Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Inapropriate Secret

So I'm at Victoria's Secret buying underwear the other day... oh, wait, let me explain...

My Supermodel Wife and I are enjoying a week of reliving our DINK-hood while the kid's visiting grandparents for the week. Our Tuesday evening activity was a sushi dinner at the Sushi House in Leawood. After dinner the SMW wants to do a little shopping, and because I'm a helluva I guy, I agree to accompany her without complaining and stuff.

So she decides to go to the VS store to use up a gift card that some awesome guy gave her as part of a Christmas gift. Which brings us to the underwear shopping.

Now ladies, guys don't like shopping in general and they like underwear shopping even less, which shows you how swell of a husband I am that I was there with a good attitude and everything.

But let's face it, being a guy in a Victoria's Secret is a bit awkward. On the one hand, you don't want to look like you're stuck up and nervous because, hey, I'm a modern guy and I can go shopping in a lingerie store without questioning my masculinity.

On the other hand, you don't want to look like your having too good of a time, leering at the scantily dressed but well-proportioned mannequins and Lord help you if you accidentally look at one of the other lady shoppers the wrong way.

Anyway, I started playing this game in my mind. I was trying to ease the tension by thinking of the most inappropriate things a guy could say in a Victoria's Secret store.

Here are a few that I came up with:
  • Isn't that bra way too big for her?
  • Aren't those underwear a little too small?
  • I'm just going to go hang out in the dressing room for a while.
  • Check out that mannequin, it must be cold in here.
  • Hey, all these underwear smell the same.
That's the best I could come up with. I'm sure some of you sickos can do better.

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  1. this store needs a men's lounge. here is my entry: excuse me, I can't find a fly on these panties,how are you supposed to use them?

  2. Oh c'mon. Just admit you wanted to prance into the dressing room and try something frilly on yourself. It's just us friends here on the internet.


  3. Wait a second, The D bought your wife a gift card to VS?

  4. I think the obvious choice is, "These really don't look like they'll have any give for my bulge."

  5. #3 totally cracked me up.

    How about:

    I'm looking for something sexy for my mom. Where's plus-sized section?

  6. "Does this thong come in a XXXL?"

  7. Smell the same? Hell they all TASTE the same!

  8. Where's the scratch n' sniff section?

    Do you have this thong in a 44?

    [To a stranger] I bet you'd look hot with these on while you're locked in my basement.

    Did anyone turn in the bottle of Valtrax I left in the dressing room?

  9. DAMMIT BULL!! That was supposed to be anonymous!!

    My entry: Could you try on this teddy? You're about the same size ass my sister.

  10. Yes, I'm a Fed.

    Yes, Miss - N.I.S.T. - here's my ID.

    Well, the thing is we've received numerous complaints that the 36 C bras have been, instead, 34 Bs, and that your store hasn't responded appropriately.

    What i am going to need you to do if find a store employee who is a 36 C...yes? is she available now? Have her come in, Miss...

  11. Here's Victoria's secret - your girlfriend would look hotter than your wife in that.

  12. Asking the salesgirl, "If I had a wife or girlfriend, which of these do you think she'd like best?"

  13. Also:

    My entry: Could you try on this teddy? You're about the same size ass my sister.

    Oh, the Freudian horror...

  14. Eve L. Cat3/3/08, 4:14 PM

    "Does this come in children's sizes?"


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