This having a kid thing is finally starting to pay off

I know some of you out there are completely anti-kid. And I must concede that in theory you have a point.

Who needs the staying up all night taking care of a hungry screaming baby. Or the added expenses of childcare and tiny socks and booster seats for cars and special biohazard trashcans designed for radioactive diapers.

But I can tell you that after a few years, these things start to pay dividends as you begin to reap the reward for all of the time you spent on the rigorous child training program.

For example, our kindergarten-age kid is becoming a convenient time-saving device for me. About a week ago I taught her how to make me my morning cup of coffee.

Since I'm the only coffee drinker in the family, I have one of those single serving coffee makers from Senseo (that I got virtually for free). And using a Senseo is so easy a child can do it -- which is kind of the point here.

So I walked the kid through all of the coffee making steps. I showed her where the coffee pods are kept in the upper cupboard and how to avoid being impaled on the rack of steak knives while climbing onto the counter to retrieve the pods.

I showed her how to fill the water reservoir on the coffee maker with scalding hot water from the kitchen sink.

I showed her how to place the pods in the coffee maker and clamp down the locking lid, how to press the appropriate buttons and set the coffee mug under the steaming streams of coffee, and how to carefully carry the mug of hot java to me without burning her fingers.

So for the last few mornings, I've had a nice hot cup of coffee ready for me when I get to the kitchen.

Child labor, ain't it grand?

tagged: family, coffee, Senseo, labor, parenting

Cupini's

Finding good economic news these days is about as easy as finding a chick at a Star Trek convention.

Even in my lower-upper-middle class neighborhood in the JoCo, several businesses haven't been able to ride out the rough times and have had to close (a restaurant and a camera shop).

That's why it was a nice surprise last week when, during a trip to the local grocery, I saw a new restaurant open in the shopping center at 95th and Mission Road.

I took the family to Cupini's the next night. The Italian deli has been a hit in it's other locations around the metro, notably the Westport spot that we're familiar with. We arrived at about 7 p.m. on Wednesday evening, and the house was packed with a pretty long line up to the counter.

If you've never eaten at Cupini's before, you should expect a deli-style experience. You walk up to the counter, give your order, then go grab a table or booth and wait for your order to be delivered. A lot like Jason's Deli.

The long line was good for two reasons. One, it showed me that this is already a popular place and that a lot of people like the food. Two, it gave me a chance to look through the extensive menu of pastas, sandwiches, pizzas, salads, soups and all of the options and combinations thereof.

Unfortunately, it eventually became apparent that the staff was still shaking down their kitchen routines. The wait in line began to feel a little long, and I found myself ordering about 10 minutes after it felt like I should have.

After finishing the order I joined by Supermodel Wife and kid back at the booth the had staked out. Again, the combination of a kitchen staff in training and a super busy restaurant made for a rather long wait.

I think the long waits will be temporary and go away after a week or so. Luckily, the wait staff was very friendly. They stopped by to chat, recognized out kindergartner was starving and offered some complimentary bread sticks.

We also exchanged friendly words with fellow diners, all of whom seemed to be happy with the restaurant and patient with the opening week snafus.

The food itself, when it arrived, was delicious. I had the Chicken/Prosciutto Tortellini. It came as a large portion with a cheesy tomato sauce. The noodles were perfectly cooked and the prosciutto/chicken filling was delicious. My Supermodel Wife had a custom pizza. I don't remember the toppings she chose, but I do remember that it was delicious two day's later when I ate it as leftovers for lunch.

Cupini's also serves breakfast. I haven't sampled any of their breakfast sandwiches, though we did grab a blueberry scone to take home for breakfast the next day. It kept well overnight, so I'm hoping to hit them up for a more substantial breakfast in the future. Hopefully I'll have better luck that my neighbors.

tagged: food, restaurant, Cupini's, Johnson County, review

Protesters are sore losers.

After an afternoon and evening of drinking heavily, I accidentally let myself watch the local news last night on KMBC.

I was Larry Mooretified to see a propaganda piece about a group of corporately backed local "activists" as they were "protesting" the "closing" of a KCK "school."

These "schoolbaggers" as we shall call them, are suddenly all up in arms and picketing because they don't want the school district to close their neighborhood school, Morris Elementary.

As one "concerned" parent put it, "We feel that we need our school, our students need our school, our community needs our school."

To which I reply, "Yeah. Right."

Where were these people four years ago? They're late to the party. If they want to save their school, they should have been protesting two, four and six years ago when the school district was working on its budget.

Today, these selfish, greedy parents are overestimating the attendance of other selfish, greedy schoolbagger zombies at their inherently racist "School protests."

Ostensibly the parties protested the use of taxpayer money to not bail out a local school in danger of financial collapse.

Just ask yourself why they waited to do these protests when a black man was president. It's obviously racist.

If you want to demonstrate to save your school, then fine. But they should’ve done it under President Bush, too. That they waited tells you what the protests were really about.

tagged: protest, Kansas City, politics

YouTube Tuesday: Mean Janeane

Today's YouTube Tuesday is brought to you at the suggestion of Xavier Onasizzle, who pointed out what a mental giant Janeane Garofalo is.

Not only is she versed in the finer points of pseudoscience she also very capably demonstrates that pontificating on the partisan cable news media need not be brain surgery.



Personally, I maintain that the only value of shows like Olberman's and O'Reily's is to try to perpetuate the myth of the two-party system. The hypocrisy demonstrated here pretty much supports my point.

tagged: YouTube, Olberman, Janeane Garofalo, O'Reilly, hypocrisy, policy

TEA P.O.'d

Maybe you guys can help me understand something here. (I doubt it. I'm pretty thick-skulled about a lot of things. But when you need enlightenment, what better place to turn to than the anonymous Inkernetz).

Hold on a sec while I finish listening to this Springsteen song on my iPod. (Ah yes, at some level everybody DOES have a hu-hu-hung-er-y heart). Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled blog post.

So Tax Day 2009 was quite the event this year. Finally after years of liberals and Democrats telling the country we're wasting money, some people from across the political aisle listened and came out to peacefully demonstrate and to agree and to say that, hey maybe we need to take a look at what we're spending our kids', grandkids' and great grandkids' and their great-great grandkids' money on.

Seems sensible to me. Seems like finally a lot of people are getting on the same page.

To be honest I was surprised by the demonstrations. It gave me the teeniest, tiniest ghost of a shred of hope that maybe our society might not go completely down the crapper.

(Of course, I still maintain that it's too late, that we've already passed the event horizon into the black hole of cultural decline. We already have achieved the critical mass of people in our country who have learned that it's easier to vote themselves somebody else's money that to take personal responsibility for themselves and their community.)

But a lot of the responses to the Taxed Enough Already demonstrations kind of surprised me when I read them. I'm not talking about the unclever, sophomoric sexual innuendos. I completely expected those from the Internet. Hell, I applaud them. I think that sort of thing is the highest calling of Internet self-publishing.

What I didn't expect was for people who for years complained about runaway spending when it comes to fake wars, have suddenly gone quiet when it comes to wasting an order of magnitude MORE money.

Did I say they've gone quiet? Let me correct myself. They're actually criticizing the very people who are agreeing with them.

Today, these selfish, greedy conservatives are overestimating the attendance of other selfish, greedy, brainless Fox-Zombies at their inherently racist "Tea Parties".

Ostensibly the parties protested the massive expansion of government, the accompanying growth of the federal budget and, not least, the use of taxpayer money to bail out private individuals and businesses in danger of financial collapse. These events may well be worthy of protest — and vigorous dissent is a vital, necessary part of the American tradition — but they were happening five months ago. Conservatives were not massing in the streets then, however.

My suspicion is that, as usual, this comes down to partisan politics. The partisans on one side are pissed at the partisans on the other side for doing the exact same thing they used to do. The sides are interchangeable.

It's noteworthy (but not surprising) that despite Mr. Obama's promises to "change the way things are done" and the blind faith placed in him by so many back in November of last year, nothing has changed except for the all-too predictable role reversal.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out what is the point of people who ask "Where the fuck were these people eight years ago? Seriously, these tea-baggers are late to the party." (This seems to be a standard talking point for one side of the partisan coin).

My first response is "Who cares!" As long as they are now upset enough to say something...

The other answer I would suggest is that the issue might be one of scale. Perhaps the people who were only disgruntled at paying $670 billion for a war that accomplishes nothing have crossed into outrage at ponying up $11.6 Trillion for all of the various bailouts, kickbacks and scams that have come out of the last six or seven months.

FYI, that $11.6 Trillion is enough to pay for SEVENTEEN IRAQ WARS!

Ah yes. It all comes down to money for the partisans. Not how much there is, but who gets to spend it and from whom they take it.

Perhaps The Boss was right after all. Lay down your money and you'll play your part. Everybody's got a hungry heart.

tagged: Iraq, Tea Party, Tea bagger, tax, Obama, Bush, bailout

Tax advice

tagged: taxes, America, tax freedom, government, pork spending, satire

Proud to pay my taxes

I had this post planned for a couple of weeks, but that crafty Kansas Jackass kind of beat me to the mule kick. But I decided to go ahead and post it since it's so important.

As most of you fine citizens know, today is an important day for our country - in fact, I think it is probably THE most important day of the year. It's the day when all of the good people of our Republic can celebrate their participation in society by giving back to our Awesome Government the money that it so graciously allowed us to use over the previous year.

I know it has become kind of a fad recently in some circles to look at Tax Day in derogatory terms, to try to view taxation as a burden rather than the privilege that is.

As KJ rightly points out, it is an honor for us as citizens of a great nation to work so hard day in and day out for our Awesome Government's beneficent bureaucracy.

It's true that due to recent economic troubles, Tax Freedom Day came early this year. Unfortunately, this means that we worker bees only contributed everything we earned through April 13 to our Awesome Government. Luckily, as our Awesome Government commits more and more money to various projects, our children and grandchildren can look forward to the satisfaction of contributing much more of their earnings to our Awesome Government.

And even though only three and a half months of our hard work went to our Awesome Government this year, it's important to remember, comrades, everything that our hard work and effort pays for.

Think of all those poor, destitute investment bankers who, but for the support we give them through our Awesome Government, face the prospect of a harrowing life without multimillion dollar performance bonuses.

Or, consider the plight of the U.S. auto industry. Without government money provided by us, we might have to go without a source of overly priced, low-quality inefficient automobiles. My friends, that's not the America I want to live in.

And I hate to even consider where the citizens of less-fortunate countries would be without the good people of the U.S.A. and it's totally Awesome Government looking out for them. And closer to home, thanks to such a kind and caring Awesome Government, we don't have to worry about taking care of the poor and hungry people in our own community, because the Awesome Government has programs to take care of them as well.

There are many other examples of worthwhile contributions made by our Awesome Government on our behalf:

• $1.7 million sent to Iowa to determine why pigs stink
• $4.4 million for a military grade stereo (for the Army Center of Excellence in Acoustics)
• $2.4 for a vacuum packed life raft

When I think of all the great things our Awesome Government does with the money I earn for it, i get teary eyed. It may sound trite and platitudinous to say it, but I'm proud to live in a country where so much is taken from so many to pay for so little.


tagged: taxes, America, tax freedom, government, pork spending, satire

Ticking away

Returning to my my ancestral home, as we did last weekend for an Easter McBash, is always inspiring. I always seem to come away with a good idea or two.

That was the case this time as well. And as usual, one of the best ideas was inspired by the smallest of creatures.

I've mentioned the prevalence of those small, blood-sucking arachnids, ticks, in previous posts. Well, since it's now spring, they were out in force again in the woods along the river near my parents' house.

Both my dad and my Supermodel Wife (among others) found themselves picking the crawling little critters off their skins. But luckily I escaped the weekend bloodletting unscathed, as did our Jack Russel Terrier.

It was that last bit about the dog that led me to my next million dollar idea.

You see, our dog gets a monthly pill to protect him against fleas and ticks. I'm not sure what kind of chemistry is involved to make it work, for all I know there's some kind of magic pixie dust that wards off sanguivorous creepies.

That's not really the point. The point is, if they can make this kind of pill for dogs, why not make the same kind of pill for people?

I mean people and dogs share a similar physiology, right? Sure, there are obvious differences (dogs have the four legs, much more hair and the ability and irresistible desire to eat poop), but both are warm blooded mammals. Both can catch a ball, chase the mailman, and roll over and play dead.

Heck, our vet has even recommended giving our dog small doses of Pepcid for his occasional discomfort caused by a sour stomach. And if a dog can take human medicine, why can't people take the magic pill to repel ticks (and heck, fleas too)?

So if you're an aspiring chemist/pharmacists who's tired of the meth production game, or some kind or R&D guy at Bayer or some other pharma company, give me a call and we can talk about you buying my idea. Because as of this moment I hereby claim a copyright on Tixaqyll* and any other drug that performs as described.

*As always, consult your physician to see if Tixaqyll is right for you. May cause daytime drowsiness and sensitivity to sunlight and garlic.

tagged: tick, health, sanguivorous, Bayer, Pepcid, medicine

Friday Blogthing: Magic is in the eye of the beholder

There's a hidden message in the image below that describes 90 percent of the time I spend online.

If you decipher the hidden message, let me know in the comments. But try not to give away the surprise for everyone else.

(It might be easier if you click the image to embiggen it.)
tagged: Friday, Blogthing, hidden, message, decipher, puzzle

Anti social media

A bunch of crotchety old geezers have been kvetching about the invasion of marketing into social media platforms and how if it doesn't stop it's going to ruin the the entire online world.

Here are a few examples:

If one is using Twitter, they are “tweeting” not “twittering.” By the way, if you use Twitter to promote your product to me, you are an ASSHOLE.

They see all of this free and open communication occurring. And, being Marketing Fucktards, their first thought is "How can we piggyback on this shit and manipulate it, without people knowing we are manipulating it, and use it to sell our useless crap to people...

On the other hand, these social media promotional tactics are too close to shilling for my taste. Shills were shunned when the Internet was still a collection of crazy-blinking mile-long one-page framed sites of horrible colors, and they haven’t gained in popularity since. That doesn’t stop them from trying.

Essentially, these social Luddites are saying you're a sucker if you take advantage of your social network to get free stuff. I'm not really sure how that makes sense, then again I'm not a demented old fart suffering from dementia.

They also seem to be suffering under the misconception that these forums for social interaction are free. And I guess in a certain, very limited perspective this is true. After all, the end user doesn't pay a purchase price or subscription fee.

Unfortunately, this is the same perspective that concludes that Skittles are made from unicorn poop.

Here in the real world, there is no such thing as free. Somebody always pays a price for something. You know that time you posted on Twitter about how you just ate lunch at the Who Gives a Shit Cafe? Well, someone had to pay for the servers, bandwidth, application development, etc. that made it possible for you to keep everyone updated on the excruciating minutia of your day to day life.

Look, I hate to fail your whale here but in the real world when consumers want content but they don't want to pay for it, it's usually the advertiser that picks up the bill. That's true for all media -- radio, television, some magazines and newspapers -- and yes, even the Internet.

Social Media websites are no different from any other website -- a vast number of which are supported by advertising. In fact, if you don't like advertising and marketing, you might want to stay away from all moderately popular websites/applications/TV shows/radio programs/podcasts/concert venues/etc. Because here's another news flash for you, marketers like to go where the largest audience is, where they can more efficiently spend their increasingly shrinking advertising budgets.

So Twitter and Facebook, with their combined 114 babillion users, are prime marketing opportunities for advertisers.

Like it or not, there will be advertising. Marketers want it that way because they're interested in getting their messages to the audience. The users want it that way because (despite the ill-conceived objections quoted above) they want the "free" content.

And you know what, Twitter and Facebook and other sites/services also want it that way. They want the money. Believe it or not they aren't doing this for the sole benefit of the whiners who hate advertising.

tagged: social media, Twitter, Facebook, advertising, marketing, Internet