Evil Kyle

I bumped into my friend and co-worker Kyle near the elevator in the parking garage the other day. Literally, I was walking along reading my cell phone, not watching where I was going and I bumped into him.

Sorry dude.

Anyway, I hadn't seen Kyle in a few weeks, maybe even a month, so it surprised me to see that he had grown a goatee.

Then it struck me. Remember all of those old Star Trek episodes where the crew would enter some kind of alternate universe and meet their evil doubles, and you could tell which one was the evil Capt. Kirk because he had a goatee?

Same thing happened with Kyle. Turns out it was the Evil Kyle, and I bumped into him as he was planning to take over as evil overlord. The only problem is that the Evil Kyle really isn't that much more evil than the ordinary, everyday Kyle.

So Kyle, in an effort to help your career as an evil overlord, here's a link to some helpful advice from Peter Anspach, an aspiring evil overlord himself.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

• "My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones." (That's just obvious)
• "I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded." (Good advice for all do-it-yourself projects)
• "I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them." (Mama always said good manners were important)

I'm sure a lot of people have already seen this, but hopefully, you'll remember me and my help when you have achieved your goal of ultimate domination.

Cheers.

tagged: evil, humor, funny, goatee, overlord, Star Trek, Captain Kirk

I get it

It took me a while, and I'm not even blond. I have to admit that the best blond joke ever that Blandwagon links to it pretty freakin' funny.

If you've already heard/read this one, please don't give away the punchline. If you haven't check it out. It's hilarious.

tagged: Blonde Joke, Humor, funny,

Nattering nabobs

The leader of a women's group in Pennsylvania has just set her own cause back at least 15 years.

According to the Associated Press, the leader of the Pennsylvania chapter of NOW thinks Penn State's coach for the last 40 years should retire because he wasn't critical enough of the actions of a player of another team.

The bitter shrew, named Joanne Tosti-Vasey, understood the senile Joe Paterno's incoherent gibberish as a voice in support of Florida State linebacker A.J. Nicholson, who was accused of sexual assault before the Orange Bowl.

The AP quoted Paterno as saying

"There's some tough -- there's so many people gravitating to these kids. He may not have even known what he was getting into, Nicholson. They knock on the door; somebody may knock on the door; a cute girl knocks on the door. What do you do?"

Nicholson was sent home and not allowed to play in the game. So much for innocent until proven guilty. I guess I'm a little touchy about the subject because a similar incident that happened to K-State QB Ell Roberson during the 2003 Fiesta Bowl. Roberson was later cleared of the accusation, but many (including myself) attribute the fiasco to the lackluster play that allowed Ohio State to squeak out a win that year.

All that is beside the point, since it was a pretty innocuous statement by Paterno about a player that isn't even on the Penn State roster.

Tosti-Vasey should ratchet down a few notches from Sphincter Level 10 and put her efforts toward something that could really help her cause, like adopting an even-tempered rational demeanor, avoid making mountains out of mole hills, and desist from flying off the handle.

Whether Paterno should retire or not is another question.
tagged: Penn State, Paterno, Orange Bowl, NOW, K-State, Roberson

One word: Plastics

So we're sitting around on new year's eve - or rather, I'm sitting around while my Supermodel Wife and my neighbor's wife clean up after dinner - when I was hit with my next million dollar idea.

Indicator Plastic Wrap.

Now, stick with me on this. The neighbor pulls our some plastic cling wrap to cover some dishes of leftovers. My wife, being fashion conscious as always, had bought green-colored plastic wrap for the holidays. The neighbor hadn't seen this before and wondered if there was something special about it.

I said that it starts out green and turns clear over two weeks, so you know how long your leftovers have been in the fridge. My neighbor was amazed.

Even though I was putting her on, that is a great idea. Why not have some kind of indicator strip that shows how long the plastic has been in the fridge? You could do it with plastic wrap, freezer bags, even plastic bottles of milk, juice, etc.

So anyway, I'm working on making this idea happen. Of course this idea, like all other content on this blog is copyright to me and I retain all rights to the development of this product.

If you want to buy it from me, post a comment with you contact info and I'll be in touch.
tagged: plastic, plastic wrap, cellophane

Nascarpe Diem

It looks like the Mullet Powers That Be have decided Kansas City isn't quite hick enough to be home to the Redneck Hall Of Fame.

According to the NASCAR high-ups, the stock-car racing organization has chosen to stay with its Southern white redneck roots for the NASCAR Hall of Fame, instead of going with the Midwestern white rednecks in Wyandotte County.

I have to say that, even though it means the loss of billions of beer-soaked bucks, I'm a bit relieved that this project is missing this area. It's bad enough having to look at all of the NASCAR billboards and NASCAR hats and seeing the NASCAR commercials on every cable channel and hearing all of the NASCAR talk on the radio.

I'm sure there are a lot of people who follow and enjoy this so-called sport - hell, there are even some in the redneck branch of my own family. I guess this post speaks more about me than it does about them.
tagged: NASCAR, racing, Kansas City, redneck

Here's one for the 'Cats

I was at a graduation ceremony for my little sister at my alma mater a few weeks ago and snapped this pic of renovations and expansion of the Vanier Football Complex.

The expansion will include new end-zone seating and scoreboards and video screens for Snyder Family Stadium, a hydrotherapy training center as well as office and locker room renovation. Total cost is projected at $4.3 million with Via Christi Health System donating three quarters of a million ducats.



Here's some more info if there are any interested Wildcats reading.
Oh, yeah. I guess I should say congrats to the Texas Longhorns. Um. Congrats on winning the Mythical National Championship. I'm glad it's back in the Big XII.
tagged: KSU, K-State, college football, hydrotherapy , Rose Bowl

Swing and a miss

While we're on the subject of news media, let's hand it to the national "journalists" for the great way they handled the announcement of 12 survivors of a collapsed coal mine in West Virginia.

Oh, um, er wait a minute, now that you're celebrating, make that 12 dead coal miners.

Sorry for the bad reporting miscommunication.

Bravo, guys. Really, top notch.

tagged: media, miner, journalism

Stop the presses

C.W. Gusewelle is afraid he'll lose his job. And with good reason.

Gusewelle, a long-time columnist for the KC Star, recently wrote about the pending sale of the local fish wrap and how it's the fourth time in 50 years and it's bad for the employees, community, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah.

As a former cog in the daily newspaper machine, I guess I can sympathize with him. There's a saying that you can make a small fortune in the newspaper business, if you start with a large fortune. And that's why I'm a former cog in the daily newspaper machine. Even eight years ago, I could see the writing was on the wall for the traditional print newspaper.

Don't get me wrong, there's still a place for the printed word. I don't think there will ever be a time (at least in my lifetime) when we won't have printed newspaper.

But there has been a steady decline in newspaper subscriptions for years. The simple sad fact is that newspapers just can't compete with the immediacy of broadcast and the Internet, nor the depth of magazines and books. And while there are still a lot of advertising dollars to be had in newspapers, online and mobile media will continue to erode this revenue base.

All of this doesn't even factor in the growing irrelevance of the content of all traditional media as media consumers become more and more savvy and skeptical of the political and corporate interests at play. And the fact that so-called journalists think themselves important enough to devote 30 column-inches to the plight of the local rag is an example of the pompous audacity that so many of us find off-putting.

So now is a good time for Knight-Ridder to cash in on their investment. As for Gusewelle, I'm sure he'll ride out the storm for a few more years and then retire to a teaching position at a nice liberal arts college.

The rest of Kansas City won't even notice that there's been a change.

tagged: media, newspapers, journalism, Kansas City Star, Knight-Ridder, Internet

That didn't take long

After notching an impressive 127 homicides in 2005, Kansas City, Mo., is off to try to beat that record in 2006.

The first murder of the new year happened just an hour and a half in to 2006. It came in the form of a severe bludgeoning (is there any other kind) in the 1600 block of Topping Avenue on, you guessed it, the city's east side.

But the city does have some catching up to do. By the second day of 2005, Kansas Citians had already killed 5 people. So come on east siders, let's get with the program. Those victims aren't going to murder themselves you know.

tagged: murder, homicide, Kansas City

A good year so far

Happy 2006!

My supermodel wife and I had planned a quit New Year's Eve with our neighbors. We figured their two kids (5-year-old and 2-year-old) would have a good time playing with our 3-year-old daughter while we played cards, watched the ball drop, drank Champagne, etc.

Little did I know that there's no such thing as a quiet evening with my neighbors' kids.

I swear this is not an exaggeration. Within five minutes of the kids coming over, they had every single toy, crayon and stuffed animal my daughter owns out on her bedroom floor. You couldn't walk through the room. You could barely open the door.

Five minutes. It was like the Tasmanian Devil went whirlwind in the room.

Now don't get me wrong, we've got great neighbors. Terrific people, you couldn't ask for better neighbors to live next door to. But man, those kids.

Anyway, a quiet night at home wasn't to be had. But regardless, it has been a good year so far.

tagged: Happy New Year, kids, neighbors