Are you in, genius?

Saw this quiz on TFK and Blog Meridian, so I thought I'd give it a go.

The results were encouraging. Contrary to what my Super Model Wife says, I'm not stupider than 98% of the country.

Although in the interest of full disclosure, I feel I should point out that when the third-to-last question asked -- "Without looking, what is the second question that you answered?" -- I did scroll up to look.

I figured, if James T. Kirk can reprogram the Kobayashi Maru test, then I can do the same for some dumb Internet quiz.

tagged: intelligence, quiz, Star Trek, Kobayashi Maru, James T. Kirk, culture

YouTube Tuesday: Et tu Mr. Pringles?

Jeffrey Skilling has been sentenced, Mark Foley was forced to resign, and Mel Gibson has been eating crow since his drunken outburst. Now yet another public figure is facing embarrassment in the media.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, Mel Gibson, Pringles, humor, comedy, culture

Enter the smoking chimp

Hoards people have noticed some major changes to the 3AM blog.

And what I mean by "many people" is one or two. And when I say "major changes" I really mean a single very minor change.

But it was enough to prompt XO to ask about it, so I figure here's a quick explanation:

Hey XO, thanks for noticing my monkey.

The previous profile image was a self portrait of me as a South Park character. Although, since my eye surgery, it was a bit out of date.

So I decided to shake things up a little (you know how I like to shake things up) and use a new profile image, one that closely resembles my personality. Enter the smoking chimp.

I've been considering adding another pseudonym for the chimp. My first choice was Jack Maimunkie, but that name is taken. Let me know if you have any better ideas.

While your thinking about it, go ahead and check out Jonathan Coulton's My Monkey.

tagged: chimp, monkey, smoking, blog, Jonathan Coulton, South Park, eye surgery

Minor dilemma

JD at Evolution gives a good (as usual) quickie analysis of the Kansas Attorney General race.

I have to agree that Phil Kline is acting like a complete idiot (Al Gore) with his fundraising and memo-writing. But unfortunately, all of the focus on this fundraising issue makes it difficult to judge who would do the best job in the AG's office.

As a JOCO resident, I'm familiar with Paul Morrison (even had lunch with him one time at Jose Pepper's in Olathe). He’s got a great record on criminal prosecutions, winning convictions of rapists and serial killers and all. But I've heard lawyer-types say that he lacks background and experience in constitutional law. Also, do I want to vote for someone who's willing to switch political parties just to get elected?

At the same time, do I want to support Kline if he's showing this amazingly poor judgment in campaign fundraising? And if his own staff/party doesn't support him, why should I (not to mention his apparent lack of respect for individual privacy rights).

Maybe I'll just wage a write-in campaign for JD.

tagged: Kansas, politics, Phil Kline, Paul Morrison, attorney general

Mr. Livingston I presume

Or, "I've got a meeting with the Bobs"

Your local neighborhood mobile phone company announced the other day that it has hired actor Ron Livingston to be it's new spokesdude.

You might remember Livingston from such TV series Band of Brothers (one of my all time favorites) and Sex in The City (one of my all time least favorites).

But perhaps his most-remembered and beloved role was that of Peter Gibbons, the original cube drone. One can only imagine what scenarios Sprint Corp. will place this guy into. The press release says he would be featured "as a straightforward, relatable guy" in the new TV ads -- but you just know the YouTubers will have their own take on the subject.

Which is why I wanted to post this little chestnut in honor of Livingston's return to the corporate world.



tagged: Sprint, Ron Livingston, Peter Gibbons, Office Space, Band of Brothers, Sex in the City, advertising

The End is Near

The end of the universe as we know it is imminent.

Astronomers (for those of you in Arizona "really smart space watching guys") have observed through the Hubble Space Telescope the fate of our galaxy.

They snapped this picture of a galactic collision that began 500 million years ago and continues to this day (at least as far as we can tell through the HST).

"Nearly half of the faint objects in the Antennae are young clusters containing tens of thousands of stars. The orange blobs to the left and right of image centre are the two cores of the original galaxies and consist mainly of old stars criss-crossed by filaments of dark brown dust. The two galaxies are dotted with brilliant blue star-forming regions surrounded by pink hydrogen gas."

Scientest say this is a picture of what will happen when the Milky Way collides with the cosmically close Andromeda galaxy. Pack your bags and head for the giant space ark, because we only have six billion years left.

tagged: space, science, collision, galaxy, Mikly Way, Andromeda, Hubble Space Telescope

Segregation still alive in Kansas

And I have to say that they make a strong case. You have to keep the riff raff away from the respectable kids in the group.



Note: You might have to enlarge (click) the picture to get the joke.

tagged: Kansas, segregation, humor, KU, KSU, college, Manhattan

Nature v. Nurture

The thing about Jack Russell Terriers is that they were bred to hunt. They were bred to go after small animal, chasing them into their burrows with tenacity and bringing them back out dead or alive.

It's important to remember this if you decide to take your Jack Russell to your parents' house in the country (thinking he'll enjoy the chance to explore "the wild"), and they have a litter of two-month-old kittens that you're 4-year-old daughter is smitten with because the kitties are so damn cute.

It's important to remember this because even though you've had your Jack Russell Terrier for six years and have been diligent about training and obedience, when the Jack Russell sees the aforementioned fury little bundles of cuteness he can't help but be what he is. He will dart over and snatch the nearest kitty in his mouth and run off with it, shaking it violently trying to outrun you and break the kitty's neck.

And he'll do this right in front of your aforementioned 4-year-old daughter.

She held up well, my 4-year-old daughter. As she approached the twitching body of the kitty lying in the grass after I had the dog under control, she just said "Daddy, I almost cried a little bit."

I told her to leave the kitty alone. It was probably scared and needed to sleep a little to heal itself. As for the dog, he received a severe spanking and was sent to timeout in his kennel.

I took my daughter inside the house to get cleaned up and get her interested in something else. Half an hour later, I went back out into the yard to clean up the kitty carnage.

But the thing about kitties is that they can be very resilient. There was no kitty body to be found. In fact, the little guy had managed to crawl under a pile of wood and was licking his wounds. He was in surprisingly good spirits. I suspect he had a broken leg, but he was spry enough to leap up on a log and dart into a hole to get away from me.

Some people might be tempted to look for an allegory in this situation, to point out that, like the scorpion in the parable, it's difficult for people to be different from what they are. Some say that if it's in your nature you will sting the frog carrying you across the stream, dooming both the frog and yourself to death by drowning.

But I think that allegory is a bit shallow. People aren't Jack Russell Terriers after all (or scorpions for that matter). We all have the choice to sting or not sting, to break the cat's neck or leave it alone in its sickening cuteness.

And, given the thing about Jack Russell Terriers, we have the choice to not let them loose around baby kittens anymore.

tagged: nature, nurture, dog, cat, kitten, Jack Russell Terrier, choice

Get out of town

A report in today's KC Star revealed that Kansas City is one of the best cities to get out of.

In the event of an emergency (nookular strike, bird flu, violent robot uprising, mutant zombie attack, etc.) the metro area's abundance of paved roads and urban sprawl guarantee that we'll be able to head for the hills, spreading all sorts of pathogens and genetic maladies across the fruited plain.

But the area's "evacuation capacity" has another benefit. It allows most residents to leave town on weekends, avoiding death by boredom-induced over masturbation because of a lack of anything exciting to do anywhere in the city.

tagged: Kansas City, urban sprawl, highway, evacuation, humor

It's pronounced "newkular"

Nobody wants a war with North Korea.

Certainly the South Koreans don't want one, not after their last experience. And the Japanese, with only a token military, aren't prepared to go to the mattresses, as the Corleons would say.

The Chinese, traditional allies to the NorKs, don't want to start a war either, though they're none too happy with their "brothers and comrades."

And the Americans? Well, we all know that 1) we can't afford another war from a fiscal and military resources standpoint and 2) we don't have the national intestinal fortitude to do so even if we could afford it.

No. Nobody wants a war. Except perhaps for North Korea, which announced today that any kind of international sanction would be considered an act of war.

So the international community has turned to the UN, which luckily has taken up the challenge to deal with the NorKs.

UN Secretary General Kofi Annan has announced a series of tough measures to deal with Kim Jong Il (and his brother Menta Lee Il). The measures are built on the successful programs that have worked in the past to reign in renegade leaders. They include:

• The imposition of strong economic sanctions including forbidding the import of Knight Rider episodes and Rubik's Cubes into North Korea.
• Eliminating all import of strategic materials such as Nerf, Floam and Play-Doh.
• If sanctions fail to produce the desired results, the UN has authorized diplomatic officials to speak very harshly, using words like "impose," "eliminate," and "authorize."
• The UN is also in the process of drafting the dreaded "U.N. resolution."
• If all else fails, as a final measure, the UN will drop its collective pants, lube its collective anus, and allow the NorKs to continue with "missile tests."

I think we all feel much better about the situation with the UN involved. If you know of anything else the UN is planning to do, please let us know in the comments section.

tagged: nukes, North Korea, nuclear, NorKs, United Nations, China