I could've been a terrorist

One of the TV shows I watch a lot is Boston Legal.

When it first came out a season or two ago, I really liked it. This season? Not so much. I still watch it because there's nothing better during that time slot and what the hell else am I going to do if I don't watch TV.

But the story lines are just getting silly and goofy (a big, black transvestite and a lawyer stuck in a Buzz Lightyear costume? Puleeez!). I should expect as much from a show staring Candice Bergen.

Anyway, one recent episode featured William Shatner's character, Denny Crane, denied air travel to Hawaii because his name is on the federal no-fly list, suing the Office of Homeland Security.

I don't remember much about the episode (it was pretty forgettable) aside from the fact that I kept rolling my eyes at the overly melodramatic diatribes foisted by the actors-playing-lawyers. I guess what I find so irritating is the writers' penchant for finding any issue that is the tiniest bit topical and blowing it way out of proportion for the sake of soap opera drama.

The only reason I bring this up now is that I learned last weekend that I might be a terrorist.

That's right, I've been Denny Craned.

I found out about it when my attempt to use an airline's self-ticketing kiosk at KCI was thwarted by a message to "Please see the ticket agent."

So I had to go back and wait on line to see the airline worker. He took my confirmation number and punched it into his computer. A puzzled look crossed his face as he punched a few more keys and asked for my driver's license.

Then and exclamation of "Aha." A few keystrokes later and I had my boarding pass.

"It turns out your name is on the Federal No-Fly list," he told me.

Immediately I thought to myself "Damn! They're on to me." But before I had a chance to shout "Derka Derka Mohammad jihad!" and make a run for short-term parking, the ticket agent said "I've corrected this. I just had to check your ID and make sure you are who you say you are. In the future when you book your flights you might want to include you're middle initial."

So, it turns out that I'm cleared for takeoff. And I didn't even get to sue Homeland Security.

tagged: Boston Legal, William Shatner, Candice Bergen, terrorist, no fly list, Hadji Girl