Butt out

To the female driver of the purple Chevy Impala LS with the Missouri license plate number 175 WGP driving north on Roe Blvd at about 5:15 p.m. on Monday -- I HATE YOUR BUTT!

I try to live by good libertarian values. You leave me alone, I leave you alone. Live and let live, that's what I always say. That's why, when counties and cities consider complete smoking bans, I always say "Whoa! That's a little harsh."

I try to defend the rights of people to kill themselves by whatever means they choose, so long as those means don't include killing (or otherwise harming) anyone else (particularly me).

But dammit Female Missouri Smoker, you make it really hard when you throw your cigarette butt out your car window right in front of me!

As a militant extremist environmentalist, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who litter. And believe me, smokers are among the worst. I can stop at any intersection in the metro area and find a boat load of cigarette butts lying in the street and gutters.

Now, I don't object to people smoking in their cars (as long as I'm not in the car with them), but put your butts out in the ash-tray, ashhole! Hell, I enjoy my drug of choice in the car all the time, but I don't throw used coffee cups out my window.

I've considered getting one of those LED message marquees installed in my car so I could send a message to smokers who throw their butts out the window. But since I'm not technical enough to figure that out, and since it would just be a distraction and probably cause and accident anyway, I've opted for this blog post.

So if you know the Female Missouri Smoker with a purple Chevy Impala LS with license plate number 175 WGP, or if you are that person and your reading, here's a message:

If you're going to come to Kansas, keep your dirty butt in your car!

tagged: Kansas, Missouri, smoker, smoking, cigarette, butt, litter, environmentalist, environment

YouTube Tuesday: Clerks II

Kevin Smith's Clerks came out the year I graduated from college. The low-budget film (made for under 30 grand) was the first of a series of movies by Smith that were all set in the same universe of New Jersey.

Now, 12 years later, Smith shows us what happened in the lives of loser clerks Dante and Randall in Clerks II.

As with Seinfeld, Peal Jam, Napster (the original) and irrational exuberance, I have warm spot in my heart for Dante and Randall, which means I'll probably go see this movie for the sentimental value alone.

And, chances are I'll be disappointed. You can never go back again (unless you're VH1).

Anyway, here's the trailer from YouTube.



tagged: Kevin Smith, Clerks, YouTube, 90s, Seinfeld, Pearl Jam, Napster, irrational exuberance, movies, pop culture

Let 'em eat gâteau

So the French are protesting again (big surprise) and it looks like the government might be about to surrender (another big surprise) to demands by lazy students to mandate low productivity in the French economy.

As you might have heard, French President Jacques Chirac signed a law that makes it easier for French business to fire slackers if they don't shape up.

France has one of Europe's highest youth unemployment rates. More than 20% of French 18 to 25-year-olds are unemployed - double the national average of 9.6%.

Obviously, a business (particularly a small business) isn't too keen to hire someone if there's no way to fire them when they just sit around all day not bathing and writing blog entries.

This is a good object lesson for those stateside who have put European Socialism up on a pedestal. The kind of Nanny State (or should I say Au Pair State) that France has become has bred a bunch of spoiled brats who see job security as an entitlement, a one way street where their employer owes them a job regardless of their (lack of) work performance and personal hygiene.

Ironically, if the French youth burning cars in protest of the employment measures would put the same energy into their jobs, they probably wouldn't have to worry about being fired in the first place.


tagged: France, French, labor, Europe, EU, employment, Youth

K...S...U... WILDCATS!

It's Sunday, so this is old news by now, but I just wanted to note that there is still a major college in Kansas where they play championship basketball.

It's not Wichita, for the Cinderella Shockers alas were eliminated in the Sweet 16 of the NCAA Tournament.

And, of course it's not Lawrence, unless you count an annual self-wetting to a better B school (this year it happened to be Bradley in the first round of the NCAA Tourney).

Yes, the city I'm talking about is Manhattan, the Little Apple, where the Lady Wildcats showed last Friday night that they have the biggest basket balls in the state. Even though their Y-chromosomed counterparts failed to make it past the first round of the conference tournament, the ladies showed true testicular fortitude in downing Marquette in the WNIT championship game.

I know those of the Crimson and Blue persuasion will try to belittle the achievement, saying it's better to lose in the first round of the NCAA than to win the NIT championship. But I attribute that to bitterness and sour grapes, two great taste that go great in Lawrence.

So big congrats to the 'Cats for representing not only the Purple, but also Kansas. Here's a special tribute to you:

GO CATS!

tagged: basketball, Kansas, KSU, WNIT, Shockers, WSU, Bradley

Amelie Friday

In case you haven't noticed, it's Friday again. So let's play the Amelie Game.

If this is you're first time, here are the rules: three likes and three dislikes from the previous week. I'll start with dislikes:

Dislikes:

• Slow elevators
• When people only go up one floor on the slow elevator (instead of taking the stairs)
• When you get on the slow elevator and have to stop on every freakin' floor before you get to your own.

Likes:

• Chapstick on my nose when I have a cold (thanks for the tip, 'echelle. It worked like a charm!)
• Hive7 - This new web metaphor is still pretty useless, but also hellacool. Check out my "room" at EmawKC's Crab Shack.
• Surplus Exchange- Thanks for the comments, links and emails that tipped me off to this place, I'll be stopping by tomorrow to donate the old Mac-clone.

Okay, now it's your turn. Leave your likes and dislikes in the comments. Wise asses are especially encouraged to reply.

tagged: Amelie, elevator, Hive7, surplus, chapstick, likes, dislikes

More strong-arm tactics

If I were a Jackson County resident, the second thing I would do is move to Johnson County.

The first thing I would do is vote no on the Billion Dollar Rolling Roof Boondoggle. Forget about whether the people can afford it, forget about investment and economic development. What really pisses me off (and I don't even live there), is this continued patronizing tone from the so-called leaders of the community.

First comes the stick: "Give us $1billion or we're taking the Chiefs and Royals away."

Then the carrots: "Give us $1billion and you can have a Super Bowl and a All-Star Game."

Today we hear the ultimate insult: "Give us $1 billion and you can host the Final Four."

No, correct me if I'm wrong, but the Final Four of the NCAA Basketball tournament is a basketball game. So, Kay Barnes, would the basketball game be played in the baseball stadium or the football stadium.

It seems to me the basketball game would be played in the soon-to-be new Sprint Center, which is designed for basketball games. But I guess the only team playing there will be the BSU Red Herrings.

tagged: Kansas City, Royals, Chiefs, Truman Sports Complex, Jackson County, baseball, tax, stadium, NCAA, Final Four, basketball

Hard to find

Australian police recently arrested a man on drunk driving charges.

I know what you're thinking, "An Aussie was drunk? Really? What is the world coming to?"

Ironically, the guy would have gotten away with it if he hadn't stopped the police to ask directions to Ayers Rock, the well-known 1,100-foot high landmark that he was 100 yards away from.

It got me wondering what else this poor schmuck might have trouble finding. I came up with this partial list:

• The Grand Canyon
• The Great Wall of China
• The Mississippi River
• Mount Everest
• his own ass
• a clue

If you can think of anything else, add it in the comments.

tagged: Austrailia, drunk, Ayers Rock, Uluru, Grand Canyon, Great Wall of China, Mount Everest, Mississippi River

Rhett, don't! I shall faint!

Well, I really can't disagree with the readers of FHM for naming Scarlett Johansson the Sexiest Woman in the World (excluding my Supermodel Wife, I assume).

According to Zap2it.com, others in the Top 10 include Angelina Jollie, Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Keira Knightley, Halle Berry, Jenny McCarthy (???!!!), tennis star Maria Sharapova, Carmen Electra and Teri Hatcher.

I guess those ladies are hot and all, but Johansson, even though she's only 21, seems to have a certain something that the others lack: Class. (No offense Jenny McCarthy, but bodily noises aren't that sexy).

I just hope she stays classy and refrains from whoring herself up like the rest of the top 10. Unfortunately, if Hollywood history is any guide, it won't be long before Johansson makes some crappy dramedy which tanks at the box office and she ends up in a cat fight with Alexis Arquette on VH1's The Surreal Life.

So congrats Scarlett. If you're ever in town drop me an email. And as Ron Burgundy would say, Stay Classy.

tagged: sexy, Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jollie, Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Keira+Knightley, Halle Berry, Jenny McCarthy , Halle Berry, Maria Sharapova, Carmen Electra, Teri Hatcher, FHM, Surreal Life, Alexis Arquette

YouTube Tuesday

For this episode of YouTube Tuesday (a series I just made up), we revisit the PR troubles Tom Cruise and The Cruistians had as a result of Isaac Hayes quitting his popular role as Chef on Comedy Central's South Park.

Hayes hypocritically stated that he was leaving the show because of the way it portrays religion. This statement came before the airing of an episode that mercilessly mocks Scientology and its famous prophets Tom Cruise and John Travolta. It also came after Hayes participated in mocking every other religion from Christianity to Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism and even The Force.

It's widely believed that Cruise had a hand in getting the satirical send-up of Scientology banned from the air. Comedy Central wouldn't confirm it, but rumor has it that Cruise threatened to pull all advertising for Mission Impossible III from all Viacom networks if the episode was aired.

Which brings us to this week's installment of YouTube Tuesday. In the best tradition of the Interweb and sticking it to the Scientological Man, here's the banned episode of South Park "Trapped in the Closet".



tagged: Chef, Scientology, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, South Park, Isaac Hayes, YouTube, Viacom

Need help from KC bloggers

Sunday, my Supermodel Wife threatened to kick me to the curb.

This is a concern on several levels, not the least important of which is that at my age/weight/hairline, it might be next to impossible to find another Supermodel Wife. Also, I've grown quite fond of my wife over the last 15 years.

The issue is an old computer and monitor I've got boxed up in the basement. The computer is in perfect working condition, even packed in its original packaging. Of course, I bought it back in 1997 so the phrase "perfect working condition" doesn't necessarily translate to spectacular performance - even though I added a processor and graphics card upgrades.

That said, I just can't bring myself to send it to the landfill (what with me being a militant environmentalist wacko and all). I've been trying to find a place to take it and donate it to a charity. Maybe a church or Big Brothers or a similar organization that doesn't need a ton of processing powers. And actually, the 15-inch color monitor is still in great shape and would work with any computer really.

So, I'm asking my readers (all three of you) for some help. Please spread the word in the KC bloggosphere. Help me get the word out that this computer is available. It comes with lots of free software (Photoshop, Freehand, Word, Excel, System Software upgrades, etc.)

I'm willing to deliver, and I prefer a tax-exempt 501(3)(c) organization but at this point, I'm not being choosy.

The computer is a Mac-compatible PowerComputing Powerbase model. Here are some specs. The only differences are that, as I mentioned, it has an upgraded G3 process or and VooDoo3 graphics card.

So c'mon KC bloggers, I'm counting on your help. My marriage to a Supermodel is at stake. I know you won't let me down.

(If you have a suggestion for who I can give this to, please leave a comment or drop me an email. I'm serious about this!)

tagged: free, computer, help, Macintosh, PowerComputing, PowerBase, environmentalist