Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I like girls bhay-gn-flay-vn... or "Oh Dear, I've been RE-DORKULATED!"

In a stunning feat of stating the obvious, the Chicago Tribune recently reported that women are a mystery to scientists.

A group of white lab-coated, bad haircut, soda-bottle glasses-wearing Poindexters converged on Chicago last week to try to figure out why they can't get dates.

A clue to the conundrum might be in the last sentence of this quote from the Tribune's story (emphasis added by me)
Researchers presenting their findings at the society's sixth annual meeting are still trying to figure out which hormones and neurotransmitters make sexual arousal possible, where in the brain orgasm takes place, and which nerves control the genital organs. Much of their work is being done in rats.
Now, if these guys had spent more time at the junior high dances and less time playing Dungeons&Dragons, they might realize (like the rest of us lady magnets do) that the way to turn on the honeys isn't by poking nerve endings with syringes full of weirdo chemicals (okay, that does work for some of the ladies), but by growing a bushy mustache and drinking Colt45.

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1 comment:

  1. It also helps you are articulate, funny, self-confident, have MOST of your own teeth, a job, and haven't spent TOO much time in prison.

    Word to the scientists:

    A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

    The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

    The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

    The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

    Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

    The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

    Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

    So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,", know how to make them truly happy."

    The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"


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