Autorantic Virutal Moonbat

The other day, my supermodel wife was on the phone with her cousin, who just chose a college and will be a freshman next year. Somehow, the conversation came around to why my supermodel wife is a liberal and how evil the Repulicans are.

Most of the conversation didn't make much sense to me. Probably because I was only hearing one of the parties (my supermodel wife) and trying to watch the latest episode of HBO's Rome at the same time.

Luckily, I found Sean Gleeson's Autorantic Virutal Moonbat. This handy device allows me to recreate the conversation with stunning accuracy.



I know it's been around for a while now, so this is yesterday's news to a lot of you. But it's new to me.

Good news/bad news

It's one of those good news/bad news days for me.

The bad news is that I still feel like shit. This is the strangest cold I've ever had. Really dry drainage into my throat. That's gross I know, so I won't go into the details.

But the good news is that I probably don't have Avian Flu. I rule this out because I don't make a habit of sucking the mucus out of fighting cocks.

Sometimes trainers go mouth-to-mouth with wounded birds to suck out blood and mucus. A trainer was one of 12 Thais killed by bird flu last year.

But the bad news is that I think I might have contracted Evian Flu from a tainted bottle of drinking water.

Halloween hangover

Ingredients:

• 1 Headcold
• overdose of cold medicine
  
• way too much of my kid's candy
  
• visiting Matt and Andrea and drinking Matt's Porto
  
• staying up too late, getting up too early

Mix in equal parts. Enjoy.

Tombstone Hold 'Em

If you get bored from trick-or-treating tonight, or if you have no more use for your immortal soul, you can try your luck at Tombstone Hold'em.

Here are the rules

Let’s play the Amelie Game

It’s Friday. So in the ancient tradition that I just made up, it’s time to play the Amelie Game. If you’ve ever seen the movie Amelie, you know about the lists of likes and dislikes made by the main character (coincidentally enough named Amelie) throughout the film.

Here’s my list for this week:

Things I Like

1. The tangy scent of decomposing leaves
2. Musician’s Friend
3. Bluetooth

Things I Dislike

1. Pumpkin-eating squirrels
2. lunch meetings
3. flat tires

There you go, add your own lists of likes/dislikes (three each please) in the comments section.

PS – If you haven’t yet, subscribe to The Delta Park Project podcast, the inspiration of this post and for which it is a blatant rip off — er, homage.

Take this song, for free

No strings attached. No illegal downloads, no iPod accounts, no proprietary mp3 player specs, no cease and desist nastigrams from the RIAA.

Just a free song, offered to you by it's composer, Todd Lerner.

Enjoy


PS-Remember, you get what you pay for

Today's Top 10

The category is the Top 10 Worst Starting Lines for a Conversation.

So if a conversation starts with these lines, you know it's going to be bad news and you should just avoid the conversation altogether.

10. Do you want to hear a funny joke?
9. Don’t take this the wrong way, but…
8. Hello {insert your name here}, my name is Detective Smith…
7. Your test results are back, and we're going to need you to come in to the office.
6. Hello. Yeah it's been a while. Listen, the reason I'm calling is that my test results are back, and...
5. May I please have 5 minutes of your time?
4. You've had a rich, full life...
3. I'm gay and just slipped you a roofie, it should start taking effect right about...
2. Has this ever happened to you before?
1. I've got good news and horrible, awful, devastating news

Big props to my boy Mike U. for pitching in. Keep it real man.

Virtual Jack-O-Lantern

I received this link from Katrina earlier today, so I took a "stab" at creating my own virtual Jack-O-Lantern.

Whatcha think? Let me know how yours turns out.

L.A. face with the Oakland booty

This has been out in blogworld for a week now, so if you've already heard it , you're just a little less out of touch than me.

But it's still freakin' hilarious.

Here's a note from the artist:

"I've wanted to cover this song for a long time, because it is excellent - there's a wonderful message in there for those of you who have big butts."

And here's the link. You're going to love it. Baby Got Baaaaaack

Whatever is Noble

I can't believe the serendipity of Pomegranate Pretty's 10/18 post and me reading it at this particular time.

You see, my super model wife and I went to church for the first time in months last week, and one of the passages that was read really struck a chord with me. I share it with you only because it seems particularly apropos.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
-- Philippians 4, verse 8

I'm not a bible-beater, and I'm not 100% certain who the Philippians were (I think they were followers of the advice of Dr. Phil, or something), but this seems like good advice no matter what religion you follow (if any).

Kind of an "accentuate the positive" message.

So, Pomegranate Pretty, keep you chin up and Illegitimis non carborundum.