Coppers and robbers

Northlanders should take this as a hint.

Hell, AT&T should, too.

For the second time in the last few weeks, someone swiped a length of telephone line, presumably to sell the copper wire therein.

This is the second phone outage caused by copper thieves in recent weeks. On March 29, thieves stole several hundred feet of cable from 43rd Street and Pittman Road in Kansas City. ...

Meanwhile, the demand for copper is on the rise and the price could rise to $5 a pound in six months. Currently, copper costs $3.85 a pound.

This is a sign to AT&T -- and all of you Luddites for that matter -- who are still living in the 1960s (the decade in which the aforementioned telephone lines were installed).

The message is this: Get with the freakin' times, man!

This the 21st century! It's almost 2010, fer cryin' out loud. And we may not have flying cars (yet), but we've had wireless telephone technology for the last 20 years.

Buy a cell phone.

There are great deals out there. The networks are solid and with copper wire pushing $4 a pound (that's like five times more expensive than air) it just seems more efficient to go wireless.

I'm telling you, in this day and age, there's no reason to be connected by a wire to anything.

Just make sure you have an extra battery.

tagged: copper, wire, thieves, cell phone, ATT, telephone, outage

Posted On, Vol. 1

I just made up an old tradition at 3AM where I go through my comments on other blogs for the previous week and post them here.

Not only does it give me a chance to link to the blogs I read most, it allows me to be lazy and post something that I've already written.

Here's the round up for the past week:

• Posted on The Kansas Citian:
  James thinks the US is posturing for war with Iraq. I'm just excited about a new expletive:

  I think "Qud" is now my favorite invective: "Get the hell off my lawn, ya' damn Quds!!!" or "That slutty Qud goes home with a different guy every night." or "Ew! Somebody Quded all over my pizza!"

• Posted on The Random Ramblings of a Midtown Miscreant
  MM took some cheap shots at the town of Lone Jack, Mo. I had to defend it's virtues:

  Even though I'm married, I occasionally take a trip to Lone Jack. But thankfully, having a spouse drastically offsets the need of going to Lone Jack.
  
  Lone Jack can be fun every once in a while, but the alternative is much better.

• Posted on Frighteningly Uncommon Sense:
  Faith ranted against women who put on makeup while driving. I commented that my hands are already full without adding eyeliner into the mix:

  If I were a chick, I don't see how i could put on makeup while driving, what with my hands being full of coffee, bagel and cellphone already.
  
  Plus me being a chick and not a very good driver in the first place.

• Posted on I, Shane:
  Shane is campaigning for Barack Obama again. I'm still skeptical (natch):

  I’m almost there with you on this one, Shane. I certainly would vote for BO before Hillary. And I’m beginning to consider that he might be a better candidate that McCain.
  
  But I don’t have high hopes for his presidency. He says he’s the candidate of change, but I haven’t seen him propose any real reform.
  
  If I had to vote today, I’d probably still waste my vote on Ron Paul.

Well, that's it for this week. Go check out the posts I've linked to get the full force of my cleverness in its original context, and to experience some pretty damn good blogging from these local writers.

tagged: Iran, war, Quds, make up, driving, Barack Obama, Ron Paul

New Kids on the Blog

I wanted to take a break from being (as Keri Oki would say) Jerky McJerkelheimerSchmidt and highlight a few recent additions to the increasingly addition-laden blogroll at the left (which will make Emawkc's Third Annual Blog Anagram Game!!! really interesting later this year).

• Serenity's Escape
  Shame on me for not linking to Serenity sooner. She's coming up on her first year blogiversary, and I only discovered her about a month or two ago. I love her takes, and she has a great way with words. She coined the term "Wal-Martian" which I have put into regular use in day-to-day conversation. I just wish she would post more often. Maybe if you go read and comment there, she will.
  
  
• Moxie Mama
  I've been enjoying Moxie's opinions over the last few weeks. I even caught myself crunching numbers after a recent numerology post she did (I learned that according to my birthday, I'm in an extremely fickle and superficial phase of my life. Of course, that's been the case for the last 15 years).
  
  
• The Good Mother's Guide to Happiness
  Talk about a great sense of humor. Amanda (aka The Good Mother) has some great stories, a prime example of which is her brief history of her vacations...

  "It was dark and scary on that lonely highway. You know the kind of highway I'm talking about…where at any moment someone could step out of the cornfields with a machete in one hand and a bloody head in the other."

  Classic!
  
  
• The Aging Disco Diva
  I subscribed to ADD a few months ago and just recently added her to my blogroll (yeah, I know, more shame on me). She has a very entertaining way of popping the culture, including a recent, HI-laraious blistering of the world's most-hated woman:

  Heather Mills just brings out the ugliest thoughts and emotions from the Diva. Seriously... I have the irresistible urge to rip her leg off and beat her with it... no, not that leg---the one she was born with.

  Plus, the ADD is a K-State fan, so you know she's not just some crazy crackpot.

So go check these cool ladies out. Leave a comment and tell them emawkc sent you.

tagged: blog, blogger, blogroll, writing, humor

YouTube Tuesday: The beat goes on

Just trying to drum up a few comments with this one.




tagged: movie, YouTube, video, MetaCafe, music, drum, nonstop, Tim Jackson

Lost Tales of 3AM, Part III: Found

TO: Whom it may concern
FROM: emawkc
DATE: 04.11.08
RE: Your glasses

This note is to let you know that I found your Anne Klein prescription eyeglasses in the lobby yesterday.

They must have fallen out of your purse or computer bag, because they were sitting on the floor, right by the door. I nearly stepped on them, which would have sucked for you for obvious reasons.

I’m currently putting together a “FOUND” sign to tape up by the door. I’ll use an extra large block-type font (probably something like Arial Black at about 160 picas since I know (judging by the soda-bottle thickness of the lenses) that you’ll be nearly blind for the next few days. I hope you either a) have a backup pair of prescription glasses/contacts, or b) have someone who can drive your blind ass around for a couple of days because, DAYUM!!!

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I found them and have them in my cube. You can stop by and pick them up anytime. Just make sure you bring a venti latte with an extra shot of espresso for my troubles.

tagged: lost, glasses, Anne Klein, venti, latte, espresso, Arial

Friday Feast: Box lunch

Logtar took it upon himself to personally deliver today's lunch. You have your choice between the roast beef and club sandwiches:

Appetizer
Lets start with a trio sampler of word association… I say,
Tear :: For Fears
Hawk :: Hudson
Alien :: Ant Farm

Soup
If you had to pick a body of water that you have visited in your life to build a house next to, which one would it be… describe the scenery.
The Ligurian Sea. It looks a lot like the Northern California coast, but without all the damn dirty hippies. Lots of craggy cliffs, great for hiking. Deep culture and historical legacy. Easy access to Tuscany and all of the delicious wines and food therein, not to mention the treasure trove or art and history.


Salad
Everyone is being green now-a-days, what is your favorite green initiative?
Getting rid of the obsolete electronics that had been taking up too much room in my basement.

Main Course
Mexican is one of my favorite foods, share the name of your favorite Mexican dish with all of us (and where to find it) … even if it is just a Taco Bell chalupa?
Favorite Mexican dish? Easy, Selma Hayek (caliente!!!). You can find her right here.


Dessert
What was the color of your first bicycle, or the oldest toy that you remember and what fruit do you associate with that color?
Whhaaa??? Okay, my first bicycle was yellow but I don’t know what the heck that has to do with fruit. Banana I guess.

More box lunches are available from Logtar, The D, Nuke

tagged: meme, Friday Feast, Selma Hayek, Rapallo, Alien Ant Farm, Hudson Hawk, Tears For Fears

Three vasectomies!!!

While you were busy dodging tornadoes and shoveling snow, Michael Scott was having the Best Week EVAR!

TV Quote of the week: "You have no idea of the physical toll that three vasectomies can have on a person!"



tagged: television, TV, The Office, Michael Scott, pop culture, humor, full episode

Friday Blogthing: Survivor home edition

This is good news. I've got at least two months, which should be long enough to outlast the elderly, the infirm and the victims of the robot army. After that, we should be able to get by on "soylent" food products.

(Hey, don't look at me like that. This is SURVIVAL we're talking about here!)



tagged: Friday, blogthing, survival, apocalypse, blog, meme

Do bloggers dream of electric sheep?

Man, I've been having some weirdo dreams lately.

Not useful weirdo dreams (the ones that predict I'm going to lose something and I should just check myself before I wreck myself), but just plain crazy "Fear and Loathing in Overland Park"-type psychedelic mind trips.

Take this one from the other night:

I have this dream where I'm in Paris (the city, not the celebutard). That’s been kind of a recurring theme lately, Paris. It must be time for another trip to Europe. But I digress.

Anyway, I'm in Paris, but the weird part is I'm not me. I'm actually Roger Daltrey. Yeah, the lead singer for The Who.


So here I am, Roger Daltrey, and I'm on my way to a dive bar in a dusty corner of Paris to have drinks with -- get this -- Robert Plant.

That's right, Robert Plant, lead singer of Led Zeppelin.


See what I mean? Crazy!

And to get to this Parisian dive bar, I have to ride a bicycle -- one of those expensive Tour De France-style racing bicycles. Well I show up at this dive bar and greet Robert Plant like we're old friends. He's got an entourage of about six people.

I, Roger Daltrey, show up alone. WTF is that all about? Alone?! I'm Roger Freakin' Daltry for cryin' out loud!

Anycrap, we sit at this long low table and start having lots of drinks and stuff, you know, living the rock star lifestyle. Everything gets kicked up a notch when we discover that our waitress/sous chef in the kitchen (yeah, I know, a sous chef in a dive bar? But we are in France so this probably makes the most sense of anything in this dream) is wearing nothing but a tight T-shirt and a thong under her greasy dirty apron.

That's where that story line ends.

Basically all that happens is we party a lot and then decide to call it a night. Robert Plant makes some crack about it only being 3:30 in the morning and how, when he was a young rock star, he would stay out until dawn.

Then I, Roger Daltrey, go get on my racing bicycle to head back to my hotel. I get a few yards and then realize that my bike has a flat tire and I have to walk it the rest of the way back.

And that's where it ends. Makes no sense right?

No more turkey pot pie before bedtime for me!

tagged: dream, Europe, Paris, France, Hilton, Robert Plant, Roger Daltrey, Led Zeppelin, The Who, sous chef, thong

That's all I've got to say about that

I'm a little bit bitter better today -- a state of mind I owe, no doubt, to the therapeutic affects of time and a Benadryl overdose (the original stuff, not that non-drowsy crap).

Today the KU fanboys (and girls) around the office are still obnoxious with their second straight day of Blue and Red, but they seem to have picked up on my non-verbal cues that I'm not one of them (chief among such cues: the purple shirt (the color of kings) that I'm wearing today).

I know I've been a whiny bitch about the whole KU thing. But in my defense, I just think someone should try to provide some kind of equal-time balance to the gigantic, collective Hawkgasm that has spewed its sticky self all over this city.

Still, I know a lot of the Cheathawk fans don't have much of a sense of humor in this regard, so I'm making this my last post on this particular issue (unless and until Coach Bill Self takes the money and runs to Okie State).

That being the case, I just need to get a couple of things off my chest.

First, I want to offer a bit of a mea culpa to KU's basketball team. I want to congratulate you for your accomplishment. You succeeded in using illegal recruiting practices* to build a team that could coast through the easiest bracket in the tournament and then accept the championship presented to you on a silver platter by an inept Memphis team that refused to foul when it needed and refused to make critical free throws.

So congratulations again on that.

Secondly, I know that this is a huge deal to KU fans, but just remember how annoying we all think the Oklahoma "longest-winning-streak-in-college-football-history" Sooners fans are.

With that in mind, if you must talk or interact with me, let's see if we can find a topic other than KU. I've come up with a starter list:

Things I would rather do than hearing about KU's win:

• Suffer through the New Kids on the Block reunion concert
• Go skinny dippin' in Brush Creek
• Open-mouth-kiss Larry Moore
• Experience a continuous 12-hour rickroll
• Shave my nipples off with a cheese grater

*NCAA Division I Committee on Infractions, Oct. 12, 2006: "Major violations occurred in the men's basketball program from 2002 through 2005. During that time frame, a representative of the institution's athletics interests supplied cash, transportation, clothing and other benefits to two men's basketball student-athletes. The athletics representative befriended one of the young men while he was still a prospect, buying him clothing and meals and transporting him to a number of the institution's men's basketball contests. ..."
tagged: KU, cheater, basketball, Final Four, NCAA, Tournament, sports, Jayhawks, New Kids On The Block