The Man and the moon

You may have seen the news story trumpeting the new surveillance video cameras recently installed in some areas of Kansas City, Mo.

According to the story linked above, the police state installed the cameras in part at the request of neighborhood groups.

"So far I've been stopped by two citizens who have thanked me and said they've been praying for these,” said Sergeant Patrick Rauzi, who is overseeing the project. “One gentleman said he owned three different houses in this neighborhood and has been waiting for the cameras. He couldn't thank me enough."

I wonder if these potentially hypothetical neighborhood groups had really thought through what they were requesting.

Now I'm all for police patrols. Increase the frequency of cops on the beat if you must. Absolutely demand that when there is a call for help, help arrives within a reasonable amount of time.

But inviting the police to spy on you in your neighborhood seems a like another step toward the pre-crime world of the Minority Report. You're essentially giving the "authorities" the right to watch you without first getting a warrant.

And I know there's an argument that people who aren't doing anything wrong shouldn't worry. If your not breaking the law, you shouldn't be concerned, right?

Not so fast my friend.

According to one of my many inside sources* police abuse of this type of surveillance is already happening.

Police in Northumberland, Great Britain, are trying to track down a man who took a crack at sharing his deepest feelings about unwarranted government invasion of privacy.

A front seat car passenger was photographed baring his backside at a speed camera in Northumberland.

The "mooning" man was snapped by the mobile camera as the black BMW X5 drove past on the A1171 Dudley Lane in Cramlington last month.

His behaviour has been labelled as "dangerous and offensive" by road safety campaigners.

Police may take action against the man for public order offences and not wearing a seat belt.

Officers have the registration of the car, which was not breaking the speed limit, and intend to contact its owner.

So there you have it. The jack-booted thugs are just waiting to bust you for daring to speak you mind.

Well, I say KCMO shouldn't stand for this. I hereby call on all freedom-loving Kansas Citians to moon these surveillance cameras in the downtown entertainment district and wherever else you see them.

Show the police state where they can put their cameras!


*© Greg Beck at Death's Door

tagged: surveillance, spy, cameras, police, moon, privacy, freedom

YouTube Tuesday: Oh boy, the show on next is Barnaby Jones

Remember back in the day when the first CSI teevee series came out?

I'm not talking about CSI: New York, or CSI: Miami, or even CSI. I'm not even referring to Medical Investigation or Crossing Jordan or House.

The first time these shows were on teevee, it was called Quincy (or Quincy, M.E. for you purists) and Jack Klugman had more acting chops in his receding hairline than David Caruso has in his entire pint-sized, dramatic-sunglasses-taking-off body.

Take a trip with me now down amnesia lane to those golden days of yesteryear when television shows had cool theme songs.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, television, TV, humor, CSI, Quincy

Random Photo XI: Grand Canal (in miniature)

I was trying out a tilt-shift Photoshop technique that I recently read about. I chose a picture from our trip to Italy a few years ago.

Click to enlargify...

Venice, Grand Canal, 2001

What do you think?

tagged: Venice, Italy, Grand Canal, photo, Photoshop, picture, tilt shift technique

Posted On, Vol. 2

It's time for another installment of Posted On, the weekly feature where I showcase my cleverness and laziness by copy-and-pasting what I've recently posted in the comments sections of the blogs of people who are much smarter than I am.

• Posted on Frighteningly Uncommon Sense:
  Faith was weighing the relative benefits (pun intended) of adding her spouse to the title of her house. I chimed in with this valuable advice:

  The way I see it, adding him can only hurt you.
  
  If you die, then as your spouse he automatically inherits all your crap (unless he dies at the same time in some kind of horrible meat-cleaving accident or a suicide-murder (that's right, he commits suicide and then kills you. It could happen.) or unless he offs you for the money (which he would never do, right?). So that pretty much covers you from the death perspective.
  
  You guys already have a strong marriage, so no need to stroke his ego by adding him. There are other things you could stroke, however, that wouldn't hurt your marriage any. Just sayin'.
  
  Feel free to add me to the title, though, as your trusted adviser.

• Posted On General Blather:
  Heather remarked on the trials and tribulations of boat ownership, saying a boat is a "pain in the ass" to maintain. I empathized:

  "It's too much of a pain in the ass to maintain."
  
  My Supermodel wife says the same thing about me.

• Posted on Hip Suburban White Guy:
  XO posted a "well-considered" and "cogent" "argument" of how stupid Christians are. I "agreed" with him:

  Hahahaaahh. That is HILARIOUS! Christians are soooo stupid! Feeding the hugry? Healing the sick? GIMME A FREAKING BREAK! Those idiots. Don't they know that's what the government takes our money for (well, that and killing brown people).
  
  You really hit the nail on the cross, er, head here, XO. Christians! Pftt! They make me LOL.
  
  Do unto others as they would do unto you?!? Yeah, right. Suckers. If they were smart like you and me, they would to others BEFORE they do it to you.

• Posted on May's Machete:
  May offered some great do-it-yourself tips on how to go green without any effort. I considered the policy change it would take at my household:

  Hmmm.... this would necessitate a change in my "If it's yellow, let it mellow" policy.
  

• Posted on Midtown Miscreant:
  MM stated the obvious, that there seems to be plenty of room for prosecution at the Yearning for Zion Ranch. I wondered why people don't get this upset over teen sexual abuse outside of these splinter groups:

  No argument from me on this. Although I wish our society would put this much effort into stopping sexual abuse and teen pregnancy in economically depressed urban areas.
  
  How many 14-year-old mothers do you think there are east of Troost? I guess it's easier to just throw out free condoms and food stamps.

Make sure to follow the links for the complete context of the comments. And while your there, leave a comment of your own. Come to think of it, leave a comment of your own here as well. Comments, people That's what makes this whole thing work.

tagged: comment, Christian, mortgage, Yearning for Zion Ranch, green, yellow

You say tornado, I say tor-NOT-o

I'm a little surprised at all of the blog reaction to the so-called tornado so-called coverage of the local so-called news media last night.

I mean, we've all pretty much been in this town long enough to know that, given a stiff breeze, the local weather mediots will pre-empt your favorite TV show to tell you the sky is falling. Nothing new there. Hey, at least they don't interrupt the commercials, right?

Beating up on the so-called news so-called media is fun, but at this point it's become the dead horse of the local internets. Besides, you shouldn't be watching so much TV anyway.

What I want to take a few swipes at is the geniuses who run the tornado sirens around town.

My family and I were on our way home after a meeting with a volunteer group we're involved with yesterday evening. We had just decided to make a quick stop at Home Depot when the first sirens went off.

We flipped on the weather coverage on one of the local AM stations (can't remember which one it was, probably 980) to hear the dreaded news that the world was ending. But it was quite to the contrary...

The announcer was telling us that "the tornado warning for Johnson County has been lifted" -- note that this is happening as the sirens are going off. The announcer noted it as well: "The sirens are going off all over Overland Park, but the National Weather Service is telling us that the tornado warnings have been allowed to expire."

It seems the announcer was just as confused as I was (and that's hard, because I'm always pretty damned confused).

You see, what I don't get is, why turn on the siren if there's no tornado in the first place. People are heading for the root cellar and saying their last goodbyes when they hear those sirens. But not only was there no tornado, there wasn't even a tornado warning or watch. WTF?

Look, I already have an unhealthy disregard for tornadoes. I've lived in Kansas for more than 35 years. I've never been outside of the state borders for more than 4-weeks at a stretch. And I've never seen a real tornado in person.

Sure, I've see the coverage and aftermath on TV. On an intellectual level, I know they exist and they can be devastating. But in my heart, I still don't think it can happen to me.

And it doesn't help when we have a bunch of chicken littles with their fingers on the panic button waiting to cry wolf (hurray for mixed metaphors!).

It's a matter of credibility, people.

tagged: Kansas City, Johnson County, weather, tornado, warning, media

3AM EXCLUSIVE: Pleasant Weather Warning issued for KC metro

OLATHE (3AM) -- The National Weather Service in Olathe, Kan., has issued a Pleasant Weather Warning for the greater Kansas City metropolitan area.

According to NWS meteorologist Ben Wong, seasonably pleasant weather is poised to hit the metro area this afternoon and could last until evening.

"It's always difficult to get 100-percent accuracy with this type of weather system, but our models predict that citizens should be on the watch for pleasant weather throughout the afternoon."

Les Wright, a meteorologist for a local television affiliate, noted that pleasant weather is characterized by temperatures in the upper-60s to mid-70s Fahrenheit, often accompanied by light breezes and sunny skies.

"Local businesses should be sure that their pleasant weather shelters are well stocked, since this kind of system usually causes a decrease in worker productivity," Wright said.

There are other safety risks as well.

"This type of pleasant weather system almost always causes a reduction in the amount of clothing in the atmosphere and an increase in the amount of exposed skin," said Wright.

"That in itself isn't necessarily dangerous. However, it can lead to higher rates of inattentive driving and rubbernecking which has in turn been linked to higher rates of traffic fatalities."

To mitigate the risks, Wright and Wong suggest taking measure such as staying home and consuming moderated amounts of cold beer and grilled meats.

Stay tuned for 3 O'Clock AM for further weather coverage.

tagged: Kansas, Kansas City, weather, swimsuit, sun bathing, warning

FWD: Application for Employment

A nephew of mine forwarded this one to me a couple of weeks ago. He's no dummy. With the economy the way it is, he's willing to take any job that can get him a little spending cash during the summer.

Still, I wonder if he's being a tad too honest. I hope the hiring manager has a sense of humor.

McDONALDS APPLICATION

NAME: [Redacted]

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?
On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?
Yes – Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

tagged: job, employment, application, humor, economy

YouTube Tuesday: Make sure he's dead

With the impending food shortage and societal upheaval that is sure to follow, I thought it prudent to begin researching various survival techniques. After all, those most skilled at the primal arts of hunting and gathering will be those most likely to survive in the dystopia to come.

And it's in the spirit of whatever civilized behavior we have left that I share these survival tips with you. Good luck out there.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, hunting, rifle, humor, injury

3AM EXCLUSIVE! Weekend project a complete waste of time!

The main project for last weekend (aside from the usual mowing the yard, filling the bird feeders, burying dead hookers in my basement, etc.) was repairing a drainage pipe in the front of our house.

The drainage pipe in question had become clogged (probably as a result of some roofing work we'd had done) leading to a backed-up downspout which caused a nice-looking, but foundation-eroding fountain in front of our house during last week's rains.

You probably couldn't tell from the picture, but the soil around the downspout was extremely eroded because of the backup-induced fountain. So I determined that I had to dig out the end of the drainage pipe where the water is supposed to come out.

I did some excavation (that means "digging" for those of you from Arizona) and found the culprit. The end of the pipe had become collapsed, leading to a severe blockage (much like Jason Whitlock's coronary artery).So I trimmed off the broken pipe with my kick-ass reciprocating saw and cleared the soil from around the end.
I also dug a trench from the recently trimmed pipe (sounds kinda dirty, doesn't it DLC?) out into the lower elevation of my yard.

Here's what the excavation looked like at that point.


Now it's time to prepare the new drainage pipe.

First, you're supposed to put this kind of cloth sock on the pipe to keep sand an dirt from getting in through the small holes that let water out of the pipe. It's kind of like putting sausage into a casing. (Yeah, I know what some of you are thinking, and it's like that too.)

Once the pipe sock was on, I attached it to the existing drainage pipe with a hose clamp and trimmed off the excess. I then cut a hole at the end of the new pipe to put a neat little grate on.

All that was left to do was bury my pipe (heh) and then replace the sod I had saved just for this purpose. And voila, the new drain.

Unfortunately, there's still a blockage in the drain. I put the garden hose in my gutter Sunday just to test it and discovered I was still getting serious backup. So all that work, and I still haven't solved the problem.

So my next step is to rent one of those rotor rooter things at Home Depot and try to drill this sucker out. It will probably have to wait until next weekend, though.

I just hope it doesn't rain before then.

tagged: home, project, DIY, drainage, pipe, gutter, erosion, home improvement

Not in Kansas anymore

If you've not been reading A California Girl in Kansas, then for one thing shame on you. For another thing, you're pretty much out of luck now.

Shea, the talented and effervescent author, published her "Goodbye to Kansas" letter today. Brought tears to my eyes. Well, not really, but it is an honest and heartfelt review of her three-year odyssey in the Sunflower State.

Most importantly, Kansas taught me a lesson that I will never, ever forget - grow where you’re planted. Make the most out of every situation. Never give up. Always believe that you can make every day fabulous and fun. Give everyone you meet a fair shake. At the end of the day, or at the end of three and a half years, you’ll find that the one place you never thought you’d live is the one place you can’t really imagine living without.

Great thoughts from someone who I'm pretty sure will be (even more) famous some day.

Take it easy on the Caribbean, Shea. You're not in Kansas anymore.

tagged: Kansas, blog, Caribbean, farewell