I need help

They say the first step to getting better is to admit you need help.

Well here I am, admitting it. There are several problems I've been wrestling with lately, and I'm finally going to admit that I'm stuck.

So I'm reaching out to you, my (two) readers, to see if you can look into your hearts this holiday season and see your way to giving me some much needed assistance on these three problems that have been vexing me lo these many months.

• First, I gotta find a pillow that is comfortable. My supermodel wife recently threw out the pillow I've been using for the last few years. Part of me knows it was time to toss it, what with the smell of sweaty corn chips and all. But the pillows that have replaced it have either been too flat or too fluffy.
  
  You see, I'm a back sleeper. So I need to find something that isn't so thick that it pushes my head up so I'm looking at my feet, but it can't be so flat that it might as well not be there. Does anyone have a good pillow suggestion? I'm dyin' for a decent night's sleep.



• A couple of weeks ago I spent wasted 45 minutes trying to solve the puzzles on Guest House. If you're not familiar with this style of online game, it essentially a simple Flash program.
  
  Your character is placed in a room and your assignment is to get out of the room. The problem is there are no instructions. You have to not only find the clues, you have to decipher what the clues mean and what to do with the objects you find.
  
  Well, I figured out all of the clues. I solved the combination, turned on the respirator, got the soda can from the vending machine, put the fuse in the fuse box and even poured the soda down the mouth of the sleeping chick. And I still couldn't get the freaking door open. I must be missing something but I can't figure out what it is.
  
  If any of you computer game savants figure this out, do me a solid and drop me a hint in the comments section, because it's driving me crazy.


• Finally, I got this email earlier from Jon Swift, a very powerful and influential blogger who also happens to be one of the best and funniest writers out there. He's asking me, ME!, to send him what I think is the best blog post I've written this year for a year-end review.
  
  Problem is, it's hard for me to choose the best since I think they all kick ass. I'm leaning toward sending this recent post breaking down some new TV shows, only because it contains the phrase "pseudo-lesbian wire-fighting battles."
  
  But before I make my final decision, I want your input. So go back and read every single post I've written for 2007 and let me know which one kicks the most ass. (or you could just start with these, but it's not an exhaustive list.

That's it. I'd like to have these things buttoned up by COB on Friday (that's "close of business" for you non-corporate types), so get right on it, mmmmkay?

tagged: help, sleep, pillow, online game, guest house, blog, Jon Swift

3A.M. Poll: Gift emergency

Okay I know this is a little last-minute, but I'm completely stumped and I need a little input here.

You see, I've got just about all my Christmas shopping done. My supermodel wife, my kid, my parents and my brother... even got a present for the White Elephant gift exchange at work today.

But for the life of me I haven't been able to figure out what to get you. I've been everywhere, shopped for hours online, but nothing seems right. So throw an desperate shopper a bone here, will ya?

What's at the top of your gift list this year?



tagged: poll, Christmas, gift, list, kiss, Red Ryder, hippopotamus

Goin' downtown

Me and 17,000 of my best friends went to the K-State v. FAMU basketball exhibition at the Sprint Center last night.

You can read the Star's coverage of the event here.

It was a beautiful night to be downtown. We started our evening with a couple rounds at The Cigar Box just down Grand from the arena. It was a few blocks walk from where I parked in the Town Pavilion lot ($10, no waiting -- so much for the downtown parking doom sayers).

The place was packed when I got there to rendezvous with the rest of the group. Making my way through the bar, chest to back with all of the other patrons, remided me of my college days squeezing through a packed Rusty's Last Chance in Aggieville. But I digress.

The game was a predictable blowout, so that was fun. One of my favorite moments was the K-State fan flashing a poster on the scoreboard jumbotron which read "Bill Walker Pisses Excellence" -- a reference to the call of nature a few weeks ago.

After the game we capped the night at McFadden's across the street -- another packed house which led us to stand outside on the back terrace drinking our beers, reminiscing and making plans for next time.

It was a good night out.

Here are a few more pics.

I really like the way this shot of the exterior of the Sprint Center bowl turned out. It was taken with my kick-ass cell phone camera (2 megapixels, baby!).

Here's a shot of the inside of the glass skin, looking down from the top level concourse.
Here's a (fuzzy) view of the concourse from the escalator going to the top level. The guy we put in charge of buying tickets managed to score us seats FOUR ROWS FROM ETHE ABSOLUTE TOP!!! It was great once my nose stopped bleeding and I became accustomed to the thin air. Still the view was pretty damn good.



tagged: sports, basketball, K-State, KSU, Wildcats, FAMU, Sprint Center, Kansas City, downtown, The Cigar Box, McFadden's

Homecoming

As I sat on the pull-out bleachers in a general purpose building on a remote corner of Fort Riley, I wasn’t quite prepared for the emotion that was about to strike.

Certainly I was expecting some emotion. It was an emotional event. My brother-in-law Nick was returning with his command unit from a 15-month deployment in Iraq.

About 80 soldiers stood at attention while the ranking officer gave a short speech welcoming them home and thanking them for their service.

To his credit he only spoke for about a minute. And then, after 15 months in the desert and 30 hours on military and civilian airplanes, the soldiers embraced their families and friends.

It was very moving. I have to admit that even a crusty old cynic like me had moist eyes.

The joy was palpable. It a very genuine, understated flavor of joy mixed with a dash of relief that the soldiers were finally home.

But though it was understated, it was no less intense. Grown men had tears in their eyes and they hugged their comrades in arms goodbye and their families hello.

Buying Nick and a couple of his comrades lunch and throwing them a reception the next day was nice. But I'm sure it was nothing to them compared to just being home.



tagged: Iraq, war, deploy, family, homecoming, soldier, Fort Riley

Friday Feast

Hey, how about I do the Friday Feast this week?

Appetizer
Make up a word and give us its definition.
Multiple Sarkasm: A term I use for the media gush-fest that happened when the French elected Nicolas Sarkozy.


Soup
What is currently your favorite song?
Was, is and always will be Jimmy Buffett's Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw.

Salad
What’s at the top of your Christmas wish list this year?
I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.

Main Course
Name a scent that reminds you of someone special in your life.
My grandmother always kept whole cloves in her purse and she would give them to us as mints. My guess it it's something she picked up as a young girl during The Depression when only the rich and powerful had access to TicTacs. Still, I can't smell cloves without thinking of my grandmother.

Dessert
Who is someone on television that you feel probably shouldn’t be, and why?
Omigod! The possibilities are endless! How about everyone on teevee between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. Or how about a "contestent" on every Deal or No Dancing with America's Top Survivor Idol. But in keeping with theme, I'll just go with Larry Moore, for obvious reasons.

---

Here are alternative Friday Feast menus you might enjoy:

• Bea's Weblog
• Logtar's Blog
• Chimpotle
• ...and that's all I found. Leave a comment if you know of others.

tagged: meme, Friday Feast, television, Larry Moore, Jimmy Buffett, Sarkozy

Friday Blogthing: Christmas noeledge

I know more about Christmas than you'll ever forget!

You Know a Lot About Christmas

You got 8/10 correct You know tons about the history and traditions surrounding Christmas. When you celebrate the holidays, you never forget their true meaning - or all the little fun details. Random Christmas fact: Theodore Roosevelt banned Christmas trees in the White House.

How Much Do You Know About Christmas?

tagged: Friday, test, Christmas, holidays, history, knowledge, meme, blog

It's a Mangino-ful life

The geniuses at JibJab have created one of the coolest web widgets ...EVAR!

To prove this, check out the video I made using their Sendables widget. You might recognize a few local celebrities, such as KU Coach Mark Mangino in the lead role, KMBC news zombie Larry Moore, King Leonidas from 300 fame and Your's Truly (sans cigarette).

Enjoy. If you make your own version, be sure to leave a comment to let me know so I can check it out.

Don't send a lame Starring You!
eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

PS- I think this is so cool that I didn't strip out the advertising code. Diggity!

tagged: video, Jib Jab, Larry Moore, Mark Mangino, Gabe Kaplan, holiday, It's a Wonderful Life

Best NY Post headline ever

Saw this on Best Week Ever.



tagged: Ike Turner, music, pop culture, news, headlines, NY Post

Probably because of their small sausages

According to a poll of 10,000 women travelers, German men make the worst lovers.

The survey results showed that women thought the Germans were too selfish in bed. But I have a different theory.


At any rate, good old red-blodded Amurcans came in as the fourth-worst lovers, so take that you damn dirty Dutch!

tagged: lovers, survey, German, American, Dutch, sex

Eat the rich

The other day, Dan linked to a relatively non-incoherent rambling on The Daily Koz website.

You can (try to) read it if you want, but to save you some misery I'll just say that the author sprawls on for about 400 column-inches with the same old claptrap about how Republicans suck and liberals rule, yada yada blah blah blah.

Dan keys in on this interesting tidbit:

"Note that we should not pretend that "a program will take your money." Or "the government will take your money." This is a democracy, and we are the government. I will take your money. I will. Some of that money you worked hard for and want to keep."

At first I just dismissed this as more deranged gibberish from someone suffering from liberal delusions.

But the rant stuck in my mind all week. And this morning while on my daily constitutional of kicking babies after taking my gold-crapping pills, I had an epiphany. Perhaps, like a blind squirrel, this mental defective had indeed stumbled onto a nut of truth.

And the more I considered it, the more I came to think he's right.

I mean, who the hell do these rich people think they are earning money and spending it for stuff they want?

What right do the rich have to keep the money they've earned? Hell, if it weren't for the government giving rich people all of their money, they wouldn't be rich in the first place.

When you think about it, the rich people's money is really the government's money, so hell yeah the government should take it back!

What country do these rich people think they're living in? If we, the people, don't take their money and give it to poor people, how do they expect poor people to survive?

While these living heart donors are busy callously running their businesses, earning their MBAs and paying attention to the education of their children, the poor are stuck in an endless cycle of not running businesses, not earning MBAs and not paying attention the educations of their kids.

Think about it rich people! We're talking about the poor here. If we don't use your money to take care of them, how are they going to reap the benefits of cable television and pay-in-advance cell phones?

Are you so dense and out of touch to think that they can take care of themselves? These are the poor we're talking about here. Oh sure, it would be nice if everyone had a high school diploma, but since when did we become a nation that discriminates based on education?

What we need is to end poverty in our country, and the cold truth is it's going to take your money to do it. And don't give me these out-dated chestnuts about giving a man a fish verses teaching a man to fish. Just pay for the kids' breakfast and let the educational system (which is working just fine, thank you very much) take care of teaching.

So come on rich people. Pull your heads out of your gold glitter-lined asses and vote for democrats!

tagged: rich, Republican, Democrat, politics, tax, education, poor, Daily Kos