You're Animal Farm!
by George Orwell
You are living proof that power corrupts and whoever leads you will become just as bad as the past leaders. You're quite conflicted about this emotionally and waver from hopelessly idealistic to tragically jaded. Ultimately, you know you can't trust pigs. Your best moments are when you're down on all fours.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.tagged: humor, argue, how to, email
You, too, can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
Drink liquor.
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.
If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date.
But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off.
DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid."
Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?"
Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."
- Let me put it this way
- In terms of
- Vis-a-vis
- Per se
- As it were
- Qua
- So to speak
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
- You're begging the question.
- You're being defensive.
- Don't compare apples to oranges.
- What are your parameters?
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.
Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong.
Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
Anyway, in Tony's post today he broke down the political masturbation that was the YearlyKos Konvention (ugh, I threw up a little in my mouth just typing that)the progressive B.S. spouted by Hillary and Obama and all of the other Kool-Aid drinking lefty political bloggers was just too much for folks in KC to believe.It seems displays like those of Clinton and Barack have (rightly) reinvigorated Tony's sense of jaded apathy toward national politics.
...our political system is completely corrupt and each new reformer only gets compromised and tarnished for their efforts which rarely elicit any significant change.Whoa, what a flash of insight! Welcome to 20 years ago, Tony. I hate to say I told you so, but...
Well, there you have it. It's too damn hot for more than this, though if you know of something I've missed, drop me an email or a comment and I'll be sure to get it added.
- Sassywho questions those who are both pro-life and pro-death penalty at I never leave the house without incident.
- C.Mac delivers a thought-provoking post on the duty of the "middle class" at Bleeding Kansas.
- Joel Matthis posts about the power, privilege and schizophrenia of The Left at Cup o' Joel.
- Steve sees tribal conflict and genocides in Africa and the Middle East and asks whether only humans can be inhuman at The Pencil Nub.
- Kelly prepares for vacation in a stifling summer heat at Kelly in Kansas
- Diane covers the launch of Lawrence's domestic partner registry at In This Moment.
- HaveSumHope posted valuable lessons from a recently departed grandmother at The eMotion Cafe.
- John gives The Simpsons Movie two thumbs up at The Awesomeness of John.
- New blogger MVG wonders if her beau is really a blond at Midwest Valley Girl.
- El Borak experiences shrinkflation (hey, the water was cold) at El Borak's Myopia.
- Chimpo offers a review of JoCo pizza places at Chimpotle.
| What will you get busted for? | |
 | You'll be busted for ... Excessive noise from your rocking party |
| 'What will you get busted for?' at QuizGalaxy.com | |
*Yes, the title of this post is actually and anagram for "blog anagrams" -- cute eh?
"There are times where the party needs to unite under just one banner," Kansas Republican Party executive director Christian Morgan said Monday.Morgan is right about one thing, there is a serious problem. But the problem isn't disloyal Republicans, it's that the Republican party is out of touch with what is becoming a majority of the state."At the very base level, if you can’t get county officers and district officers, if you can't get them to stop backing Democrats, then you have serious problems," Morgan said.
