it? Good. Now remove the screws holding the switch plate/cover onto the wall.
Use your screwdriver for this. I used a cordless electric power screwdriver (because why should I have to do all the work), but a manual one works just fine if you're into that kind of thing.Now you can see the actual switch hardware attached to the switch box. You'll want to unscrew the two screws (at the top and bottom of the switch) that hold it in. Your goal is to remove the screws and pull the switch hardware from the box housing.
But here's a tip: If your house is old (like mine) chances are that part of the hardware has been painted to the wall. So before you pull the switch out of the box, be sure to cut the paint around the switch so that it doesn't tear a big strip of paint and drywall off your wall.Okay. With the screws removed and the paint cut, pull the switch out of the box. It will be attached to the rest of the house with two (or more) insulated copper wires. Stretch these out and pull the whole assembly a few inches from the wall to give yourself room to work.
Now is a good time to test to make sure there's no current running through the circuit. There are a couple of ways to do this. One, lick your finger tips and touch any of the dark copper colored screws on the back of the switch. If they're "hot" -- if electrical current is running through them -- you'll get an exciting electric shock. Man, what a rush!
Fun as that is though, I prefer the second way. Use a tool especially designed to check for electrical current. Just touch the electrode to the back of the switch (or to the copper wires themselves) and an alarm sounds if the current is on.
If you did step one correctly and turned off the breaker switch, you should be fine to proceed.
With the switch housing pulled away from the wall, use your wire cutters to snip the white and black (and other, if you have it) wires from the old switch. Be sure to cut fairly close to the switch to leave yourself plenty of wire to work with in installing the new one.Now you can discard the old switch. Good riddance! And if you haven't done it yet, now is a good time to take a nice long swig of Boulevard. If you've already done that step, good for you. Your already ahead of the game.
With the two (or more) wires exposed, the next step is to remove some of the insulation from the copper so that they can be connected to the new switch.Use your wire strippers to remove about three eighths of an inch of insulation. If you're not sure how much that is, there's probably a gauge on the back of the new switch that shows how much insulation to strip.
So now, you should have (at least) two wires sticking out from the wall with a tip of gleaming copper at the end.
One of these will be white and the other black. Believe it or not, the hard part is over! Congratulate yourself and take another pull off that Boulevard. You deserve it!At last you're ready to install the sexy new switch. The good thing about new switches these days it that they have been redesigned so that you can almost literally just push them into the wall and they'll work.
So grab the new switch and check out the back. Look carefully and you'll see a couple of screws on either side, and some corresponding holes on the back.
As with much in life, those holes are the key making this project fun. It used to be that you had to shape the stripped copper into a little loop and tighten the side screws around them. No more my friend. We live in the future now. All you have to do is push the stripped copper wires into the holes (hehe) and you're pretty much done.
Take note of which hole is which, though. One of them will be labeled "white (blanco)" -- this is the hole that the white wire goes in (duh). If you put the black one into the white hole, you'll trip you breaker switch when you turn the power on. Also, you'll probably cause a rift in the space-time continuum (and believe me, you DO NOT want that in your kid's bedroom).
One other thing: If your house is newer, there might be an uninsulated copper wire as well. This is the ground wire and should be attached to the ground screw on the switch (usually greenish colored). There's no hole for this one, so you'll have to attach it old-school.At this point, with the wires attached to the switch, I like to test my work before I go any further. So I polish off the last of the Boulevard and head down to the basement to flip the breaker on and grab another beer.
With the breaker on and beer in hand, head back up to the room and turn on the switch. If the light comes on and there are not sparks and your house doesn't catch fire, then congrats, it's wired correctly.
If not, don't sweat it. Probably the worst that will happen is the breaker switch will automatically cut the circuit and you'll have to start all over. If this happens, you might want to go easy on the beer, because this really isn't that complicated of a project.
Just to be safe, go turn the breaker off again before putting the switch back into the wall. Carefully jam all of the wires and switch housing into the switch box and line up screws on the switch with the screw holes on the switch box.
From here, it's just a matter of doing the first couple of steps in reverse. Screw the switch to the switch box. Now get the switch plate/cover and screw it to the switch. Don't forget to turn your breaker back on when you're finished.It really is that easy.
For the electrical outlets, it's pretty much the same process but use an outlet instead of a switch. I'm not going to repeat all of the steps again, because I'm out of beer.
But good luck with your project. Let me know how it goes (or if you need me to call the fire department).
tagged: DIY, home improvement, electricity, light switch, Boulevard, Romex
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
YouTube Tuesday: Many sons and a lot of guns
VBS.tv visits the largest illegal gun market in the world in Darra, Pakistan in the Khyber Pass between Pakistan and Afghanistan.
This is a fascinating look into the the culture of gun violence in this area of the world. According to the reporting, scrap metal from the many wars and invasions into Afghanistan is recycled into firearms. Deaf men and children work in stone hovels making 1,000 guns a day by hand. For the past 70 years.
That's a lot of guns.
tagged: Afghanistan, war, video, YouTube, VBS.com, Khyber Pass, Pakistan
This is a fascinating look into the the culture of gun violence in this area of the world. According to the reporting, scrap metal from the many wars and invasions into Afghanistan is recycled into firearms. Deaf men and children work in stone hovels making 1,000 guns a day by hand. For the past 70 years.
That's a lot of guns.
tagged: Afghanistan, war, video, YouTube, VBS.com, Khyber Pass, Pakistan
Monday, August 10, 2009
In her defense
Local blog (that also does a TV broadcast) KMBC posted a story last week about how Kansas City, Mo., ranks at the top of Forbes' America's Abandoned Cities list.
And sure, if you only focus on the negative it's easy to come up with rationalizations for why people would leave KCMO's urban core.
But while everyone is kvetching about how bad thing are, let me just say that I enjoy KCMO. I think the town has a lot to offer. There are a couple of lovable sports teams in the Royals and Chiefs. Oh sure they may not win many games, but their bumbling and incompetent ways are endearing, like Otis the Drunk in the Andy Griffith show.
Speaking of bumbling and incompetent, KCMO's city council (and mayors, TIFF commissions, park boards, etc) is as entertaining and full of drama as Desperate Housewives, and almost as meaningful. If not for the hijinks of these various boards, councils and barefoot volunteers, most newspapers and bloggers in KCMO wouldn't have anything to writer about.
So I say cheers to Kansas City, Missouri. It may only be a suburb of Johnson County, but it's still one of my favorite places to visit on weekends and avoid during the week.
tagged: Kansas City, Forbes, suburb, Johnson County, Royals, Chiefs
Forbes magazine analyzed the vacancy rate for rental properties and homes, and Kansas City came out as No. 1.Many local bloggers (I assume) took advantage of the report to launch another volley of vitriol at the KCMO's short comings, citing the daffy mayor and the political mess in city hall, the crumbling sewer and street infrastructure, the multiple missteps in business recruitment and development, the horrible pre-Renaissance quality of the school system, and the so-called "high" so-called "murder rate" of the city's east side.
The vacancy rate for rentals in the metro area rose to 15 percent over the past year. The homeowner vacancy rate has nearly doubled to 3.8 percent.
Nationally, the average homeowner vacancy rate in the country's 75 largest cities improved to 2.7 percent, while the rental vacancy rate is at 10.2 percent.
And sure, if you only focus on the negative it's easy to come up with rationalizations for why people would leave KCMO's urban core.
But while everyone is kvetching about how bad thing are, let me just say that I enjoy KCMO. I think the town has a lot to offer. There are a couple of lovable sports teams in the Royals and Chiefs. Oh sure they may not win many games, but their bumbling and incompetent ways are endearing, like Otis the Drunk in the Andy Griffith show.
Speaking of bumbling and incompetent, KCMO's city council (and mayors, TIFF commissions, park boards, etc) is as entertaining and full of drama as Desperate Housewives, and almost as meaningful. If not for the hijinks of these various boards, councils and barefoot volunteers, most newspapers and bloggers in KCMO wouldn't have anything to writer about.
So I say cheers to Kansas City, Missouri. It may only be a suburb of Johnson County, but it's still one of my favorite places to visit on weekends and avoid during the week.
tagged: Kansas City, Forbes, suburb, Johnson County, Royals, Chiefs
Friday, August 07, 2009
Friday Blogthing: In memorium
We children of the 80s continue to age as the the pop-culture icons of our generation reap the ultimate reward in store for all of us.
You've probably already heard of the death of director John Hughes. Hughes' contribution to movie making arts may not be very notable, but his contribution to pop culture is titanic. Some of my favorite characters and best one-liners were from Hughes movies (Uncle Buck: "Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.")
Anyway, I suspect we'll all be reliving our adolescence through Hughes work to some extent today. And to help get you started, here's a quick quiz.
tagged: John Hughes, pop culture, Uncle Buck, Clark Griswold, Friday Blogthing, quiz, Vacation
You've probably already heard of the death of director John Hughes. Hughes' contribution to movie making arts may not be very notable, but his contribution to pop culture is titanic. Some of my favorite characters and best one-liners were from Hughes movies (Uncle Buck: "Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.")
Anyway, I suspect we'll all be reliving our adolescence through Hughes work to some extent today. And to help get you started, here's a quick quiz.
Which John Hughes Character Are You?Your ResultYou are Clark Griswold (from National Lampoon's Vacation)! You're full of optimism and boundless energy, and no one loves a good family trip more. No one else can swear a blue streak like you either, Sparky!
tagged: John Hughes, pop culture, Uncle Buck, Clark Griswold, Friday Blogthing, quiz, Vacation
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
$100 million a day
The Wall Street Journal assures us that our financially beleaguered friends at Goldman-Sachs were still barely limping along in the second quarter of the year.
They're in such dire straits that they only had 46 days in the second quarter where they made $100 million or more.
That's right, in about half of the days of the quarter, they only made ONE HUNDRED FREAKIN' MILLION DOLLARS A DAY.
I know. We're all worried about Goldman Sachs. But take heart, those numbers don't include the $20 billion we staked them with to cover their losses on AIG.
tagged: economy, bailout, Goldman-Sachs, Wall Street Journal, AIG
They're in such dire straits that they only had 46 days in the second quarter where they made $100 million or more.
That's right, in about half of the days of the quarter, they only made ONE HUNDRED FREAKIN' MILLION DOLLARS A DAY.I know. We're all worried about Goldman Sachs. But take heart, those numbers don't include the $20 billion we staked them with to cover their losses on AIG.
tagged: economy, bailout, Goldman-Sachs, Wall Street Journal, AIG
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
YouTube Tuesday: I figured it out
At least, Craig Ferguson has part of it figured out.
What he's missing is the complicity that our nation's parents have played and are playing in contributing to the cultural worship of youth and stupidity. As parents, it's up to us to make sure that our kids learn the hard lessons in life: That you don't always win, that bad things happen to good people, that there will be times when you don't feel good about yourself but what's important is not how you feel at the moment but how you react and what you decide to do about it, that when you treat others badly you're harming yourself and when you are good to others you enrich yourself.
I don't know if there's any hope for our culture. It's hard to find evidence that there is. But if there is hope, it must include us teaching our progeny to be self sufficient and emotionally mature.
tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, Craig Ferguson, youth, culture, parents
What he's missing is the complicity that our nation's parents have played and are playing in contributing to the cultural worship of youth and stupidity. As parents, it's up to us to make sure that our kids learn the hard lessons in life: That you don't always win, that bad things happen to good people, that there will be times when you don't feel good about yourself but what's important is not how you feel at the moment but how you react and what you decide to do about it, that when you treat others badly you're harming yourself and when you are good to others you enrich yourself.
I don't know if there's any hope for our culture. It's hard to find evidence that there is. But if there is hope, it must include us teaching our progeny to be self sufficient and emotionally mature.
tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, Craig Ferguson, youth, culture, parents
Monday, August 03, 2009
Movie Showdown: I Know Who Killed Me vs. Krull
A couple of weeks ago during a 2 a.m. feeding of our newborn I came to the realization that even though we have something like 500 television channels, there's nothing on at that time of day.
Well, obviously there's programing airing. What I mean is that there is very little that's actually worth watching. So I find myself exploring the upper reaches of the channel lineup -- you know, between Channel 216 (the Biography Network) to Channel 288 (the Independent Film Channel) .
Anyway, as I surfed these esoteric airwaves, I landed on two movies that were airing simultaneously: Krull and I Know Who Killed Me.
At first glance both movies seemed to be equally bad, and I kept flipping between them during commercial breaks and the (many) slow parts. But as my thumb became sore from mashing the "last channel" button on the remote, I thought that there must be some way to determine which movie is worse and just finish watching the least bad movie for the rest of the early morning.
So I looked at both movies according to four criteria to come up with an answer. Now look, these movies aren't worth watching, let along thinking about. So this isn't meant to be any kind of objective analysis.
Anyway, here's what I came up with:
Production value:
Obviously, I Know Who Killed Me (2007, staring Lindsey Lohan) is a more modern production than 1983's Krull (staring... well, nobody really.
But a young Liam Neeson has a minor role with a pretty decent death scene).
Krull has all of the goofy animated "friggen' lasers" and stop motion "special" effects that were cutting edge in the early 1980's (when Members Only jackets were also considered cutting edge) but haven't really stood the test of time.
IKWKM is only better because they used modern camera equipment and the original film hasn't deteriorated through multiple late-night airings (yet). There are some very lame-ass dream sequence effects.
Winner (by default) I Know Who Killed Me. 1 Point
Acting:
Pretty much a dead heat here. Acting in both movies is so flat it makes Norville "Shaggy" Rogers look like an Oscar nominee.
To steal a phrase from Nat X, I've seen better actin' in Tough Actin'® Tinactin®.
Lindsay Lohan lived down to her well-earned reputation as a stripper's actor in IKWKM. She played a psycho, overly sexed split personality potty-mouthed bad girl. I know what you're thinking, quite a stretch for her. And yet even with her copious experience with the material, she somehow found a way to make it seem strained and unbelievable.
But in Krull, the aforementioned Liam Neeson death scene was probably the second best acting job.
All of the human actors were upstaged by the giant stop motion spider who guarded The Lady of the Web (seriously, who writes this stuff).
But the biggest disappointment was Neal McDonough, who played Lohan's father in IKWKM. I hoped for more from him since I've like his work in Band of Brothers and Boomtown.
So for Acting, I'll give the nod to Krull only because my expectations were higher for IKWKM.
Winner Krull. 1 Point
Writing:
At their cores, both story lines are pretty much the same, that being "let's see how lame of a story we can come up with and how long emawkc will watch before hitting the 'last channel' button or jamming the TV remote into his hear."
But on a more superficial level, Krull is your typical epic quest story, where the hero must acquire a special weapon then travel to the boss monster's lair to kill it. It's pretty much what happened in Lord of the Rings, Conan the Barbarian and Super Mario Bros. Because they didn't do any actual writing, producers were free to blow the money that they would have paid writers on building a bunch of the bladed frisbee Glaive weapons to give away at the wrap party.
IKWKM, on the other hand, is your standard split personality psycho killer horror flick. While the concept had some potential, the writing is so tediously contrived that I wanted to freeze off my own limbs with dry ice just to remind myself that I'm still alive. Since they didn't have to pay a writer, they were able to use the money they saved to provide pain relievers to the editors who had to work for hours on the footage.
Winner Krull. 1 Point
Highlights:
Using the term "highlights" to describe these movies is a little like using the term "sober" to describe KC's annual St. Patrick's Day parade.
For IKWKM, I guess the highlight was Lohan's sexy pole dance scene. But given her escapades over the past few years and her level of overexposure (in more ways than one), I can't imagine that there was anything in that scene that most people haven't already seen on TMZ.
For Krull, the highlight is probably be the art direction for the Glaive, a weapon which resembles a starfish that grew steel talons. Still, it's impossible to see how an up-and-coming prince could yield this weapon without losing a few fingers.
So again, this one is a tough decision. But since I'm not a misogynist who likes to see pole-dancing strippers mutilated with dry ice, I'll give the nod to Krull in this category.
Winner Krull. 1 Point
And the winner is...
So there you have it. By a score of three points to one, Krull beats out IKWKM in this late-night movie showdown. Now, you shouldn't take this as any kind of endorsement of either movie. They're both about as entertaining as an open head wound. But at least the next time producers decide to do a nostalgic 30th Anniversary re-release of Krull, they can use the slogan "Hey, at least it wasn't as bad as I Know Who Killed Me."
tagged: movie, review, Krull, I Know Who Killed Me, glaive, pop culture
Well, obviously there's programing airing. What I mean is that there is very little that's actually worth watching. So I find myself exploring the upper reaches of the channel lineup -- you know, between Channel 216 (the Biography Network) to Channel 288 (the Independent Film Channel) .
Anyway, as I surfed these esoteric airwaves, I landed on two movies that were airing simultaneously: Krull and I Know Who Killed Me.
At first glance both movies seemed to be equally bad, and I kept flipping between them during commercial breaks and the (many) slow parts. But as my thumb became sore from mashing the "last channel" button on the remote, I thought that there must be some way to determine which movie is worse and just finish watching the least bad movie for the rest of the early morning.
So I looked at both movies according to four criteria to come up with an answer. Now look, these movies aren't worth watching, let along thinking about. So this isn't meant to be any kind of objective analysis.
Anyway, here's what I came up with:
Production value:
Obviously, I Know Who Killed Me (2007, staring Lindsey Lohan) is a more modern production than 1983's Krull (staring... well, nobody really.
But a young Liam Neeson has a minor role with a pretty decent death scene).Krull has all of the goofy animated "friggen' lasers" and stop motion "special" effects that were cutting edge in the early 1980's (when Members Only jackets were also considered cutting edge) but haven't really stood the test of time.
IKWKM is only better because they used modern camera equipment and the original film hasn't deteriorated through multiple late-night airings (yet). There are some very lame-ass dream sequence effects.
Winner (by default) I Know Who Killed Me. 1 Point
Acting:
Pretty much a dead heat here. Acting in both movies is so flat it makes Norville "Shaggy" Rogers look like an Oscar nominee.
To steal a phrase from Nat X, I've seen better actin' in Tough Actin'® Tinactin®.Lindsay Lohan lived down to her well-earned reputation as a stripper's actor in IKWKM. She played a psycho, overly sexed split personality potty-mouthed bad girl. I know what you're thinking, quite a stretch for her. And yet even with her copious experience with the material, she somehow found a way to make it seem strained and unbelievable.
But in Krull, the aforementioned Liam Neeson death scene was probably the second best acting job.
All of the human actors were upstaged by the giant stop motion spider who guarded The Lady of the Web (seriously, who writes this stuff).But the biggest disappointment was Neal McDonough, who played Lohan's father in IKWKM. I hoped for more from him since I've like his work in Band of Brothers and Boomtown.
So for Acting, I'll give the nod to Krull only because my expectations were higher for IKWKM.
Winner Krull. 1 Point
Writing:
At their cores, both story lines are pretty much the same, that being "let's see how lame of a story we can come up with and how long emawkc will watch before hitting the 'last channel' button or jamming the TV remote into his hear."
But on a more superficial level, Krull is your typical epic quest story, where the hero must acquire a special weapon then travel to the boss monster's lair to kill it. It's pretty much what happened in Lord of the Rings, Conan the Barbarian and Super Mario Bros. Because they didn't do any actual writing, producers were free to blow the money that they would have paid writers on building a bunch of the bladed frisbee Glaive weapons to give away at the wrap party.
IKWKM, on the other hand, is your standard split personality psycho killer horror flick. While the concept had some potential, the writing is so tediously contrived that I wanted to freeze off my own limbs with dry ice just to remind myself that I'm still alive. Since they didn't have to pay a writer, they were able to use the money they saved to provide pain relievers to the editors who had to work for hours on the footage.
Winner Krull. 1 Point
Highlights:
Using the term "highlights" to describe these movies is a little like using the term "sober" to describe KC's annual St. Patrick's Day parade.
For IKWKM, I guess the highlight was Lohan's sexy pole dance scene. But given her escapades over the past few years and her level of overexposure (in more ways than one), I can't imagine that there was anything in that scene that most people haven't already seen on TMZ.
For Krull, the highlight is probably be the art direction for the Glaive, a weapon which resembles a starfish that grew steel talons. Still, it's impossible to see how an up-and-coming prince could yield this weapon without losing a few fingers.So again, this one is a tough decision. But since I'm not a misogynist who likes to see pole-dancing strippers mutilated with dry ice, I'll give the nod to Krull in this category.
Winner Krull. 1 Point
And the winner is...
So there you have it. By a score of three points to one, Krull beats out IKWKM in this late-night movie showdown. Now, you shouldn't take this as any kind of endorsement of either movie. They're both about as entertaining as an open head wound. But at least the next time producers decide to do a nostalgic 30th Anniversary re-release of Krull, they can use the slogan "Hey, at least it wasn't as bad as I Know Who Killed Me."
tagged: movie, review, Krull, I Know Who Killed Me, glaive, pop culture
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday Blogthing: Mad world
This nasty little viral marketing campaign has been super successful for AMC and the producers of Mad Men.
It's not that original, but anytime you appeal to a person's vanity and ask them to "Madmen Yourself" (or Elf yourself, or South Park yourself), chances are you'll get a good response.
It doesn't hurt that Mad Men it probably one of the five best shows currently airing on any network. New season begins at 9 p.m. Central on Sunday, Aug. 16.
That's me on the left, giving fashion advice to Don Draper.
tagged: Friday Blogthing, Mad Men, Don Draper, pop culture, meme, viral marketing
It's not that original, but anytime you appeal to a person's vanity and ask them to "Madmen Yourself" (or Elf yourself, or South Park yourself), chances are you'll get a good response.
It doesn't hurt that Mad Men it probably one of the five best shows currently airing on any network. New season begins at 9 p.m. Central on Sunday, Aug. 16.
That's me on the left, giving fashion advice to Don Draper.tagged: Friday Blogthing, Mad Men, Don Draper, pop culture, meme, viral marketing
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