Not to make lite of current public events, but this is a great take on the terror threats to the New York subway.
I mean, you can't make this stuff up (well, okay, the people at Six Meat Buffet can make it up, and it's pretty damn funny).
Friday, October 07, 2005
Thursday, October 06, 2005
"Her eyes sparkled to me. One day they were blue; the next day they were green."
Unless you're completely made of stone, I don’t see how you can listen to these stories and not get a tear in you eye or at least find yourself getting a little choked up.
This is part of the StoryCorp Project. It’s a project that has been featured regularly on NPR (I think NPR is a partner or sponsor or something). But it’s a terrific idea and I’m really into it. It’s amazing that with all of the creative talent in Hollywood, they still can’t produce anything as compelling as a couple of people right off the street.
One of my favorite stories is by Richard Pecorella. Damn good stuff.
This is part of the StoryCorp Project. It’s a project that has been featured regularly on NPR (I think NPR is a partner or sponsor or something). But it’s a terrific idea and I’m really into it. It’s amazing that with all of the creative talent in Hollywood, they still can’t produce anything as compelling as a couple of people right off the street.
One of my favorite stories is by Richard Pecorella. Damn good stuff.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Let that be a lesson to you...
Talk about your gluttons for punishment:
Python Bursts After Trying to Eat Gator
This has Sci-Fi channel movie of the week written all over it.
Other animal species? You mean like... PEOPLE?!?!?
It's pretty clear that the only thing that can save us now is... Giant Robot Lizards.
Python Bursts After Trying to Eat Gator
A 13-foot Burmese python recently burst after it apparently tried to swallow a live, six-foot alligator whole, authorities said.
This has Sci-Fi channel movie of the week written all over it.
The incident has heightened biologists' fears that the nonnative snakes could threaten a host of other animal species in the Everglades.
Other animal species? You mean like... PEOPLE?!?!?
It's pretty clear that the only thing that can save us now is... Giant Robot Lizards.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Unwatchable
Here’s the theory I came up with while taking a shower this morning.
TV sucks.
Okay, I know I’m not the first person to think of this theory. And granted there are a few exceptions. But here’s the supporting logic. There just isn’t very much original thought in the mass entertainment world these days.
Sure, you’ve got some nice stuff coming out of HBO. Some of it is even watchable (I really like ROME).
But on basically network TV, there are really only about five shows on. Everything else is derivative of these five shows
1) Generic Family Sitcom: This show consists of a father who is often at odds with his parents, in-laws, wife or kids. Hijinks ensue. Other variations of this show involve groups of friends, roommates and gay people. But the comic situations are typically the same.
2) Generic Law/Cop Melodrama: My friend Chris likes to watch CSI. I was at his house when the show was starting the other night, and I accurately predicted what would happen: “There’s going to be a crime of some sort, some people will show up at the scene and investigate what happened.”
3) Generic Medical Melodrama: Same as Generic Law/Cop Melodrama, but in a hospital/medical setting. Why does Hollywood find lawyers, cops and doctors so interesting?
4) Generic Reality TV show: Interestingly, these shows have nothing to do with reality. They’re popular on the networks because the producers don’t have to pay actors or writers.
5) Generic Dramatic TV News Magazine: The network talking heads seem to have to make mountains out of molehills on a weekly basis.
The sad thing is that I know there are still creative people in the entertainment industry. But if an original concept does happen to make it to the pilot stage, even if, despite all odds, get on the air, it will quickly be cancelled because it doesn’t cater to the lowest common denominator of the American viewing public.
Oh well. At least we still have sports.
TV sucks.
Okay, I know I’m not the first person to think of this theory. And granted there are a few exceptions. But here’s the supporting logic. There just isn’t very much original thought in the mass entertainment world these days.
Sure, you’ve got some nice stuff coming out of HBO. Some of it is even watchable (I really like ROME).
But on basically network TV, there are really only about five shows on. Everything else is derivative of these five shows
1) Generic Family Sitcom: This show consists of a father who is often at odds with his parents, in-laws, wife or kids. Hijinks ensue. Other variations of this show involve groups of friends, roommates and gay people. But the comic situations are typically the same.
2) Generic Law/Cop Melodrama: My friend Chris likes to watch CSI. I was at his house when the show was starting the other night, and I accurately predicted what would happen: “There’s going to be a crime of some sort, some people will show up at the scene and investigate what happened.”
3) Generic Medical Melodrama: Same as Generic Law/Cop Melodrama, but in a hospital/medical setting. Why does Hollywood find lawyers, cops and doctors so interesting?
4) Generic Reality TV show: Interestingly, these shows have nothing to do with reality. They’re popular on the networks because the producers don’t have to pay actors or writers.
5) Generic Dramatic TV News Magazine: The network talking heads seem to have to make mountains out of molehills on a weekly basis.
The sad thing is that I know there are still creative people in the entertainment industry. But if an original concept does happen to make it to the pilot stage, even if, despite all odds, get on the air, it will quickly be cancelled because it doesn’t cater to the lowest common denominator of the American viewing public.
Oh well. At least we still have sports.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Congratulations Steve
Congratulations to my college roommate and longtime friend Steve and his super-model wife, Melissa, on the birth of their first son, Avery. This one is dedicated to you:
If
Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
If
Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Hokey post alert
I know this sounds corny, but: I have a really great daughter.
My supermodel wife, our 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter and I got together with the old college friends Saturday morning to watch the old college football team take on the opponents du jour. The whole gang was there, along with two other toddlers and a newborn.
With all those young’ns in one place, my expectations were for multiple meltdowns accompanied by screams, crying and tantrums.
What happened was amazing. Rather than freaking out, fighting with the other kids over toys, snacks, attention, etc. like most kids do, my daughter played nicely with everyone. At various times she was seen giving hugs and kisses to the other kids, trading shoes, reading books and basically being a sweetheart. She even got to hold the newborn. Now she wants one of her own.
Bethany (that’s her name), has always been a good kid (except for a few incidents during the potty training phase). But I’ve always wondered how she does around other kids. It was nice to be able to observe directly how she interacts.
She seems so mature for her age. And very happy, which is really all I want.
I’m a proud father, but Saturday reminded me just how great of a kid I have.
Okay, enough of that (for now).
My supermodel wife, our 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter and I got together with the old college friends Saturday morning to watch the old college football team take on the opponents du jour. The whole gang was there, along with two other toddlers and a newborn.
With all those young’ns in one place, my expectations were for multiple meltdowns accompanied by screams, crying and tantrums.
What happened was amazing. Rather than freaking out, fighting with the other kids over toys, snacks, attention, etc. like most kids do, my daughter played nicely with everyone. At various times she was seen giving hugs and kisses to the other kids, trading shoes, reading books and basically being a sweetheart. She even got to hold the newborn. Now she wants one of her own.
Bethany (that’s her name), has always been a good kid (except for a few incidents during the potty training phase). But I’ve always wondered how she does around other kids. It was nice to be able to observe directly how she interacts.
She seems so mature for her age. And very happy, which is really all I want.
I’m a proud father, but Saturday reminded me just how great of a kid I have.
Okay, enough of that (for now).
Friday, September 09, 2005
Y'know, I was God once...
I saw the Waiter’s rant where he wonders how God allow people to drown in N.O. (or let other unimaginably horrible things happen).
The Waiter is basically asking the age-old question about why bad things happen to good people. Deeper thinkers than I have tried to figure this out, but the best answer I’ve heard was on the animated comedy series Futurama. You probably remember the episode where Bender the robot met God at the center of the universe.
The exchange went something like this:
Bender: Y'know, I was God once.
God: Yes I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.
Bender: It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them but in the end I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong?
God: Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.
Bender: Yeah I know, that's why I asked if what I did - forget it.
God: Bender, being God isn't easy, if you do too much, people get dependent. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safe cracker or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down the bar for the insurance money.
God: Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
The Waiter is basically asking the age-old question about why bad things happen to good people. Deeper thinkers than I have tried to figure this out, but the best answer I’ve heard was on the animated comedy series Futurama. You probably remember the episode where Bender the robot met God at the center of the universe.
The exchange went something like this:
Bender: Y'know, I was God once.
God: Yes I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.
Bender: It was awful. I tried helping them. I tried not helping them but in the end I couldn't do them any good. Do you think what I did was wrong?
God: Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.
Bender: Yeah I know, that's why I asked if what I did - forget it.
God: Bender, being God isn't easy, if you do too much, people get dependent. And if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch, like a safe cracker or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down the bar for the insurance money.
God: Yes, if you make it look like an electrical thing. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
The Katrina situation
I was discussing the hurricane and aftermath with some colleagues at work the other day. Someone brought up a NYTimes report about the administration considering invoking the Insurrection Act and taking over in Louisiana.
Another colleague pointed out that such discussions are moot and now isn't the time to place blame.
That's true. It seems some people, including Amy and MoveOn, have already assigned the blame to President Bush.
Anyway, there would be just as much backlash at Bush had the Feds taken over preemptively. When a tragedy like this happens, the first thing some people do is look for a reason why it happened and a person to blame. Personally, I feel like there are a lot of people who want to place all the blame on Bush for reasons of political opportunism.
I kind of agree with what Adam Curry was saying on the DSC earlier this week. That in general, Americans have been conditioned by the television culture to expect a problem resolution and closure within 28 minutes. We expect serious problems not to happen, and when they do, we expect somebody else to fix it before the next commercial break.
We seem to be trying to apply the episodic TV formula to this disaster. When bad things happen (hurricane Katrina), Americans want to see a victim (residents of N.O.), a hero (federal responders), and a villain (President Bush).
And the news organizations are happy to play along. Since we're all glued to the wall-to-wall coverage, each news org invokes special “Act of God” advertising rates that are an order of magnitude higher than the regular rates. Thus, it’s in their best financial interest when a tragedy happens and to keep the drama high.
Of course, real life isn’t an episode of Law & Order. And when the shite hits the fan as hard as it did in N.O., the “victims” don’t have the psychological wherewithal to handle it.
Look, despite what Kanye West thinks, there is no villain. Were there bad decisions? There always are in every disaster. Was there mismanagement? Absolutely, and on many levels from those who decided not to evacuate, to local and state officials who showed poor leadership, all the way up to the head of FEMA, DHC and the President.
But nobody caused the hurricane and no act of Congress, Bush or Bruce Willis would have stopped it. Sometimes bad things happen.
Another colleague pointed out that such discussions are moot and now isn't the time to place blame.
That's true. It seems some people, including Amy and MoveOn, have already assigned the blame to President Bush.
Anyway, there would be just as much backlash at Bush had the Feds taken over preemptively. When a tragedy like this happens, the first thing some people do is look for a reason why it happened and a person to blame. Personally, I feel like there are a lot of people who want to place all the blame on Bush for reasons of political opportunism.
I kind of agree with what Adam Curry was saying on the DSC earlier this week. That in general, Americans have been conditioned by the television culture to expect a problem resolution and closure within 28 minutes. We expect serious problems not to happen, and when they do, we expect somebody else to fix it before the next commercial break.
We seem to be trying to apply the episodic TV formula to this disaster. When bad things happen (hurricane Katrina), Americans want to see a victim (residents of N.O.), a hero (federal responders), and a villain (President Bush).
And the news organizations are happy to play along. Since we're all glued to the wall-to-wall coverage, each news org invokes special “Act of God” advertising rates that are an order of magnitude higher than the regular rates. Thus, it’s in their best financial interest when a tragedy happens and to keep the drama high.
Of course, real life isn’t an episode of Law & Order. And when the shite hits the fan as hard as it did in N.O., the “victims” don’t have the psychological wherewithal to handle it.
Look, despite what Kanye West thinks, there is no villain. Were there bad decisions? There always are in every disaster. Was there mismanagement? Absolutely, and on many levels from those who decided not to evacuate, to local and state officials who showed poor leadership, all the way up to the head of FEMA, DHC and the President.
But nobody caused the hurricane and no act of Congress, Bush or Bruce Willis would have stopped it. Sometimes bad things happen.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Another list
Back when I was editor for a daily newspaper, my colleagues and I liked kept running lists to help take the edge off of the cynical world of “journalism”. Any time we saw/thought of a new item that fit the category, we would add it to our list.
This wasn’t a documented list, it was more of an oral tradition, handed down from one generation of suckers that go into journalism to the next.
One of these lists was a list of compound name descriptions. Journalists love to cut words by hyphenating and compounding adjectives and place them in front of a name.
For example, you might read about “ex-county commissioner and alleged nun killer Joe Smith.” The funny thing was that when one writer comes up with such a description, it is often used over and over again by other writers covering the same topic.
So we had a list of modifiers you never want to have in front of your name. I can’t recall all of it from memory, so I’ve started a new one. Please feel free to add you own.
This wasn’t a documented list, it was more of an oral tradition, handed down from one generation of suckers that go into journalism to the next.
One of these lists was a list of compound name descriptions. Journalists love to cut words by hyphenating and compounding adjectives and place them in front of a name.
For example, you might read about “ex-county commissioner and alleged nun killer Joe Smith.” The funny thing was that when one writer comes up with such a description, it is often used over and over again by other writers covering the same topic.
So we had a list of modifiers you never want to have in front of your name. I can’t recall all of it from memory, so I’ve started a new one. Please feel free to add you own.
- alleged stalker of Madonna
- bearded Montana recluse
- spiderhole-dwelling former dictator
- notorious Queens drug lord
- celebutante hotel heiress
- accused ex-Enron exec
- Mafia turncoat and key government witness
- militant anti-gay preacher
Friday, September 02, 2005
Disappointment
This isn't going to be popular.
It's not politically correct, and it's not what most people want to hear. But after reading much of the coverage of the tragedy in New Orleans, I can't help but feel disappointed in the people there.
The front page of the newspaper today detailed how, in only a matter of a few days, the residents left behind in New Orleans turned to lawlessness, looting, rape and murder in the absence of authority. There were accounts of rescue boats and cars being hijacked and gunshots being fired at helicopters bringing help.
At a time when there was a desperate need to come together to support their neighbors, the residents of New Orleans turned against each other like a reality TV version of Lord of the Flies.
The events that continue to unfold in New Orleans are horrible. Those of us who don't live there can't possibly comprehend the magnitude of the situation. But there have been many situations in our country's recent past that have shown the strength of American people when faced with great adversity.
Unfortunately, this isn't one of those times. It is my sincere hope that the opportunistic political sniping and finger pointing that has already started will be put aside in the interest of sheer survival.
It's not politically correct, and it's not what most people want to hear. But after reading much of the coverage of the tragedy in New Orleans, I can't help but feel disappointed in the people there.
The front page of the newspaper today detailed how, in only a matter of a few days, the residents left behind in New Orleans turned to lawlessness, looting, rape and murder in the absence of authority. There were accounts of rescue boats and cars being hijacked and gunshots being fired at helicopters bringing help.
At a time when there was a desperate need to come together to support their neighbors, the residents of New Orleans turned against each other like a reality TV version of Lord of the Flies.
The events that continue to unfold in New Orleans are horrible. Those of us who don't live there can't possibly comprehend the magnitude of the situation. But there have been many situations in our country's recent past that have shown the strength of American people when faced with great adversity.
Unfortunately, this isn't one of those times. It is my sincere hope that the opportunistic political sniping and finger pointing that has already started will be put aside in the interest of sheer survival.
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