The wrath of grapes

The first time I met Kathleen Sebelius I was a cub reporter at a major metropolitan newspaper.

She was making the newspaper circuit in her quest to be elected the Kansas insurance commissioner.

Almost right away, I could tell she was a straight shooter, a breath of fresh, honest air when politicians had become increasingly two-faced and dishonest.

One of the first questions I asked was, why run for insurance commissioner? Is this a stepping stone to higher office?

She answered an honest and emphatic "No!"

You see, she knew there was trouble with insurance in Kansas, what with the skyrocketing premiums on hurricane and earthquake coverage.

Fast forward to the present day, and it is commendable to see Sebelius sticking to her straight-talking nature.

Though she has been pushed unwillingly by her party into the limelight of the Kansas governor's mansion, and forced by her position to attend fundraising events for the campaigns of Democrats in Washington and California, she still manages to keep it real.

The incident reported by the Lawrence Journal World is a great example.

While at a fundraiser for Washington Gov. Chris Gregoire, Sebelius pulled no punches when she proclaimed that Kansas wine makers are crap.

The direct quote, according to the Journal World is

"You should be thankful we don’t make wine in Kansas. If you ever see Kansas wine, don’t drink it."

Of course, when you speak the truth, you're bound to upset a few grape carts.

“What it says to grape growers and winemakers in this state is she doesn’t recognize the quality of what’s here,” said Michelle Meyer, co-owner of Holy-Field Vineyard and Winery in Basehor and president of the Kansas Viticulture and Farm Winery Association.

This, of course, is just sour grapes. Sebelius is doing Kansas grape growers a favor by not sugar coating the bad news.

Hey, Kansas is a great state for growing corn, wheat and mullets. But let's face it, we need to leave the fine wine to the likes of California, Washington and Oregon.

I mean, what kind of leader would Sebelius be if she encouraged residents of her state to excel at a pursuit that they obviously have no chance at mastering?

Kathleen, I raise a toast to you.

tagged: Kansas, governor, Kathleen Sebelius, wine, agriculture, politics, viticulture

Friday Blogthing: Edumacation

Today's blogthing comes from my favorite Aussie, Blandwagon, who tipped me to this cute little web widget which purports to show the education level of your blog.

While I'm happy to see that this blog is published at a college level (which is why I have to use words like 'purports' and also why I totally pwnd Joel Mathis in Scrabulous), this reminds me that I might be speaking waaaaay over the the heads of you products of the Missouri school system.

So, for those of you on the east side of the state line, I'll try to start using smaller words.

tagged: Friday, test, blog, reading, level, education, meme, Missouri

Review: Saddle Ranch Chop House

You can really tell a restaurant is going to be successful by how it treats its customers.

And after spending so many enjoyable hours at the Saddle Ranch Chop House last weekend, I can tell you they have a unique approach in generating demand.

The Saddle Ranch, one of the new The Legends theme restaurants, features old-timey saloon decor with a genuine mechanical bull, big-screen TVs, an 8 brazillion decibel sound system and a horses ass sticking out of the wall.

One would think all this manufactured ambiance would be enough to maintain huge nightly crowds of loyal customers. One would be wrong.

Saddle Ranch takes it to the next level. There are several techniques they use to make sure everyone at the Saddle Ranch really really wants to be at the Saddle Ranch.

It starts as soon as you walk in the door and put your name on the list for a table. You see, despite the fact there there are three or four tables sitting empty, they still ask you to put your name on the waiting list and wait (and wait, and wait).

When they finally seat you at the table that's been vacant for the past 40 minutes, they know you're not the type to get all pissy and frustrated and walk out over a little thing like standing around not doing anything.

And this is good, because they want to you stay for a while and have a good time. There's never any rush to, say, get you your drinks, or menus. Once you've ordered, you're encouraged to sit back and keep your kids under control for the next 40 minutes while the servers ignore you and wait for your dinner to arrive.

You can take this time to admire the aforementioned decorations which include servers dressed in supertight t-shirts with even tighter Daisy Dukes. Our server's shorts were so tight you could read the label on her underwear. It read "Thursday" which was strange because we were there on a Saturday.

And kudos to the Saddle Ranch management for making sure you don't have to engage in banal conversation with the other people in your party. Thanks to a sound system blaring the latest hits from the early '90s, you're not bothered with conversational pleasantries with friends that you haven't seen in months.

Finally, when your food arrives, the wait staff makes sure you're really paying attention by selecting a couple of people at your table to receive the wrong order. Of course when you discover this fun little trick, everyone has a nice laugh and your actual order come out only 15 minutes later.

Yes, the staff and management of Saddle Rance Chop House really go out of their way to ensure that you want to be there.

It's reflected in their motto: "If you don't have a good time, it's your own damn fault."

tagged: food, restaurant, review, Saddle Ranch Chop House, Kansas City, The Legends, Daisy Dukes

Random Photo VII: Paris, 2001

Here's another one of my favorite shots from Paris when we traveled there a few years ago. I really found nothing not to like about Paris.


tagged: Paris, France, Europe, Eiffel Tower, photo, Bateau Mouche

Extreme Makeover: Emotional Exploitation Edition

I've always felt uneasy about not liking Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

It goes beyond my distaste for network TV in general and the so-called "reality" TV in particular. I mean, it's easy to hate fake reality shows with amateur actors/attention whores as "contestants" who take direction from lame-ass producers trying to convince us that what we're seeing is totally spontaneous.

The problem with Extreme Makeover is that the actual work they do is good. They identify people who have had a rough go of it and, essentially, build a luxury house for them free of charge.

Good works, right? What could be a better motivation than to help those who are down on their luck?

Except that’s not the motivation.

The motivation is to use a sad story to manipulate the viewing public into watching an hour’s worth of advertising couched in melodrama.

But, you say, that’s what every television program does. And for the most part you’re right. Nearly every program, even sports, attempts to manipulate the emotions of the viewers to get them to keep viewing in order to see the messages of the advertisers.

Then again, most programs (sucky as they are) pay actors and writers to come up with increasingly implausible situations to tug our increasingly jaded heartstrings. In some ways, that seems more honest than the “reality” type shows because everybody – producers, writers, actors and audience – are aware of just what’s going on.

Extreme Makeover, on the other hand, is a bit more insidious. They find a real world tearjerker story and use poignant pauses and emotional music to amplify the emotion.

What could be more gripping than a Marine veteran returning home missing a leg to a house with a leaking roof and drafty windows and, oh by the away, his wife left him and his four kids.

This is a real world tragedy. It requires no emotional amplification and frankly I’m a little offended at ABC for exploiting our neighbors like this. The one saving grace, as I stated before, is that our neighbors are getting some help they haven’t received from our community.

So I guess it comes down to whether ABC’s exploitative motivation cancels out the good that is done to the families in need.

The answer is no.

But I still won’t watch Extreme Makeover or the other “reality” shows because I have a huge pet peeve against people trying to manipulate me.


tagged: Extreme Makeover, home, Ty Pennington, emotional, marketing, advertising, Kansas City, Daniel Gilyeat

YouTube Tuesday: Guitar Zero

I don't know what's more pathetic, being this good at such a worthless pursuit as a video game, or being so proud of being this good at such a worthless pursuit that you allow you roommate to video tape you in a dorm room chock full of latent homosexuality (not that there's anything latently wrong with that) and putting it up on the internet for all to see.

Still, balls to the fake guitar playing.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, Guitar Hero, dorm, video game, lame

It's a major award!

I was just notified that this digital detritus you're currently wasting your time on was nominated last month for consideration in the highly prestigious and influential 2007 Weblog Awards.

The nominations were opened on Oct. 17, and closed about two days later and this blog was one of about 50 or 60 nominated in my category.

Of course, I'm not going to ask you all to vote for me. I'm not so shallow that I need to shill for some award just to prop up my ego. I mean, how pathetic would that be?

And besides, the all powerful muckety-mucks that run the 2007 Weblog Awards didn't see fit to include me in the seemingly arbitrary finalist selections, so you can't vote for me even if I wanted you to.

Still, it is an honor just to be nominated, particularly when the nomination was submitted by one of may favorite bloggers, John Swift, a very funny writer and one of the best satirist bloggers out there. So I consider this high praise (unless of course he was nominating me satirically, then it's kind of an insult. But I'll take the benefit of the doubt here).

Anyway, the best thing about this is that now I can legitimately use one of the neato banner's proclaiming that I was nominated for a major award, you know, like all the cool kids do. It will go great with my 2006 Time Magazine Person of the Year award.

tagged: blog, major award, Weblog Awards, John Swift, blogging, Ralphie

She's got a great sense of humor

Okay, this post is for the parents out there, which means it's long on sweetness and might make you singles and DINKs puke a little inside your mouths. But here we go...

Lemme set the scene:
It's the evening after our daughter's 5th birthday party. During the course of the party, one of the guests had accidentally yanked the lacy princess canopy hanging from the ceiling over her bed. Now, at bedtime, she wants the canopy back up before going to sleep.

And... ACTION:

me: Sorry, we can't put it back up because the hook got lost during your party.

her: Then what are we going to do? We need to get it back up!

me: Don't worry, we'll get another hook tomorrow at the store.

her: You can't get hooks at the store!

me: You can't? Where do you think you get them then?

her: From a pirate!

And scene.

tagged: kids, family, birthday, humor, party, hook, pirate

Friday Blogthing: No, man, like hey, man. Wow.

Today's Friday Blogthing quiz was involuntarily submitted by (i.e. "blatantly stolen from") John B at Blog Meridian.

I can't complain about the result. I'm just glad it didn't come up as The Manchurian Candidate or Marathon Man or something similar.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

tagged: Friday, test, movie, Easy Rider, Manchurian Candidate, Marathon Man, meme, blog

For whom the bell trolls

I have implemented a policy on this piece of digital fishwrap to never mention certain names that will go unmentioned.

The rationale is that the organization and family behind this certain name want nothing more than to be named and garner the attention by which such naming is accompanied.

I think that by not naming the heretofore unnamed name, I'm taking away that which allows this organization to keep going - or at least I'm not contributing to it in my own small sense. I've always thought that if we can ignore them long enough, they'll go away.

Having stated that, it is nice to read news stories about the recent legal verdict against this unnamed organization. And even though the $11 million judgment in favor of the father of a fallen soldier will undoubtedly be appealed, it gives me hope that more such lawsuits will be successful.

If nothing else it will help keep the unnamed family tied up in court, devoting more of their financial resources to defending their obnoxiousness instead of perpetrating it.

tagged: funeral, protest, verdict, Topeka, Snyder, emotional distress